103 Bits of Advice I Wish I Had Known
May 3, 2022 2:09 PM Subscribe
"Today is my birthday. I turn 70. I’ve learned a few things so far that might be helpful to others. For the past few years, I’ve jotted down bits of unsolicited advice each year and much to my surprise I have more to add this year. So here is my birthday gift to you all: 103 bits of wisdom I wish I had known when I was young."--Kevin Kelly (more advice, previously, from the man who brought you Cool Tools).
From the list:
• The chief prevention against getting old is to remain astonished.
• Your group can achieve great things way beyond your means simply by showing people that they are appreciated.
• You see only 2% of another person, and they see only 2% of you. Attune yourselves to the hidden 98%.
MetaFilter: wisdom I wish I had known when I was young
From the list:
• The chief prevention against getting old is to remain astonished.
• Your group can achieve great things way beyond your means simply by showing people that they are appreciated.
• You see only 2% of another person, and they see only 2% of you. Attune yourselves to the hidden 98%.
MetaFilter: wisdom I wish I had known when I was young
Honestly, I was jaded after the past 24 hours but there are some good reminders and lessons to read, thanks for sharing.
posted by fizzix at 2:31 PM on May 3, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by fizzix at 2:31 PM on May 3, 2022 [3 favorites]
• Never ask a woman if she is pregnant. Let her tell you if she is.
Also, never ask her how it happened.
posted by Bee'sWing at 2:41 PM on May 3, 2022 [4 favorites]
Also, never ask her how it happened.
posted by Bee'sWing at 2:41 PM on May 3, 2022 [4 favorites]
While I've soured on his techno-utopianism over the years, I've always loved KK-- he's often insightful, curious, and as I get older, I'm inspired by the way he continues to strive for a full life. I'm slowly working my way down the list. But, with apologies (although I imagine he'd get a kick out of it), now-a-days when I see a list of anything, I have to see what GPT-3 has to say about it, so here's the output after feeding the first 9 items in his list:
posted by gwint at 2:43 PM on May 3, 2022 [33 favorites]
• The best way to handle change is to expect it.
• If you arent kind, you arent attractive.
• If you find yourself at the foot of a mountain, you may as well start climbing.
• The best way to learn something is to teach someone else.
• If you want to be a leader, you have to be a follower.
• The best way to learn your craft is to be the worst person in the room.
• When you are angry, count to 10. When you are really angry, count to 100.
• When you are frustrated, take a deep breath. When you are really frustrated, take 2 deep breaths.
• When you are sad, cry. When you are really sad, cry a lot.
• Life is too short to waste time on things that dont matter.
• Life is too short to waste time on people who dont matter.
• Life is too short to waste time on things that you dont love.
• Life is too short to waste time on things that you arent good at.
• Life is too short to not take risks.
• Life is too short to
posted by gwint at 2:43 PM on May 3, 2022 [33 favorites]
• To keep young kids behaving on a car road trip, have a bag of their favorite candy and throw a piece out the window each time they misbehave
Littering aside, this is amazing.
posted by hwyengr at 2:44 PM on May 3, 2022 [30 favorites]
Littering aside, this is amazing.
posted by hwyengr at 2:44 PM on May 3, 2022 [30 favorites]
Oh, I like this guy.
posted by The Adventure Begins at 2:53 PM on May 3, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by The Adventure Begins at 2:53 PM on May 3, 2022 [3 favorites]
"When someone tells you about the peak year of human history, the period of time when things were good before things went downhill, it will always be the years of when they were 10 years old — which is the peak of any human’s existence."
There's an old saw that the real Golden Age of Science Fiction is twelve; that after that life and relationships and expectations and all sorts of things get difficult, and there's this brief window when you're old enough to read the big books but not old enough to see past the top layer. What people miss isn't the work itself - or the world, I guess - but the uncomplicated clarity and certainty that's only available to the totally naive, the utterly unexperienced.
posted by mhoye at 2:54 PM on May 3, 2022 [52 favorites]
There's an old saw that the real Golden Age of Science Fiction is twelve; that after that life and relationships and expectations and all sorts of things get difficult, and there's this brief window when you're old enough to read the big books but not old enough to see past the top layer. What people miss isn't the work itself - or the world, I guess - but the uncomplicated clarity and certainty that's only available to the totally naive, the utterly unexperienced.
posted by mhoye at 2:54 PM on May 3, 2022 [52 favorites]
The best way to learn your craft is to be the worst person in the room.
Okay now what?
posted by aubilenon at 3:03 PM on May 3, 2022 [44 favorites]
Okay now what?
posted by aubilenon at 3:03 PM on May 3, 2022 [44 favorites]
• If you stop to listen to a musician or street performer for more than a minute, you owe them a dollar.
My younger brother repairs wind instruments of all kinds, also has a few weekly gigs here and there -- restaurants and clubs -- and also is a busker, because he loves it. San Diego, mostly in Balboa Park, mostly sax but also flute, guitar, singing. He's almost certainly cooler than your younger brother, he is the purist artist my family has given, and he's kind, and fun, and funny, and has the best stories. God loves people who throw in five bucks and so do I.
posted by dancestoblue at 3:06 PM on May 3, 2022 [22 favorites]
My younger brother repairs wind instruments of all kinds, also has a few weekly gigs here and there -- restaurants and clubs -- and also is a busker, because he loves it. San Diego, mostly in Balboa Park, mostly sax but also flute, guitar, singing. He's almost certainly cooler than your younger brother, he is the purist artist my family has given, and he's kind, and fun, and funny, and has the best stories. God loves people who throw in five bucks and so do I.
posted by dancestoblue at 3:06 PM on May 3, 2022 [22 favorites]
I assume I won't understand all this advice until I'm 70.
posted by clawsoon at 3:07 PM on May 3, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by clawsoon at 3:07 PM on May 3, 2022 [5 favorites]
If your opinions on one subject can be predicted from your opinions on another, you may be in the grip of an ideology. When you truly think for yourself your conclusions will not be predictable.
That's why I try to never have the same opinion twice.
posted by clawsoon at 3:08 PM on May 3, 2022 [11 favorites]
That's why I try to never have the same opinion twice.
posted by clawsoon at 3:08 PM on May 3, 2022 [11 favorites]
I used to be a neighbor of Kevin. He is a brisk walker, and the beard is truly iconic.
90% of everything is crap. If you think you don’t like opera, romance novels, TikTok, country music, vegan food, NFTs, keep trying to see if you can find the 10% that is not crap.
Good list, great post. Same can be said for Metafilter’s Own (plural):
What is a life-changing realization you wish you had sooner
posted by armoir from antproof case at 3:16 PM on May 3, 2022 [7 favorites]
90% of everything is crap. If you think you don’t like opera, romance novels, TikTok, country music, vegan food, NFTs, keep trying to see if you can find the 10% that is not crap.
Good list, great post. Same can be said for Metafilter’s Own (plural):
What is a life-changing realization you wish you had sooner
posted by armoir from antproof case at 3:16 PM on May 3, 2022 [7 favorites]
Aubilenon, I assume the point here is that to learn something well, it’s best to pay attention to, collaborate with, struggle against, sit at the feet of, or simply be in company with the people who really know what they’re doing. Every time I’ve learned thoroughly and quickly, it’s involved that sort of thing at some point in the process.
posted by cupcakeninja at 3:25 PM on May 3, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by cupcakeninja at 3:25 PM on May 3, 2022 [4 favorites]
Some practical advice, some questionable platitudes, fewer deep insights than I'd hoped...and then there's these:
• Handy measure: the distance between your fingertips of your outstretched arms at shoulder level is your height.
I tested this once, and found that the reach of my outstretched fingertips is about 6" more than my actual height. No wonder I have so much trouble finding long-sleeve shirts that fit. Anybody happen to know where they sell clothes for gorillas?
• You’ll get 10x better results by elevating good behavior rather than punishing bad behavior, especially in children and animals.
...
• To keep young kids behaving on a car road trip, have a bag of their favorite candy and throw a piece out the window each time they misbehave.
Um...
• Aim to die broke.
That's not going to be a problem for more people than you imagine, dude.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:29 PM on May 3, 2022 [17 favorites]
• Handy measure: the distance between your fingertips of your outstretched arms at shoulder level is your height.
I tested this once, and found that the reach of my outstretched fingertips is about 6" more than my actual height. No wonder I have so much trouble finding long-sleeve shirts that fit. Anybody happen to know where they sell clothes for gorillas?
• You’ll get 10x better results by elevating good behavior rather than punishing bad behavior, especially in children and animals.
...
• To keep young kids behaving on a car road trip, have a bag of their favorite candy and throw a piece out the window each time they misbehave.
Um...
• Aim to die broke.
That's not going to be a problem for more people than you imagine, dude.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:29 PM on May 3, 2022 [17 favorites]
"When someone tells you about the peak year of human history, the period of time when things were good before things went downhill, it will always be the years of when they were 10 years old — which is the peak of any human’s existence."
Hmm, I dunno about this one, or maybe I'm just biased having been 10 in 1980.
You know, just old enough to witness and kind of understand what it meant as the US had a failed hostage rescue attempt in Iran, Reagan was wholeheartedly embraced and voted in by America, John Lennon was assassinated.
Oh, wait I saw the premiere of "Empire Strikes Back" in the theater with no spoilers, nevermind, that year was the fuckin' best!
posted by jeremias at 3:47 PM on May 3, 2022 [22 favorites]
Hmm, I dunno about this one, or maybe I'm just biased having been 10 in 1980.
You know, just old enough to witness and kind of understand what it meant as the US had a failed hostage rescue attempt in Iran, Reagan was wholeheartedly embraced and voted in by America, John Lennon was assassinated.
Oh, wait I saw the premiere of "Empire Strikes Back" in the theater with no spoilers, nevermind, that year was the fuckin' best!
posted by jeremias at 3:47 PM on May 3, 2022 [22 favorites]
I liked "Ask funders for money, and they’ll give you advice; but ask for advice and they’ll give you money."
posted by chavenet at 3:59 PM on May 3, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by chavenet at 3:59 PM on May 3, 2022 [3 favorites]
They ended history shortly before I was 10. Liberal Democracy and no more nuclear annihilation, so we had to offshore manufacturing and globalise all the megacorps. With non-networked home computers, none of their home-made games was worse than all of their home-made games, all before The Eternal September began.
Was it the peak of f_cking history? It was Reagan, Thatcher and Pinochet.
posted by k3ninho at 4:02 PM on May 3, 2022 [3 favorites]
Was it the peak of f_cking history? It was Reagan, Thatcher and Pinochet.
posted by k3ninho at 4:02 PM on May 3, 2022 [3 favorites]
Anything you say before the word “but” does not count.
In other words: but does not count.
posted by Saxon Kane at 4:09 PM on May 3, 2022 [4 favorites]
In other words: but does not count.
posted by Saxon Kane at 4:09 PM on May 3, 2022 [4 favorites]
it will always be the years of when they were 10 years old — which is the peak of any human’s existence."
alternately the year of Woodstock and the first man on the moon really was a particularly good year.
... not counting Vietnam, of course. Or the Manson murders, Altamont, the Santa Barbara oil spill or the Superbowl (if you were a Baltimore Colts fan).
posted by philip-random at 4:23 PM on May 3, 2022
alternately the year of Woodstock and the first man on the moon really was a particularly good year.
... not counting Vietnam, of course. Or the Manson murders, Altamont, the Santa Barbara oil spill or the Superbowl (if you were a Baltimore Colts fan).
posted by philip-random at 4:23 PM on May 3, 2022
Making art is not selfish; it’s for the rest of us. If you don’t do your thing, you are cheating us. / Art is whatever you can get away with. / Prescription for popular success: do something strange. Make a habit of your weird. / Habit is far more dependable than inspiration. Make progress by making habits. Dont focus on getting into shape. Focus on becoming the kind of person who never misses a workout. / Your time and space are limited. Remove, give away, throw out things in your life that dont spark joy any longer in order to make room for those that do.
I'm going to be chewing this bunch over.
posted by k3ninho at 4:24 PM on May 3, 2022 [5 favorites]
I'm going to be chewing this bunch over.
posted by k3ninho at 4:24 PM on May 3, 2022 [5 favorites]
• The biggest lie we tell ourselves is “I dont need to write this down because I will remember it.”
Chisel this on my tombstone. So I'll finally remember it.
posted by rifflesby at 4:52 PM on May 3, 2022 [33 favorites]
Chisel this on my tombstone. So I'll finally remember it.
posted by rifflesby at 4:52 PM on May 3, 2022 [33 favorites]
There's an old saw that the real Golden Age of Science Fiction is twelve
With a corollary, the Golden Age of Dinosaurs is six.
posted by Rash at 4:56 PM on May 3, 2022 [17 favorites]
With a corollary, the Golden Age of Dinosaurs is six.
posted by Rash at 4:56 PM on May 3, 2022 [17 favorites]
"Handy measure: the distance between your fingertips of your outstretched arms at shoulder level is your height."
I know this is on average (as above), but it totally checks out for me. Whoa.
posted by smidgen at 4:58 PM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
I know this is on average (as above), but it totally checks out for me. Whoa.
posted by smidgen at 4:58 PM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
Too many of these make me angry. I feel comfortable ignoring someone who occasionally gives lousy advice so confidently; it calls the true-sounding things they say into question. Even if some of the true-sounding things they say ARE true, they probably lucked into some pieces of common wisdom and are using them to establish credentials to sell the rest. Polonius Syndrome, I guess.
posted by longtime_lurker at 5:20 PM on May 3, 2022 [13 favorites]
posted by longtime_lurker at 5:20 PM on May 3, 2022 [13 favorites]
I know this is on average (as above), but it totally checks out for me. Whoa.
Vitruvian Man
posted by Rumple at 5:22 PM on May 3, 2022
Vitruvian Man
posted by Rumple at 5:22 PM on May 3, 2022
This person sounds wealthier than me.
posted by brachiopod at 5:32 PM on May 3, 2022 [14 favorites]
posted by brachiopod at 5:32 PM on May 3, 2022 [14 favorites]
But HOW do you "remain astonished"?
posted by amtho at 5:54 PM on May 3, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by amtho at 5:54 PM on May 3, 2022 [3 favorites]
Protect your hearing. Eventually that after concert ringing in your ears doesn't go away.
posted by Beholder at 5:57 PM on May 3, 2022 [17 favorites]
posted by Beholder at 5:57 PM on May 3, 2022 [17 favorites]
• To keep young kids behaving on a car road trip, have a bag of their favorite candy and throw a piece out the window each time they misbehave.
I find this kind of horrendous. I would feel sad and angry about the wasted candy (and probably also the littering) for days, or any time I remembered it for years. The "I chose to do something that will make you sad for a long time and will try to convince you it's your fault"ness of it fills me with the same anti-parent rage as "I'll give you something to cry about."
posted by Mister Moofoo at 6:04 PM on May 3, 2022 [19 favorites]
I find this kind of horrendous. I would feel sad and angry about the wasted candy (and probably also the littering) for days, or any time I remembered it for years. The "I chose to do something that will make you sad for a long time and will try to convince you it's your fault"ness of it fills me with the same anti-parent rage as "I'll give you something to cry about."
posted by Mister Moofoo at 6:04 PM on May 3, 2022 [19 favorites]
The physician must be able to tell the antecedents, know the present, and foretell the future — must mediate these things, and have two special objects in view with regard to disease, namely, to do good or to do no harm....commonly known as First, do harm.
Hippocrates
0f the Epidemics
posted by y2karl at 6:40 PM on May 3, 2022 [2 favorites]
But HOW do you "remain astonished"?
KK does a newsletter with Mark Frauenfelder and Claudia Dawson called "Recommendo"-- the recommendations are hit and miss, but there's almost always at least one good thing per week. From last week: "I’m slowly trying out the odd little experiments suggested in this odd, used book I found, Astonish Yourself. The exercises are trivial, maybe even silly, such as following an ant for as long you can, or counting to 1,000, or listening to a recording of your own voice. It shifts your perspective for a small aha. The book offers 101 of these mindfulness moments. It prompted me to invent my own ways to astonish myself. — KK"
posted by gwint at 6:52 PM on May 3, 2022 [10 favorites]
KK does a newsletter with Mark Frauenfelder and Claudia Dawson called "Recommendo"-- the recommendations are hit and miss, but there's almost always at least one good thing per week. From last week: "I’m slowly trying out the odd little experiments suggested in this odd, used book I found, Astonish Yourself. The exercises are trivial, maybe even silly, such as following an ant for as long you can, or counting to 1,000, or listening to a recording of your own voice. It shifts your perspective for a small aha. The book offers 101 of these mindfulness moments. It prompted me to invent my own ways to astonish myself. — KK"
posted by gwint at 6:52 PM on May 3, 2022 [10 favorites]
.....The biggest lie we tell ourselves is “I dont need to write this down because I will remember it.”
Love it! Now if I can just remember where I wrote it down......
posted by johnjohn4011 at 7:32 PM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
Love it! Now if I can just remember where I wrote it down......
posted by johnjohn4011 at 7:32 PM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
Thanks for sharing MonkeyToes. Some of these are funny as heck.
posted by storybored at 7:38 PM on May 3, 2022
posted by storybored at 7:38 PM on May 3, 2022
90% of everything is crap. If you think you don’t like opera, romance novels, TikTok, country music, vegan food, NFTs, keep trying to see if you can find the 10% that is not crap.
90% of all advice is plagiarized from Theodore Sturgeon.
posted by escabeche at 7:42 PM on May 3, 2022 [14 favorites]
90% of all advice is plagiarized from Theodore Sturgeon.
posted by escabeche at 7:42 PM on May 3, 2022 [14 favorites]
“Be curious, not judgmental.”
– Ted Lasso
"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit"
W.C. Fields
"Until you do what you believe in, you don't know whether you believe it or not."
Leo Tolstoy
"Keep the company of those who seek the truth; run from those who have found it"
Václav Havel
"Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought"
Henri Bergson
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right – you’ll be criticized anyway"
Eleanor Roosevelt
"You must be prepared to work always without applause." Ernest Hemingway
"Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level." Quentin Crisp
posted by robbyrobs at 7:46 PM on May 3, 2022 [15 favorites]
– Ted Lasso
"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit"
W.C. Fields
"Until you do what you believe in, you don't know whether you believe it or not."
Leo Tolstoy
"Keep the company of those who seek the truth; run from those who have found it"
Václav Havel
"Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought"
Henri Bergson
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right – you’ll be criticized anyway"
Eleanor Roosevelt
"You must be prepared to work always without applause." Ernest Hemingway
"Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level." Quentin Crisp
posted by robbyrobs at 7:46 PM on May 3, 2022 [15 favorites]
Dont ever work for someone you dont want to become.
Ha ha ha, must be nice.
Anything you say before the word “but” does not count.
Incorrect.
Whenever there is an argument between two sides, find the third side.
But what if one of those sides is just plain wrong?
Look, there's also advice here that is solid. (I skipped ahead to the end to see if the last one was "Take what you like and leave the rest"--sadly, no.) But, like, "If you loan someone $20 and you never see them again because they are avoiding paying you back, that makes it worth $20"--that's advice from someone who's a long ways away from really needing that $20.
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:59 PM on May 3, 2022 [9 favorites]
Ha ha ha, must be nice.
Anything you say before the word “but” does not count.
Incorrect.
Whenever there is an argument between two sides, find the third side.
But what if one of those sides is just plain wrong?
Look, there's also advice here that is solid. (I skipped ahead to the end to see if the last one was "Take what you like and leave the rest"--sadly, no.) But, like, "If you loan someone $20 and you never see them again because they are avoiding paying you back, that makes it worth $20"--that's advice from someone who's a long ways away from really needing that $20.
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:59 PM on May 3, 2022 [9 favorites]
"• To keep young kids behaving on a car road trip, have a bag of their favorite candy and throw a piece out the window each time they misbehave
Littering aside, this is amazing."
Remove the wrappers before throwing?
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 8:03 PM on May 3, 2022 [2 favorites]
Littering aside, this is amazing."
Remove the wrappers before throwing?
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 8:03 PM on May 3, 2022 [2 favorites]
But HOW do you "remain astonished"?
An eyebrow lift will give you the appearance.
posted by datawrangler at 8:04 PM on May 3, 2022 [6 favorites]
An eyebrow lift will give you the appearance.
posted by datawrangler at 8:04 PM on May 3, 2022 [6 favorites]
I made one of these when I turned 45 (self link), but this feels especially judgey.
posted by thivaia at 8:05 PM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by thivaia at 8:05 PM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it
posted by logicpunk at 8:06 PM on May 3, 2022 [6 favorites]
posted by logicpunk at 8:06 PM on May 3, 2022 [6 favorites]
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it
I swear that song started playing in my head as I was reading this (and I still loved it).
posted by johnxlibris at 8:17 PM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
I swear that song started playing in my head as I was reading this (and I still loved it).
posted by johnxlibris at 8:17 PM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
"When someone tells you about the peak year of human history, the period of time when things were good before things went downhill, it will always be the years of when they were 10 years old — which is the peak of any human’s existence."
that would be 1967
i really don't think so
posted by pyramid termite at 8:23 PM on May 3, 2022
that would be 1967
i really don't think so
posted by pyramid termite at 8:23 PM on May 3, 2022
never travel with vegans
... sorry, vegans
posted by philip-random at 8:25 PM on May 3, 2022 [7 favorites]
... sorry, vegans
posted by philip-random at 8:25 PM on May 3, 2022 [7 favorites]
To keep young kids behaving on a car road trip, have a bag of their favorite candy and throw a piece out the window each time they misbehave
If several pieces of candy go out the window and they still "misbehave", consider whether you're just giving your non-NT children something to discuss with their therapists later in adult life.
posted by traveler_ at 8:27 PM on May 3, 2022 [9 favorites]
If several pieces of candy go out the window and they still "misbehave", consider whether you're just giving your non-NT children something to discuss with their therapists later in adult life.
posted by traveler_ at 8:27 PM on May 3, 2022 [9 favorites]
"bobby threw a piece of candy out the window"
"did you do that, bobby?"
"mom, you do that ALL the time"
posted by pyramid termite at 8:36 PM on May 3, 2022 [5 favorites]
"did you do that, bobby?"
"mom, you do that ALL the time"
posted by pyramid termite at 8:36 PM on May 3, 2022 [5 favorites]
If you repeated what you did today 365 more times will you be where you want to be next year?
I do hope to have a healthy, happy 1+ year old dog in a year's time but I don't think daily vaccinations for a year is going to accomplish that...
posted by wats at 8:44 PM on May 3, 2022 [6 favorites]
I do hope to have a healthy, happy 1+ year old dog in a year's time but I don't think daily vaccinations for a year is going to accomplish that...
posted by wats at 8:44 PM on May 3, 2022 [6 favorites]
When introduced to someone make eye contact and count to 4. You’ll both remember each other.
If someone did that to me I'd be thinking "serial murderer."
posted by mono blanco at 8:44 PM on May 3, 2022 [10 favorites]
If someone did that to me I'd be thinking "serial murderer."
posted by mono blanco at 8:44 PM on May 3, 2022 [10 favorites]
I find this kind of horrendous. I would feel sad and angry about the wasted candy (and probably also the littering) for days, or any time I remembered it for years.
Well, yeah. Obviously you should eat the candy each time.
posted by lefty lucky cat at 8:54 PM on May 3, 2022 [9 favorites]
Well, yeah. Obviously you should eat the candy each time.
posted by lefty lucky cat at 8:54 PM on May 3, 2022 [9 favorites]
One of these that I hate is "Anything you say before the word “but” does not count." It's inaccurate, and I've seen that idea used by a husband who likes to think of himself as spontaneous to dismiss his wife's caution and attention to their schedule. A clause that begins with "But" can provide context, caveats, and surmountable challenges.
posted by lacallenueces at 8:56 PM on May 3, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by lacallenueces at 8:56 PM on May 3, 2022 [2 favorites]
But HOW do you "remain astonished"?
*Gasp* You don't know?!?!?
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:04 PM on May 3, 2022 [18 favorites]
*Gasp* You don't know?!?!?
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:04 PM on May 3, 2022 [18 favorites]
You can fix many of the problems he's thinking of with "but" by using "and" instead.
This list has some insightful advice in it and some of it is crap.
posted by straight at 9:07 PM on May 3, 2022 [9 favorites]
This list has some insightful advice in it and some of it is crap.
posted by straight at 9:07 PM on May 3, 2022 [9 favorites]
The best way to learn your craft is to be the worst person in the room.
Okay now what?
Couple of ways.
The one I use with my own drum kit is to remain the only person in the room. So far, my drumming style has ensured that I need to devote almost no effort to having this remain the case.
If you were more ambitious and less lazy than me, you might want to switch rooms at some point.
HOW do you "remain astonished"?
My plan involves a combination of dementia and strong psychedelics.
posted by flabdablet at 9:08 PM on May 3, 2022 [10 favorites]
Okay now what?
Couple of ways.
The one I use with my own drum kit is to remain the only person in the room. So far, my drumming style has ensured that I need to devote almost no effort to having this remain the case.
If you were more ambitious and less lazy than me, you might want to switch rooms at some point.
HOW do you "remain astonished"?
My plan involves a combination of dementia and strong psychedelics.
posted by flabdablet at 9:08 PM on May 3, 2022 [10 favorites]
Honestly, I'm more likely to take life advice from comedians*, as they're apt to be clear-eyed observers of humanity's foibles as well as more grounded and less self-important than this guy. Plus I'm more likely to remember advice that makes me laugh!
*Especially if it's "Do the opposite of what I did"
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:11 PM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
*Especially if it's "Do the opposite of what I did"
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:11 PM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
"When someone tells you about the peak year of human history, the period of time when things were good before things went downhill, it will always be the years of when they were 10 years old — which is the peak of any human’s existence."
Reaching puberty was some kind of horrible disaster for you, Mr. Kevin Kelly?
I know you’re 70 years old, but I think it might still help you to seek out a trustworthy person you could explore this with.
posted by jamjam at 9:43 PM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
Reaching puberty was some kind of horrible disaster for you, Mr. Kevin Kelly?
I know you’re 70 years old, but I think it might still help you to seek out a trustworthy person you could explore this with.
posted by jamjam at 9:43 PM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
Habit is far more dependable than inspiration. Make progress by making habits. Dont focus on getting into shape. Focus on becoming the kind of person who never misses a workout.
This is basically the synopsis of the book Atomic Habits
posted by piyushnz at 10:19 PM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
This is basically the synopsis of the book Atomic Habits
posted by piyushnz at 10:19 PM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
I don't think daily vaccinations for a year is going to accomplish that.
You'll need at least 5
And why have just 1 happy dog when you can have 365?
posted by otherchaz at 11:34 PM on May 3, 2022 [2 favorites]
You'll need at least 5
And why have just 1 happy dog when you can have 365?
posted by otherchaz at 11:34 PM on May 3, 2022 [2 favorites]
When introduced to someone make eye contact and count to 4. You’ll both remember each other.
If someone did that to me I'd be thinking "serial murderer."
Host: otherchaz, this is mono blanco. mono/
otherchaz (interrupting host and staring into mono blanco's eyes, screaming): ONE!
...TWO!
...THREE!
...FOUR!
...hi! (offering to shake hands)
posted by otherchaz at 11:44 PM on May 3, 2022 [2 favorites]
If someone did that to me I'd be thinking "serial murderer."
Host: otherchaz, this is mono blanco. mono/
otherchaz (interrupting host and staring into mono blanco's eyes, screaming): ONE!
...TWO!
...THREE!
...FOUR!
...hi! (offering to shake hands)
posted by otherchaz at 11:44 PM on May 3, 2022 [2 favorites]
>>Dont ever work for someone you dont want to become.
>Ha ha ha, must be nice.
I've internalised the blame for my choices getting involved in capitalist enterprises, and I definitely don't want to become a stock option or shareholder-type stakeholder. It's hard to kill an idea, maybe I should work for an idea like fully automated luxury pansexual space communism?
posted by k3ninho at 12:28 AM on May 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
>Ha ha ha, must be nice.
I've internalised the blame for my choices getting involved in capitalist enterprises, and I definitely don't want to become a stock option or shareholder-type stakeholder. It's hard to kill an idea, maybe I should work for an idea like fully automated luxury pansexual space communism?
posted by k3ninho at 12:28 AM on May 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
You’ll get 10x better results by elevating good behavior rather than punishing bad behavior, especially in children and animals.
To keep young kids behaving on a car road trip, have a bag of their favorite candy and throw a piece out the window each time they misbehave
These don't seem to go together. (The candy one is downright cruel.)
Don’t wait for the storm to pass; dance in the rain.
Saw a film of someone doing this when I took my storm spotter class. She was struck by lightning (she survived).
If you repeated what you did today 365 more times will you be where you want to be next year?
I'm not just a naysayer. This one is great.
posted by FencingGal at 5:01 AM on May 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
To keep young kids behaving on a car road trip, have a bag of their favorite candy and throw a piece out the window each time they misbehave
These don't seem to go together. (The candy one is downright cruel.)
Don’t wait for the storm to pass; dance in the rain.
Saw a film of someone doing this when I took my storm spotter class. She was struck by lightning (she survived).
If you repeated what you did today 365 more times will you be where you want to be next year?
I'm not just a naysayer. This one is great.
posted by FencingGal at 5:01 AM on May 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
This list has some insightful advice in it and some of it is crap.
But surely less than 90%?
•Life is short- dont waste time on apostrophes.
I've been listening to a book that definitely is crap, and this post made me finally stop and move on to a better book. (should be easy)
So thanks.
posted by MtDewd at 5:08 AM on May 4, 2022
But surely less than 90%?
•Life is short- dont waste time on apostrophes.
I've been listening to a book that definitely is crap, and this post made me finally stop and move on to a better book. (should be easy)
So thanks.
posted by MtDewd at 5:08 AM on May 4, 2022
For an interesting life: in all things not financial, do whatever costs you more.
That's all I got.
posted by dobbs at 6:20 AM on May 4, 2022 [3 favorites]
That's all I got.
posted by dobbs at 6:20 AM on May 4, 2022 [3 favorites]
dobbs: that echoes something I took to heart a while ago -- The hard thing to do is the right thing to do.
I'm not one for bromides, but that one has served me pretty well. Which is funny because I saw it attributed to Robert Heinlein, a dude from whom I would not generally take advice about so much as the weather. The real source seems unclear.
posted by Countess Elena at 6:41 AM on May 4, 2022
I'm not one for bromides, but that one has served me pretty well. Which is funny because I saw it attributed to Robert Heinlein, a dude from whom I would not generally take advice about so much as the weather. The real source seems unclear.
posted by Countess Elena at 6:41 AM on May 4, 2022
'It wouldn't be revered for its worth if it were easy and commonplace' ??
posted by k3ninho at 6:47 AM on May 4, 2022
posted by k3ninho at 6:47 AM on May 4, 2022
A clause that begins with "But" can provide context, caveats, and surmountable challenges.
He's saying the stuff before the but doesn't count, but I still don't agree with him on this one.
See what I did there?
posted by Rock Steady at 6:49 AM on May 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
He's saying the stuff before the but doesn't count, but I still don't agree with him on this one.
See what I did there?
posted by Rock Steady at 6:49 AM on May 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
maybe I should work for an idea like fully automated luxury pansexual space communism?
I'm a Trekkie, so duh. In the meantime, though, gotta eat.
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:06 AM on May 4, 2022
I'm a Trekkie, so duh. In the meantime, though, gotta eat.
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:06 AM on May 4, 2022
@Countess Elena: I've seen it in one of John McDonald's Travis Mcgee books. It was advice from his very wise friend, Meyer.
" In all emotional conflicts, the thing you find the most difficult to do, is the thing that you should do"
posted by aleph at 7:12 AM on May 4, 2022 [3 favorites]
" In all emotional conflicts, the thing you find the most difficult to do, is the thing that you should do"
posted by aleph at 7:12 AM on May 4, 2022 [3 favorites]
reading some comments, I can only guess there are a few people who live by the "Never miss an opportunity to dispense some heavy snark" life lesson
clearly that one is on my list, but I'm hoping to discard it one day if I'm honest
posted by elkevelvet at 7:12 AM on May 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
clearly that one is on my list, but I'm hoping to discard it one day if I'm honest
posted by elkevelvet at 7:12 AM on May 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
Bougie and banal, give me me Dr. Turin Horse!
(Some of my favorites...)
Talk is cheap, feelings are cheaper, invisible Third World labor is cheapest
Turn every discussion to first principles in order to protect vested interests
Reality is violence on every level. Dissimulation of this is just another form of violence
Natura non contristatur
posted by Reasonably Everything Happens at 7:35 AM on May 4, 2022 [4 favorites]
(Some of my favorites...)
Talk is cheap, feelings are cheaper, invisible Third World labor is cheapest
Turn every discussion to first principles in order to protect vested interests
Reality is violence on every level. Dissimulation of this is just another form of violence
Natura non contristatur
posted by Reasonably Everything Happens at 7:35 AM on May 4, 2022 [4 favorites]
"In all emotional conflicts, the thing you find the most difficult to do, is the thing that you should do"
Shoot, this one is timely for me. But is it still true if it means re-engaging a narcissist?
posted by kitcat at 8:19 AM on May 4, 2022
Shoot, this one is timely for me. But is it still true if it means re-engaging a narcissist?
posted by kitcat at 8:19 AM on May 4, 2022
Don't have to re-engage the same way.
But I read the McDonald book that quote came from, "Pale Gray for Guilt". And it had an important proviso: "Stop short of self-abuse"
posted by aleph at 9:27 AM on May 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
But I read the McDonald book that quote came from, "Pale Gray for Guilt". And it had an important proviso: "Stop short of self-abuse"
posted by aleph at 9:27 AM on May 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
This person sounds wealthier than me.
Their #3 bit of advice is "Dont ever work for someone you dont want to become" so presumably yes.
posted by splitpeasoup at 9:48 AM on May 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
Their #3 bit of advice is "Dont ever work for someone you dont want to become" so presumably yes.
posted by splitpeasoup at 9:48 AM on May 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
I loved the Travis McGee books, mainly because they weaned me off the Shell Scott books.
So. Onward:
What you do matters. What you don't do matters.
Friendly fire isn't.
You can't have too many grenades.
The needful stuff you left behind isn't as significant as the useless stuff you brought. (This advice works as a metaphor and as a literal guide to successful backpacking.)
What it is is not as important as what it means.
When you die, you may not be able to take it with you, but you can make sure that worthless nephew won't get it.
Change your underwear daily.
If you make it into your seventh decade, you will have forgotten more than you remember, so bear in mind that you never knew as much as you thought you did.
posted by mule98J at 10:22 AM on May 4, 2022 [3 favorites]
So. Onward:
What you do matters. What you don't do matters.
Friendly fire isn't.
You can't have too many grenades.
The needful stuff you left behind isn't as significant as the useless stuff you brought. (This advice works as a metaphor and as a literal guide to successful backpacking.)
What it is is not as important as what it means.
When you die, you may not be able to take it with you, but you can make sure that worthless nephew won't get it.
Change your underwear daily.
If you make it into your seventh decade, you will have forgotten more than you remember, so bear in mind that you never knew as much as you thought you did.
posted by mule98J at 10:22 AM on May 4, 2022 [3 favorites]
successful backpacking
reminds me of a prank some friends played on a pal, the 3 of them were hiking in the mountains and every rest-stop one of them would distract the "target" while the other surreptitiously transferred items to their backpack.. cast iron cookware, you name it.
I guess they could only keep it in for so long.. somewhere after the 3rd rest-stop and the poor 3rd party is like "I don't know about you guys, but.." and they burst out laughing and had to reveal the prank. still makes me chuckle
posted by elkevelvet at 10:35 AM on May 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
reminds me of a prank some friends played on a pal, the 3 of them were hiking in the mountains and every rest-stop one of them would distract the "target" while the other surreptitiously transferred items to their backpack.. cast iron cookware, you name it.
I guess they could only keep it in for so long.. somewhere after the 3rd rest-stop and the poor 3rd party is like "I don't know about you guys, but.." and they burst out laughing and had to reveal the prank. still makes me chuckle
posted by elkevelvet at 10:35 AM on May 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
Mid-list: "Immediately pay what you owe to vendors, workers, contractors. They will go out of their way to work with you first next time."
Near close: "Aim to die broke. Give to your beneficiaries before you die; it’s more fun and useful. Spend it all. Your last check should go to the funeral home and it should bounce."
Make pre-arrangements with the funeral home as part of "spend it all." Don't be a jerkwad in death.
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:45 AM on May 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
Near close: "Aim to die broke. Give to your beneficiaries before you die; it’s more fun and useful. Spend it all. Your last check should go to the funeral home and it should bounce."
Make pre-arrangements with the funeral home as part of "spend it all." Don't be a jerkwad in death.
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:45 AM on May 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
Anything you say before the word “but” does not count.
In other words: but does not count.
And none of these things he advised count either:
• Ask funders for money, and they’ll give you advice
• At a restaurant do you order what you know is great, or do you try something new? Do you make what you know will sell or try something new? Do you keep dating new folks or try to commit to someone you already met? The optimal balance for exploring new things vs exploiting them once found is: 1/3. Spend 1/3 of your time on exploring and 2/3 time on deepening. It is harder to devote time to exploring as you age because it seems unproductive
• Focus on directions rather than destinations. Who knows their destiny?
• For the best results with your children, spend only half the money you think you should
• Speak confidently as if you are right
• The best time to negotiate your salary for a new job is the moment AFTER they say they want you, and not before. Then it becomes a game of chicken for each side to name an amount first
• When you forgive others, they may not notice
• When you have some success, the feeling of being an imposter can be real. Who am I fooling?
#104:
Give advice but be careful not to contradict yourself.
posted by fuse theorem at 12:37 PM on May 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
In other words: but does not count.
And none of these things he advised count either:
• Ask funders for money, and they’ll give you advice
• At a restaurant do you order what you know is great, or do you try something new? Do you make what you know will sell or try something new? Do you keep dating new folks or try to commit to someone you already met? The optimal balance for exploring new things vs exploiting them once found is: 1/3. Spend 1/3 of your time on exploring and 2/3 time on deepening. It is harder to devote time to exploring as you age because it seems unproductive
• Focus on directions rather than destinations. Who knows their destiny?
• For the best results with your children, spend only half the money you think you should
• Speak confidently as if you are right
• The best time to negotiate your salary for a new job is the moment AFTER they say they want you, and not before. Then it becomes a game of chicken for each side to name an amount first
• When you forgive others, they may not notice
• When you have some success, the feeling of being an imposter can be real. Who am I fooling?
#104:
Give advice but be careful not to contradict yourself.
posted by fuse theorem at 12:37 PM on May 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
Replace "but" with "and" whenever you can get away with it.
posted by clawsoon at 1:30 PM on May 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by clawsoon at 1:30 PM on May 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
Whenever there is an argument between two sides, find the third side.
But what if one of those sides is just plain wrong?
Yeah, exactly this. Fuck that.
posted by Meatbomb at 2:35 PM on May 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
But what if one of those sides is just plain wrong?
Yeah, exactly this. Fuck that.
posted by Meatbomb at 2:35 PM on May 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
everything matters
nothing makes sense
posted by philip-random at 3:01 PM on May 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
nothing makes sense
posted by philip-random at 3:01 PM on May 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
• The best way to get a correct answer on the internet is to post an obviously wrong answer and wait for someone to correct you.
I agree the most with this one.
posted by Rash at 5:12 PM on May 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
I agree the most with this one.
posted by Rash at 5:12 PM on May 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
"remain astonished"
Does 'shocked but not surprised' qualify?
Coz there has been a fair bit of that in recent times.
posted by Pouteria at 6:32 PM on May 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
Does 'shocked but not surprised' qualify?
Coz there has been a fair bit of that in recent times.
posted by Pouteria at 6:32 PM on May 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
beauty tends to astonish me.
and this definitely involves surprise.
posted by philip-random at 9:53 PM on May 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
and this definitely involves surprise.
posted by philip-random at 9:53 PM on May 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
"Take the stairs."
This could also be used as castle-storming advice.
posted by clawsoon at 5:26 AM on May 5, 2022 [2 favorites]
This could also be used as castle-storming advice.
posted by clawsoon at 5:26 AM on May 5, 2022 [2 favorites]
"A great way to understand yourself is to seriously reflect on everything you find irritating in others"
I actually like this one; it's been something I've been working on for a few years. If nothing else, it gives you a mechanism through which to displace frustration.
posted by The Outsider at 9:15 AM on May 5, 2022 [3 favorites]
I actually like this one; it's been something I've been working on for a few years. If nothing else, it gives you a mechanism through which to displace frustration.
posted by The Outsider at 9:15 AM on May 5, 2022 [3 favorites]
aka -- beware of your shadow.
posted by philip-random at 9:28 AM on May 5, 2022
posted by philip-random at 9:28 AM on May 5, 2022
The best way to get a correct answer on the internet is to post an obviously wrong answer and wait for someone to correct you.
Sure. Especially if the opinion is supported with gifs featuring cat antics and numerous upvotes. The Master Algorithm rules. Resistance is futile.
posted by mule98J at 10:06 AM on May 5, 2022
Sure. Especially if the opinion is supported with gifs featuring cat antics and numerous upvotes. The Master Algorithm rules. Resistance is futile.
posted by mule98J at 10:06 AM on May 5, 2022
Sure. Especially if the opinion is supported with gifs featuring cat antics and numerous upvotes. The Master Algorithm rules. Resistance is futile.
So you're saying that posting an obviously wrong answer on the Internet has now become the best way to start a cult?
posted by clawsoon at 2:57 PM on May 8, 2022
So you're saying that posting an obviously wrong answer on the Internet has now become the best way to start a cult?
posted by clawsoon at 2:57 PM on May 8, 2022
Worked for QAnon.
posted by flabdablet at 8:48 PM on May 8, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by flabdablet at 8:48 PM on May 8, 2022 [1 favorite]
to which I would add, only a complete fool could imagine starting a cult might be good for them ... or anyone they love or care about.
posted by philip-random at 9:38 PM on May 8, 2022
posted by philip-random at 9:38 PM on May 8, 2022
Sometimes people start a cult by putting a wrong answer out there and end up becoming a respected religious or political leader.
posted by clawsoon at 6:20 AM on May 9, 2022
posted by clawsoon at 6:20 AM on May 9, 2022
Generally, though, that process requires that any attempt to correct the wrong answer is handled by doubling down and brigading. See also: I am not a crook; government is the problem; if you're not with us then you're with the terrorists; this election was totally stolen.
posted by flabdablet at 6:33 AM on May 9, 2022
posted by flabdablet at 6:33 AM on May 9, 2022
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Yes, if be happy to start making some new mistakes
Thanks for sharing this list
posted by rebent at 2:15 PM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]