Live Fast, Die Young, Don't Leave a Good Embryo

October 13, 2003 11:02 AM

Phylogeny recapitulates potheads.Apparently getting stoned affects the behavior of the smoker's sperm. The little guys start out really excited but then burn out before achieving their goals. Why does this sound familiar? Would it be a good ad campaign? Ah, I can't be bothered to figure it out, pass the bong.
posted by alms (24 comments total)

My God, it's birth control, too! What can't marijuana do?!?
posted by mr_roboto at 11:07 AM on October 13, 2003

If these academic Melvins are so right, how do you explain all the times people get stoned and the girl winds up pregnant?
posted by billsaysthis at 11:11 AM on October 13, 2003

If these academic Melvins are so right, how do you explain all the times people get stoned and the girl winds up pregnant?

C'mon now billy, didn't you watch the commercials? That only happens when she gets stoned. The boys just shoot each other.

Scientists have long maintained that pot will lower testosterone levels. I wonder if this is related or a completely separate effect.
posted by Ufez Jones at 11:16 AM on October 13, 2003

"Pot: It decreases your chance of getting a girl pregnant"
Oh yeah, that will drive high school kids away.
posted by spartacusroosevelt at 11:17 AM on October 13, 2003

Frankly, having sex while stoned is more pleasurable (IMO) than while straight, the sensations are all just... heightened. And Ufez, you have been warned about the 'billy' thing, so you're lucky I'm too stoned to drive over there this afternoon to give you that whooping.
posted by billsaysthis at 11:23 AM on October 13, 2003

Well, this is interesting, I wonder if it is an effect that they can genetically engineer out of the plant (or into other plants)? This reminds me of the time I was hunting Widdell seals using a bait impregnated with marijuana, the amazing thing was
*Woah what was that? Lights, lights in the sky. Oh, sorry I just stood up too fast.*
Anyway, ...what was I talking about?
posted by asok at 11:30 AM on October 13, 2003

And Ufez, you have been warned about the 'billy' thing, so you're lucky I'm too stoned to drive over there this afternoon to give you that whooping.

*throws bag of Chee-tos at Bill*

*runs opposite direction*
posted by Ufez Jones at 11:37 AM on October 13, 2003

I find a potsmokers ability to talkaboutabsolutelyfuckallforhoursonendandnotlistentoawordinreply is the most effective contraceptive I know. And this applies to me especially.
Or specifically?
< / paranoia>
posted by punilux at 11:54 AM on October 13, 2003

Enjoy Better Sex! Legalize and Tax Marijuana.
posted by homunculus at 12:00 PM on October 13, 2003

What can't marijuana do?!?

It can't make this plate of Krispy Kremes right here taste like shit.
posted by WolfDaddy at 12:20 PM on October 13, 2003

I'm pretty sure just about everyone has the disease of talkingaboutabsolutelyfuckallforhoursonendandnotlisteningtoawordinreply.
posted by Satapher at 1:09 PM on October 13, 2003

Only pretty sure? Oh bloody hell.
posted by punilux at 2:16 PM on October 13, 2003

asok: I know it would be hard to get more off-topic than this but it's Weddell Seals. Named after James Weddell, the captain of a British Antarctic expedition. OK, there's your science for the day, I'm going to go get stoned.
posted by milovoo at 2:46 PM on October 13, 2003

The evil menace Marihuana must be stopped! It can make a black man look at a white woman twice.
posted by Keyser Soze at 2:52 PM on October 13, 2003

One might ask why scientists are researching the motility of sperm in potheads -- when, as far as I know, there hasn't been an epidemic of infertility in Phish phans or whatever -- when marijuana's effectiveness as a medicine remains largely unexplored.
posted by digaman at 2:57 PM on October 13, 2003

i just have to say it: who cares?
posted by quonsar at 3:29 PM on October 13, 2003

Sweet! And, if I read the article correctly, it's only temporary!
posted by UrbanFigaro at 4:03 PM on October 13, 2003

quonsar : only the nonpetertoshes.
posted by Satapher at 7:47 PM on October 13, 2003

digaman, I think your question is absolutely spot on and I think a responsible, innovative journalist should jump on it. Know anyone?
posted by billsaysthis at 7:48 PM on October 13, 2003

The Free Dartmouth blog made a great point about this today: anyone remember the government running that ad during the Superbowl two years ago with a scare story that smoking pot "impaired your judgement" with a visual of pot smoking causing a girl to get pregnant? I eagerly await the retraction letters.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 8:40 PM on October 13, 2003

Thanks for the link, Keyser Soze. I likes my Jello hot!
posted by squirrel at 10:50 PM on October 13, 2003

So what? Drink coffee and your sperm will be just about fine...
posted by talos at 3:00 AM on October 14, 2003

I know it would be hard to get more off-topic than this but it's Weddell Seals.

Oh right, I thought he meant widdel as in

"Oh wook at the cute widdel seal!"

Silly me...
posted by backOfYourMind at 4:45 AM on October 14, 2003

Didn't Bob Marley have, like, 15 kids? And didn't he smoke pot sometimes? I'm trying to remember...
posted by michaelbrown at 12:51 PM on October 14, 2003