Orson Welles Talking Trash: a Mega-Thread
May 7, 2022 12:11 PM   Subscribe

like most movie messages, it could be written on the head of a pin "According to a young American critic, one of the great discoveries of our age is the value of boredom as an artistic subject. If that is so, Antonioni deserves to be counted as a pioneer and founding father. His movies are perfect backgrounds for fashion models."
posted by mecran01 (57 comments total) 26 users marked this as a favorite
 
For some non-snarky Welles, here he is on Chartres Cathedral:
"You know it might be just this one anonymous glory—this rich stone forest, this epic chant, this gaiety, this grand choiring shout of affirmation—which we choose, when all our cities are dust, to testify to what we had in us to accomplish."
posted by thatwhichfalls at 12:38 PM on May 7, 2022 [12 favorites]


Nitter mirror
posted by ominous_paws at 12:49 PM on May 7, 2022 [4 favorites]


The best part of reading these is that I can hear them in Wells' voice in my head
posted by Saxon Kane at 1:01 PM on May 7, 2022 [12 favorites]


The best part of reading these is that I can hear them in Wells' voice in my head

I was just about to say that! I don't necessarily agree with all his opinions (Vertigo is pretty good) but Welles is such a charismatic asshole. If I had a time machine, after the requisite assassinations, I'd love noting more than to have lunch with Welles and just listen to him go off on everyone and everything.
posted by rodlymight at 1:08 PM on May 7, 2022 [21 favorites]


I don't necessarily agree with all his opinions (Vertigo is pretty good) but Welles is such a charismatic asshole. If I had a time machine, after the requisite assassinations, I'd love noting more than to have lunch with Welles and just listen to him go off on everyone and everything.

Ha, and I was just about to say that! Or something close to it, at least.
posted by Saxon Kane at 1:12 PM on May 7, 2022 [1 favorite]


"because god made him that way, i suppose" killed me
posted by ominous_paws at 1:16 PM on May 7, 2022 [8 favorites]


The best minds of my generation are thinking about how to make people click ads, instead of making an Orson Welles A.I. with which we could listen to him go off on everyone and everything.
posted by slater at 1:20 PM on May 7, 2022 [14 favorites]


I'd love noting more than to have lunch with Welles and just listen to him go off on everyone and everything

It should be noted that this is exactly what the ones with Jaglom are. Jaglom taped Welles' conversations with him during lunch — without his permission — and then published them after Welles died.

Welles was a shit-talker all his life and in many of the conversations you can tell he's lying about who he knows and what was said; it often sounds like he's just saying the first contrarian thing that pops into his head and that if the person he is speaking with had a different perspective, Welles' opinion would be the opposite of his stated one. Interesting life but a dreadful boor. I'd much rather listen to Brando, who was extraordinarily smart (this is a terrific book), or John Huston, who seemed to live the life Welles wanted.
posted by dobbs at 1:25 PM on May 7, 2022 [16 favorites]


You also have to wonder how much he was playing the role of "irascible but hilarious" and how much were his genuine opinions. And how many of his stories were fabrications. (Not that he didn't have an amazing life).

It helps that Hollywood is indeed full of terrible people, so it has the ring of truth.

I think the hardest thing about being around him would have to be the fear he'd eviscerate you at some point.
posted by emjaybee at 1:27 PM on May 7, 2022 [7 favorites]


Is the part about being able to send one's remains to the White House still valid? Asking for a friend
posted by slater at 1:39 PM on May 7, 2022 [4 favorites]


In case you missed it on Twitter last year, Marty Punkhouser did a great series of fake Orson Welles opinions. (Link goes to Reddit cuz the tweet thread’s been shotgunned.)
posted by sixswitch at 1:40 PM on May 7, 2022 [3 favorites]


I'd much rather listen to Brando, who was extraordinarily smart

To Marlon Brando in Hell by Joyce Carol Oates.
posted by mecran01 at 1:47 PM on May 7, 2022 [9 favorites]


Nice to hear him shit talking Kazan. Fuck that guy .
posted by Carillon at 1:53 PM on May 7, 2022 [6 favorites]


The best part of reading these is that I can hear them in Wells' voice in my head

I can hear them in Maurice LaMarche's voice.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:57 PM on May 7, 2022 [11 favorites]


I very much enjoyed the two part Arena documentary about him, which involved a fascinating, lengthy interview (conducted in Las Vegas, I think, of all places): 1 2. However much of an asshole he might have been, I do quite like him, and the stories are very good (for example, the one about sitting next to Hitler at dinner).
posted by Grangousier at 2:49 PM on May 7, 2022 [6 favorites]


Oh, I love his take-down of the notion of the classy gangster. So many USians are completely ignorant about what "criminals" are like, and nothing bugs me more than the glamorous gangster. Go Orson!
posted by allthinky at 2:51 PM on May 7, 2022 [11 favorites]


His opinions remind me of those of filmmakers I know, who hold extreme positions because their reactions are the instinctive ones of artists in the same industry.

There's little room between "awful" and "legendary" because once they decide they like a director or cinematographer, it's less about the perceived quality of the work and more about understanding the intention and execution. It's why someone can truly love all of, say, David Lynch's work, even though some of it is far better than the rest. Because they identify with him as an artist and choose to like his work.

I love checking in with these friends because the opinions are sort of arbitrary and loosely held, and expressed as if passing judgment on a type of sandwich. "Corned beef? Abominable." "But why?" "Don't let's waste our time on this. Corned beef is a travesty and that is the end of it."

To me these lead to interesting rabbit holes and new ways of thinking about films you may like or dislike. I'm seldom "convinced" once way or the other by these discussions but they are very interesting to have. I think Welles must have been the ultimate person to have them with.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 3:05 PM on May 7, 2022 [14 favorites]


Welles isn't bloody wrong about Woody Allen at least. Perfectly expressed about what is just so off-putting about Woody's whole shtick. They were in at least one disastrous movie together so I'll credit that opinion with personal experience.

Back to drill down to find Orson going off about Peter Sellers, it's got to be there.
posted by arha at 3:21 PM on May 7, 2022 [9 favorites]


In case you missed it on Twitter last year, Marty Punkhouser did a great series of fake Orson Welles opinions.

Gretchen Felker-Martin also did a thread of these.
posted by juv3nal at 3:41 PM on May 7, 2022 [2 favorites]


These are very entertaining-- celebrities trashing each other always are-- but they shouldn't be taken too seriously. It's kind of sad to dismiss (say) all of Hitchcock because you had a boring lunch with him. Maybe Welles had a more thoughtful basis for his slams, but Jaglom was evidently not the sort of dialog partner to tease them out.

The one about Meyer Lansky was pretty interesting though.
posted by zompist at 3:47 PM on May 7, 2022


I thought he was just dismissing Hitchcock's films in color, but yeah I hear what you're saying.
posted by Carillon at 3:58 PM on May 7, 2022


This thread sent me down a Wikipedia rabbit hole. There are so many interesting things about Orson Welles! Here's a tidbit I just learned:

For several years, [Welles] wrote a newspaper column on political issues and considered running for the U.S. Senate in 1946, representing his home state of Wisconsin—a seat that was ultimately won by Joseph McCarthy.[166]

Imagine the world where we got Senator Orson Welles, leftist, friend and great supporter of FDR, instead of Joe McCarthy. Christ.
posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 4:26 PM on May 7, 2022 [13 favorites]


Orson Welles Lunch with Henry Jaglom

O.W.: No, no, no. One complaint per table is all, unless you want them to spit in the food. Let me tell you a story about George Jean Nathan, America's great drama critic. Nathan was the tightest man who ever lived, even tighter than Charles Chaplin. And he lived for 40 years in the Hotel Royalton, which is across from the Algonquin. He never tipped anybody in the Royalton, not even when they brought the breakfast, and not at Christmastime. After about ten years of never getting tipped, the room-service waiter peed slightly in his tea. Everybody in New York knew it but him. The waiters hurried across the street and told the waiters at Algonquin, who were waiting to see when it would finally dawn on him what he was drinking! And as the years went by, there got to be more and more urine and less and less tea. And it was a great pleasure for us in the theater to look at a leading critic and know that he was full of piss. And I, with my own ears, heard him at the ‘21' complaining, saying, "Why can't I get tea here as good as it is at the Royalton?" That's when I fell on the floor, you know.
posted by user92371 at 4:54 PM on May 7, 2022 [19 favorites]


“Hitchcock’s movie where Jimmy Stewart looks through the window?”

“Rear Window.”
Priceless.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 5:02 PM on May 7, 2022 [5 favorites]


I'd much rather listen to Brando, who was extraordinarily smart

It’s always shocking to me to see Brando in an interview like this or in something like Mutiny on the Bounty, where you can actually understand most of the words that come out of his mouth. In almost all his film roles he speaks as if he’s got a mouthful of peanut butter, so until the first time I saw him being interviewed I assumed he had some kind of organic speech impediment.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 5:12 PM on May 7, 2022


Welles for me is summed up by the first minute of F is for Fake. His was a particularly bombastic form of late 19C/early 20C bullshit, one which we've evolved away from to one more earnest and less camp. But of course even his casual smack-talking is devastating (though, unsurprisingly for casual smack-talking, not deeply considered). And his relative distance from the Hollywood machine meant he had ready motivation to take anyone successful in U.S. film down a peg.

For a while, as a pretentious young person, I was a bit ashamed to like such a middlebrow shibboleth of "Genius" (him and Glenn Gould). But now I don't care (for either of them). I saw someone characterize him as "a genius pretending to be a charlatan pretending to be a genius," and that's it.
posted by praemunire at 5:15 PM on May 7, 2022 [3 favorites]


Oh, I love his take-down of the notion of the classy gangster. So many USians are completely ignorant about what "criminals" are like, and nothing bugs me more than the glamorous gangster. Go Orson!

Yes, I particularly liked that one too. David Chase echoed this in some of the interviews he did during the run of "The Sopranos". I think he did a better job than many at showing the essential coarseness and brutishness of mobsters, but at times even he glamorized them somewhat.
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 6:23 PM on May 7, 2022 [1 favorite]


Also: Isn't that photo of him at the top of the thread amazing? It looks like it could have been taken about 10 or 15 years ago.
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 6:23 PM on May 7, 2022 [1 favorite]


Gary Gygax had lunch with him. That's all I got.
posted by Beholder at 7:06 PM on May 7, 2022 [1 favorite]


... Welles is such a charismatic asshole ...


Thanks, rodlymight, I think I just found my new life goal.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 7:07 PM on May 7, 2022


Jaglom and Welles quoting a Zappa song was unexpected.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 7:38 PM on May 7, 2022


What? A Zappa song? They mentioned a film called, "A Stairway To Heaven."
posted by Oyéah at 8:04 PM on May 7, 2022


Hey, and that Twitter thread led to an interview with Brando, on Dick Cavett, where Brando discusses Sasheen, a Native American woman who gave a speech at The Oscars, in Brando's place, enraging most folks. He goes on at length about the mistreatment of people of color and especially Native Americans, in the film industry. He is much maligned here and there, but it was an interesting interview.
posted by Oyéah at 8:10 PM on May 7, 2022 [4 favorites]


At least he had something bad to say about Kissinger. Apart from that he sounds like a real asshole.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 8:32 PM on May 7, 2022 [1 favorite]


Nah, he could be pretty funny, sometimes. You ever heard The Begatting of The President?
posted by Rash at 9:38 PM on May 7, 2022 [2 favorites]


What? A Zappa song? They mentioned a film called, "A Stairway To Heaven."

They riff on the Muffin Man further down the thread, but it's looking a little suspicious to me - the format is easily spoofed after all.
posted by each day we work at 11:33 PM on May 7, 2022 [1 favorite]


The only person living who can dish it out to this level of condensed contempt is Azealia Banks. Charismatic assholes, the both of them.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 1:58 AM on May 8, 2022 [1 favorite]


If I had a time machine, after the requisite assassinations, I'd love noting more than to have lunch with Welles and just listen to him go off on everyone and everything.

Great idea. Just walk up to his table, take a seat and start chatting with him. He loved meeting new people that way.
posted by Naberius at 7:51 AM on May 8, 2022 [2 favorites]


They mentioned a film called, "A Stairway To Heaven."

This was the American title of the 1946 Archers' movie, A Matter of Life And Death.

They riff on the Muffin Man further down the thread

I don't see where that is, but if they just mention the title, and not Zappa, I would assume they're talking about"The Muffin Man," children's song / nursery rhyme that's hundreds of years old.
posted by dobbs at 9:48 AM on May 8, 2022


Fun burns! But also, I am tired of seeing artists referred to as “the GOAT” or “tha God”. It was interesting once, maybe, but it has become so very tired. We are apparently surrounded by greatests of all times all the time.
posted by Going To Maine at 10:06 AM on May 8, 2022 [3 favorites]


Orson Wells is the GOATOAT.
posted by kirkaracha at 10:23 AM on May 8, 2022


I hate Kissinger even more than I hate Nixon, because I just can't get over the feeling that he knows better, somehow. He must have talked himself into it. But he's a selfish, self-serving shit.
I feel this way about many Ivy League-educated faux-country Republicans.
posted by kirkaracha at 10:23 AM on May 8, 2022 [3 favorites]


Great idea. Just walk up to his table, take a seat and start chatting with him. He loved meeting new people that way.

In Jodorowsky's Dune, Alejandro Jodorowsky talks about how he wooed Wells into agreeing to be in his adaptation of Dune (as Baron Harkonnen!!!): send over a bottle of his favorite wine with a humble request to speak with him, wait for his arrival, and then promise to hire the head chef of his favorite restaurant to be his personal on-set cook.

Also:
Anyone else find Wells referring to someone as an "old fart" (David Selznick, full phrase is "pious old fart") hilariously ironic?
posted by Saxon Kane at 11:08 AM on May 8, 2022 [3 favorites]


I meant "wait for him to invite you over," not "wait for his arrival" -- don't know what happened there...
posted by Saxon Kane at 12:43 PM on May 8, 2022


Isn't that photo of him at the top of the thread amazing?

I had no idea that Welles went through a Wolverine phase, but it makes sense.
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:49 PM on May 8, 2022 [2 favorites]


Oh wow. I know want to see an Orson Welles version of Logan, possibly more than I want to see his rumored 1946 project of The Batman

Orson Welles as Old Man Logan. With Yul Brynner as Charles Xavier? Max von Sydow as Caliban?
posted by LeRoienJaune at 1:56 PM on May 8, 2022 [1 favorite]


“They riff on the Muffin Man further down the thread”

Yeah, checking the book, it's not in it. So, a prank. 🤷
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 2:15 PM on May 8, 2022 [1 favorite]


Fun burns! But also, I am tired of seeing artists referred to as “the GOAT” or “tha God”. It was interesting once, maybe, but it has become so very tired.

I mean...I love me some 30s rom-coms. But if you watch Citizen Kane in context, especially its U.S. context, it's simply jawdropping, technically and substantively. (And soulcrushing, but that's neither here nor there.)
posted by praemunire at 4:19 PM on May 8, 2022 [4 favorites]


He kind of has a point about most of Hitchcock’s color films. Flat lighting, just like tv shows. I can’t decide if it was some kind of personal creative commentary or the guy was just bored by it.

Welles was such a supreme bullshitter, but also an incredibly intelligent bullshitter. Love him or hate him, if you had an opportunity to time travel and do that “sitting around drinking port” thing with him, you know it would be the most utterly entertaining evening you ever spent.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:07 PM on May 8, 2022 [5 favorites]


That Jaglom lunch book is on the top shelf with any book about the history of cinema. (on the top ten with: Easy Riders..; Truff/Hitch; Halliwell's griping; etc...)

Just reminded again of that scene in Tim Burton's 'Ed Wood'...
posted by ovvl at 10:36 PM on May 8, 2022 [4 favorites]


if you watch Citizen Kane in context, especially its U.S. context, it's simply jawdropping, technically and substantively

Watched in the context of pretty much every other film released up until that point, and considered against the state of the cinematic art, it's a revelation.
posted by Pseudonymous Cognomen at 2:40 AM on May 9, 2022 [6 favorites]


Welles co-wrote, produced, directed, and starred in Citizen Kane. He was 25 when he made the movie and it was his first feature film. He had already produced and directed plays on Broadway, including his "Voodoo Macbeth" with an entirely Black cast when he was 20, and directed and narrated The War of the Worlds radio broadcast when he was 23.

Citizen Kane is an incredibly innovative film and invented or perfected many techniques that are standard in modern filmmaking.
posted by kirkaracha at 7:44 AM on May 9, 2022 [4 favorites]


For a washout he certainly had a lot of shit to talk
posted by BlunderingArtist at 8:31 AM on May 9, 2022


Not sure washing out of the tyrannical Hollywood system of the time is much to be ashamed of, honestly.
posted by praemunire at 11:49 AM on May 9, 2022 [3 favorites]


Watched in the context of pretty much every other film released up until that point, and considered against the state of the cinematic art, it's a revelation.

Well...when you watch some of the best German Expressionist films of the time, you can see they were technically well advanced in lighting and sound effects. I don't want to be too chauvinistic.
posted by praemunire at 11:50 AM on May 9, 2022


He was a riot when being catty but he could be equally compelling when speaking sincerely:
Orson speaking to interviewer Michael Parkinson in 1974 on his memories of Ernest Hemingway.
posted by Atom Eyes at 12:54 AM on May 10, 2022 [1 favorite]




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