The second-most-disappointing New Mutants of the past year

June 16, 2021 7:29 AM

Opinion: ‘These new vaccine mutants are extremely disappointing,’ by Magneto [slWaPo, "as told to" Alexandra Petri]

Special guest appearance by Professor X, aka "Chuck".

Background for those unfamiliar

Alexandra Petri previously on the blue

posted by Halloween Jack (24 comments total)

I said, “Chuck, maybe you can do something with them?” but Professor X said he had seen what was in their minds and would pass.
Heh I see what you did there
posted by bleep at 7:36 AM on June 16, 2021 [10 favorites]

Laughed so hard I had to read it aloud. Thanks for this!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:56 AM on June 16, 2021

“Finally everything is coming up Magneto!”

If we can't get Ian McKellan to record an audio version of this column, could we at least get him to record this one line? Please?
posted by RonButNotStupid at 7:57 AM on June 16, 2021 [34 favorites]

Petri is a national treasure.
posted by stevis23 at 8:15 AM on June 16, 2021 [3 favorites]

...I kinda liked the New Mutants movie...
posted by AzraelBrown at 8:26 AM on June 16, 2021 [4 favorites]

Dang, I was really hoping this gonna be about how vaccine-resistant mutant strains of COVID were not turning out to be as big a problem as people feared.
posted by straight at 8:37 AM on June 16, 2021 [16 favorites]

I liked the New Mutants movie, though it could do with a less-racist edit, and maybe recast Bobby? Shame the 2nd and 3rd aren't getting made. Ana Taylor-Joy is the best casting choice for Illyana Nikolievna Rasputina.
Also:

have you ever been at a friend’s amateur magic show, where the magic show is not going quite as was hoped, and there’s a lot of saying “hold on” and “wait, hang on” and “sorry” as they fail several times running to identify your card, and then a dead bird falls unprompted out of someone’s hat?

This, so much this.
posted by signal at 9:32 AM on June 16, 2021 [2 favorites]

It made me so upset that I unstapled everything in the room, just to be petty.

A villain after my own heart.
posted by traveler_ at 10:01 AM on June 16, 2021 [18 favorites]

Magneto should please recognize this gentlewoman from Ohio.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 10:05 AM on June 16, 2021 [2 favorites]

Adding to my time-travel arts list: Alexandra Petri and Jay Edidin writing scripts for Teen Mutants! Go!
posted by Mutant Lobsters from Riverhead at 10:06 AM on June 16, 2021 [1 favorite]

It's the "Maybe among their number was an Omega Class mutant!" that really warms my heart.

Petri knows her stuff.
posted by scaryblackdeath at 10:11 AM on June 16, 2021 [2 favorites]

I giggled, but I didn't see anything on that Official Non-Satirical Newspaper's page indicating satire, and I worry about the implications of that -- particularly because of the subject its satirizing... which is people who believe anything they read.
posted by knownassociate at 11:40 AM on June 16, 2021

Yeah, I mean giving Washington Post op-ed space to Magneto is really questionable. I know some people here support him for his opposition to the Mutant Registration Act, but just a few years ago he destroyed the Golden Gate Bridge and was supporting the attack on the UN Building.
posted by mark k at 11:48 AM on June 16, 2021 [8 favorites]

(BTW this was the funniest thing I've read in ages.)
posted by mark k at 11:49 AM on June 16, 2021 [1 favorite]

Magneto should please recognize this gentlewoman from Ohio.

That tweet is literally linked to in the piece.
posted by hanov3r at 12:04 PM on June 16, 2021 [3 favorites]

non-paywall link
posted by ApathyGirl at 12:09 PM on June 16, 2021 [3 favorites]

here for "most purple helmet"
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 12:31 PM on June 16, 2021 [7 favorites]

Speaking of mutants, Senator Tim Cotton is worried that China will harvest US Olympic athlete DNA to make genetically modified super-soldiers.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 1:31 PM on June 16, 2021

Cotton's letter is interesting, in its way. There is quite a lot that he and other Senators and legislators could do positively about limiting or entirely stopping the sale of surveillance, sensor, facial recognition technology, etc. by US tech companies to China. It's a shame our system is riddled with racist dummies pandering to the same, while the mutant magnet money keeps flowing.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 1:43 PM on June 16, 2021 [2 favorites]

Also, this Magneto? This is the best Magneto. Best version of Magneto ever.
I thought the Magneto in the Marvel Lego videogame who animates the Statue of Liberty was the best Magneto, but I was wrong.

THIS: "It made me so upset that I unstapled everything in the room, just to be petty." IS THE BEST MAGNETO EVER.
posted by scaryblackdeath at 2:00 PM on June 16, 2021 [9 favorites]

This was funny until I watched the testimony of the woman in Ohio who thinks she’s magnetic and now I’m just sad.
posted by photoslob at 3:17 PM on June 16, 2021 [8 favorites]

Keep Scott Pruitt Moist.
posted by atchafalaya at 7:25 PM on June 16, 2021

I didn't see anything on that Official Non-Satirical Newspaper's page indicating satire, and I worry about the implications of that

My local paper has a readership that by and large cannot distinguish opinion pieces from news articles, to judge from the daily accusations of bias in its news reporting. These comments inevitably appear on opinion pieces despite every opinion piece having the word OPINION in all-caps above the headline.

Only once so far have I seen someone accuse the editorial cartoon of being biased*, but give it time.

*Actually of being “bias” because of course they do.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:31 AM on June 17, 2021 [1 favorite]

chef's kiss *
posted by SonInLawOfSam at 2:19 PM on June 17, 2021