Why aren’t there any sushi rolls with pickles?

December 13, 2023 1:39 AM

Your top complaints and grievances of 2023 The Tampa Bay Times asked for readers’ petty complaints, and they delivered once again. [archive]
posted by Ten Cold Hot Dogs (115 comments total)

A series of traffic lights that aren’t synced, or traffic lights for a parking lot that rarely has a car exiting so everyone has to stop for no one.
posted by waving at 2:08 AM on December 13, 2023 [12 favorites]

The microwave is a prominent clock in the kitchen. So when you look over to get a glimpse of the time and see :04 on the screen, it’s not helping anyone. I’m begging you to hit the “clear” button. — Neha Seenarine, Tampa Bay Times newsletter producer

This is some next level subtweeting your colleagues.
posted by slimepuppy at 2:17 AM on December 13, 2023 [39 favorites]

My purpose on this planet is not to be the one that turns your balled-up, dirty, vile socks inside out. Enjoy your freshly laundered, but still dirty, wet balls of socks. Also, you missed the basket. — Missy Vedder, Salem, Oregon

Nice to see Eddie is staying true to Grunge.
posted by srboisvert at 2:42 AM on December 13, 2023 [24 favorites]

Fast food restaurants that begin their drive-thru transactions with anything other than "can I take your order?". Looking at you, Raising Cane's.

The next time they yell "hey hey hey do you want some chicken today?!?" I plan to reply "Sure! Thanks!" and drive up to the window. And, honestly, Chik-fil-A does the "my pleasure" thing and let them be and you don't need to copy them. If you tried the Matthew McConaughey "alright alright alright" you'd have a lot more of my respect.
posted by JoeZydeco at 3:00 AM on December 13, 2023 [2 favorites]

These are pretty funny. Many have an implied declarative statement, like, “I have never been able to master using a refrigerator ice dispenser.” The list benefits from throwing in a legitimate issue or two (e.g., our library has been closed for years) between all the petty gripes.

Should we consider adding complaints.metafilter.com?
posted by snofoam at 3:19 AM on December 13, 2023 [12 favorites]

Why aren’t there any sushi rolls with pickles?

Would love to introduce this contributor to tsukemono, several of which, such as takuan, gobo, and kanpyo, make regular appearances at the sushi bar. There's even kyurizuke that would be immediately recognizable as 'pickles' to a westerner.
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 3:42 AM on December 13, 2023 [23 favorites]

When you bring a bucket of meatballs to the theme park to graze from like a modern feed bag and halfway through the day your wife dumps them out because, “You shouldn’t eat meat from a bucket!”

I don’t know anyone who has taken a bucket of meatballs to a theme park. I do know people for whom it would not surprise me to learn they did, though.
posted by Thorzdad at 4:03 AM on December 13, 2023 [15 favorites]

Should we consider adding complaints.metafilter.com?

I suddenly remembered how much I miss kvetch.com, although the Library of Congress seems to think it's some sort of 9/11 archive?
posted by Molesome at 4:06 AM on December 13, 2023 [2 favorites]

My husband retired about a year ago. I thought he would find at least one new hobby, but now I know the truth. I am going to spend the rest of my life listening to the same old stories for hours and hours, until the sweet release of death finally grants me some peace and quiet. — Pattie Cloud, Madeira Beach

Damn, Pattie. But I feel you. This is how I feel about my MIL's long-winded shaggy dog stories.
posted by Kitteh at 4:32 AM on December 13, 2023 [14 favorites]

"My brother refuses to allow any news articles of any kind be sent to him, including the news about this Festivus thing you are doing. Sheeesh!"

I like the cut of this brother's jib!
posted by jeremias at 4:33 AM on December 13, 2023 [3 favorites]

These are very funny.

"When people mix up leopard print with cheetah print it makes me want to puke."
posted by emd3737 at 4:45 AM on December 13, 2023 [8 favorites]

Damn, Pattie. But I feel you. This is how I feel about my MIL's long-winded shaggy dog stories.

Maybe we can introduce Pattie’s husband to your mother-in-law and they can run away together. (or annoy each other to death)
posted by device55 at 4:50 AM on December 13, 2023 [2 favorites]

Why do I have to say goodbye every time I leave the house, even just go to the grocery store? Can we just stop with all the “bye!” — Matt D., Denver

You do you, Matt D., but every time you leave the house might be the last time you see a loved one. I don't even like leaving the house without telling the dog I'll be back soon.
posted by uncleozzy at 4:50 AM on December 13, 2023 [24 favorites]

Barn doors on hotel bathrooms. A 2-inch flappy chasm is unacceptable in a small, shared space.

Amen. We had this going on the last time we got a place to stay out of town. And it would always drift a little after you closed it to ensure a gap. FFS.
posted by jzb at 5:02 AM on December 13, 2023 [19 favorites]

I like the individual gripes, some of them were really funny, but I found that reading them one after another, many many gripes, made me feel overwhelmed and a bit sad. Too much like real life I guess.
posted by JanetLand at 5:39 AM on December 13, 2023 [6 favorites]

As a teacher, I believe our “summer” vacation should take place during December and January. Let us enjoy our time off when the weather is beautiful instead of unbearably hot and humid. — Stu Redman

I get why you'd have a chip on your shoulder about the summer months, Stu.
posted by condour75 at 5:43 AM on December 13, 2023 [5 favorites]

Car insurance commercials. Oh, it’s a fun bit with an emu or a cartoon general? Car insurance commercials should do one thing: show me a rate and a response time for when some nitwit rear-ends me because they were “dancing” for some social media cesspool. — Jacob Campbell, South Bend, Indiana

This is fairly incoherent to me and I am concerned about Jacob.
posted by tiny frying pan at 5:53 AM on December 13, 2023 [2 favorites]

Why aren’t there any sushi rolls with pickles. — Beren Christiansen, Tricities, Washington

Also, there friggin ARE sushi rolls with pickles. It's called oshinko. Shaking my head.
posted by tiny frying pan at 5:55 AM on December 13, 2023 [5 favorites]

Children need an education / Without legislative intervention / Standardizing disinformation / The Laws are very stupid here. — David Lawrence, Tampa

(Worried about David too)
posted by tiny frying pan at 5:59 AM on December 13, 2023 [1 favorite]

This was beautiful and I'm not worried about the United States anymore.
posted by rhymedirective at 6:53 AM on December 13, 2023 [2 favorites]

People who come to my section of the library and after being told food and liquids aren't allowed in here ask "EVEN COFFEE?"
posted by The Card Cheat at 6:54 AM on December 13, 2023 [8 favorites]

Okay, I'll play too:

Putting outdoor restaurant seating on a busy pedestrian route with 6 foot wide sidewalks, causing me to dodge tables and servers, who act put out that I am walking down the street. Put the tables in the parking spaces like we did during Covid, no one should be driving down this street anyway.
posted by rhymedirective at 6:57 AM on December 13, 2023 [7 favorites]

(Worried about David too)

Yeah, I'm really struggling with David's versification. Is this a stanza form native to Florida?
posted by HeroZero at 6:59 AM on December 13, 2023 [2 favorites]

2-inch flappy chasm
My new user name.
posted by Don Pepino at 7:05 AM on December 13, 2023 [8 favorites]

All sushi rolls can have pickles if you make them yourself.

Also all sushi rolls can have pickles if you bring your own pickles, but I cannot be responsible for what happens when you piss off highly-trained masters of the knife.

I'm going to go so far as to say barn doors should be illegal anywhere but a barn. I've never encountered one I couldn't immediately knock off the tracks so it tries to fall on me.
posted by Lyn Never at 7:31 AM on December 13, 2023 [6 favorites]

You've got my vote, Lyn Never, and please, extra penalties for bathrooms.
posted by Cookiebastard at 7:39 AM on December 13, 2023 [4 favorites]

I feel like I have fewer petty grievances these days. Am I getting older? Have I found exactly the right amount of cannabis to use? Have I just become inured to [gestures around]? All of the above?

I am annoyed that butter is $6 a pound, because it's The Holiday Season (whoop-dee-doo and dickery-dock) and I need like 15 pounds for all the cooking and baking I need to do (I bought 5 pounds for Thanksgiving and somehow used it all and expect to use maybe twice as much for Christmas due to frosting and cookies).

Also annoyed at people who don't shut off lights when they leave the room. What, do they have stock in [insert name of defunct power authority that hasn't existed in 25 years]?? Close the light!

Also annoyed that the brewery down the block doesn't make better beer. The people are super nice, the location is great, and, to their credit, they have gotten better at brewing in the last decade, but there are so many local places making truly great beer that it's sort of baffling.
posted by uncleozzy at 7:40 AM on December 13, 2023 [4 favorites]

As the parent of a teenager, I’m afraid to even start a list because I have to be at work in a couple of hours
posted by gottabefunky at 7:50 AM on December 13, 2023 [13 favorites]

People who bring their dogs absolutely everywhere indoors, like inquisitive children on long leashes.
posted by gottabefunky at 7:56 AM on December 13, 2023 [11 favorites]

I feel you uncleozzy. The pizza place down the street has a beautiful location with a patio with old growth threes and a nice view, and a proper wood fired oven. The beer and wine selection is good. But the pizzas are made from the cheapest ingredients invented by industry.

I’ve wondered if I could pay some kind of corkage to bring my own ingredients to bake in their oven.

I am annoyed by people pretending that any serious work will get done between December 15 and January 2. If you keep sending large meeting invitations for these dates I will keep responding “maybe”.
posted by Dr. Curare at 7:57 AM on December 13, 2023 [13 favorites]

there is a linguistic hill i am willing to die on.

“begs the question.”

folks, folks, i know this phrase means “raises the question” now, which is find and good but we already had a three-word phrase meaning “raises the question” and that three word phrase is “raises the question”.

“begs the question” already meant something different: if you say someone was “begging the question” that meant that as part of their argument they had assumed the thing they were trying-slash-claiming to prove. it’s a really useful phrase and a really useful concept and we don’t have it anymore because you people out there decided that “begs the question” and “raises the question” meant the same thing and now that you’ve done it we can’t undo it anymore.

jerks!
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 8:12 AM on December 13, 2023 [35 favorites]

Barn doors on hotel bathrooms. A 2-inch flappy chasm is unacceptable in a small, shared space.

Having been lucky to travel quite extensively this year, I am baffled not only by the barn doors on hotel bathrooms, but multiple other developments in hotel bathrooms.

The first and most disturbing is the use of some sort of frosted but translucent material between the bathroom and the main room, whether on a (possibly barn) door or a panel between the bathroom and the main room. That all seems fine and good until you need to use the bathroom in the middle of the night or want to get up early for a shower and end up flooding the rest of the room with the bathroom light that wakes up your partner. I've encountered this 4 or 5 times this year! It's just a nonsensical total garbage design. Have these hotel designers not used bathrooms before?

But my true Festivus gripe this year is without question the replacement of bar soap in hotel showers with "body wash". As a 6'4" dude, a few little squirts of body wash is not going to do the job, even with a loofah. Not to mention, the body wash is usually some watered-down gel with ingredients that don't even make sense, like bladderwhack or buckthorn or (ugh) sugar. I want to clarify that those are all actual body wash ingredients I've encountered this past year. I've had to resort to buying old hotel bar soaps off of eBay that I take with me in my bag to actually be able to get decent.

And yes, someone please buy Beren an Oshinko Roll to satisfy their pickle sushi cravings. It's the cheapest thing on the menu!
posted by eschatfische at 8:18 AM on December 13, 2023 [6 favorites]

There's a sushi restaurant here in Texas that has a vegan bbq sushi roll that has a dill pickle in the middle. It sounds bizarre but it's the best roll on their menu.
posted by tofu_crouton at 8:23 AM on December 13, 2023 [3 favorites]

My big gripe is direct to consumer pharmaceutical advertising. Big Pharma wants to justify high prices because of the cost of R&D, when, in fact, they are spending those big bucks on advertising during NFL games, the most expensive ad time there is. Nothing gets an eyeroll from me more than the idea that patients walk into their PCP and say "hey, even though it can cause sudden bleeding, arrythmias, loss of continence, hairloss and death, I think we should switch to Voldamort EQ to treat my psoriasis now Doc" because they saw it at halftime.
posted by OHenryPacey at 8:34 AM on December 13, 2023 [9 favorites]

What irritated me the most was when all my friends sang “Jingle Bells” in November. In November! — Catherine, Kyiv, Ukraine

Really, Catharine, Kyiv, Ukraine? That's what irritated you most this year?

(Kudos to Catharine for keeping her sense of humor under difficult circumstances.)
posted by Well I never at 8:43 AM on December 13, 2023 [15 favorites]

My current gripe is businesses that don't keep their websites updated, particularly as to their hours. It's 2023, people are checking your website, it's your face to the world. Sometimes you'll have to close early on short notice -- I get that. But seasonal changes? Regular hours? These are all predictable. And me showing up at your place when your site says you're open, but you're not, and then after I complain about that, you telling me that I should have called? No. I relied on the information you gave me. Make sure it's right. This is basic stuff. Get with the program.

*breathes*
posted by Capt. Renault at 8:46 AM on December 13, 2023 [15 favorites]

bombastic lowercase pronouncement, I would like to sit in your section. I pledge my loyalty to your cause and hope you will join me in my campaign to bully the internet into either using “gaslight” correctly or not at all.
posted by Suedeltica at 9:03 AM on December 13, 2023 [5 favorites]

> Timothée Chalamet. I still don’t like him. — Lauren Peace, Tampa Bay Times reporter

OI, LAUREN, SHUT YOUR FACE HE IS A PRETTY PRETTY BOY WHO CAN ACT

> Should we consider adding complaints.metafilter.com?

... wow, this is genius and we should start a petition to the site admins.
posted by MiraK at 9:08 AM on December 13, 2023 [7 favorites]

Having been lucky to travel quite extensively this year, I am baffled not only by the barn doors on hotel bathrooms, but multiple other developments in hotel bathrooms.

I spend a lot of time in hotels for my job. The one thing that tells me whether a hotel elevates style over substance, and that is whether they include glasses (or even disposable plastic cups) in the bathroom. I don't care how fancy and sleek your bathroom is, how do you expect me to rinse after brushing my teeth?
posted by Ben Trismegistus at 9:09 AM on December 13, 2023 [2 favorites]

Yes, there is a San Antonio, Florida. Stop acting surprised when you discover that! — Mike McElroy, San Antonio, Florida

I feel like Mike has a bit of complex about this.

- Someone who lives in in the real San Antonio in TEXAS.
posted by tafetta, darling! at 9:21 AM on December 13, 2023 [5 favorites]

> The one thing that tells me whether a hotel elevates style over substance, and that is whether they include glasses (or even disposable plastic cups) in the bathroom. I don't care how fancy and sleek your bathroom is, how do you expect me to rinse after brushing my teeth?

diogenes kept few possessions — a walking stick, a ragged old cloak, and a cup to drink from. one day he saw a child drinking water by dipping their cupped hands in a trough, at which point diogenes realized he had been hauling around a cup all the time without good reason and so threw it out.
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 9:22 AM on December 13, 2023 [8 favorites]

I seriously thought I was the only person who was bothered by the about-facing Christmas tree ornaments. Thank you for validating my petty.
posted by dlugoczaj at 9:28 AM on December 13, 2023 [2 favorites]

Rick Clarke's meatball bucket. [ Photo courtesy of Rick Clarke's wife ]

My nomination for the photo caption hall of fame.
posted by theatro at 9:31 AM on December 13, 2023 [14 favorites]

how do you expect me to rinse after brushing my teeth?

With your hands, like god intended
posted by rhymedirective at 9:34 AM on December 13, 2023 [4 favorites]

What irritated me the most was when all my friends sang “Jingle Bells” in November. In November! — Catherine, Kyiv, Ukraine

Really, Catharine, Kyiv, Ukraine? That's what irritated you most this year?

This has to be the most John Oliver-esque comment I've seen on the Blue. It's making fun of how absolutely trivial and dumb Catherine's complaint is while holding her in the highest esteem possible for having it.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 9:37 AM on December 13, 2023 [10 favorites]

My daughter had an electronic speaking teddy bear toy. You could tickle it, pet it, and when it got hungry you had to rub its belly. I called it Diogenes.
posted by Dr. Curare at 9:40 AM on December 13, 2023 [6 favorites]

Ooo! Ooo! I got one: people that take up the whole aisle in the already increasingly cramped grocery store by putting their carts on one side of the aisle while they shop on the other. This one gets me every time. I'm left with pushing someone's unoccupied cart out of the way then I look like the rude one.
posted by hairless ape at 9:40 AM on December 13, 2023 [7 favorites]

Rick Clarke had me with “When you bring a bucket of meatballs to the theme park …”
posted by kat518 at 9:57 AM on December 13, 2023 [3 favorites]

Ctrl+F Grauniad

...huh.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:02 AM on December 13, 2023 [1 favorite]

folks, folks, i know this phrase means “raises the question” now, which is find and good but we already had a three-word phrase meaning “raises the question” and that three word phrase is “raises the question”.

We already had a three-word phrase directly, clearly, and unambiguously meaning "assumes the conclusion" before people in and around philosophy started using "begs the question" instead for no good reason...

The only circumstance in which it would not be horrible to use the expression "begs The Question" is if there were a person or similar entity going by the name The Question and one were in fact begging them for something.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 10:17 AM on December 13, 2023 [11 favorites]

people that take up the whole aisle in the already increasingly cramped grocery store by putting their carts on one side of the aisle while they shop on the other.

Cart behavior in general bugs me, especially the "leave the cart in the middle of the aisle or other open space in a busy store and walk away from it" move. I admit I'm probably sometimes guilty of the original infraction, though. I have to go to the opposite side of the aisle to see the labels on the other side, and sometimes I leave my cart there. Usually I just walk down the side of the aisle opposite of whatever I'm looking for, making people who have to walk past me uncomforatable as I'm obviously looking across the aisle.
posted by mollweide at 10:20 AM on December 13, 2023

I love oshinko rolls. Do they seem to contain some kind of wasabi accelerant?
posted by peachfiber at 10:31 AM on December 13, 2023

I live in an apartment building with several residents who use walkers and the leasing office/management keeps on putting lobby furniture and decorations (currently it is a plastic Christmas tree surrounded by a rather large tree skirt with empty boxes as presents) in the pathway from the front door to the elevators. It's not at the outrage level of people who ditch their e-scooters in the wheelchair ramp or block the curb cut access, but still.
posted by spamandkimchi at 10:43 AM on December 13, 2023 [3 favorites]

Oh, and while I should be more understanding of spelling choices given how mine is deteriorating, I am deeply irked at how many professionally published books spell guerrilla as guerilla even though both are apparently acceptable according to some dictionaries (!!!!!). Guerra, y'all, not guera.
posted by spamandkimchi at 10:48 AM on December 13, 2023 [2 favorites]

People's jobs in Wikipedia articles being described as "serving as".
posted by paduasoy at 11:01 AM on December 13, 2023

> spell guerrilla as guerilla

It's been a very long time since I saw it spelled as anything other than gorilla, sigh.
posted by MiraK at 11:07 AM on December 13, 2023 [1 favorite]

"leave the cart in the middle of the aisle or other open space in a busy store and walk away from it"
Oh, no...

I'm so sorry. I apologize on behalf of everybody who's done this to you; I bet I've done it at least as many times as you've been on the receiving end of it, so you're good at this point. Any from here on out, though, I can't help you with because I'm going to quit doing this.
posted by Don Pepino at 12:13 PM on December 13, 2023

> My daughter had an electronic speaking teddy bear toy. You could tickle it, pet it, and when it got hungry you had to rub its belly. I called it Diogenes.

oh no. oh. no.
^{_{my god that is filthy.}}
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 12:22 PM on December 13, 2023 [2 favorites]

I'm so sorry. I apologize on behalf of everybody who's done this to you

*Sniff* Thank you *Sniff*. That's all I needed to hear *wipes eyes*
posted by mollweide at 12:27 PM on December 13, 2023 [5 favorites]

Also annoyed at people who don't shut off lights when they leave the room. What, do they have stock in [insert name of defunct power authority that hasn't existed in 25 years]?? Close the light!

The best investment I ever made was the occupancy sensor for the new led troffers in the kitchen. 5 minutes without anyone in there, and the lights shut off. Now I need to do everywhere else in the house. (Looking at you, bathroom...)
posted by mikelieman at 12:28 PM on December 13, 2023 [1 favorite]

I’ve wondered if I could pay some kind of corkage to bring my own ingredients to bake in their oven.

I am reminded of -- back in the 80's -- a local bar called Harpo's, where if you brought the guy in the illegal kitchen upstairs a joint, he'd let you fry your own wings.
posted by mikelieman at 12:31 PM on December 13, 2023 [7 favorites]

Why does the cat go outside, even in the worst weather, only to come back in to poop in the litterbox (that invariably I have just cleaned)?
posted by bonehead at 12:59 PM on December 13, 2023 [2 favorites]

That...seems obvious? Cat loves a clean bathroom. My cat always uses it immediately upon cleaning.
posted by tiny frying pan at 1:09 PM on December 13, 2023 [5 favorites]

My current gripe is businesses that don't keep their websites updated, particularly as to their hours. It's 2023, people are checking your website, it's your face to the world

Agree, but even more so the thing where 5-10 years ago a lot of businesses and organizations mostly got lackadaisical about their website updates but kept Facebook relatively current, and well, ok, I didn't love it but at least I could find it, and now they don't even do that. Are they Tik-Tok-ing? Am I supposed to watch a minute long dance video to see what your current address is? Instagram? (Good fucking luck seeing content in a browser if you're not logged in, and the search function is terrible regardless.) Am I just supposed to absorb information about your business through the luminiferous aether?

LOOK I AM WILLING TO SPEND 7 DOLLARS ON YOUR HIPSTER DONUT JUST FUCKING TELL ME HOW TO GET TO WHERE YOU ARE SO I CAN GIVE YOU MONEY.
posted by soundguy99 at 2:01 PM on December 13, 2023 [9 favorites]

there is a linguistic hill i am willing to die on.
“begs the question.”

YYY YYY  EEEEE   SSSS  !!
 YYYYY   EE     SS     !!
  YYY    EEEE    SSS   !!
  YYY    EE        SS 
  YYY    EEEEE  SSSS   !!

One of my favorite things about the Youtube series/podcast "Some More News" is they always get this right, and my least favorite thing about Last Week Tonight is that John Oliver sometimes gets this wrong. And I recognize it's petty to be annoyed by this, sure, since we all know what the speaker really means, but since it is a thread for petty complaints, there's one for you.
posted by JHarris at 2:40 PM on December 13, 2023 [4 favorites]

Getting Apple or Google to change your business’s hours can take so long at least one place I worked closed (bc: plague) after having been open on Sundays for an entire year, and all posted hours still said closed Sunday when we shuttered.

Yes, we did that. Yes, we also did that. Yep, we tried that too. Oh you have a friend at the unspecified Bay Area Fruit Company (btw the rest of us have never found that bon mot clever. Stop it.)? Oh, and one at Google? So do we. No, they can’t get someone to fix the hours either, but feel free to tell me you can get it done. The proof’s in the pudding, and we all know yours won’t ever set.
posted by hototogisu at 2:55 PM on December 13, 2023 [1 favorite]

But my true Festivus gripe this year is without question the replacement of bar soap in hotel showers with "body wash".

This, so much this. Turns out I have a skin reaction to most all body wash (likely to laurel or laureth sulfate). Personally I use Dr Bronners at home, but bringing my own body wash is impractical given liquid constraints, so instead I buy soap at a grocery store wherever I am. Then I end up travelling with soap from hotel to hotel which is also nonideal.

Something less petty: I want to be able to call a doctor’s office and actually talk to a human. If I am calling to make an appointment, that means I already tried doing it with your (terribly programmed) online portal. I can’t be called back, because I have a job and can’t afford to answer every phone call that comes in. So I need the office to answer when I call, or for the portal to work. One or the other, I don’t care.

And doctor’s offices, if you must leave me a message necessitating that I call you back, give me an extension so I don’t have to wander through your phone tree to try to do so. Sheesh. (Or hey you could leave an actually contentful message, as I’ve signed HIPAA forms accepting, or you could write back via your portal— if it actually functioned. But it doesn’t, because your software sucks.)
posted by nat at 2:57 PM on December 13, 2023 [4 favorites]

So I like these neon-yellow Japanese pickled radishes (I know, not the point, bear with me). Recently, I saw they sell them in pre-cut, long strips (like 10x1/4x1/4"), ready to go into a sushi roll. I haven't seen them in the wild, but I don't know what else they'd be for. So sushi rolls with pickles may exist, unless the pickles have to be cucumber-based to qualify.

Also: Three courses COMPRISE a meal. A meal is COMPRISED OF three courses. Like with the begging the question thing, I feel like we've lost the ability to say a very precise thing. And for no reason -- there are plenty of words that mean "contain". Grrr.

Also also: Use your turn signal, then get in the turn lane, then brake. Not sure what the advantage is of doing it in the exact opposite order. Grrr.

Also also also: Why would paying $3.41 for coffee require me to arrange literally every object currently on my person, including everything in my bag, wallet, purse, etc., in front of me on the counter? Am I enjoying the experience so much that I'm trying to prolong it? Am I creating art? Art would be OK, after I get my damn coffee. Grrr.

In conclusion, dang this thread is making me grumpy.
posted by kleinsteradikaleminderheit at 3:23 PM on December 13, 2023 [1 favorite]

Does the pharmacist really have to read aloud the name of the medication I’m picking up as if everyone around me needs to know about my frequent urination?
— Bobby Jones, Lakeland

Well, now the whole Internet knows about it.
posted by What is E. T. short for? at 3:26 PM on December 13, 2023 [4 favorites]

I too detest the shopping-car-leavers. I frequently have fantasies where I use a tube of anchovy paste to leave a gob on the underside of the hand grip as I squeeze my own cart past. Unfortunately I’ve never owned any anchovy paste. Wait … I’m in a grocery store!
posted by Gilgamesh's Chauffeur at 3:26 PM on December 13, 2023

Why does the cat go outside, even in the worst weather, only to come back in to poop in the litterbox

We had a ginger tom when we were kids, one day it was lazing in the sun in the backyard when it got up, walked into the house, past its litterbox, and shat in the middle of the rug in front of the fireplace. Then went back out to lie back down in the sun.
posted by biffa at 3:39 PM on December 13, 2023 [4 favorites]

people who sing "Happy Birthday" and add that "annnd mannny morrrre" on the end really need to stop

you sang the song, that's nice, now don't go and add that flaccid ending that is almost always accompanied with the worst jazz hands nonsense
posted by elkevelvet at 3:46 PM on December 13, 2023 [4 favorites]

Begging the question is over, I'm sorry. It is a lost battle, if you wanted to win, language needed not to evolve or whatever, so that begging the question makes more sense in the original meaning. But that's not the world we're living in, so you gotta find a new term.
posted by Carillon at 4:02 PM on December 13, 2023 [5 favorites]

your (terribly programmed) online portal.

This seems to be fairly common. Someone needs to inform whoever writes the script for the recording that keeps reminding us of their shitty website every few seconds while I'm on hold that no, you CAN'T do what I'm trying to do on the shitty website, why the fuck else would I stoop to sitting for ages on stupid hold on the stupid phone!? In fact, why the hell are they interrupting the shitty hold music in the first place? It makes me think maybe this time an actual person is answering...only to be disappointed and infuriated yet again by yet another repeated shill for their shitty website, like perhaps I'd forgotten about its existence in the 30 seconds since the last time they said it. And while they're at it, they need to stop telling us they're currently experiencing "higher than normal" call volumes all the damn time. We all fucking know it's a standard volume of calls, and they're just terminally under-staffed. We're also perfectly aware of just exactly how "important" we customers are to them, oh yes, that "care" shines quite clearly through every godawful stupid decision they make that further degrades what's mockingly referred to as "customer service".

They're just deliberately torturing us at this point.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:06 PM on December 13, 2023 [5 favorites]

Jesus. Now I need a drink, and I've still got an hour of work to go...
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:06 PM on December 13, 2023 [2 favorites]

Man, I’d love to be on hold. At least it indicates I might eventually possibly get to speak to a human. (As opposed to the several offices I’ve encountered in the last year which dump you to voicemail if they can’t answer with a “we’ll call you back within 2 business days”—- how the heck is that supposed to help when I’m trying to reschedule an appointment for tomorrow because some other office didn’t get the test results transferred like they said?)

Argh. My own problems with this are petty (especially given the giant amount of privilege I have in accessing healthcare), but the problems with the US health “care” system are real.
posted by nat at 4:13 PM on December 13, 2023

So for sushi rolls with pickles, are we talking sweet relish or dill spears/slices?
BTW, I'm mildly offended by salmon with cream cheese sushi rolls. A step too far, IMHO. But I might try something with a dill pickle, just to say I did.
posted by Metacircular at 4:23 PM on December 13, 2023

> "When you bring a bucket of meatballs to the theme park"

... but the photo is a theme-park-branded cup of some sort. Did Rick Clarke bring some other container of meatballs to the park and then transferred them to the cup at some point? Or did he already have a theme-park-branded cup from a previous visit and thought, well, if I put the meatballs in this, no one's going to hassle me about "outside food" if that's a thing.

There's a lot of mysteries here, this cup o' meatballs.
posted by user92371 at 4:46 PM on December 13, 2023 [3 favorites]

the replacement of bar soap in hotel showers with "body wash"
Maybe they're doing this because soap scum is so hard to clean. I banned regular soap from the shower for this reason. But glycerine soap doesn't produce a bunch of irritating scum. Hotels could switch to glycerine bar soap and achieve the same goal without paying for a product that is mostly water and that guests will use up a whole lot faster--because I bet hotel guests who like body wash use it with wild abandon, given they're not paying for it and therefore have no incentive to conserve.
posted by Don Pepino at 4:50 PM on December 13, 2023

Nothing worse than walking outside in the sun and realizing you're wearing clashing shades of black.
posted by smirkette at 4:52 PM on December 13, 2023 [7 favorites]

how do you expect me to rinse after brushing my teeth?
Stick your head under the tap and suck from it like a man!

And while they're at it, they need to stop telling us they're currently experiencing "higher than normal" call volumes all the damn time ... We're also perfectly aware of just exactly how "important" we customers are to them, oh yes, that "care" shines quite clearly through every godawful stupid decision they make that further degrades what's mockingly referred to as "customer service".
At this stage, I don't know why most businesses even bother having a phone because they never fucking answer them anyway, they just route you into some hellscape of a series of robot voices constantly telling you how important you are and your call will be answered in 7 minutes and why don't you use our Web site instead and why don't you just answer your fucking phone or at least stop lying and pretending you're going to let me talk to a human! Which is kind of odd now I think about it, because I spend most of my time desperately avoiding talking to other humans.
posted by dg at 5:10 PM on December 13, 2023 [2 favorites]

True - but when you do need to talk to one, having your time wasted is adding insult to injury, eh?
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:22 PM on December 13, 2023

the replacement of bar soap in hotel showers with "body wash"
Maybe they're doing this because soap scum is so hard to clean

It's mostly so millions of little bars of soap don't get wasted every year - probably also saves time for replacing all those tiny items. I personally love the body soap change over in hotels.
posted by tiny frying pan at 5:32 PM on December 13, 2023

Begging the question is over, I'm sorry. It is a lost battle

When someone makes a flat assertion like that as a response as if it proves, or indeed says, anything, I have a standard comeback to it. Here it is:

O<   QUACK

in this case of course it is true, but it's a thread about pettyness, and by frog I can be so petty
posted by JHarris at 5:49 PM on December 13, 2023 [1 favorite]

I've never seen a frog quack
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:53 PM on December 13, 2023 [1 favorite]

You have now.
posted by dg at 6:02 PM on December 13, 2023 [5 favorites]

Well...dang. That's a hell of a thing.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:52 PM on December 13, 2023

That is awesome, but I also want to point out that that page has a link to a plonking frog, and that name, too, is accurate!
posted by JHarris at 7:14 PM on December 13, 2023 [4 favorites]

Someone recently started this subreddit for Portland, Maine, and it's pretty great.

I enjoy news about Portland, Maine, so google gives me lots of news and search results about Portland, Oregon.
posted by theora55 at 7:56 PM on December 13, 2023

I'm almost 50 years old and I just realized I don't rinse after brushing my teeth. Is everybody else doing that?
posted by peachfiber at 8:54 PM on December 13, 2023 [1 favorite]

Also annoyed at people who don't shut off lights when they leave the room.

If it's cold outside, you can just think of it as a very bright and ill-placed space heater.
posted by credulous at 9:05 PM on December 13, 2023

Brushing your teeth in the shower is the ultimate in convenience. No cares about dribbling or cups for a rinse.
posted by maxwelton at 10:04 PM on December 13, 2023 [1 favorite]

All these things certainly are annoying, but the WORST THING is those damned gasoline powered leaf blowers! I am the only person in the neighbourhood that rakes my leaves (get off my lawn!) everyone else contracts with gangs of lawn-minions with leaf blowers. There is no hour when the sun is up that the obnoxious sound of leaf blowers is not heard. Also accompanied intermittently by chain saws and wood chippers and the machine that gnaws stumps.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 10:37 PM on December 13, 2023 [9 favorites]

What irritated me the most was when all my friends sang “Jingle Bells” in November. In November! — Catherine, Kyiv, Ukraine

Really, Catharine, Kyiv, Ukraine? That's what irritated you most this year?


I don’t see the problem here. She’s got her priorities right. Fight back against the Christmas offensive into other months!
posted by LizBoBiz at 12:08 AM on December 14, 2023

I am annoyed when websites put "21 days ago" or "five hours ago" instead of telling you what day a post or news article is from. I'm not here to do math!
posted by tofu_crouton at 4:59 AM on December 14, 2023 [15 favorites]

My birthday is not even two weeks into November and my neighborhood was putting up city decorations on the lightpoles. It's the earliest I've ever seen it, found it engaging and depressing.

Everyone is in such a HURRY for the NEXT THING, all the time. Slow. The. Fuck. Down.
posted by tiny frying pan at 5:20 AM on December 14, 2023 [2 favorites]

mornings
posted by Baethan at 5:28 AM on December 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

my big pet peeve is that andy rooney has been dead for more than a decade
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 6:46 AM on December 14, 2023 [5 favorites]

> I'm almost 50 years old and I just realized I don't rinse after brushing my teeth. Is everybody else doing that?

Heck no, because I use fancy toothpaste and want the fluoride to sink in.
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:46 AM on December 14, 2023 [2 favorites]

My birthday is not even two weeks into November and my neighborhood was putting up city decorations on the lightpoles. It's the earliest I've ever seen it, found it engaging and depressing.

People put up Christmas lights early because the DST transition where it immediately gets dark at 5:30pm is what is depressing, and Christmas lights are the socially acceptable way of lighting the neighborhood. In most of the US, it's not even moderately cold yet (Nor burning hot) in mid-November, so it's best season for evening activities but you have to do them in the pitch black dark.

> I'm almost 50 years old and I just realized I don't rinse after brushing my teeth. Is everybody else doing that?

I just wash the bristles on the brush and then suck the water out it, like a child.
posted by The_Vegetables at 8:01 AM on December 14, 2023 [4 favorites]

I would like to note that there are a TON of holidays all over the world in December, probably specifically because of the sudden dark dark dark dark depressingness going on.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:09 AM on December 14, 2023 [2 favorites]

People put up Christmas lights early because the DST transition where it immediately gets dark at 5:30pm is what is depressing, and Christmas lights are the socially acceptable way of lighting the neighborhood. In most of the US, it's not even moderately cold yet (Nor burning hot) in mid-November, so it's best season for evening activities but you have to do them in the pitch black dark.

These were not lights. Little drummer boys and wreaths on lightposts. Two full weeks before Thanksgiving. What is the fucking rush? Why would a city decorate for Christmas literally 40+ days before? It's obnoxious. Like, really fucking obnoxious.

I know I preach the Nap Ministry here a lot, but capitalism is tiring, y'all. Slow the fuck down and take one thing at a time.

I'm starting to really hate xmas cause of this. At least for other holidays there isn't this 2 month gearing up process. Or we'd be hearing about Valentines Day on NYE. Literally. It's madness.
posted by tiny frying pan at 8:29 AM on December 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

let it be known!

anyone should be able to declare christmas any time they want or need christmas

this has been your bombastic lowercase pronouncement for the day
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 10:16 AM on December 14, 2023 [8 favorites]

And I will hate on holiday accelerationism forever, despite bizarre lowercase pronouncements. Let things happen in their own time and stop accelerating your life.

As a beautiful junk truck says in my neighborhood, written underneath a wall clock, "Take your time, don't rush!"
posted by tiny frying pan at 10:22 AM on December 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

there is nothing bizarre about these pronouncements.

on edit: the committee has been notified.
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 10:30 AM on December 14, 2023 [2 favorites]

Ok hon
posted by tiny frying pan at 10:50 AM on December 14, 2023

notified.
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 10:59 AM on December 14, 2023 [2 favorites]

And I swear the algorithm heard me because I just saw a post on reddit of someone lamenting boxes of Valentines candy out today, in their drugstore.

I was joking, but capitalism is not.
posted by tiny frying pan at 11:39 AM on December 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

Someone speculated they were leftovers from this year...either way, some stale ass chocolate.
posted by tiny frying pan at 11:40 AM on December 14, 2023

Two full weeks before Thanksgiving. What is the fucking rush? Why would a city decorate for Christmas literally 40+ days before?

My bet is 1) consideration of city worker time availability and cost - if half your crew is taking off the week of Christmas plus you gotta make sure your budget will stretch to cover the overtime needed once it snows, middle of November might work out best & 2) storefront retailers are pushing to get the "Christmas Spirit" going ASAP, especially for Black Friday.

(Source: my company does some holiday lighting for some suburbs and neighborhoods, I've had conversations with various officials & staff about this.)
posted by soundguy99 at 11:43 AM on December 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

2) storefront retailers are pushing to get the "Christmas Spirit" going ASAP, especially for Black Friday.

Like I said...capitalism. It's obscene, it is not benign, and I do not accept it.
posted by tiny frying pan at 11:50 AM on December 14, 2023 [2 favorites]

1. Less, fewer 2. vs. is versus not verse 3. And yes, I am done with a questionnaire about Every Single Purchase
posted by aiq at 12:13 PM on December 14, 2023

Last year I saw Easter candy out before Christmas. I said to my brother "Can he be born before we kill him?"

yes, I'm Catholic and definitely going to hell
posted by kathrynm at 1:53 PM on December 14, 2023 [7 favorites]

they need to stop telling us they're currently experiencing "higher than normal" call volumes

I also don't need to be reminded that the menu options have changed at a number I have never called before.
posted by msbrauer at 10:14 AM on December 17, 2023 [2 favorites]

An interesting take about sushi given it started off as fermented.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EI5Jv5PCctA

"Narezushi is the original sushi with origins going back a millennium"
posted by rough ashlar at 2:13 PM on December 18, 2023