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Is that a fly in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?
July 10, 2003 3:20 PM   Subscribe

Doctors baffled as boy explains 'unique' problem. His parents didn't believe him at first, but can you blame them? This is beyond bizarre.
posted by christian (76 comments total)

 
Holy jumping Christ in a porn film.
posted by cortex at 3:24 PM on July 10, 2003


Promising future in the Jim Rose Circus, if you ask me.
posted by sharksandwich at 3:26 PM on July 10, 2003


I always have felt that there are no good reasons to kill oneself, but after reading this, I would say I'd rather kill myself then show my parents the flies coming out of my penis.

"See mom, there comes one now!! I told you I wasn't making this up!"
posted by Mushkelley at 3:37 PM on July 10, 2003


If the boy would have just washed that dirty thing every once in a while, this would have never happened.
posted by bradth27 at 3:38 PM on July 10, 2003


Is he hung like a horse-fly?
posted by machaus at 3:38 PM on July 10, 2003


Yay. I think I've just developed a new phobia. Thanks, christian. (Hey! That's my real name! Now I'm really freaked.)
posted by wilberforce at 3:40 PM on July 10, 2003


And then he saw the flies intermittently coming out of his penis.

/passes out
posted by mathis23 at 3:43 PM on July 10, 2003


I'd love to be a fly on that urinary tract wall.
posted by sharksandwich at 3:44 PM on July 10, 2003


this will give me nightmares.
posted by birdherder at 3:44 PM on July 10, 2003


You say that, but the ladies love it.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 3:46 PM on July 10, 2003


No! No! Not the FLYSWATTER!
posted by CunningLinguist at 3:48 PM on July 10, 2003


This appears to be one of those too-weird-to-be-false stories. Here's a collection of other articles about this poor kid. (Warning: it's from About.com, so watch out for popups.)
posted by arco at 3:49 PM on July 10, 2003


And I thought I had it bad with the monkeys coming out of my butt.
posted by Ignatius J. Reilly at 3:49 PM on July 10, 2003


This happened to an old lady I know. She swallowed a spider to catch the flies. I think she died.
posted by hammurderer at 3:49 PM on July 10, 2003


Never mind the flyswatter. It's the bug-zapper that he should be concerned about.
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:50 PM on July 10, 2003


I wonder if this condition could be cleaned up by the application of one or two candiru.
posted by alms at 3:51 PM on July 10, 2003


this one time at band camp the human fly had rectums coming out of his shoulders.
posted by quonsar at 3:52 PM on July 10, 2003


My fucking god, i'm never leaving the house again

that's so fucked up

I remember hearing about some type of bug in Africa that (ok, hold on now) that lives in the water, and when an unsuspecting person decides to urinate into the water it can CLIMB up their urine stream (can't believe I just typed that) and then has small spurs that allows it to latch itself into your urinary tract.. requiring surgical extraction.

i looked on snopes for "penis amazon" and "penis bug" but was laughing too hard to try to continue fact-checking.. but i saw the pics (supposedly) when I read about it. frightening thing if it's true...

oh. and i will be putting duct tape on my deal tonight and forever while I sleep so I don't have to worry about this.. is this one of the signs of armageddon?
posted by shadow45 at 3:54 PM on July 10, 2003


so that's where Candyman's mojo came from...
posted by scarabic at 3:54 PM on July 10, 2003


What's the big deal? My penis comes out of my fly all the time.

*re-reads*

Oh. Never mind.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 3:58 PM on July 10, 2003


shadow45, this is for you. Don't miss the photos link.

Can the candirĂº fish swim upstream into your urethra (revisited)?
posted by skallas at 4:01 PM on July 10, 2003


So long as we're playing.
posted by mazola at 4:03 PM on July 10, 2003


The fork was removed with laparoscopic surgery, a minimally invasive procedure performed through a tiny incision in a patient's abdomen.

but what about the cockroach?!?!?!!
posted by quonsar at 4:06 PM on July 10, 2003


skallas--
the music playing on the photo page from that link makes it even more disturbing. What music would they play for the penis flies?

On a serious note and a gross one. One of Billy Gates' worthy projects is improving health in Africa. Guinea worms scare the bejeezus out of me. Slide show is gross.
posted by lobakgo at 4:13 PM on July 10, 2003


Candiru - I'm sorry but it still doesn't ring true. Why would any fish want to swim upstream into a flow of (essentially) toxic waste, when it's living in perfectly good water?
Also a head size 7/16 inch, I can't speak for anyone else, but in my own case I'm sure it would take far more force than a wee fishie swimming to insert itself into my urethra. I think this patient was less than candid about candiru.
posted by Joeforking at 4:20 PM on July 10, 2003


OK, the 'flies flying out of the penis' is bad enough, but "The fish had entered the (male) patient's urethra, had been stopped by the urethral sphincter (if that's the right term), and had turned at a right angle and burrowed into the scrotum " is officially The Worst Thing That Could Happen.
posted by GriffX at 4:22 PM on July 10, 2003


GOOD GOD WORST THREAD EVER
posted by xmutex at 4:27 PM on July 10, 2003


Candiru - I should have elaborated - in a case like this the fish could gain no further momentum by swimming through the downward urine stream, the flicking movement of a swimming fish would only spray the stream to the sides and provide no reaction mass for continued acceleration. This means the fish must have got up a head of steam by accelerating from a standing start at a distance from the incidence of the urine stream and the river. Then launching itself with pinpoint accuracy straight into the "jap's eye" with sufficient velocity to force a good portion of it's body thereinto, this being necessary for it to wriggle itself further in. I call bullshit.
posted by Joeforking at 4:36 PM on July 10, 2003


I'll take "Penis Mangling" for $1000, Alex.
posted by Kafkaesque at 7:19 PM on July 10, 2003


More disgusting things emerging from bodies... (warning: very graphic photos). This is possibly the most disgusting thing I've seen on the internet (it made me retch), maybe next to the chronicle of the brown recluse bite, and I'm generally not that squeamish. [from Snopes]
posted by The Michael The at 7:21 PM on July 10, 2003


This is one of the most:

(a) bizarre
(b) humorous
(c) frightening

...threads that I have ever seen. BugFilter? ParasiteInMyBodyFilter? AAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHH!!
posted by davidmsc at 7:22 PM on July 10, 2003


I was once discussing labor with a woman, and somehow we got on the topic the potential impacts on reproduction and sex if sperm were the size of tadpoles.

I just thought that should go in this thread.
posted by weston at 7:47 PM on July 10, 2003


WE5TON NEW FORMULA INCREASE YOUR SPERM SIZE 3 INCHES
posted by namespan at 7:52 PM on July 10, 2003


Here's the brown recluse link for you, The Michael The. Just to pay you back for the most horrific thing I've ever seen on the internet, and I've seen that David Hasselhoff video.
posted by iconomy at 7:58 PM on July 10, 2003


This seems the proper place to post this, the most cringe-worthy thing I've come across so far on the internet.

be sure you read the second letter at the bottom of the page. it's the best part
posted by GeekAnimator at 8:03 PM on July 10, 2003


Gawd, I hate this....dying to click on the brown recluse and disgusting things from bodies links....don't want to be grossed out....it's so tempting.....but I get nauseous watching "The Operation" on Discovery Health....what to do....

Can someone describe the grossness without being disgusting? Is that even possible?
posted by Oriole Adams at 8:32 PM on July 10, 2003


Someone recently told me that if you use a stun gun on a brown recluse bite shortly after the bite occurs, it will break up the poison and you will not have to deal with the necrosis.

I thought it was bullshit until I found several links discussing it and a friend told me that his father had treated two bites that way.

http://www.sabramsmd.com/brs/brs_stungun_protocol.htm
posted by bargle at 8:32 PM on July 10, 2003


http://www.sabramsmd.com/brs/brs_stungun_protocol.html
posted by bargle at 8:33 PM on July 10, 2003


Why would any fish want to swim upstream into a flow of (essentially) toxic waste, when it's living in perfectly good water?

Eh, why do dogs like antifreeze? If candiru are into watersports, more power to 'em.
posted by cortex at 8:39 PM on July 10, 2003


Oriole Adams, the link that The Michael The posted is pretty disgusting, but I inched the page up one centimeter at a time and squinted and held my breath and half covered my eyes while I was looking at the pictures ;) They show a big, juicy worm being pulled out of the gory-looking swollen tissue of the eye socket, directly under the eyeball of a little boy. Hardly any blood, but lots of ick.
posted by iconomy at 8:45 PM on July 10, 2003


Joeforking, that may not be the case - it would depend on how deep the water was that you were standing it, wouldn't it?

I wonder if the buzzing of the fly while it is inside his penis would.... Nah.

*looks for the superglue*
posted by dg at 8:52 PM on July 10, 2003


If anyone wants to be grossed out even more, here's a fine collection of horrible bodily infestation pictures. I'm so grossed out by the titles I haven't looked at many of them. The original site's down, so this is a mirror on my own site.

(My favorite is "Woman breast-feeding piglet" -- I think they just threw that one in to give you a break between Buruli ulcer and Mucocutaneous leishmaniasis IV...)
posted by zsazsa at 8:59 PM on July 10, 2003


Y'all need lives, something fierce. As if the President wasn't gross enough.
posted by divrsional at 9:12 PM on July 10, 2003


Dear god. Oh god. Oh, christ on a crutch.

This may either be Metafilter's finest moment, or its absolute worst.

I'm outta here. I'd rather read the Howard Dean thread.

[/retch]
posted by jokeefe at 9:15 PM on July 10, 2003


DisgustingFilter
posted by matteo at 5:14 AM on July 11, 2003


/passes out

/gets off floor and recognizes article on screen and remembers description

/passes out again
posted by grum@work at 5:19 AM on July 11, 2003


...arg.
posted by Perigee at 5:50 AM on July 11, 2003


That is so wrong. I'm disgusted beyond words.
posted by Yossarian at 5:56 AM on July 11, 2003


Joeforking: Did you opt to drop out of biology (Jap's eye!) and stick with physics 'o' level then?
posted by biffa at 5:59 AM on July 11, 2003


Things in the wrong place are disgusting. Or funny.
Kind of reminds me of Philip Jose Farmer's 'Strange Relations' short stories.
posted by asok at 6:35 AM on July 11, 2003


Does anyone else have this strange urge to keep their feet off the floor?
posted by Cyrano at 6:36 AM on July 11, 2003


The candiru is absolute proof that God is One Twisted Fuck, or else He has a wicked sense of humor. Or both.
posted by gottabefunky at 6:59 AM on July 11, 2003


I itch ... all over. The itching started shortly after this thread started, and it's getting worse every time I visit. I think I need to go take another shower and brush my teeth again ... and examine every square inch of my body for anything bug-like.

But of course, I can't stop coming back ...

Too bad they didn't have stun guns back when I was 4 and had a run in with a recluse spider. It was horrifying, especially at that age. I still have the scar too.

And yes, Cyrano, in fact, I don't want to touch anything, and the thought of having to leave the house today is making me break out in a cold sweat. :D
posted by Orb at 7:00 AM on July 11, 2003


Wow, my tummy was already feeling ick this morning, before I saw this thread.

On a brighter note, this female doesn't have that *envy* thing anymore.
posted by NorthernLite at 7:03 AM on July 11, 2003


I would like to nominate that link of zsazsa's as being the MOST. FUCKED. UP. THING. I've ever seen on the internet. That is all.
posted by norm at 7:23 AM on July 11, 2003


Once a strange N.C. bug mistook me for a cow (thanks) and decided to lay eggs under my skin of my shoulder. It hurt like hell, and despite diving to the bottom of the pool , I couldn't get it off me! I'm so glad I don't have a penis. *ick*
posted by dabitch at 7:32 AM on July 11, 2003


biffa - actually I got kicked from biology, but, yeah, got my Physics O Level.
/peak of academic achievement
posted by Joeforking at 7:32 AM on July 11, 2003


Oh.my.god...

*rocking self back and forth in shock from this and from zsazsa's link*

I want to live in a parasite free bubble
posted by mabelcolby at 8:02 AM on July 11, 2003


I need to retract my earlier comment about the link to the eye worm being the most horrific thing on the internet, because I made that comment before seeing zsazsa's link, which is now the most horrific thing I've ever seen on the internet, or anywhere else, for that matter.
posted by iconomy at 8:22 AM on July 11, 2003


Well, that link of zsazsa's has officially killed any idea of running away to a tropical paradise that I ever had... (must not think about the rectal prolapse picture... must not think about the rectal prolapse picture...)
posted by jokeefe at 8:33 AM on July 11, 2003


I clicked on the first link and then could go no further.

Year ago I read this book about Amazing Survivals. One of the stories was about a young woman survived a plane crash in the Amazon and had to find her way out. Along the way, she some bugs laid eggs in her cuts which then turned into maggots crawling under her skin, which just about drove her insane. When she made it to civilization and a doctor, it urned out that they helped to clean out the wounds and protect her from infection. To this day, it still freaks me out.
posted by witchstone at 8:43 AM on July 11, 2003


witchstone, that story was told to me at school, at the age of 9 (I think). We were always being told about peoples' amazing survival of various unfortunate circumstances. I think they were trying to make us feel that we were actually fortunate to be at school, rather than under 6 foot of snow/in a plane crash/capsized boat/avalanche etc.
Which tended to have the opposite effect.
posted by asok at 8:56 AM on July 11, 2003


whew, he's in india. that's reassuring. anyway. this needs to go into the file of parasites that we never talk about again. you all have to play along.
posted by rhyax at 10:40 AM on July 11, 2003


"Maggot therapy was introduced into civilian medicine in the USA in the 1930s but fell out of favour with the introduction of antibiotics."

Thank freakin' God.
posted by Cyrano at 10:42 AM on July 11, 2003


witchstone, that was also in a Reader's Digest back in the day. I still remember how freaky it was that in the first place she survived the crash, still strapped into her seat, essentially no longer even in the aircraft's fuselage. Everyone else on board was dead.
posted by alumshubby at 10:45 AM on July 11, 2003


I think I speak for many in relation to what zsazsa posted when I say:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

*runs away screaming, leaving an ROU_Xenophobe-shaped hole in the walls behind him*
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:04 AM on July 11, 2003


Cyrano, thanks for the info. Now that I think of it, this foot wound isn't healing as quickly as I would like. Perhaps I'll pick up some sterile fly larvae on the way home.

Fly larvae: the antibiotic that makes literally makes your skin crawl!
posted by witchstone at 11:17 AM on July 11, 2003


I didn't follow the zsazsa link and I feel good about that. I have no trouble with touching the floor, going outside, even visiting a tropical vacation locale. And I might stop by the bait shop for a bunch of red wrigglers on the way home!

The Internet is all about what you click on, kids. It's all about what you click on.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 12:29 PM on July 11, 2003


Maggots are still of some use in clearing dead tissue, it appears. Years ago I worked for a medical journal and we accepted a peer-reviewed paper about using an internal pouch of maggots to remove necrotic tissue following a botched abdominal surgery. Evidently they only eat the dead stuff, so they can be an effective way of excising dead tissue without harming new growth.

Wonder what that felt like to the patient? A big pouch of maggots writhing in your guts. Lovely.

Leeches are still in use medicinally, as well: they can help to restore circulation in some cases of reconstructive surgery involving tissue flaps.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:44 PM on July 11, 2003


Could he have gotten the flies in his penis by having sex with a fly-blown animal?
posted by DenOfSizer at 12:55 PM on July 11, 2003


Parasitology.
posted by moonbiter at 2:16 PM on July 11, 2003


OH.
MY.
FUCKING.
GOD.

This is the best thread in the history of MetaFilter. That larva-in-the-eye thing has scarred me for life. (Scarred me? Think about what it did to the little girl!)

Thank you for confirming just why it is that we humans should eradicate ever single form of life on this planet except ourselves. j/k
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 2:35 PM on July 11, 2003


Damn. I don't have the slightest clue what to say here. Every witty rejoinder just comes up frighteningly lame.

Uck.

(On the flip side, at least I'm not the only one with TrackBack problems!)
posted by Samizdata at 3:18 PM on July 11, 2003


I know a guy who had an amoeba eat a hole in his eyeball after he washed his contacts in a stream while hiking the Appalachian Trail.

That seems pretty mild now.
posted by hippugeek at 12:01 AM on July 12, 2003


[this is icky]
posted by juv3nal at 3:30 AM on July 12, 2003


I'm never complaining about my two kids simultaneously getting rotovirus and puking in unison again.
posted by pzarquon at 11:45 PM on July 12, 2003


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