juiced up moo

November 6, 2003 3:12 PM

How do you get teens to crave milk? Load it with caffeine. "We're giving teens the caffeine they want but also vitamins, calcium and protein" ...and also a lot more calories.
posted by bluno (32 comments total)

See also Raging Cow, discussed here.
posted by .kobayashi. at 3:21 PM on November 6, 2003

The recommended daily milk allowance for 9- to 18-year-olds is four 8-ounce servings per day.

A frigging quart? I assume that it's the American Dairy Council who sets that amount, not reputable nutritionists. The National Potato Board probably recommends a daily allowance of 32 ounces of potato chips, but that doesn't make it a good idea.
posted by Mayor Curley at 3:28 PM on November 6, 2003

the dubious distinction of being the first caffeinated milk beverage

Unlike my latte, I suppose.
posted by carter at 3:29 PM on November 6, 2003

I haven't had a glass of milk in 25 years. Products like this will ensure I go another 25 without. Nasty stuff just got nastier.
posted by dobbs at 3:35 PM on November 6, 2003

and also a lot more calories.

A lot more calories than soda, but it's basically milk which has a lot more nutrients. So this isn't empty calories. I think it's interesting that

A recent study reported in the American Dietetic Association journal showed that kids who drank flavored milk instead of soda not only had a higher calcium level, but they took in fewer calories and had lower body fat than those who drank pop.

Anyway, I'm with carter. I have caffein-laced milk every morning. I'm not sure that's such a bad thing, but I'm not a teenager anymore so it's not like I'm risking stunted growth. Well, any more stunted than I am already from massive In 'n Out consumption in my teens.
posted by dness2 at 3:38 PM on November 6, 2003

Erm... "...the main ingredient is 2 percent milk."

This isn't milk laced with caffein, this is a caffein drink with a wee bit of milk in it.

The article linked to and the FPP are both entirely misleading.
posted by Blue Stone at 3:55 PM on November 6, 2003

I am apparently unable to spell caffeine. I thought it looked odd. I need a cup of te.
posted by Blue Stone at 3:58 PM on November 6, 2003

Blue Stone, I think thats "2 percent" milk, as in milk with only 2 percent fat in it, but 100 per cent all the other stuff (minerals, vitamins, protein, growth hormones, metabolised remains of ground up bits of other cows, etc.). So it could be 98 percent "2 percent" milk, and still be mainly milk. Or perhaps, 'milk.'
posted by carter at 4:00 PM on November 6, 2003

carter...not familiar with that term... that would make sense.... otherwise it would hardly be the main ingeredient. Unless there were 98 or more other ingredients at 1% or less.


*sigh* What's wrong with "skimmed"/"semi-skimmed"???? ...Bloody Americans.

I entirely retract my earlier post.

Oh... and you forgot "puss."
posted by Blue Stone at 4:17 PM on November 6, 2003

I have always been told that caffeine (along with alcohol and salt) inhibits calcium absorption. Also, there are a lot of things that inhibit magnesium absorption, which is what helps keep calcium where it ought to be (as in - in women's bones). Sugar is a big one.

Has anyone heard differently (from someone other than Dairy Consortium Inc or the like)?
posted by small_ruminant at 4:26 PM on November 6, 2003

Ah, I see you're in the UK, Blue Stone. When I moved from the UK to live in the US, it took me about a year to get used to the varieties of milk here. Forget skimmed, semi-skimmed, gold top; here it's '2 percent' (i.e. 2 percent fat), '1 percent,' 'fat free,' and something artery clogging called 'half-and-half' (half milk and half cream?). Also forget about buying it in pints; the default size is the 1/2 gallon box, closely followed by the gallon jug, both of which fit nicely into the huge fridges.
posted by carter at 4:27 PM on November 6, 2003

When will all you people realize that milk is supposed to come in BAGS?
posted by Hildegarde at 5:21 PM on November 6, 2003

When will all you people realize that milk is specie specific and for the young?
posted by Feisty at 5:49 PM on November 6, 2003

"Gold top", there's a descriptive name for a type of milk. Unless it's got butter floating in it, you can keep your weirdo limey milk.
posted by majcher at 6:37 PM on November 6, 2003

If Gold Top is similar to clotted cream, it's better than butter.
posted by Feisty at 6:46 PM on November 6, 2003

In America we don't have normal milk it is a milk food product. In the UK you still have what might be considered something similar to real milk, for now.

It's called Gold Top because normal unmolested milk the cream rises to the top and the cream is the best part. Cream of the crop. Cream skimming. Most of us in America grew up with homogenization the process of distributing the cream throughout the milk in tiny fat bubbles, fat bubbles so small that they are absorbed with protein directly into the bloodstream and clog arteries and fill up fat tissue. One theory is that the rise of heart attacks can be tracked to the rise in dairy homogenization.

small_ruminant, the answer to your question is very complex because calcium can be absorbed but distributed in the wrong places like the calcification of your arteries. Many people take calcium and end up in bad shape because of other imbalances like you say sugar and magnesium and a host of other things. I'm not entirely sure anyone knows for certain how calcium works in the body so the best thing is eat a really broad nutrient rich diet and not over supplement calcium.
posted by stbalbach at 7:16 PM on November 6, 2003

A recent study reported in the American Dietetic Association journal showed that kids who drank flavored milk instead of soda not only had a higher calcium level, but they took in fewer calories and had lower body fat than those who drank pop.

But, but, but...doesn't this simpy point out that teens shouldn't be drinking the crap that is soda? Compare soda drinkers to water drinkers, and I would wager that the water drinkers consume less calories too. There are lotsa good sources of calcium other than whatever it is that they call cow's milk (i.e. hormones, puss, etc.)

Is there a more powerful lobby group out there? These people got a food group named after them!

Sorry...the longer I don't drink milk, the grosser it seems...

And, majcher...thanks for the best laugh I have had all day..."Your weirdo limey milk"...wotta phrase!
posted by Richat at 7:27 PM on November 6, 2003

Why does it matter if they load it with caffeine as milk is bad for you anyway.
posted by jester69 at 8:00 PM on November 6, 2003

I'm a big supporter of milk. Real milk not the factory stuff. So I find it humorous how many people come out against milk on the one hand, but if you look at what they actually eat (butter, cheese, whey protein, lates, ice cream, whiped cream, lobster with butter, pizza) they are huge milk consumers of the worst factory farm milk you can buy. Con Agra and the rest thank you.
posted by stbalbach at 9:10 PM on November 6, 2003

When I moved from the UK to live in the US, it took me about a year to get used to the varieties of milk here. Forget skimmed, semi-skimmed, gold top; here it's '2 percent' (i.e. 2 percent fat), '1 percent,' 'fat free,'

you forgot "whole milk" - all the fat left in, but no cream to rise to the top, sadly.

and something artery clogging called 'half-and-half' (half milk and half cream?).

Yes, but you're not supposed to drink it straight - its for putting in coffee, a teaspoon or so at a time.

This brings back memories of the absoloute worst part of my years in England - the constant fight the American students had to get a %$#*& glass of milk in the dining hall at breakfast. We finally started filling juice glasses with the milk meant for the tea (took a minute or two, one squirt at a time), until the dining hall ladies took away all the milk and made the students come up to the kitchen and ask for milk to their tea. Seems they thought we'd get sick drinking a whole six ounces of milk on an empty stomach.

Also forget about buying it in pints; the default size is the 1/2 gallon box, closely followed by the gallon jug, both of which fit nicely into the huge fridges.

Hmmm. Not sure where you are, but where I am (Maine) we can buy pints, quarts and half-gallons of all kinds of milk quite easily in the dairy section of my local super-duper-food-mart.

Dairy Case Image - notice the pints at the top right hand corner of the image. Here's a list of milk products made by our largest statewide dairy (notice pints of whole milk, 1 1/2 percent, and fat free skim), but, really Smiling Hill Farm is my favorite company to buy milk from. I can buy it at the super-duper-food-mart, too, and it even comes in glass bottles.
posted by anastasiav at 9:28 PM on November 6, 2003

This is a fantastic idea. I used to get three or four Jolt colas at lunch time and then pour pixie stix into them just to increase my energy level to nearly unimaginable levels.

After hopping our kids up on milk, we can prescripe ritalin so they have something to rail in the bathrooms at lunch. They're create an entire economy out of trading crushed ritalin, and learn all about capitalism in the process (it's better than another pog craze).
posted by The God Complex at 11:04 PM on November 6, 2003

insert a "going to" somewhere in there
posted by The God Complex at 11:05 PM on November 6, 2003

and something artery clogging called 'half-and-half' (half milk and half cream?)

Yes, half milk, half cream. Wretched, horrid, vile stuff. It's used as a coffee additive for people either too cowardly to have real flavor in their coffee or too stupid to realize that there are different types of cream available as well. In the U.S. there's also Heavy Cream (also known as whipping cream -- very thick stuff) and Light Cream (also known as table cream).

And here in the U.S., you can get just about anything in just about any size, but more so if that size is "large", "jumbo", "King-sized", or "super-sized". There are certain exceptions, however. In the Midwest, where people are ignorant of proper coffee ettiquite (i.e., they use half the grounds and twice the water with crap beans and half-and-half) it's difficult to find "Light Cream" anywhere. They just don't use it with coffee. Which is funny, because you get the impression that they're trying to look out for your health, when in the next aisle at the supermarket you'll see 2 gallon tubs of ice cream on sale for $5.00 or 10 lbs. of ground meat on sale for $10. But the Midwest is funny like that.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 12:55 AM on November 7, 2003

It's used as a coffee additive for people either too cowardly to have real flavor in their coffee or too stupid to realize that there are different types of cream available as well.

I use it in my coffee and I am neither of those things, thankyouverymuch.

I would love to put the caffeinated milk in my coffee just once, to see if my head flies off or something. But it'd probably be more like the time in 10th grade where I ate 10 Vivarin tablets.
posted by jonmc at 6:56 AM on November 7, 2003

I have a hard time finding half-pints (or even pints) of fat-free milk in the US. Very frustrating for me, as my diet now prohibits extensive ice-cream eating (or extensive whole-milk drinking), I like to be able to buy some to have with a lunch out to get some calcium in.
posted by Karmakaze at 7:17 AM on November 7, 2003

Yes, but you're not supposed to drink it straight - its for putting in coffee, a teaspoon or so at a time.

Dang! No wonder my cholesterol count is so high ;) (Actually I usually drink soya milk, but that's a whole other discussion.) While we're on the subject of milk memories, when I was in primary school, a longish time ago, I was given a little bottle of milk every morning at about 11. Each class had appointed milk monitors, a coveted job, who fetched in the crate and distributed the bottles.

And I *am* in the Midwest now (I think - does Colorado count?) - a land of large supermarkets in larger malls, from whence you haul your super-sized groceries in large trucks to your house and your large fridge.
posted by carter at 7:24 AM on November 7, 2003

metabolized remains of ground up bits of other cows

Carter, I'm with you in that I think milk is completely foul. That being said, once an animal metabolizes something originally solid to the point it goes from the intestine, through the blood, and out an excretory system as a liquid, couldn't it be a tad misleading to still attribute "bits" of the original substance to the excretions?

In other words, when was the last time you peed bits of broccoli.

Con Agra and the rest thank you.

Well, being lactose intolerant made me give up dairy. And in retrospect, I think it was one of the best things to ever happen to me. The longer I am away from it the more the thought of it makes me kind of gag. That being said, I do still consume lots of "soy milk" products. All the stuff I liked about dairy with none of the grossness or bad health aspects. Even if my lactose intolerance went away, I doubt i'd start back with the dairy products. In other words, not all anti-dairy folks are hypocrites.
posted by jester69 at 9:53 AM on November 7, 2003

Silk French Vanilla Soy Creamer is a fabulous coffee additive with the sweet, creamy fabulousness of half and half but much better for you.

But as someone who has been occasionally known to use non-decaf chocolate frappucino as creamer, like johnmc, I'd dump the Hyper Cow in my morning coffee in a heartbeat. Rapid heartbeat, that is.
posted by jennyb at 10:33 AM on November 7, 2003

Soy can be dangerous. Soy milk in particular as it concentrates soy to very high levels.

Ice cream is made with half and half. At least Ben and Jerrys is.
posted by stbalbach at 1:25 PM on November 7, 2003

Cow's milk can be dangerous. Ice cream in particular as it concentrates milk to very high levels.

Look, I'm not gonna argue people should be eating or drinking a lot of soy. Despite the hype, soy is neither a wonder-drug nor a dangerous experiment.

The point is there's no reason to be counting on anything in our diet to do the all-encompassing job milk does when we're infants. The fact that our culture has got us used to drinking multiple whole glasses of a substance designed to cause massive growth in a short amount of time doesn't mean that if we put it aside we should simply replace it with multiple whole glasses of something else.

I drink some soy milk, but I also drink almond milk and rice milk. Often I mix them for a delightful nondairy cocktail, more as a treat than a daily staple. Yes, they're fortified, but I don't count on them for my vitamins, I eat - among a lot of other things - plenty of leafy green vegetables, which are an excellent source of calcium, and a much better nutritional bargain than cow's milk.
posted by soyjoy at 2:10 PM on November 7, 2003

The point is there's no reason to be counting on anything in our diet to do the all-encompassing job milk does when we're infants.

Broccoli and spinach. Lots and lots of it. Though you're apparently way ahead of me here ("I eat - among a lot of other things - plenty of leafy green vegetables").
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 12:43 AM on November 8, 2003

Broccoli and spinach. Lots and lots of it.

Yeah, just bear in mind that in terms of calcium, spinach is not an optimal source because even with its high calcium content, it also contains oxalic acid that interferes with calcium absorption. Kale and collard greens are the best, and there's lots of delicious ways to prepare them. I have to admit I don't eat them as often as I would like to, mostly out of sheer laziness (a pack of smart Dogs is so much easier/quicker to prepare... ) but I do try to get other sources on other days. Broccoli is certainly up there, yeah.
posted by soyjoy at 9:37 PM on November 8, 2003