Do you know how to make a proper cup of tea?

April 2, 2024 6:21 PM

Most of us know how to make a proper cup of tea. But perhaps you'd like to test yourself with this wonderful tea making simulation game. Exquisite! (other delicious and refreshing games made on the same platform here).
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen (36 comments total)

I was going to try this, but needed a cup of tea first...after that I no longer felt compelled to make tea.
;)
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:31 PM on April 2 [1 favorite]

Needs a disclaimer on which cultural variant of tea though XD.

Splurged on a box of tea from Fortnum and Mason once, and I felt preemptively sorry it'll be finished and I can never get one again. With the whole western shebang it's pretty good tea.

Then at home, I splurged on some local teahouse mixes (quite literally - there's one which is basically a mini tuo cha (ehhh "teacake") of a puerh variant and yunnan black tea). The way tea is done in more easterly traditions, you do get more tea per serving (since it can stand multiple brewings), but also there's just "more" tea to it? TL;DR I went back to that box of F&M and that experience this time underscored what I've academically understood as the reason why western teas tend to lean into additional flavourings, bags, and milk+sugar.

That said, thanks to the Taiwanese, have you guys had cheese tea? XD
posted by cendawanita at 6:31 PM on April 2 [3 favorites]

Terry's other downpour game is delightful also. ♥ Gelato.
posted by juv3nal at 6:37 PM on April 2 [6 favorites]

Play the game first; try out several increasingly unhinged tea preparation methods; and then come back to read people's serious tea opinions. Delightful.

(Loose leaf genmaicha, with nothing else; or black with a little milk and a lot of sugar.)
posted by Jeanne at 6:41 PM on April 2 [2 favorites]

Oh for completeness, downpour itself is a free hypercard like thingy.
posted by juv3nal at 6:42 PM on April 2

i recognize that mug.
posted by logicpunk at 6:45 PM on April 2

Perfect. Just the way I like it.
posted by cheshyre at 6:45 PM on April 2 [2 favorites]

I was delighted to hear that my classic black tea preparation rated "S tier". Then I realized "cup of sugar cubes" did too. Perfect.
posted by A Blue Moon at 6:49 PM on April 2 [3 favorites]

I thought this might be a good way to learn how to make tea, so I started playing. Having played all the variants now I am absolutely no nearer to knowing how to make tea than I was before, which is delightful.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 7:08 PM on April 2 [4 favorites]

I thought I know the correct (ie English) way to make tea, went through the steps and got a score of 5/5 so gave myself a pat on the back. Then I tried several incorrect ways and also got a score of 5/5 so now I no longer think I know the correct way.
posted by dg at 7:12 PM on April 2 [2 favorites]

ISO 3103 and the RSC would like a word.
posted by ngaiotonga at 7:23 PM on April 2

From the ISO link:
This standard is not meant to define the proper method for brewing tea intended for general consumption

Yes, clearly not. From this game I have learned that the correct way to brew tea involves More Sugar. Any tea or water involved is optional.
posted by nat at 7:58 PM on April 2 [3 favorites]

I was delighted to hear that my classic black tea preparation rated "S tier". Then I realized "cup of sugar cubes" did too. Perfect.
posted by A Blue Moon

As does just putting in milk and nothing else! Ha ha. I truly enjoyed this (and the board game game with Gelato the adorable cat).
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 8:04 PM on April 2

That was way more fun than I expected
posted by Zumbador at 8:15 PM on April 2 [1 favorite]

Gelato is ok but Madeleine is magnificent. (When you get to the end of that one, there's a link to her book. As of 2/3 of the way through, I recommend it and not because I appear in it briefly and no I am not telling you where). It must be hard to be Gelato, living with a supermodel like Madeleine.

My tea preferences are objectively foul: cold brewed fruit flavored tea (technically tisane) with neotame (I mix the neotame 1:100 with allulose ... on the back porch ... and then use like 1/8 tsp for 2 liters of tea).

It's hilarious how forgiving Terry's Downpour games are given how tough his Super Hexagon is.
posted by novalis_dt at 8:35 PM on April 2 [3 favorites]

Yesss! Welcome to the sugar path!
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 8:51 PM on April 2 [2 favorites]

5/5 and I expected nothing less. In fact I have a [correct] cup of tea just like this in front of me right now; a hot drink made strong with a mild stimulant, and milk to provide sugars and fats. It's the workplace drug of the Industrial Revolution and I can almost hear generations of my ancestors complaining about boring jobs.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 9:06 PM on April 2 [4 favorites]

Thank you for the validation, i knew I was right, but it’s nice to hear it.
posted by Capt. Renault at 9:40 PM on April 2

Gelato is ok but Madeleine is magnificent...It must be hard to be Gelato, living with a supermodel like Madeleine.

NGL I picked Gelato in the very last choice in that one.
posted by juv3nal at 10:02 PM on April 2

Twiningsusa.com: "Bring water to a boil, and pour over the tea as soon as it reaches boiling."
Twinings.co.uk: "Our top tip is never to pour boiling water over a tea bag or loose tea."
posted by jabah at 10:08 PM on April 2 [12 favorites]

Perfect cup of tea, he says, and then he shows me teabags?

Sweepings from the Assam godowns. I want nothing to do with them.
posted by flabdablet at 10:20 PM on April 2

I played a board game with Terry (and got eliminated). Then, rather than play again, I said goodbye rather than hello and he looked so sad and I felt so awful.
posted by nat at 12:02 AM on April 3 [1 favorite]

My recent adventures in tea: I made masala chai for eldest daughter and myself this weekend, since I have a fairly well stocked spice collection after recently trying my hand at Indian cuisine. Pretty good, if I have to say so myself, though I have no experience of the "real deal".
posted by Harald74 at 12:53 AM on April 3

I feel the same way about tea (and really, all hot beverages) as Ted Lasso does, but this amused me. I took a long time stuck in the sugar spirals though.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 12:57 AM on April 3

Since nobody else has posted it yet: Epic Tea Time with Alan Rickman, from the project Portraits in Dramatic Time by David Michalek
posted by Molesome at 3:01 AM on April 3 [2 favorites]

Thanks, I liked this game. Made me happier than my last Wordle session!
posted by dragonplayer at 4:19 AM on April 3

why mess with perfection? a little cup of boiling hot water. as a treat.
posted by kyrademon at 5:44 AM on April 3 [1 favorite]

The game severely underestimates just how much sugar I can jam into a mug.
posted by mittens at 5:49 AM on April 3

Flagged as fantastic. I played a board game with Terry and won by default. When he asked me to choose my prize and I chose Gelato, he became indignant and ordered me out of his house. Between that and the delicious splash of milk piled with sugar, it was a delightful time! Will visit again!
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 6:29 AM on April 3

I tried to play it, but gave up when I couldn't find the microwave.
posted by Hactar at 6:56 AM on April 3

OK so I think there's some point-missing going on ITT. There's a clue in the fact that every tea-making method appears to net you a 5/5. Wait for it...

There is no correct way to brew tea.

However you like to make your cup of tea, that is the "correct" way to make it, for you. You might like your green tea soaked for 7 minutes in boiling-hot water. Go for it. You might like your Irish Breakfast brewed at 180°C for 1 minute and drunk plain. That's fine! The correct way to make tea is the way that works for you.

Now I think I might go look at that game.
posted by Aardvark Cheeselog at 8:00 AM on April 3

@Harald74, masala chai is one of those things that's not a commercial product really. Every household that makes it, makes it in their own way. There is no "real deal," no "right" way to do it, other than the rules

1. Use real tea, but cheap. Low-cost Assam or Kerala CTC is typical.

2. Use whole spices. Exactly what is up for grabs, except that cardamom is just about universal, and cinnamon, cloves, and ginger real common. Black pepper too, maybe surprisingly, especially when making tea for somebody who has a cold.

3. Actually boil the spices and the tea for a significant amount of time.

This last point was a surprise to me, but my Indian interlocutor was so insistent on it that I decided to try it, and it does work.

If you want a specific recipe, this one from r/tea got a decent number of upvotes back in the day.
posted by Aardvark Cheeselog at 8:13 AM on April 3 [1 favorite]

You might like your Irish Breakfast brewed at 180°C for 1 minute and drunk plain.

That is going to be way overbrewed.
posted by ambrosen at 9:44 AM on April 3

I tried to play it, but gave up when I couldn't find the microwave.

If you put in tea, cold water, & milk then choose "not so fast" there's the option to microwave.
posted by juv3nal at 2:50 PM on April 3 [1 favorite]

In the microwave!

/hides under bed
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 4:15 PM on April 3

Super fun game! Yes to sugar but never as much as I want 😂
posted by ellieBOA at 2:25 AM on April 4