Yes, but does he cheat at kitten poker?

September 13, 2003 8:20 AM

Just to show that American politicians don't have a monopoly on petty sniping: In Ontario, a press release from the office of the incumbent premier Ernie Eves called the Liberal party leader, Dalton McGuinty, an evil reptilian kitten eater from another planet. (Buffy fans take note.)
posted by Johnny Assay (29 comments total)

Oops — that last link should have been to this story. (Although that the photo montage in the story I linked to instead is also amusing.)
posted by Johnny Assay at 8:31 AM on September 13, 2003

Clem was never evil. And, anyway, who arbitrarily decides that eating kittens is evil, but eating calves is not?
posted by graventy at 8:35 AM on September 13, 2003

He may well be right, if this guy is to be believed.

But everybody knows it's the Bush family, Boxcar Willie, and Dick Cheney we need to watch out for.
posted by evilcupcakes at 8:38 AM on September 13, 2003

Is he from Melmac?
posted by emelenjr at 9:58 AM on September 13, 2003

Poor Dalton McGuinty, last election the NDP were comparing him to Norman Bates, now the PCs are calling him a kitten eater. Yup, Canadian politics isn't pretty.
posted by bobo123 at 10:26 AM on September 13, 2003

But it is endlessly amusing. You just gotta admit that " evil reptilian kitten eater from another planet" rates among the top political slams ever. You can't invent that kind of fun.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:37 AM on September 13, 2003

clem for premier of ontario...!

we were behind ernie eves' tour bus for nearly 30 min on friday, 30 min i had to spend convincing my s/o it would be wrong to purposely ram it and push it off the road. sure i was lying through my teeth, but hey, i wouldn't want us going to prison over such a worthless bag of shit.
posted by t r a c y at 11:50 AM on September 13, 2003

Is Eves really trying to privatize the healthcare system there?
posted by amberglow at 11:55 AM on September 13, 2003

Eves would privatize the job of wiping his own ass, if he could find a contractor.
posted by stonerose at 12:23 PM on September 13, 2003

Is Eves really trying to privatize the healthcare system there?

Right after he's done with the liquor stores, the electricity grid and generation plants, various goverment services (like land deed transfers). Why he's even had his own version of Bush's Trifecta: SARS, Blackout and Tainted Meat. Bring on the tax cuts Ernie, 'cuz we all know how well those work.
posted by smcniven at 12:27 PM on September 13, 2003

smcniven, don't forget the Walkerton Wacky Water Follies, where the true power of tax cuts was demonstrated to lethal effect.
posted by stonerose at 12:29 PM on September 13, 2003

Right after he's done with the liquor stores...

Hey, privatizing the liquor stores is about the only thing the Alberta government did right. Now we can get low price booze almost any time. Yay!
posted by alex_reno at 12:34 PM on September 13, 2003

Coming soon in Alberta: Old Milwaukee Healthcare.
posted by ODiV at 12:39 PM on September 13, 2003

well, don't forget to vote then! ; > (we're not forgetting to your south)
posted by amberglow at 1:27 PM on September 13, 2003

Thank God, yes, amberglow.

It's about time we made the leeches pay for their service. Get those taxes down. It's what Ontario wants. That's why Ernie Eves' party was elected a second time.

The more that is privatized, the less communist we are. That's a good thing.

BTW, tracy, saw your car behind that bus. Also considered ramming it (your car) before it rammed the bus. As amberglow (and others) might know, when I say that people should take it seriously. >:-D
posted by shepd at 1:40 PM on September 13, 2003

ooo shepd! we know how you'll be voting, i guess. And Canada is not communist at all, just very very mildly socialist and communitarian, something many of us down south envy.

now, if you other guys just get 2 people to vote for every 1 shepd, you'll be fine. : >
posted by amberglow at 1:52 PM on September 13, 2003

Only through communist or a dictatorship does the government get the right to control what you're allowed to play on TV...

Perhaps you're right. We're really a dictatorship. Whichever it is, I don't plan to vote PC anyways (Ernie Eves is WAY too soft for my liking. We need Harris [and Snobelen] back).
posted by shepd at 1:54 PM on September 13, 2003

our government does that too, shepd...there's a vast list of things not allowed on our television (even cable has things they aren't allowed to show, though not as restrictive as broadcast). Are we communist or a dictatorship?

We're far more restrictive on a whole range of issues than canada is.

What party were Harris and Snobelen? Who were they?
posted by amberglow at 2:06 PM on September 13, 2003

he would privatise wiping his own ass

You mean that currently it's a publicly funded service? Wow.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 2:38 PM on September 13, 2003

Please tell me shepd is satirizing himself.

Unfortunately a slightly milder version of that idiocy is probably what's infecting all teh 905ers and causing them to vote for the SARS / blackout party once again.
posted by Space Coyote at 2:55 PM on September 13, 2003

You mean that currently it's a publicly funded service? Wow.

It sure is! Through my taxes, I pay Eves for his time; he uses some of that time to wipe his ass. And to buy toilet paper. Luxurious, non-communist, 2-ply toilet paper. :-)
posted by stonerose at 3:08 PM on September 13, 2003

Uh, this just in: The Globe and Mail today notes that McGuinty "refuse[s] to confirm or deny that he is an evil reptilian kitten eater from another planet." Hmmmmm.

I think that says it all.

Of course, I'm writing from B.C., where we've never, but never, had any insane politicians at all, let alone pet eating ones [/heavy sarcasm, for the Canadian history impaired]
posted by jokeefe at 3:09 PM on September 13, 2003

>our government does that too, shepd...there's a vast list of things not allowed on our television (even cable has things they aren't allowed to show, though not as restrictive as broadcast). Are we communist or a dictatorship?

I don't know. If someone tried to import such things for themselves would they be in trouble?

They would be here.

No bootlicking allowed by government decree.
posted by shepd at 5:24 PM on September 13, 2003

There was no mention of Clem being from another planet.


He has Tivo, though.
posted by nyxxxx at 8:31 PM on September 13, 2003

jokeefe, you are absolutely correct...B.C. politicians are not cat-eating aliens, nor are any of them insane...they're just normal people like you or me: trying to do the best they can.

Don't believe me? Here's photographic evidence!


posted by filmgoerjuan at 9:10 PM on September 13, 2003

Dear god, filmgoer Juan, do you have a license to do that with Photoshop? Ack.

Though I must say that I am very happy to see the revealed truth behind our beloved premier's recent brush with the law, and to know that he has been, like Homer Simpson, officially certified to be Not Insane.

Speaking of politicians, please meet the very first premier of B.C., Amor De Cosmos (born William Alexander Smith).
posted by jokeefe at 10:13 PM on September 13, 2003

Few are the articles where two different fellows named Clem are referenced. Liberal British politician Clement Freud referred to Margaret Thatcher as "Attila the Hen." /Chortle/ (Why is every sentence a new paragraph? That contradicts the paragraph-as-hamburger model from grade seven.)

Did anyone answer your question, amberglow? Harris and Snoblen were of Eves' party, the Progressive Conservatives, or Tories. (The name is either an oxymoron or balance between opposing forces, depending on which side you're on.) Harris won two terms as Premier. Eves and Snoblen were ministers in Harris' government. Harris is remembered, for among other things, election-touring with thirty or so empty chairs on a platform to illustrate his aim of trimming the provincial legislature by said number of members and thereby saving tax dollars. He campaigned on a lower tax, open-for business platform, called the Common Sense Revolution, and largely governed that way. A three-figure tax rebate cheque was delivered to every Ontario taxpayer just prior to the second election campaign. There were massive budget cuts to health care, education, social services agencies and public transportation. (I'm employed in social services; our budget was cut by ten per cent.) The rate of crime, in my opinion, is higher and more serious in Toronto now than before the Tories came to power. Water was inadequately tested by an outsourced testing site and several people died in Walkerton, a small farming community. Harris was a former golf pro before entering politics. The 905 belt Space Coyote referred to is the dialing code for the farmland/small town-turned-commuter suburbs to the east, north and west of Toronto proper: Oshawa, Markham, Vaughn, King City, Brampton, etc. The area voted massively for Mike Harris in both elections; Toronto proper, however, did not.
posted by philfromhavelock at 10:29 PM on September 13, 2003

thanks, phil
i know shepd's libertarian leanings, but had no idea who those people were...

here's a deal: you get rid of Eves, and we'll get rid of Bush. : >
posted by amberglow at 10:48 PM on September 13, 2003

>The rate of crime, in my opinion, is higher and more serious in Toronto now than before the Tories came to power.

That's funny, because I said the same thing when the NDP were in power. They gave us these crazy prisons where the prisoners were treated like they were at hotels. And this is a medium security prison!

That's CRAZY, IMHO. You go to prison to pay your debts, not to live like a king.

>Water was inadequately tested by an outsourced testing site and several people died in Walkerton, a small farming community.

And what government put the water testing personnel there? The ones that made the mistake? It wasn't the PCs... Thank you very much NDP!

>There were massive budget cuts to health care, education, social services agencies and public transportation. (I'm employed in social services; our budget was cut by ten per cent.)

As someone who worked in one of those sectors and saw the waste, THANK GOD. It's about time. But it isn't enough. Not even CLOSE. Why the hell was I, someone who was working a "real" part-time job for the first time in my life, getting paid $14.50 an hour in my government funded job? Why? That's CRAZY!

Clearly there was far too much money. I mean, hell, I enjoyed it, anybody lucky enough to be on the gravy train would have, but yeesh, it's still crazy. And it needs to be stopped. And since Ernie Eves/Harris can't get in there and fix that pay level themselves, they have to apply external pressure. Like cuts! Just cut a little harder next time! Please!
posted by shepd at 12:33 AM on September 14, 2003