Orgasmatron

November 27, 2003 5:26 AM

No volunteers for orgasm implant. A scientist claiming to have invented a device which produces orgasms at the touch of a button can't find women to help him conduct trials into it.
posted by MintSauce (27 comments total)

"Machine?! I'm not getting into that thing. I, I'm strictly a hand operator; you know, I, I... I don't like anything with moving parts that are not my own."
posted by languagehat at 5:40 AM on November 27, 2003

I'm not a woman but I'll give it a whirl, Mr. Scientist.
posted by troutfishing at 6:02 AM on November 27, 2003

It might have something to do with the spine implant. Just a hunch.
posted by jon_kill at 6:08 AM on November 27, 2003

Good Vibrations in San Francisco already sells a pair of remote controlled vibrating underpants...much less invasive...and great fun at parties!
posted by squasha at 6:09 AM on November 27, 2003

This implant . . . . it vibrates?
posted by JanetLand at 6:11 AM on November 27, 2003

I read through that BBC article and couldn't find anything about the effect being sex-specific. It must be - otherwise the focus on it's use to treat just female sexual dysfunction would be a bit weird, from a financial perspective at least.

I wonder if people implanted with the Orgasmatron would just keep pressing the button over and over and over and over and over again, as happens with monkeys given orgasmatron brain implants and a 'joystick' (literally, 'cept it was a button), until they collapsed from exhaustion?

Would they do it in public? Would anyone notice?
posted by troutfishing at 6:20 AM on November 27, 2003

Or would they wear these slight, enigmatic Mona Lisa smiles?......
posted by troutfishing at 6:21 AM on November 27, 2003

Wow. Put a timer on it and orgasm at ten, noon, two and four. That'd really break up the day.
posted by alumshubby at 6:47 AM on November 27, 2003

squasha - wow. I think I've heard of those, but thanx for the memory refresh : VURC's

( Vibrating Underpants, Remote Controlled : "Are you VURCed?"......."Does she VURC ? - Are you sure?" "Anyone caught VURC-ing will be immediately dismissed from class"....."Kucinich, the Democratic favorite for the 2008 election, has publicly admitted that he once VURCed. But he said he didn't really enjoy it, and didn't go all the way. (BBC)"

If remote controlled, are they Bluetooth enabled? And if they
are........Bluewhacking !
posted by troutfishing at 6:51 AM on November 27, 2003

That last comment of mine was really VURCed up. Sorry, I'm better now.

I unplugged my VURC .
posted by troutfishing at 6:53 AM on November 27, 2003

troutfishing, that is the VURCiest thing I've ever read on MetaFilter.

Wait a second... it's almost 7:15.... ahhhhh....
posted by wendell at 7:14 AM on November 27, 2003

I'm not a scientist, but I also have an orgasm-triggering implant for women.
posted by emelenjr at 7:15 AM on November 27, 2003

7:14? Must be running fast.
posted by wendell at 7:15 AM on November 27, 2003

I also have an orgasm-triggering implant for women.

Yes, emelenjr, but it has such an unsightly attachment.
posted by wendell at 7:17 AM on November 27, 2003

...orgasms at the touch of a button...

Yeah, right. The inventor is obviously just another lonely scientist-geek who reads too much Italian comic book porn...
posted by Shane at 7:25 AM on November 27, 2003

Jane Fonda is the obvious choice (except I heard she's gotten religious lately).
posted by amberglow at 7:33 AM on November 27, 2003

In the second stage, a self-contained device resembling a pacemaker will be implanted beneath the skin, switched on and off with a remote control.

Oy! My husband and I have enough arguments about who gets to wield the power of the remote control as it is! But seriously, folks... the inventor's statement that he sees it as something similar to breast implants says a lot about his own concept of the value of this implant.
posted by taz at 8:12 AM on November 27, 2003

TiVo? Orgasmatron? TiVo? Orgasmatron? So hard to decide...
posted by wendell at 8:45 AM on November 27, 2003

All right I'll do it. But only because Science needs me.
posted by jopreacher at 8:50 AM on November 27, 2003

re: Would people keep pressing the button. The answer was Yes. Some time ago, the Olds experiment was performed on willing humans, and they found the subjects continually pressed the "pleasure button" until it was taken off them. Insert Creepy Larry Niven paranoia here.

However, recent research (I read it in New scientist - Damn them and the fact you have to buy a subscription to the online version) seemed to imply that the activated "Pleasure centre" was actually a "Desire centre", and the rats/people were only repeatedly pressing the button because it enforced a possibility / need for pleasure.

So, in retrospect. No. Or I don't know. Or Yes.
posted by seanyboy at 9:04 AM on November 27, 2003

Or yes.... yes.... Yes... YES.
posted by seanyboy at 9:14 AM on November 27, 2003

I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.
posted by kirkaracha at 9:23 AM on November 27, 2003 [1 favorite]

The device will be sold at $69 and the batteries at $699. I can't wait to hack its remote control.
posted by elpapacito at 9:24 AM on November 27, 2003

He's on to something.

Get the Kleenex™ people on the phone!
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 10:54 AM on November 27, 2003

In stores for Christmas 2005:

iGasm!

"Are you happy to see me, or are you storing over 10,000 songs in your pocket!"
posted by elwoodwiles at 10:54 AM on November 27, 2003

Bah. Who needs inventions like this when nature did it first and best.

Moreover, the journey there is just as important as the arrival.
posted by orange swan at 6:38 PM on November 27, 2003

A scientist claiming to have invented a device which produces orgasms at the touch of a button can't find women to help him conduct trials into it.

You know, I tried that line in college, too, and it didn't work then, either.
posted by majcher at 7:29 PM on November 27, 2003