Keeps you warm in winter

July 14, 2004 7:00 PM

The American Merkin Company. (NSFW) Handcrafting merkins for over 150 years!

Has your last wax or razor encounter left you a little too exposed for the nude beaches of SXM? Are you getting on in years and finding that thinning hair leaves you a bit embarrassed? Why not try a merkin! Great for both females AND males!
posted by Jase_B (22 comments total)

I'm buying two of the fuzzy, 70's blow dry looks. I'll be the hit of the wife swappin/key bowl party!
posted by damnitkage at 7:14 PM on July 14, 2004

Our merkins are made from real human hair

Egads.
posted by quarantine at 7:19 PM on July 14, 2004

But is it real human pubic hair? If so, where do they get it from?
posted by dg at 7:22 PM on July 14, 2004

There's an Anita Hill / Clarence Thomas joke in here somewhere.
posted by quarantine at 7:24 PM on July 14, 2004

"... a special hell."

cecil has some interesting commentary on the subject.

...don't think clarence thomas, think 'gift of the magi'...

(hey, at least they don't make it from, like, real monkey pubic hair)
posted by dorian at 7:26 PM on July 14, 2004

After I stopped giggling, I started Googling, and found this, from Wilshire Wigs. And then I started giggling again. Eeeeeeew!

/me tries not to think about removing spirit gum from her special regions
posted by mimi at 7:50 PM on July 14, 2004

That's part of the joke of the President's name in "Dr. Strangelove", by the way. Also, why it's so fun to call Americans "merkins".

On Preview: Mimi, funny you should mention that. In the altweekly here in Austin this week there's an article on an Austin burleque troop. About pasties:

"The best thing to keep them on with is a kind of medical adhesive," offers Emerald Lovejoy. "We started out using spirit gum, but it didn't work very well. And it caused some irritation."

posted by Ethereal Bligh at 7:56 PM on July 14, 2004

Not a bad link. I think I'll opt for the combover, though, should things ever get to that point.
posted by alphanerd at 8:07 PM on July 14, 2004

Back in High School (circa '91), a friend and I made a "comedy" video sketch about a product for bald kids from a company called Merkin ^tm. Our tagline was something like "be a merkin man" and we had our "actors" say things like "I used to be an average bald teen, but now I'm a merkin man!" Anyhow, long story short, we were busted by 4th period (the show was on after first period) by of all people, the Latin teacher. Apparently she *gasp* wasn't amused and was in fact "offended", though I didn't then and still don't really understand how one could be offended by the use of the word merkin, especially in a comedic context.

Just thought I'd share since it isn't that often that the subject of merkins comes up in "conversation."

(I also love how the small, narrow merkin on the site is called "striper.")
posted by shoepal at 9:21 PM on July 14, 2004

In case you were wondering, merkin is in the Oxford English Dictionary, but more recently the word was used by President Lyndon Baines Johnson who started almost every speech with, "My fellow merkins".

I had never heard this, and though it's apparently true, it's possible he was just talking instead of being naughty. Not that he couldn't or wouldn't be an old dirty bastard sometimes.

That's all. It just caught my eye, and thought it merited a note. I learned something today.
posted by chicobangs at 9:28 PM on July 14, 2004

I don't mean to be indelicate, but does it occur to anyone else that it appears that whoever designed these things has never actually seen pubic hair in its natural environment? I'm just saying.
posted by LittleMissCranky at 11:02 PM on July 14, 2004

What? They're aliens?
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 11:11 PM on July 14, 2004

But is it real human pubic hair?

Yes.

If so, where do they get it from?

From me, actually. I give them a bulk discount.
posted by dobbs at 11:16 PM on July 14, 2004

You're the bastard that leaves little hairs littering the urinals, too, aintcha? Digusting.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:30 PM on July 14, 2004

Our patented design includes a plug on the back side of the merkin to hold it in place. This provides easy on/easy off convenience and a bit of a thrill for the wearer.

!:-O

Also, the American Merkin Company makes the fugliest pubic hair ever. It's so horrid it isn't even funny.

And KC Web Design looks like they're very susceptible to any halfassed competitor. What a load of perfectly trashy websites they've created.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:39 PM on July 14, 2004

The usage, I believe, originates from randy noblemen attempting to disguise their syphillis sores.
posted by leotrotsky at 4:57 AM on July 15, 2004

'Originating in the 17th century, when pubic lice and venereal diseases ran rampant through the classes, merkins were originally used by sore-riddled prostitutes who hoped to hide their leaking lesions, or who were hairless due to the treatment of syphilis.'

posted by leotrotsky at 5:07 AM on July 15, 2004

and, of course, song titles!

Merkin In A Coalmine (Lee Dorsey, and later: Devo)
Merkin For A Livin’ (Huey Lewis & The News)
I’ve Been Merkin On The Railroad (unknown)
Merkin My Way Back To You, Babe / With A Burnin’ Love Inside [which might explain the need for the merkin in the first place] (The Spinners)
Merkin Day and Night (Michael Jackson, big shock)
posted by leotrotsky at 5:11 AM on July 15, 2004

Bye, bye, 'Merkin Pie
Pushed my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry....
posted by orange swan at 8:41 AM on July 15, 2004

I'd never heard of a Merkin until my wife noticed that was the name of the ship in "Charlie's Angel - Full Throttle" and started giggling.
posted by DBAPaul at 9:01 AM on July 15, 2004

Those merkins look like barbershop sweepings. And the male versions look like fetid doughnuts. Who could be convinced that this perfect hoop of dense cross-thatch fur is real? Better to use a sharpie, yo. Better yet to let nature speak for herself.
posted by squirrel at 12:35 PM on July 15, 2004

Those merkins look like barbershop sweepings. And the male versions look like fetid doughnuts.

Indeed. And not to give Too Much Information to my fellow MeFites, but...is any guy's natural distribution quite as...er...doughnut-like as these merkins would imply? Eek.
posted by ChrisTN at 6:08 PM on July 15, 2004