Spellkaster

February 4, 2004 9:45 PM

This Amazing Software changed my life... Then they asked me how they could get it for themselves. Imagine if you had a way to achieve the wealth you've always wanted. What if you could drift off to sleep knowing that happiness and good fortune was yours and it was as simple as clicking a button ? SpellKaster is the exciting new software that uses the advanced power of Radionic Energy to make all of your dreams and desires come true. [WARNING : RADIONIC ENERGY IS A POWERFUL FORCE. THIS SOFTWARE IS NOT TO BE USED FOR ANY MALICIOUS OR ILLEGAL PURPOSES.]
posted by azul (17 comments total)

The Misery Spell - It's a perfect secret weapon against those who have it coming.

RADIONIC ENERGY IS A POWERFUL FORCE. THIS SOFTWARE IS NOT TO BE USED FOR ANY MALICIOUS OR ILLEGAL PURPOSES

Heh.
posted by moonbiter at 9:49 PM on February 4, 2004

I don't think this thing really works.
posted by jonson at 10:00 PM on February 4, 2004

That music . . . . . . I must buy!
posted by velacroix at 10:00 PM on February 4, 2004

Oh God, they've invaded my country! GET THE KOOKS OUT!

Sounds to me a lot like reflexology. ie: Vibrate yourself until you feel better. Personally, I think reflexology and this would be much more effective if they'd just move that vibrator thing up higher. Why the foot fetish?.

It appears to act outside of the normal space-time matrix, as do 'non-local' interactions described by modern physics.

It also appears to act outside all rational thought! WOW! PUT ME DOWN FOR 10 Coulombs of this energy!

BTW: How the hell does one get a university degree in this BS? Do they hand them out like candies or something?

Wait, they do...
posted by shepd at 10:01 PM on February 4, 2004

Will it finally help me understand the mystery of timecube? Because if it can't, it's worthless to me.
posted by arto at 10:15 PM on February 4, 2004

dammit! no mac os version! and with that $52.95 discount! damn.
posted by birdherder at 10:27 PM on February 4, 2004

I was pretty sure this was someone's idea of a spoof, but ...

SecureBuyShopping.com traces back to Eglinton Capital, in Peterborough, ON, as does EasyMoneyGuaranteed.com (see EMG link at bottom of page.) eglintoncapital.com looks like a fairly standard Internet holding company, of some sort, though they don't list their properties.

Googling Eglinton Capital shows that they seem to mostly advertise on pr0n sites, and also own the following:
internetsecurepayment.com [sells Internet Detective - isn't this a bigtime spammer?]
realproductsonline.com [oddly enough, product links are 404]
autobiostimulation.com [sells penis enlargement products]
access-viagra.com [site not up yet][ha! ha!]
genesis-networks.com

I'd keep going, but I hit my search quota.
posted by swell at 1:10 AM on February 5, 2004

Orgone? Anyone?
posted by Dagobert at 2:51 AM on February 5, 2004

Inside this mighty little program is an awesome Genie with powers that will simply astound you.

P.T. Barnum is alive and well. Thanks for the laugh.
posted by ashbury at 4:40 AM on February 5, 2004

Based on TIMECUBE technology!!!
posted by ElvisJesus at 4:58 AM on February 5, 2004

spellkaster-audio.swf ...mesmerizing!
posted by Witty at 6:18 AM on February 5, 2004

"ORDER NOW BECAUSE ONLY A LIMITED NUMBER OF INSTANT DOWNLOAD PACKAGES ARE AVAILABLE..."

So, they're only allowed to upload a certain number of copies to their secure download server. When those are downloaded, there aren't any more!
posted by tippiedog at 7:11 AM on February 5, 2004

This stuff is no good. At all. It stinks. I have the real thing, and you can too - much cheaper !

Now, a renowmed practitioner of the Occult shows how you can obtain your innnermost desires through : The Magic of Chant-O-Matics - By Raymond Buckland, ( Parker Publishing Company, Inc., West Nyack New York, copyright 1978. ) :

"Close your eyes, place your finger tips on your temples, and again see the money in your possession. After a few minutes of this visualization, again open your eyes and chant:

Suddenly I see the pile
Suddenly I hold the Sum
Suddenly I end my trial
For the money, it has come!

Need,need,need;
Money, money,money!
Me,me,me
Money,money,money!
Now, now,now;
"
[ Repeat this a bunch of times, randomly shuffling around the verses ]

Then :

"Bring the money to fill the need;
Yes, bring the money to fill the need
Now my power has done the deed!"

There's a lot more to this chant, but I can't give it all away. The book has lots and lots of cool, groovy chants for money, sex, power, marital harmony, protection from enemies and harassment, and so on.

There are even chants to "Protect Your Home and family with the All-Enveloping Power of Chant-O-Matics".

Everything I am today, I blame on this book.
posted by troutfishing at 11:02 AM on February 5, 2004

Oop. I misspelled that title - it's "The Magick of Chant-O-Matics"
posted by troutfishing at 11:05 AM on February 5, 2004

I'm going off to chant for better spelling.
posted by troutfishing at 11:06 AM on February 5, 2004

Now you can literally cast a scientific spell over your own destiny and others.

Ponder that sentence for a moment.
posted by davebush at 1:19 PM on February 5, 2004

But what happens if you run the Revenge spell on your enemies (who really have it coming) but they bought the software too and are running the Good Fortune spell?
posted by ukamikanasi at 2:19 PM on February 5, 2004