The pope, it turns out, is a Bowel Guy

November 22, 2023 12:30 PM

Everyone is giving him things. This, to me, seems crazy. Why would you give something to the pope? He has like four things, and one of them is God. Imagine if I kneeled down in front of him and presented him with a critical essay about his 2015 prog rock album titled ‘Notions of Sleep and Alertness in Bergoglio’s Wake Up!’ Actually, one guy does get down on his knees and then sets off a wave of other people all getting down on their knees. I guess that’s how the whole thing started in the first place. from When I Met the Pope by Patricia Lockwood [London Review of Books; ungated]

So much previous Lockwood

posted by chavenet (15 comments total)

Welp... I had a feeling that I'd either see a pope or poop link before the day was out.
posted by Pickman's Next Top Model at 12:46 PM on November 22, 2023 [4 favorites]

Ahhh, this is so good. The irreverence mixed with the beauty. That's some writing there, Lockwood.
posted by queensissy at 1:38 PM on November 22, 2023 [3 favorites]

"Whose garnets, whose grief had it been? The sharp facets touched into a kind of velvet – what I really wanted was something almost human, which had clashed with itself for so long a time." Ohhh, that's good. Thanks, chavenet.
posted by MonkeyToes at 2:06 PM on November 22, 2023 [2 favorites]

I'm not sure this was entirely my thing, but I did love Sting's look of intense fermentation.
posted by Rhedyn at 2:16 PM on November 22, 2023 [3 favorites]

I would give the Pope 4 things:
- a 'Life of Brian' DVD
- a custom calendar showing 3 days between Good Friday and Easter
- a free membership in the Satanic Temple
- a Useless Bible: Every time you try to open it, a hand comes out and immediately closes it.
posted by zaixfeep at 2:40 PM on November 22, 2023 [8 favorites]

Just want to take a moment to hype up the London Review of Books, for which Lockwood is an editor (or an associate editor or similar title, which means she writes a number of longer pieces for it every year). The LRB is a staunchly left-wing London based publication that publishes long reviews of (mostly) books. It’s my only magazine subscription and it is an invaluable read.
posted by The River Ivel at 3:54 PM on November 22, 2023 [7 favorites]

LRB used to have the world's best dating ads as well, unfortunately not so much now.
posted by deadwax at 5:52 PM on November 22, 2023 [2 favorites]

I am glad to live in a world where someone like Lockwood is invited to meet the pope and we all get to read about it.
posted by foxtongue at 8:05 PM on November 22, 2023 [6 favorites]

Brilliant writer, a little overdone here maybe, but still brilliant. Loved No One is Talking About This.
posted by blue shadows at 9:48 PM on November 22, 2023 [1 favorite]

I will echo The River Ivel and recommend subscribing to the LRB for the joy of its archives. It's more than 40 years of topical essays and reviews by some of the English language's best writers.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 10:06 PM on November 22, 2023 [1 favorite]

Notes: (1) George Eliot's husband did not commit suicide during their honeymoon in Venice, he only attempted to, by leaping from the balcony of their hotel into the Grand Canal. There are worse ways to go, and worse places to try to. (2) I learned the word 'proxemics'. (3) The art of writing a long rambling piece and finishing it with a bunch of callbacks to make it seem like it was all planned and structured is overdone.
posted by Hogshead at 4:38 AM on November 23, 2023 [2 favorites]

He has like four things, and one of them is God.

What about all the gold and jewels and priceless artifacts?
posted by tiny frying pan at 6:06 AM on November 23, 2023 [1 favorite]

Okay, five things.
posted by mittens at 6:18 AM on November 23, 2023 [1 favorite]

I would give the Pope 4 things:

A fifth thing: a copy of Priestdaddy.
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:33 AM on November 23, 2023 [1 favorite]

He has like four things, and one of them is God

Don't forget fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion from his followers, and a really great-looking uniform... but I guess none of you were expecting that.
posted by zaixfeep at 7:37 AM on November 23, 2023 [7 favorites]