July 16, 2002

10:27 AM

Somewhere, beneath the cover of an innocuous-looking retail operation, those with true Power have built a facility to imprison forces man was not meant to know . . . things we were never meant to comprehend... dare you peek inside...
posted by zeoslap (12 comments total)

Cute RPG tool. And oh so sinister.
posted by Marquis at 10:34 AM on July 16, 2002

I like the entries that simply describe an object as if you'd come across it in the warehouse:

Hundreds of copies of Mein Kampf. Each one is subtly different, though, in both appearance and content. The author's name is different on many of the copies.

Unfortunately, most of them read like entries in the magic item list of some role playing game:

A ream of quality bond paper. When run through any laser printer, deeply engrossing and wonderfully illustrated text will appear, entirely replacing whatever the computer sent to the printer. A Will roll at -4 is required to stop reading the text. Attempts to copy it will fail amusingly.

Talk about breaking the mimesis of the site.
posted by straight at 11:15 AM on July 16, 2002

It looks like many of the items are visitor-submitted, which explains the inconsistencies of the type of items in the boxes.
posted by jazon at 11:38 AM on July 16, 2002

Unfortunately, most of them read like entries in the magic item list of some role playing game:

In all fairness, it is on the Steve Jackson Games site. Makers of the Generic Universal Role Playing System. Infamous for the cyber-punk / hacker expansion which got them raided by the Secret Service.

Well, almost...
posted by inpHilltr8r at 11:39 AM on July 16, 2002

Seems more like it is working off of Illuminati - New World Order material. fun site!�§
posted by darkpony at 12:09 PM on July 16, 2002

A massive vault door, some twenty feet in diameter, of heavy steel, weighing several tons. The hinges have been twisted and bent apart, and the locking bolts appear to have been snapped off, while scorch marks mar the otherwise highly polished surface of the inside face. A note attached to the box says, "Kitten's out of jail."

Nice.
posted by starvingartist at 12:51 PM on July 16, 2002

A fossilized donut.

> take donut

you never know...
posted by samsara at 3:55 PM on July 16, 2002

That's right, it might be the last one.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 4:57 PM on July 16, 2002

Good to see the Church of the Subgenius is still kicking. "Get a jump on the Apocalypse: start looting TODAY!"

This simple site delights me beyond any reasonable expectation. It's like Borges wrote a D&D module.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 5:06 PM on July 16, 2002

This may have begun life as a USENET list. At least, there's at least one out there that was periodically added to and collated.
posted by dhartung at 5:34 PM on July 16, 2002

...you find a Lee Press-on Stigmata.

...you find a genie's lamp, filled with lucite and tagged "deactivated"

Heh.
posted by five fresh fish at 8:45 PM on July 16, 2002

Level 2 Item 58818

A floppy disk labeled "SUBLIMINAL SCREEN SAVER." It installs on any computer, and allows a simple message to be typed in. When the screen saver activates, the screen apparently turns blank. (NOTE: the default message is...

... have you refreshed Metafilter in the last 10 minutes?

Great Link, zeoslap!
posted by anastasiav at 10:37 PM on July 16, 2002