Mary Carey For Governor

August 16, 2003 6:34 PM

Porn star Mary Careyofficially launched her gubenatorial campaign in front of a sports bar in Sacaramento, today. Her platform? Legalize gay marriage, tax breast implants and set up a live, streaming webcam in the Governor's Mansion. God help me, this is starting to sound appealing to me. Are politicians so bad that porn stars look good by comparison?
posted by hipnerd (26 comments total)

I'm just mad that Father Guido Sarducci didn't make the ballot. Not enough signatures, my foot -- I smell a rat.
posted by Zonker at 6:36 PM on August 16, 2003

So porn stars can make policy. Let's just hope that this doesn't inspire politicos to think they can make porn. [Al Sharpton and Elizabeth Dole, starring in "Bareback Bukkake Bonanza!"]
posted by stonerose at 6:45 PM on August 16, 2003

Now the Europeans may take us more seriously
posted by Postroad at 6:52 PM on August 16, 2003

does she do anal?

/fark
posted by eastlakestandard at 7:04 PM on August 16, 2003

tax breast implants

Nooooooooooooooo...!
posted by rushmc at 7:12 PM on August 16, 2003

Are politicians so bad that porn stars look good by comparison?

Why not? At least porn stars are honest about being whores.

Oh, and Zonker: Card tricks don't count as miracles.
posted by trondant at 7:31 PM on August 16, 2003

This is a transparent publicity stunt, and an abuse of the system.
posted by dgaicun at 7:33 PM on August 16, 2003

This is a transparent publicity stunt, and an abuse of the system.

You're talking about the petition drive that got this whole recall going, right?
posted by Mars Saxman at 7:45 PM on August 16, 2003

Every porn star in California is wishing that she/he had thought of Mary's idea. She's prolly not electable, but her name recognition is going up exponentially.
posted by wsg at 7:54 PM on August 16, 2003

I was going to vote for Angelyne, but I have to admit that Carey has a more developed platform. I'm just afraid that the two of them will split the busty blonde vote and throw the election to Arnold.
posted by homunculus at 7:59 PM on August 16, 2003

wsg - yes, in a short election cycle like this it's all about name recognition.

Maybe that's how California should handle the election. Conduct a Gallup Survey on the name recognition of the candidates. Whichever candidate has the highest name recognition wins and becomes governor. It would be less expensive and just as accurate.

Alternatively, California could make money from the election if they used a 900-number phone voting system like "American Idol". Let people make multiple calls/votes at, say, $4.99 a pop throughout the day. Think of the advantages. Voters wouldn't have to drive to those tedious polling places. They could call from their cellphones while stuck in traffic on the 405. Of course, you'd have wealthier people more likely to vote than poorer people, but that's how it is already.

Also, Unions, Churches and Corporations would form phone banks of their members calling/voting non-stop, trying to influence the election. However, instead of soft money going directly to a candidates pockets, our 1-900-PICKGOV money would go to help pay down the state's enormous debt.

Again, the most popular, name-recognizable candidate would win. And that means we ALL win. Right?

* Sorry for the long rant. *
posted by stevis at 8:25 PM on August 16, 2003

Abuse of the system, you say. Well, sure, but you only know about it because it's California, and it's for the Governor. The fact is, it IS the system. Let me tell you my situation.

I've been on the Town Council "here" (not saying, you all can find out pretty easily enough if you want to) for four years now. It's a two-year position, meaning I was re-elected once and now have to decide if I want to run again.

I imagine that most of you may think I'm just a goofball, but trust me, that's only how I act on the internet. I take the responsibility of local government very seriously, and always make sure that I both understand and appreciate all sides of an issue before I cast a vote or take an action. Even though most of the nearly - 40,000 residents of our town couldn't identify me by name or sight, I fully realize that I am one of only nine persons who, for better or worse, have been elected from the community to make decisions that affect each and every one of us. If that means voting in a way that may be against my personal beliefs, when I know it is the better thing in the particular circumstance, so be it. On the other hand, if that means standing up for what I believe is the best position for the overall good, even though I know that I will be voting in a minority of one or, perhaps, two, so be that as well.

Now, my problem right now is that I have to decide if I want to run for re-election. To do so only requires me to go out and collect 100 signatures from registered voters in Town. After that, I would have to go through the "candidates' nights" on local cable TV and probably drive around Town finding places for (and hammering in) campaign signs. However, I know right now who at least four of my opponents would be.

Three would be vehement school proponents, who are filled with righteous indignation that our public school budget was not increased as much in each of the last two years as they thought it should be. Two years in which we battled the fallout of a nation-wide recession by cutting our police and fire departments by almost 30%, eliminating our human services department, and cutting every other budget in Town by 10%. Fortunately, we were still able to borrow enough (at historically low interest rates) to begin several capital improvement projects that were neglected for decades, solely because we do have enough in a reserve fund to give us a positive rating from the bond underwriters. The school candidates, though, would all be in favor of emptying the reserve and spending it now, because "our children are our best investment", and "we shouldn't balance our budget on the backs of our children".

The fourth declared candidate is, literally, the village idiot. He has run for council each of the last four elections, although he has no visible means of support and really can't speak intelligently to any issue in Town. These handicaps haven't stopped him from getting his 100 signatures, and many more votes, each time he tried in the past. This may be his year; the anger that ordinary people feel about the lack of services (which we don't have the funds to provide) and the mandated programs (which we are still expected to pay for) may be enough that, in a "throw-the-bums-out" climate, this fellow would get enough protest votes to take a seat on the Council instead of me.

I'm not saying for an instant that would be wrong - but it is what democracy is all about. Likewise, I'm not saying that it would be wrong if a majority of the Council seats were taken by candidates who would take palliative actions that I believe would seriously cripple the community for years to come. That's democracy.

I love democracy.
I hate democracy.

I wouldn't have it any other way, although it would make my decisions a little easier if I could just say "hey! I know what I'm doing, and I'll pay real close attention to both our immediate and long-term priorities, and I won't do anything stupid, okay?" and I would get elected.

But that's not how our system works.
posted by yhbc at 8:25 PM on August 16, 2003

Hey! Guess what? Did you hear there are some wacky, unexpected candidates for governor of California?

Oh. You did.

But hey! Guess what?

(Repeat 150 times)
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 8:37 PM on August 16, 2003

When will the first female, minority, or gay become President? That doesn't matter. What will be historical is when we elect the first porn star as President. Think about the Cabinet, the State of the Union orgies, and the endless supply of smut for the military. Public education will improve dramitically as students learn to "read" the porn mags.
posted by munger at 8:43 PM on August 16, 2003

Whatchootalkinboutmary?
posted by filmgoerjuan at 9:24 PM on August 16, 2003

But how does she feel about plo chops?
posted by dhartung at 10:18 PM on August 16, 2003

Though it is not very good, here is what I wrote on the subject of The Honorable Ms. Cary at Vutant. Note that I am reposting here so there is no need to click on that link. Be forewarned that it is not particularly insightful or clever - indeed, quite the opposite!

Take California

I have not been spending an awful lot of time watching the whole bizarre California governor election. While it does have some larger political ramifications, I just haven't been able to take it seriously.

Then I learned that Mary Cary was one of the candidates.

I confess, I know nothing of her platform - though I admire the hell out of her shelf. I just believe that California is ready to have an attractive naked woman as their governor. Heck, I believe that the world is ready for this, too.

Oh, I could make a bunch more lame jokes about how Mary Cary is the kind of candidate who would draw complaints from her constituents for taking things laying down, or how it would be better to elect two boobs to office instead of just one. Sure, I could say things like she is the kind of candidate I could really get behind, or that she is the only candidate that I admire for sucking.

But I won't write those things, because she is now candidate for governor and I am sure California's voters are going to pack the polls to show their firm support. Indeed, were I in the voting booth, I would pull my lever again and again until I came to be certain that she was going to win the election.

I tell you, if I lived in California I would vote for her. I believe it is a moral imperative. I call on E/N sites everywhere to endorse her run for Governor. Together, we can help ensure that Mary Cary will be a big, bright shinning star in American politics.

If not for me, do it for the kids.
posted by Joey Michaels at 10:31 PM on August 16, 2003

stevis: I admire your cynicism!

yhbc: Read this and scoff. I do!
posted by trharlan at 10:31 PM on August 16, 2003

I often wonder if a good deal of political apathy stems from the fact that we so often have good government.
posted by rudyfink at 1:37 AM on August 17, 2003

While "admiring" the picture filmgoerjuan posted i tought about a brilliant tshirt I saw on the internet on a chick with equally substantial bumpers that said " I wish they were brains". Nothing against pornstart, their life is already as hard as it can possibly be without being a slave by law, but I'd rather have a politician with expertise in the following fields: engineering degree (not bought), 5 years experience door to door promoting sales of silver plaid forks, can write a decent web site with notepad only (notice i'm not mentioning linux, i'm giving him/her a chance), has more then a sound understanding of law system and has some years experience in the diplomacy field. Now I was 99% sure of such a candidate I would probably vote him or her, but not a fulltime pornstar thank you. Oh, and not a fulltime actor as Arnold as well too.
posted by elpapacito at 6:14 AM on August 17, 2003

From her platform:

3. Make lap dances a tax deductible business expense. This will help grease the wheels of business in California and stimulate our economy.

posted by kirkaracha at 8:21 AM on August 17, 2003

She actually appears on the ballot under her birth name, Mary Cook.
posted by calwatch at 4:02 PM on August 17, 2003

too bad she's ugly, even for a porn star
posted by Grod at 5:19 PM on August 17, 2003

kirkaracha: Yeah, her puns beat the heck out of mine. I love her so.
posted by Joey Michaels at 9:04 PM on August 17, 2003

Puns? Of course I meant double entendre.
posted by Joey Michaels at 9:05 PM on August 17, 2003

Silver plaid forks?
posted by swerve at 7:18 PM on August 18, 2003