And Now, a Sinkhole Full of Rats

December 11, 2020 12:45 PM

"Here is my yearly roundup of headlines I screen shotted in 2020." [2019, 2018, 2017]
posted by Ouverture (43 comments total)

Screen shotted? It’s gotta be screen shat, right?
posted by sageleaf at 1:03 PM on December 11, 2020 [18 favorites]

Usually, titles are clickbait that annoy me. But many of these are more accurate than they should be. Some are 100% accurate. I had forgotten about the ghastly tuna melt incident.
posted by 90s_username04 at 1:03 PM on December 11, 2020 [5 favorites]

I don't see the Chipotle rats. Rats, New York, and avocados all in one headline.
posted by betweenthebars at 1:04 PM on December 11, 2020 [1 favorite]

Never mind! It's there at the bottom.
posted by betweenthebars at 1:07 PM on December 11, 2020

The potato story is apparently from 2018? Though the story could just as well have happened in 2020, I suppose: “It felt like the right thing to do at the time.”

Today, I learned that the small headline running below the big headline is called a deck.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 1:08 PM on December 11, 2020 [3 favorites]

When I hear thunder I just assume it's godzilla to save time.
posted by adept256 at 1:09 PM on December 11, 2020 [4 favorites]

"Unidentified Chowder" is my new sockpuppet name.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:26 PM on December 11, 2020 [7 favorites]

The real data that we need, but I am too lazy to do, is "how many of these ended up as Metafilter posts?"
posted by emjaybee at 1:29 PM on December 11, 2020 [16 favorites]

my country has plenty of butter
posted by philip-random at 1:33 PM on December 11, 2020 [2 favorites]

"Unidentified Chowder" is my new sockpuppet name.

I'm thinking it's the author of Chinese or pseudo-Chinese webnovels. (Written 未验明的杂烩 perhaps.)
posted by Quasirandom at 1:43 PM on December 11, 2020 [1 favorite]

the ghastly tuna melt incident

*files under "Excellent Jam Band Names"*
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 1:53 PM on December 11, 2020 [8 favorites]

mandolin conspiracy: "*files under "Excellent Jam Band Names"*"

"40,000 Moths" also works
posted by chavenet at 2:04 PM on December 11, 2020 [7 favorites]

“A Ghost is the Perfect Quarantine Sex Partner,” by Beverly H. Crusher, M.D.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 2:09 PM on December 11, 2020 [25 favorites]

The news titles have gotten so crazy that I'm skipping the article unless the title has an innuendo or double entendre. "With great power....!
posted by cparkins at 2:10 PM on December 11, 2020

I love this so much. The weird and wonderful world of headline/clickbait writing.

I keep a Feedly board at work called "Headline of the Day" where I save the funniest/scariest/most interesting headlines. Because my news feed is geared toward Taiwan, the board is mostly full of the UK tabloids proclaiming World War 3 is coming any day. Representative headlines include "World War 3: China's military chief vows to reunify Taiwan telling US 'there's no way out'" and "CHINA FACING ENORMOUS FOOD SCARCITY MAY TAKE POT SHOTS AT TAIWAN."

Some of my favorite headlines this year have been:
Two Dead At Thailand Zoo In Murder Linked To Albino Deer Disappearance
Cold War broadcasting station reborn as Bluetooth speaker
Taiwan-Based UFO Hunter Makes Jaw-Dropping Revelation, Spots 'Alien Warrior Figure' in NASA's Image of Mars
Tree climbing growing among women
posted by gemmy at 2:10 PM on December 11, 2020 [6 favorites]

I'll take 2019's Sexy Pavement Lichen as a sockpuppet name, but 2018's GOATS OF ANARCHY is my new band.
posted by Foosnark at 2:19 PM on December 11, 2020 [5 favorites]

Thread reader link, with image, for those who do not twitter.

It's like March Madness for news:
"Overzealous profanity filter bans paleontologists from talking about bones" vs. "These foul-mouthed parrots had to be separated after cursing at wildlife park visitors";
"Virginia senator blames Canada for his 'extra moist' microwave tuna melt" vs. "Is your meth contaminated with coronavirus? This Florida police dept. will test it for free"...

Thwarted winner, winner chicken dinner: "3 men banned from Yellowstone after trying to cook chicken in geyser" [Eric and Dallas Roberts were ordered to serve two days in jail and pay $540 in fines and fees, according to the Associated Press. The third man, Eric Romriell, 49, paid $1,250 in fines and fees. All three men are banned from Yellowstone National Park for the next two years while they serve two years of unsupervised probation. Does not appear to be this Dallas or that Eric. Dallas Roberts didn’t have a working listed number and Romriell didn’t immediately return a message Thursday at his ophthalmology clinic.]

Winner, and still undefeated champion: 2017's "Universe shouldn't exist, say CERN physicists."
Agreed, as it's absolutely ghastly, but how do we get rid of it?
posted by Iris Gambol at 2:37 PM on December 11, 2020 [5 favorites]

40,000 Moths

Thought it said "Moms" at first. Then I thought the the Florida PD was offering to test your moth for covid. I might need to update my contact lens prescription.

Me and CERN are on the same page.
posted by rodlymight at 3:24 PM on December 11, 2020 [5 favorites]

German nudist chases wild boar that stole laptop at Berlin lake

The spam filter on his laptop literally failed.

Ransomwear is a new type of malware that afflicts the unclothed.
posted by mundo at 3:30 PM on December 11, 2020 [2 favorites]

Oh hey, a new one:

Candles Recalled For Presenting Fire Hazard
posted by Foosnark at 3:41 PM on December 11, 2020 [2 favorites]

How did they not get this one?

Dead mink infected with a mutated form of COVID-19 rise from graves after mass culling

It may not be the punchiest, but that’s the headline for 2020 in my book.
posted by bjrubble at 4:04 PM on December 11, 2020 [11 favorites]

Candles Recalled For Presenting Fire Hazard

you don't say
posted by ricochet biscuit at 4:08 PM on December 11, 2020

In a sense, aren't we all rats in a sinkhole?
posted by acb at 5:06 PM on December 11, 2020 [5 favorites]

Yes, though the optimistic, stargazing faction preferred the word 'gutter.'
posted by Iris Gambol at 5:21 PM on December 11, 2020 [2 favorites]

I am happy that they went the extra mile to include the resolution of the nudist-boar laptop incident. I would have been kept up at night worrying what the outcome was.
posted by ardgedee at 6:28 PM on December 11, 2020 [1 favorite]

My favorite all time Seattle Times headline is
𝗡𝗢𝗥𝗠𝗔𝗟 𝗪𝗘𝗔𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗥 𝗘𝗫𝗣𝗘𝗖𝗧𝗘𝗗 𝗦𝗢𝗢𝗡
posted by y2karl at 6:30 PM on December 11, 2020 [11 favorites]

In a sense, aren't we all rats in a sinkhole?

Depends on how much rage you have.
posted by hippybear at 7:17 PM on December 11, 2020 [3 favorites]

How did I miss that Tuna melt horror show? Of the many things i've been blamed for as a Canadian that one makes the least sense. I mean I do like my tuna salad with quite a bit of mayo but amusingly I don't put any on a tuna melt. Add in the undrained tuna AND the frankly insane decision to heat it in the microwave and.. i'm just speechless.
Does he really eat this or was it just a joke he played out a bit too long and now he's stuck with it?

I have so many questions!

Also yes a "sinkhole full of rats" really is the 2020 of headlines.
posted by cirhosis at 12:34 AM on December 12, 2020 [2 favorites]

I am happy that they went the extra mile to include the resolution of the nudist-boar laptop incident.

1920x1080
posted by Pyrogenesis at 12:40 AM on December 12, 2020 [3 favorites]

@hippybear. I understand that reference.
posted by my-username at 1:10 AM on December 12, 2020 [2 favorites]

Okay, let’s make it official:

Metafilter: A sinkhole full of rats
posted by The Underpants Monster at 1:43 AM on December 12, 2020 [3 favorites]

Has everyone already forgotten about 2014’s ghost ship full of cannibal rats? Lyubov Orlova, we hardly knew ye.
posted by oulipian at 3:39 AM on December 12, 2020 [1 favorite]

Every time there's one of these "best headlines" posts it gives me an excuse to share my favourite again:

Drug lord's hippo shot dead, just like him

BOGOTA – Drug lord Pablo Escobar's hippo died the same way he did, hunted down and shot by the authorities for posing a danger to the public.
posted by The Card Cheat at 5:18 AM on December 12, 2020 [7 favorites]

Is this where I mention the old standby "Foot Heads Arms Body" headline?
posted by DreamerFi at 6:30 AM on December 12, 2020 [4 favorites]

"Here is my yearly roundup of headlines I screen shotted in

it's a small thing, but it is a thing. I think screen-shat is a better way of wording it. One less syllable and more than a bit of a value judgment with regard to "who really needs all the stuff they've screen-shat?" Must more shit.
posted by philip-random at 8:04 AM on December 12, 2020

I think we have a new contender from NYT: How to Save Phallic Flowers From Being Inbred to Extinction.
posted by blue shadows at 12:33 PM on December 12, 2020 [2 favorites]

I love how 3 men banned from Yellowstone after trying to cook chicken in geyser being published in Today's "Food" section (as opposed to "Weird Crimes" or something) gives it somewhat of an air of legitimacy.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 5:38 PM on December 12, 2020 [3 favorites]

I thought it reflected a welcome elevation of understanding that by trying to cook chicken, they were acknowledging geysers are hot! Usually the Florida Man in a geyser story is surprised by the heat.
posted by notsnot at 5:51 AM on December 13, 2020

“a welcome elevation of understanding”

pun intended?
posted by trillian at 7:37 AM on December 13, 2020 [1 favorite]

The Guardian earlier this month with Bad sex award cancelled as public exposed to ‘too many bad things in 2020’
posted by youarenothere at 3:27 PM on December 13, 2020 [1 favorite]

^Not to worry, that Literary Review bad-sex-in-fiction prize (for ‘unconvincing, perfunctory, embarrassing or redundant passages of a sexual nature in sound literary novels’) will resume in 2021. A spokesperson for the judges commented: “With lockdown regulations giving rise to all manner of novel sexual practices, the judges anticipate a rash of entries next year. Authors are reminded that cybersex and other forms of home entertainment fall within the purview of this award. Scenes set in fields, parks or back yards, or indoors with the windows open and fewer than six people present will not be exempt from scrutiny either.”
posted by Iris Gambol at 6:21 PM on December 13, 2020

> Today, I learned that the small headline running below the big headline is called a deck.

Dek, in my magazine (not newspaper) experience. You have the hed and the dek. The misspelling is to make it easier to spot if you've accidentally left "DEK TK" in.
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:27 AM on December 15, 2020 [1 favorite]

Dek, in my magazine (not newspaper) experience. You have the hed and the dek. The misspelling is to make it easier to spot if you've accidentally left "DEK TK" in.

tk, I am told, is a simple ctrl+f in US English, as practically none of our words have it.

A billion years ago I was final the final proof reader for state/national award winning HS newspaper. Searching on those would have been handy. Still would not have helped with affect/effect.
posted by a non mouse, a cow herd at 7:17 PM on December 15, 2020