Girlzone Naughty Stuff

January 23, 2003 6:24 PM

Tickling the ivories - uh-oh, bad girl post! This mpg video clip is just too darn fun not to share, but it is definitely nsfw, which is why I am posting it pre-Friday. But hear me, you will get fired if you open this at work! I mean it! just doing my bit to dispel the boyzone myth
posted by madamjujujive (65 comments total)

Thanks for sharing. That's a riot.
posted by scottymac at 6:29 PM on January 23, 2003

[Smiling nervously, Hildago backs out of the room]
posted by Hildago at 6:29 PM on January 23, 2003

Feh. You should see me play the bongos.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 6:35 PM on January 23, 2003

that was hilarious.
posted by monique at 6:40 PM on January 23, 2003

Heterosexual males can skip this download. Do yourself a favor.
posted by balinx at 6:41 PM on January 23, 2003

I think I might have pianist envy.
posted by mathowie at 6:41 PM on January 23, 2003

Ahhhgg, did I need to see THAT!
posted by scalz at 6:41 PM on January 23, 2003

Heterosexual males can skip this download. Do yourself a favor.

feh... [this is good]
posted by machaus at 6:42 PM on January 23, 2003

Behind the scenes on the set of Big?
posted by shoepal at 6:43 PM on January 23, 2003

Evidently the downside of having a huge schlong is that sometimes, whilst waving it around on stage, you bang it on something.

That's gotta hurt.
posted by Shane at 6:43 PM on January 23, 2003

He's hitting all kinds of wrong notes, clearly this thing is dick-synched.
posted by anildash at 6:44 PM on January 23, 2003

Some heterosexual men aren't afraid to see a penis.
posted by jpoulos at 6:47 PM on January 23, 2003

I am.
posted by stevengarrity at 6:48 PM on January 23, 2003

Yeah, but can he play the violin too?
posted by Hildago at 6:48 PM on January 23, 2003

Some heterosexual men aren't afraid to see a penis.

...and the ones that are shriek whenever they take a shower.

"Aaaaaaaaaagh! What the hell is that?!
"Oh. Yeah. It's that thing."
posted by Shane at 6:52 PM on January 23, 2003

some heterosexual males aren't afraid but would rather not.
posted by joedan at 6:53 PM on January 23, 2003

Swing us the schlong, you're the piano man.
Swing us the schlong tonight...
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:01 PM on January 23, 2003

Crash...I do so adore you!

Mathowie...I'm so glad someone did that pun...it so had to be said.

Madame, you've done it again...you're the undisputed queen of weird links.

Shane...you're a goof, I like that about you. ;)
posted by dejah420 at 7:04 PM on January 23, 2003

ewwwwwww.....
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 7:09 PM on January 23, 2003

You know, my butt can deal blackjack. But it's Marty's night.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 7:10 PM on January 23, 2003

Hey this was the original scene from Big before they refilmed it right?

*sigh* I wish I was big.
posted by Stan Chin at 7:12 PM on January 23, 2003

I needed that laugh - thank you, madam!
posted by scribblative at 7:19 PM on January 23, 2003

*pats Stan Chin on shoulder* It's Ok Stan, it's not the size that matters, it is what you do with it.

Feh, who am I kidding?
posted by dg at 7:30 PM on January 23, 2003

"*sigh* I wish I was big."

Just then Stan's Fairy Godfather appeared to him, waving his magic wand! And Stan became Big.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:30 PM on January 23, 2003

Bippety-Boppity-Boo!

"Oh jesus christ you bitch you turned my penis into a giant pumpkin!"
posted by Stan Chin at 7:36 PM on January 23, 2003

Which reminds me of a joke where only the punchline is needed:

"Magic mirror on the door," the man said.
"Make my dick touch the floor."

And his legs shrunk.

thanks, i'll be here all week
posted by eyeballkid at 7:37 PM on January 23, 2003

Y'know, that's how I used to play the piano.

That is, until the unfortunate accident with the piano lid.
posted by Guy Smiley at 7:37 PM on January 23, 2003

OK, who has the mpeg of him playing the xylophone?
posted by ?! at 7:44 PM on January 23, 2003

They should have used this clip for that stupid-ass Wil Wheaton 3-D Glasses infomercial.
posted by Optamystic at 7:46 PM on January 23, 2003

so does masturbation count as piano practice now?
posted by whatnot at 7:47 PM on January 23, 2003

As a pianist he's strictly a hunt and pecker.
posted by jonmc at 7:48 PM on January 23, 2003

What an accomplished organist! Thanks once again madamjujujive.
posted by Tarrama at 7:51 PM on January 23, 2003

nice but too skinny
mine is long as well as fat too
posted by bureaustyle at 8:00 PM on January 23, 2003

Huh. So everyone's going to sling a one-liner without addressing the underlying issues of music-making as an integral part of the patriarchal matrix of...oh, wait a minute..I'm a male pianist...never mind
posted by kozad at 8:01 PM on January 23, 2003

Yes, but how far up can he flick a dollar coin?

Did I miss you and your posts, juju!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:02 PM on January 23, 2003

*jualiah sez*:

and what do us chicks have to work with? castanets?!
posted by gsalad at 8:05 PM on January 23, 2003

and what do us chicks have to work with?

Flutes, DUH.

Unless you're talented, then

Didgeridoos, DUH.
posted by Stan Chin at 8:11 PM on January 23, 2003

Nothing like a snifter of meepzorp for a nightcap. Nice work mjj.
posted by anathema at 8:12 PM on January 23, 2003

Jesus, people, stop making fun of me! I was young, I needed the money. It was either pianocock or a legitimate 9 to 5 job, and I'm not about to follow society's rules!!! I had no idea there was a camera in the audience, I'm mortified.
posted by jonson at 8:29 PM on January 23, 2003

wow. I'm sure he's a noteworthy member of the orchestra...
posted by tragedy_and_comedy at 8:34 PM on January 23, 2003

What was that joke about the 12" pianist?
posted by andrewraff at 8:58 PM on January 23, 2003

The joke is about a foot-high pianist, to begin with. The sorcerer/fairy/whatever had hearing trouble. "I didn't ask for a 12" pianist."

That was great madam, and most definitely SFW where I work, and will make the rounds tomorrow. Thanks!
posted by qbert72 at 9:16 PM on January 23, 2003

W00t! - bet it's fun to have him play at parties....
posted by Lynsey at 9:17 PM on January 23, 2003

The sad part about the Internet is that I've seen this before.
posted by kevspace at 9:28 PM on January 23, 2003

44 comments and nobody's even brought up Liberace? What the hell is wrong with you people?
posted by Ufez Jones at 9:35 PM on January 23, 2003

and most definitely SFW where I work

Another long day at DUDE'S SCHLONG! Inc.
posted by machaus at 9:39 PM on January 23, 2003

Oh man, I thought he was really playing a piano with the thing. It's just a guy pushing towels around. I can't believe the FBI is going to have me in their database for downloading naked guy movies for that. Very disappointing.

Oh, that's right I need to tag it with a one-liner. Ughm ... Give me a minute ... OK, he better be sure to avoid the F#

OK, that was lame, but still they were just towels. I mean where's the guy the rolls it up and hangs boulders off it and shit?
posted by willnot at 9:42 PM on January 23, 2003

"OK, that was lame..."

F-sharp. Heh. That rocked, willnot. Don't sell yourself short.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:44 PM on January 23, 2003

Thanks Crash, but I kind of wish I'd gone with my third instinct and invoked the incomparable Irving Cohen: "gimme a C, a bouncy C".

Obscure Martin Short humor - comedy gold.
posted by willnot at 10:19 PM on January 23, 2003

I mean where's the guy the rolls it up and hangs boulders off it and shit?

Do you mean The Amazing Mr. Lifto? Catch him and other fellow freaks at the Jim Rose Circus.
posted by lasm at 10:25 PM on January 23, 2003

Sure he has the technical prowess to play the piece, but where's the passion? Where's the soul?
posted by Hildago at 11:33 PM on January 23, 2003 [1 favorite]

I'd hate to see the guy's metronome.
posted by WolfDaddy at 11:41 PM on January 23, 2003

Has anyone besides me mentally constructed a wildly-fascinating biography for Madamjjj?
posted by planetkyoto at 12:43 AM on January 24, 2003

Dilettante. I bet he can't even read music.
posted by hama7 at 2:04 AM on January 24, 2003

i've either misunderstood what calling mefi a boyzone means, or i really don't understand anything about gays...
posted by andrew cooke at 4:13 AM on January 24, 2003

The former. Count yourself amongst the enlightened ones that understands what boyzone really means.
posted by pekar wood at 4:54 AM on January 24, 2003

I usually don't click the video clips but I am so happy I did it this morning. Madam...I love you.
posted by oh posey at 5:44 AM on January 24, 2003

Warning: HORSE COCK! Blindness may occur.
posted by mcwetboy at 6:14 AM on January 24, 2003

im sorry reverend,
i thought he was dyslexic when i booked him...
posted by sgt.serenity at 7:35 AM on January 24, 2003

juju, 'fess up: You jumped for joy when you found this. You knew you had a front-page winner!
posted by Shane at 7:40 AM on January 24, 2003

Wow. I sure hope the viewers in the front row have a Gallagher-approved tarpaulin ready in case that guy ever tries his hand (ahem) at the Rach 3.
posted by DakotaPaul at 12:26 PM on January 24, 2003

YOU: The piano is a percussion instrument.
YOUR FRIEND: No its not.
YOU: No, really. Here, watch this demonstration...
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 12:28 PM on January 24, 2003

I had a feeling that after posting that link, hilarity would ensue! Seems like an appropriate thread to post the lyrics to one of my favorite blues ditties that is on topic - btw, Maria Muldaur does a fine version of this.

IT AIN’T THE MEAT (IT’S THE MOTION) (Lois Mann, Henry Glover)

It ain't the meat it’s the motion
That makes your mama wanna rock

It ain't the meat it’s the motion
It’s the movement that gives it the sock

I got a boy so doggone thin, no meat, no bones, just all skin
One thing about him I can understand
He wraps all around me like a rubber band

It ain't the meat it’s the motion
It’s the movement that gives it the sock

I got a guy so big and fat
Some girls don’t like to see 'em like that
But I like to see 'em big and tall
The bigger they come the harder they fall

It ain't the meat it’s the motion
It’s the movement that gives it the sock

I know a boy, lives down the street
Not much to him but he’s mighty sweet
When he gets rockin' he don't wanna stop
Makes a woman wanna blow her top

It ain't the meat it’s the motion
It’s the movement that gives it the sock
posted by madamjujujive at 3:21 PM on January 24, 2003

This is by k.d. lang, right ?
posted by sgt.serenity at 9:25 PM on January 24, 2003

I think i used to date that guy!

(*^_^*)
posted by amberglow at 11:08 AM on January 25, 2003