National Poetry Day

October 9, 2003 6:22 AM

Limerick Challenge.In celebration of National Poetry Day we are invited to write a limerick beginning with the line "On Arnie's first day in the job..." with a warning that "BBC taste and decency guidelines apply". Fortunately there are no such guidelines here.
posted by cbrody (48 comments total)

On Arnie's first day on the job,
He kicked a bloke in the knob.
The bloke was aghast
At what had just passed
But the whole thing was just a flash mob.

/nothin'
posted by tr33hggr at 6:53 AM on October 9, 2003

On Arnie's first day on the job
He did nothing but play with his knob.
No man could be hornier -
'twas as if California
Had given him one massive plo chop.
posted by cbrody at 6:54 AM on October 9, 2003

On Arnie's first day on the job
He got a headache from the smog
So he felt up some women
And distributed semen
While Schriver polished his knob
posted by psychotic_venom at 6:55 AM on October 9, 2003

Hm... I wondered if everyone was going to rhyme it with knob.
posted by psychotic_venom at 6:56 AM on October 9, 2003

On Arnie's first day on the job,
He found that old Gray was a slob,
Unfinished tasks here,
Unstarted tasks there,
And the lobbyists led the lynch mob.
posted by o2b at 7:04 AM on October 9, 2003

On Arnie's first day on the job,
He pondered who first he would rob -
The immigrant poor
Or the well-to-do whore,
As his secretary stroked his kabob.

/sorry
posted by tr33hggr at 7:10 AM on October 9, 2003

On Arnie's first day on the job,
The democrats started to sob:
"We got our comeuppance --
And have not a tuppence
To purchase a decent plo chop."
posted by tommyspoon at 7:21 AM on October 9, 2003

On Arnie's first day on the job,
He tried to placate the mob.
The right wanted less tax,
The left wanted more blacks,
But Arnie just wanted a plo chob.
posted by pardonyou? at 7:33 AM on October 9, 2003

On Arnie's first day on the job,
He went out to shmooze and hobnob;
He said, "I'm in clover;
California, bend over
And get ready to take my corncob."


(I think we gotta disqualify "plo chop" as a mispronounced version of the word in the first line. I know, I should talk - I put an extra syllable in the fourth line - I'm adopting the GOP's "do as we say, not as we do" attitude.)
posted by soyjoy at 7:33 AM on October 9, 2003

On Arnie's first day on the job,
I came to work dressed like a slob;
The news reports beckoned
that we dems had all reckoned
ole Arnie would not get the job.
posted by th3ph17 at 7:34 AM on October 9, 2003

On Arnie's first day on the job,
he pulled out his new watch fob.
Then said with a grin,
as he drooled on his chin,
this election I did rob.
posted by DragonBoy at 7:45 AM on October 9, 2003

On Arnie's first day on the job
The liberals line up and sob
so he passes out tissues
While discussing the issues
Pacifying the Democrat mob.
posted by konolia at 7:55 AM on October 9, 2003

On Arnie's first day on the job
He angered the liberal mob
The public now backed
This Austrian hack
And the democrats screamed, "We were robbed!"

or, if you prefer:

On Arnie's first day on the job
He played with his keys and watch fob
Then looked at the clock
And said, "I'll be bahk!"
"T'is more boring than Les Miserables."
posted by jammer at 8:00 AM on October 9, 2003

On Arnie's first day on the job
Tween his legs he started to throb
"Zee cock's nut a muscle"
He said in a hustle
"Tis better to pump and then swab"
posted by ahimsakid at 8:13 AM on October 9, 2003

And, for double-super-extra credit...

First, the Schwarzeneggar haiku:

America laughs
at Californian folly
- Schwarzeneggar

And, the crowning glory, the Schwarzeneggar double dactyl:

"Illbebock-Illbebock,"
Governer Schwarzeneg'
gleefully chanted
from his new job.

"Movie star, governor,
where does the climbing stop?
Maybe the President
will be my next job!"

There we go... did I cover all the cliched poetry forms?
posted by jammer at 8:14 AM on October 9, 2003

There's other selections of first lines on the Beeb site including:

When J-Lo and Ben named the day,
of the vows that they planned to say,
They had objections,
from Matt's affections.
Seems Damon and Ben were both gay.
posted by DragonBoy at 8:20 AM on October 9, 2003

(Changing the rules)

There once was a man made of muscle,
Who emerged from a partisan tussle,
With a crown on his head,
He smiled and said,
"I am back...via political hustle."
posted by rushmc at 8:26 AM on October 9, 2003

On Arnie's first day on the job
He pulled out his robotic knob
To do to his mate
What Grey had done to the state
But now with the votes of the mob.

See, there's a reason our band doesn't have lyrics.
posted by ciderwoman at 8:32 AM on October 9, 2003

On Arnie's first day on the job,
His "predator" started to throb.
"Well, I said no more flings,
And all of 'dose kind of t'ings,
But I really do need a plo chob."

sorry for the use of chob, although limericks initially required using the same word in 1 and 5

On Arnie's first day on the job,
He was eating corn on the cob,
Someone knocked on his door,
He spat corn on the floor,
And now we all know he's a slob.
posted by pardonyou? at 8:43 AM on October 9, 2003

On Arnie's first day on the job
He turned to Maria the snob
and said, "My job's done,
now Pete Wilson can run
the state while I watch SpongeBob."
posted by troybob at 8:56 AM on October 9, 2003

On Arnie's first day on the job
An alien from planet Zob
Descended to Earth
And questioned his worth
Suggesting he thought with his nob.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:12 AM on October 9, 2003

Gosh, I have a really good one, but it's a bit too Tarantino...I'm afraid I would be picked up by secret service or something...
posted by troybob at 9:18 AM on October 9, 2003

On Arnie's 1st day on the job
The Democrats tossed him a cob
"We hate what you've done
to our state, you big Hun.
Now our treasury you'll try to rob."
posted by Lynsey at 9:18 AM on October 9, 2003

On Arnie's first day on the job,
He was caught in the back of a Saab
"Maria, my Skeletor,
She wasn't a whore,
That was Dubya's daughter hobbing my knob."
posted by archimago at 9:19 AM on October 9, 2003

On Arnie's first day on the job
he flexes and plays the nabob
then cuts taxes on cars,
SUVs and Cigars
Bustamante finds it rather macabre

PS: Plo Chops? I must be really sheltered.
posted by anastasiav at 9:35 AM on October 9, 2003

On Arnie's first day on the job
he called up his stand-in, Bob
"I'll be with Ken Lay
playing golf all day,
You just stand there and wave to the mob"
posted by amberglow at 9:45 AM on October 9, 2003

Ok, so I converted it from potentially threatening to just tasteless:

On Arnie's first day on the job
His Maria started to sob:
"It's going to get worse;
The Kennedy curse
will find you like it did John and Bob."

not as good, though
posted by troybob at 9:49 AM on October 9, 2003

On Arnie's 1st day on the job
He enjoyed every Democrat's sob
But one look at the state
Caused his knob to deflate
To the size, shape, and mass of a swab.

I'll use "knob," but I won't rhyme with it!
posted by furiousthought at 9:50 AM on October 9, 2003

Wow, troybob, that's pretty harsh. Yet not 100% tasteless. Well done.
posted by anastasiav at 9:57 AM on October 9, 2003

anastasiav:
plo chops
posted by tr33hggr at 11:27 AM on October 9, 2003

Since this is a BBC challenge, I challenge you to read this in your best British accent:

On Arnie's first day on the job
The lefties at MeFi did sob
They whined and they bickered
And twisted their knickers
'Til their naughty bits started to throb
posted by bwg at 11:28 AM on October 9, 2003

well, the throbbing knob is overdone, and bickered-knickers is kinda lame
posted by troybob at 12:10 PM on October 9, 2003

Jammer wins.
posted by me3dia at 2:56 PM on October 9, 2003

On Arnie's first day on the job
Plo chop Plo chop Plo plo chop Plo chop
Whine cry, shout "Woah and dismay"
Tears, jears, needls, jabs and crochet
Plo chop Plo chop Plo plo chop Plo chop

Am I too late, me3dia?
posted by billsaysthis at 3:32 PM on October 9, 2003

Jammer wins

*takes a bow*
posted by jammer at 4:17 PM on October 9, 2003

while I watch SpongeBob

Not as lame as that.
posted by bwg at 7:48 PM on October 9, 2003

Who elected me3dia to the position of judge? It's my thread so I'll decide who wins. So there!

Still hoping for some more prizeworthy entries, jammer's, kafakesque's and troybob's efforts notwithstanding. I'd have liked amerglow's and ciderwoman's if only they'd scan.

Troybob, let's have the uncensored version!
posted by cbrody at 8:28 PM on October 9, 2003

On Arnie's first day on the job
He carefully buttered his knob
When automatically asked by his assistants
If they should diplomatically keep their distance
He replied "Fuck, no - it's corn on the cob."
posted by MiguelCardoso at 9:08 PM on October 9, 2003

These are oddly Fark-like.
posted by mecran01 at 10:13 PM on October 9, 2003

Though Arnie's first day we were tasked to define,
bwg was the first in line
to take the opportunity
to slight the MeFi community
--and his limerick's still lamer than mine.
posted by troybob at 11:28 PM on October 9, 2003

Troybob, you missed the entire point of my limerick.

Went right over your head. It wasn't intended to be the best, or even all that good. It was supposed to be read in a British accent, just for the fun of it.

Instead, you called it lame (when the British are noted for calling underwear "knickers") when one of your entries (that I pointed out) wasn't all that skillful.

To be fair, I liked your Kennedy curse version much better.
posted by bwg at 12:20 AM on October 10, 2003

On Arnie's first day on the job,
Voted in by that daft west coast mob,
I thought: Have they been drinking?
Or, were Californians thinking
That he'd give each voter a plo chop?
posted by pooligan at 5:33 AM on October 10, 2003

My incivility I surely regret,
but your limerick's gist I did get.
Insult taken, I just tried to chime:
"bickered and knickers do not rhyme."
Just a game--let's forgive and forget.
posted by troybob at 8:47 AM on October 10, 2003

Troybob... heh.

I just watched 8 Mile tonight, and realise just how badly I suck at rhyming.

Good thing I'm a writer and not a poet. Or a rapper.
posted by bwg at 9:56 AM on October 10, 2003

On Arnie’s first day on the job,
I sat on the couch like a blob--
avoiding news channels
and political annals--
and eating some steamed broccoli raab.
posted by jennyb at 11:01 AM on October 10, 2003

I know my skills aren't the bomb.
I made much use of RhymeZone.com.

If note explicitly proscribed by our host,
I think from now on I'll rhyme every post.
posted by troybob at 11:22 AM on October 10, 2003

oops...I meant not.
I screw up a lot.
posted by troybob at 11:24 AM on October 10, 2003

On Arnie's first day on the job,
He read rhymes from an angry mob.
He found some confusing,
And others amusing,
But hated the ones by troybob.
posted by pardonyou? at 12:15 PM on October 10, 2003