alternate endings to hamlet | jennifer peepas
September 2, 2023 1:16 AM Subscribe
alternate endings to hamlet by Jennifer Peepas (aka Captain Awkward). A quick but worthwhile read (there's also a 10 min. audio version) that ends with a killer reimagining of Hamlet. Content warning: threats of sexual violence.
I'm glad she's also mad at how Gertrude gets portrayed. Because I have yet to see a Shakespeare dudebro have a good answer to the question what actual choice does Gertrude have about marrying Claudius?
posted by humbug at 3:52 AM on September 2, 2023 [8 favorites]
posted by humbug at 3:52 AM on September 2, 2023 [8 favorites]
Eh, she could stick some poison in his ear.
posted by Phanx at 3:56 AM on September 2, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Phanx at 3:56 AM on September 2, 2023 [1 favorite]
I am so glad I read this today. Thank you.
posted by brainwane at 4:11 AM on September 2, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by brainwane at 4:11 AM on September 2, 2023 [2 favorites]
"Stop, I want to say something to you. Listen, I have a wife, I have daughters, I know what the world can be. People say and do terrible things, and women take it inside themselves. What those men said to you, don’t take it into the house with you. Leave it here with me. Don’t carry it with you. Let me carry it for you. Leave it here.”
That's ... a really nice thing to say.
Great story, thanks for posting.
posted by chavenet at 5:56 AM on September 2, 2023 [16 favorites]
That's ... a really nice thing to say.
Great story, thanks for posting.
posted by chavenet at 5:56 AM on September 2, 2023 [16 favorites]
I wanted to cry, reading that bit. I always take the shitty thing upon myself, I can't stop.
Never got that Hamlet was supposed to be a smart-ass, either.
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:18 AM on September 2, 2023 [2 favorites]
Never got that Hamlet was supposed to be a smart-ass, either.
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:18 AM on September 2, 2023 [2 favorites]
My Gertrude fanfic is that she pushed Ophelia in. Lots of detail in that story for someone who just happened to walk by.
posted by betweenthebars at 7:41 AM on September 2, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by betweenthebars at 7:41 AM on September 2, 2023 [3 favorites]
I love how clearly this piece shows that both women and men (and by extension, everyone in between) can be victim, villain, and hero; that gendered violence is complicated, and compassion is simple and deep. A beautiful piece of writing.
posted by rikschell at 7:58 AM on September 2, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by rikschell at 7:58 AM on September 2, 2023 [5 favorites]
I really loved this piece, mpark. Thank you for posting it.
posted by mochapickle at 8:21 AM on September 2, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by mochapickle at 8:21 AM on September 2, 2023 [1 favorite]
I loved this bit of writing, and yeah, now I feel like any Hamlet production needs to decide whether Gertrude pushed Ophelia, helped her to escape, or something else*, because the story doesn't add up on its own and it's way better if the audience can put two and two together about that while the Men in the play are too self-involved to question it.
*Like, even if it's just taken at face value and Gertrude watched the whole thing, frozen and not helping, make that a deliberate choice. It's not like inaction isn't a theme in the play, after all.
posted by Navelgazer at 8:30 AM on September 2, 2023 [4 favorites]
*Like, even if it's just taken at face value and Gertrude watched the whole thing, frozen and not helping, make that a deliberate choice. It's not like inaction isn't a theme in the play, after all.
posted by Navelgazer at 8:30 AM on September 2, 2023 [4 favorites]
"It's not like inaction isn't a theme in the play, after all."
Freezing doesn't seem to be very voluntary, but maybe some of the other inaction isn't very voluntary, either.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 8:37 AM on September 2, 2023
Freezing doesn't seem to be very voluntary, but maybe some of the other inaction isn't very voluntary, either.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 8:37 AM on September 2, 2023
Freezing doesn't seem to be very voluntary, but maybe some of the other inaction isn't very voluntary, either.
Ha! Yes, sorry to be unclear, I meant make it a deliberate choice in the production. Like, on a dramaturgical level, if you're deciding that's how it went down, own that choice and know the implications and ramifications of it.
posted by Navelgazer at 9:11 AM on September 2, 2023 [1 favorite]
Ha! Yes, sorry to be unclear, I meant make it a deliberate choice in the production. Like, on a dramaturgical level, if you're deciding that's how it went down, own that choice and know the implications and ramifications of it.
posted by Navelgazer at 9:11 AM on September 2, 2023 [1 favorite]
I appreciate that this is a good piece (and I'm a big fan of Captain Awkward), but next time can there be a content warning (threats of sexual violence)? It wasn't great for me to today to read this. I would have known to stay away today.
posted by LlamaHat at 12:01 PM on September 2, 2023
posted by LlamaHat at 12:01 PM on September 2, 2023
This is a good, and very New York, reply:
“Hey baby, why are you so fat?” gets “Because every time I fuck your mother, she bakes me a pie.”
posted by doctornemo at 12:19 PM on September 2, 2023 [1 favorite]
“Hey baby, why are you so fat?” gets “Because every time I fuck your mother, she bakes me a pie.”
posted by doctornemo at 12:19 PM on September 2, 2023 [1 favorite]
That's a good point about productions being unwilling to reexamine Gertrude. John Updike's Gertrude and Claudius does make an attempt to think through Gertrude's subjectivity, although it's Updike and, well, women are not always his strong suit. (Moreover, the novel ends at the play's beginning.) The Gertrude figure in Scott G. F. Bailey's The Astrologer is much more of a political agent, but the novel's extensive reworking of Hamlet's plot also means that her situation is very different.
posted by thomas j wise at 12:23 PM on September 2, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by thomas j wise at 12:23 PM on September 2, 2023 [2 favorites]
Mod note: Added content warning about threats of sexual violence.
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 12:44 PM on September 2, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 12:44 PM on September 2, 2023 [5 favorites]
For Reasons, all of them brutal, this is resonating with me profoundly. I feel simultaneously like I was given a blood eagle and overwhelmed with gratitude that I learned to read so that I could have these words on this day.
posted by mostlymartha at 1:30 PM on September 2, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by mostlymartha at 1:30 PM on September 2, 2023 [6 favorites]
I love Hamlet. But, as a woman, one of the things I love/ hate about Hamlet is the way it shows how oblivious/clueless/indifferent some men are to what women do, why they do it, and all of the reasons why they sometimes need to
posted by thivaia at 3:49 PM on September 2, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by thivaia at 3:49 PM on September 2, 2023 [2 favorites]
This was fantastic- thank you for posting it
posted by Mchelly at 6:50 PM on September 2, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Mchelly at 6:50 PM on September 2, 2023 [1 favorite]
Not what i was expecting at all, and this is far far better than expected. Thanks for sharing mpark.
posted by storybored at 7:53 PM on September 2, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by storybored at 7:53 PM on September 2, 2023 [1 favorite]
This is a terrific piece of writing.
I went on an OKCupid date with Jennifer Peepas around 15 years ago. There was no real connection (and I remember thinking that her screen name, which on OKCupid was Captain Awkward, was pretty darn accurate...game recognizes game), but she talked passionately about Hamlet and the question of why Gertrude seemingly does nothing to help Ophelia in the water. I'm glad she found a good answer.
posted by HeroZero at 4:30 AM on September 3, 2023 [12 favorites]
I went on an OKCupid date with Jennifer Peepas around 15 years ago. There was no real connection (and I remember thinking that her screen name, which on OKCupid was Captain Awkward, was pretty darn accurate...game recognizes game), but she talked passionately about Hamlet and the question of why Gertrude seemingly does nothing to help Ophelia in the water. I'm glad she found a good answer.
posted by HeroZero at 4:30 AM on September 3, 2023 [12 favorites]
For another more optimistic Hamlet (and Jesus!) alternative ending - please consider watching Hamlet 2 with Steve Coogan.
If only for the stage presentation of "Love Me, Sexy Jesus" !
posted by Mesaverdian at 8:22 AM on September 3, 2023 [1 favorite]
If only for the stage presentation of "Love Me, Sexy Jesus" !
posted by Mesaverdian at 8:22 AM on September 3, 2023 [1 favorite]
Act IV, Scene 5, Gertrude and Claudius really have to confront Ophelia, as well as Laertes ("Rosemary, that's for remembrance). IV, 6 is Horatio getting the letter about Hamlet escaping from the pirates and coming back to Denmark; in IV:7 Laertes and Claudius make up the plans for the poisoned fencing match; V:1 is gravedigging, Yorick, and Ophelia's funeral.
So you've got from Act IV, Scene 5 to Act V Scene 1 to get this done.
Some ideas: In IV:6, the sailor brings the letter to Horatio downstage right, with a spotlight. Upstage right, with a clear sense of "other place", you have, in mime and silence, Gertrude talking to Ophelia, arguing, convincing her of something, and getting her out of there. In IV:7, as the King and Laertes are plotting, Ophelia is paying money to the sailor from the previous scene.
In V: 1, the two gravediggers are center stage gravedigging for the first part, then they see Horatio and Hamlet entering downstage right, and the priest and Gertrude entering upstage left. The first clown sends the second clown off ("Go, get thee to Yaughan; fetch me a stoup of liquor.")
The first clown gets in the way of H and H, and starts singing loudly to them to distract them. The second clown meets up with the priest and Gertrude pointing out what's going on downstage left, and he opens the coffin, puts rocks in, then closes it, and the three of them exit with the coffin, upstage left.
This takes them to "Alas, poor Yorrick", and then they re-enter, with the coffin, Laertes, and Claudius, and ask Laertes is asking why they can't do more ceremony, the priest keeping him away from seeing the coffin too close up. Both Laertes and Hamlet jump into the grave; Gertrude, the priest, and the first gravedigger keep them from being able to see the coffin clearly.
The only thing I am not sure about is that, if the gravediggers are part of the conspiracy, there's no reason for them to have the bit at the beginning of the scene where they are complaining that rich people get to slide past the whole "suicides not buried in holy ground" thing, because they're rich. They would know that Ophelia didn't commit suicide, and isn't being buried. Might just have to cut that whole thing about "well, did she drown herself in self-defense?"
posted by Xiphias Gladius at 10:27 AM on September 3, 2023 [5 favorites]
So you've got from Act IV, Scene 5 to Act V Scene 1 to get this done.
Some ideas: In IV:6, the sailor brings the letter to Horatio downstage right, with a spotlight. Upstage right, with a clear sense of "other place", you have, in mime and silence, Gertrude talking to Ophelia, arguing, convincing her of something, and getting her out of there. In IV:7, as the King and Laertes are plotting, Ophelia is paying money to the sailor from the previous scene.
In V: 1, the two gravediggers are center stage gravedigging for the first part, then they see Horatio and Hamlet entering downstage right, and the priest and Gertrude entering upstage left. The first clown sends the second clown off ("Go, get thee to Yaughan; fetch me a stoup of liquor.")
The first clown gets in the way of H and H, and starts singing loudly to them to distract them. The second clown meets up with the priest and Gertrude pointing out what's going on downstage left, and he opens the coffin, puts rocks in, then closes it, and the three of them exit with the coffin, upstage left.
This takes them to "Alas, poor Yorrick", and then they re-enter, with the coffin, Laertes, and Claudius, and ask Laertes is asking why they can't do more ceremony, the priest keeping him away from seeing the coffin too close up. Both Laertes and Hamlet jump into the grave; Gertrude, the priest, and the first gravedigger keep them from being able to see the coffin clearly.
The only thing I am not sure about is that, if the gravediggers are part of the conspiracy, there's no reason for them to have the bit at the beginning of the scene where they are complaining that rich people get to slide past the whole "suicides not buried in holy ground" thing, because they're rich. They would know that Ophelia didn't commit suicide, and isn't being buried. Might just have to cut that whole thing about "well, did she drown herself in self-defense?"
posted by Xiphias Gladius at 10:27 AM on September 3, 2023 [5 favorites]
I have had the good fortune to meet and know jennifer IRL and I can say with happy confidence that she is pretty great.
posted by hearthpig at 8:53 PM on September 3, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by hearthpig at 8:53 PM on September 3, 2023 [3 favorites]
Xiphias Gladius's post reminds me of all the thinking I did about the plot holes in Much Ado, like "how did Borachio get/keep Hero and Beatrice out of their own bedroom at midnight, and where the hell did they sleep?" Like are there a billion spare rooms at Leonato's and each girl just randomly slept in one and didn't even try to come up with an alibi?!
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:45 PM on September 3, 2023
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:45 PM on September 3, 2023
Mod note: One removed for hateful or insensitive content, misogyny.
posted by taz (staff) at 11:53 PM on September 3, 2023 [8 favorites]
posted by taz (staff) at 11:53 PM on September 3, 2023 [8 favorites]
Good personal essay. Peepas might want to read about the history of Shakespearean staging.
After the theaters reopened with the return of the monarch Charles II from France, the cultural mood had greatly changed and Charles brought French tastes to England. For example, women were allowed on the stage.
More important to this topic, Shakespeare as written did not meet current tastes and so was changed when his work was revived. Audiences did not like shows with mixed emotions and so comic scenes in otherwise tragic plays (for example, the gravedigger in Hamlet) were deleted. Audiences preferred that the title character survived so Hamlet is alive at the curtain, Lear and Cordelia lived and Cordelia married Edgar, etc. These changes were the norm until the 19th century when the original texts began to be performed again, lead by the Scottish actor-manager William MacReady.
This is a very rough synopsis of a history I find interesting. If it teases your interest, read about it.
posted by tmdonahue at 5:39 AM on September 4, 2023 [1 favorite]
After the theaters reopened with the return of the monarch Charles II from France, the cultural mood had greatly changed and Charles brought French tastes to England. For example, women were allowed on the stage.
More important to this topic, Shakespeare as written did not meet current tastes and so was changed when his work was revived. Audiences did not like shows with mixed emotions and so comic scenes in otherwise tragic plays (for example, the gravedigger in Hamlet) were deleted. Audiences preferred that the title character survived so Hamlet is alive at the curtain, Lear and Cordelia lived and Cordelia married Edgar, etc. These changes were the norm until the 19th century when the original texts began to be performed again, lead by the Scottish actor-manager William MacReady.
This is a very rough synopsis of a history I find interesting. If it teases your interest, read about it.
posted by tmdonahue at 5:39 AM on September 4, 2023 [1 favorite]
You… you know that Peepas teaches theatre and film, right? She could likely school you on Shakespearean staging.
posted by eviemath at 6:31 AM on September 4, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by eviemath at 6:31 AM on September 4, 2023 [4 favorites]
Which you could have known if you’d engaged with the entire fpp and early comments in this thread, even if you weren’t previously familiar with Captain Awkward.
posted by eviemath at 6:32 AM on September 4, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by eviemath at 6:32 AM on September 4, 2023 [1 favorite]
Sigh. Saying you disagree with a reading of Hamlet is an opinion. Calling someone's description of their experience of gendered violence "narcissism" is something different.
posted by HeroZero at 7:32 AM on September 4, 2023 [7 favorites]
posted by HeroZero at 7:32 AM on September 4, 2023 [7 favorites]
Mod note: One comment deleted. Please, Be considerate and respectful towards other members participating in this thread.
posted by loup (staff) at 10:03 AM on September 4, 2023
posted by loup (staff) at 10:03 AM on September 4, 2023
Oh my god. That was amazing.
I loved the "giving thanks as I do sometimes" paragraph and I was completely not expecting what came next and was so drawn in by the (few) details of the cab driver and so moved by what he said to her, and I loved her ending, and her ending for Hamlet.
I love Captain Awkward but would probably never have come across this if you hadn't posted it here.
I am so glad to have this extraordinary and moving piece of writing in my brain. Thank you so much for posting it, mpark.
posted by kristi at 1:23 PM on September 4, 2023 [6 favorites]
I loved the "giving thanks as I do sometimes" paragraph and I was completely not expecting what came next and was so drawn in by the (few) details of the cab driver and so moved by what he said to her, and I loved her ending, and her ending for Hamlet.
I love Captain Awkward but would probably never have come across this if you hadn't posted it here.
I am so glad to have this extraordinary and moving piece of writing in my brain. Thank you so much for posting it, mpark.
posted by kristi at 1:23 PM on September 4, 2023 [6 favorites]
yeah, that's just lovely, ty for this post.
I'm now delving into her back catalogue dwarfs in moria style
posted by Sebmojo at 4:30 PM on September 5, 2023 [2 favorites]
I'm now delving into her back catalogue dwarfs in moria style
posted by Sebmojo at 4:30 PM on September 5, 2023 [2 favorites]
Oh, thank you so much for posting this, a gorgeous piece of writing! I felt like I was there with her. I'm glancingly familiar with Captain Awkward, but this indicates that I should revisit her work in greater detail.
posted by unicorn chaser at 3:39 AM on September 6, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by unicorn chaser at 3:39 AM on September 6, 2023 [3 favorites]
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Her conversation with the cab driver was touching and will stay with me. Thank you for posting this.
posted by M. at 1:38 AM on September 2, 2023 [5 favorites]