The Too-Much-Information Age?

July 29, 2004 6:52 AM

A longtime Jacksonville weblogger normally devoted to wonky subjects like his blogging software made a frank public admission on his weblog recently: "I had an affair with another woman. My wife was a severe depressive and I was uncaring and unfeeling towards her when she needed me the most."
posted by rcade (55 comments total)

Don't people do shit like this in their livejournals all the time?
posted by angry modem at 7:15 AM on July 29, 2004

I hate that confessional shit. Tell it your wife, not the neighbors.
posted by Mayor Curley at 7:15 AM on July 29, 2004

What a douchebag.

First he breaks his marriage vows, then he puts his and his wife's personal matters up for all the world to see.

What a douchebag.
posted by bondcliff at 7:18 AM on July 29, 2004

"What a douchebag."

Right. Someone you've never met is a douchebag because of circumstances you know almost nothing about.
posted by y6y6y6 at 7:22 AM on July 29, 2004

if you think that's noteworthy, this is just insane.
posted by lotsofno at 7:25 AM on July 29, 2004

It's bad enough the guy spilled his guts to the world about it, but I don't think it needed to be put on the front page of what amounts to the New York Times of the Internet. Unless, you know, he was a politician.
posted by crunchland at 7:25 AM on July 29, 2004

[swaggart]

I have sinned against you!

[/swaggart]
posted by jonmc at 7:28 AM on July 29, 2004

y6y6y6, he cheated on his wife. What more do I need to know? That makes him a douchbag in my eyes. Then he put it on his website in some sort of pathetic Jimmy Swaggert cry for sympathy.

What a douchbag.
posted by bondcliff at 7:30 AM on July 29, 2004

I posted the link here because the conscious decision to blog your life publicly, at one of your worst moments, is a provocative one. I don't understand why people do this.

I've been reading his weblog for many years. He's a weblog software developer, so I don't think it's likely he will be surprised that the weblog entry drew attention beyond his circle of friends. That's how the Web works.
posted by rcade at 7:33 AM on July 29, 2004

Isn't this simply an extrapolation of the daytime talk show phenomenon of the 90's (think Montel/Ricki Lake) where people would publicly surprise their significant others' with grandiose, hurtful confessions?

Time simply marches on, and the inappropriate methods people choose to pervert human relationships is now in the form of: blogs.
posted by naxosaxur at 7:41 AM on July 29, 2004

"... [H]e cheated on his wife. What more do I need to know?

What it's like living day in and day out with a severe depressive spouse, perhaps?
posted by Blue Stone at 7:43 AM on July 29, 2004

Marriage is for cheaters.
posted by the fire you left me at 7:50 AM on July 29, 2004

"Cheer up love, at least one of us is getting some."
posted by biffa at 7:50 AM on July 29, 2004

Isn't this simply an extrapolation of the daytime talk show phenomenon of the 90's ...

Complete with "audience members" who feel the need to show everyone how much better they are than these pathetic losers.
posted by jpoulos at 7:52 AM on July 29, 2004

HOW-IE HOW-IE woo woo woo!
posted by jpoulos at 7:53 AM on July 29, 2004

Right. Someone you've never met is a douchebag because of circumstances you know almost nothing about.

I'm okay with that, y6. I mean, I frequently respond negatively to people's comments here (yours included) without knowing them as individuals, or what their personal situation is, and others here have done the same (yourself included).
posted by jonson at 7:58 AM on July 29, 2004

Jonson you're a big asshole and I hate you.
posted by rocketman at 8:02 AM on July 29, 2004

I don't find it too strange that this guy would blog his cheating on his wife. He clearly feels guilty, he came clean with his wife, and now he's seeking absolution by confessing his sin to the congregation. OK, I get that.

What freaks me out are the comments labeled "Ugh" and "lysol", all arguing back with this guy and his wife about how they're handling the situation wrong. As if by confessing his sin publically everyone else is entitled to express their opinion publically. Even "BJD" and "aj"'s comments of support are creepy to me.
posted by Nelson at 8:03 AM on July 29, 2004

Severe depressive, huh?

So would the affair have been okay if she had CANCER?

Yes, I am angry.

Marriage is not and is not supposed to be "he or she makes me delirously happy ALL THE DANG TIME."

There is a reason the vows contain the phrase "for better or for worse." If you can't deal with that, don't get married.
posted by konolia at 8:06 AM on July 29, 2004

As if by confessing his sin publically everyone else is entitled to express their opinion publically.

He's not just confessing publicly, he's confessing publicly with a message board attached. He and his wife clearly want the attention and there's always an audience of self-righteous blowhards ready to give it to them. It's a win-win situation.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 8:15 AM on July 29, 2004

I don't think it's likely he will be surprised that the weblog entry drew attention beyond his circle of friends.

of course not. the douchebag counted on it.
posted by quonsar at 8:17 AM on July 29, 2004

Confession may not be good for the soul, but it is clearly established that it is good for the ego.

"Surely only someone of importance could have transgressed so dramatically!"

There is nothing more tedious than people's self-absorption with their weaknesses.
posted by rushmc at 8:27 AM on July 29, 2004

I remember when Me-fi was still cool. The FPP is interesting, but the comments, as usual, suck.

Thank god we've got something new to argue about today!
posted by tcobretti at 8:28 AM on July 29, 2004

Check out one of his earlier posts and subsequent comments.
posted by KathyK at 8:35 AM on July 29, 2004

Everyone wants to be a fucking celebrity....
posted by SweetJesus at 8:49 AM on July 29, 2004

If you can't deal with that, don't get married.

Or: get married, cheat or be cheated on, then get divorced. People can do that, too, if they want to. Stop telling people how to live their lives.
posted by jpoulos at 9:02 AM on July 29, 2004

jpoulos, marriage vows are just that-VOWS.

Not that anyone gives a crap about that anymore...
posted by konolia at 9:09 AM on July 29, 2004

Oh please. Like this society invented adultery. The world you long for doesn't exist, konolia. It never did.
posted by jpoulos at 9:30 AM on July 29, 2004

Personally, I think the wife made him put details of the affair onto his weblog. She found out about it, he asked her what he could do to make it up, and she told him that for a start he could tell his internet buddies just what an insensitive bastard he really was.
posted by seanyboy at 9:38 AM on July 29, 2004

Here's my guess:
Jeff
Emilita
D
posted by KathyK at 9:47 AM on July 29, 2004

Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It's been 16 days since my last blog.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 9:52 AM on July 29, 2004

get married, cheat or be cheated on, then get divorced. People can do that, too, if they want to.

Well, the straight people can.
posted by terrapin at 10:11 AM on July 29, 2004

Marriage is not and is not supposed to be "he or she makes me delirously happy ALL THE DANG TIME."

Actually, th' wife and I did make this one of our custom vows: "Do you promise to always be amusing or provide amusement, no matter what?"

We blow so much money on clowns...
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 10:18 AM on July 29, 2004

of course not. the douchebag counted on it.
Agree with quonsar. Since his wife backed his comments. Think their plan is revealed in his statement. As it sounded like you are hearing it first, even before the wife.
posted by thomcatspike at 10:35 AM on July 29, 2004

get married, cheat or be cheated on, then get divorced. People can do that, too, if they want to.

Well, the straight people can.
You don't have to be straight in a legal partnership. This is how some gay couples legally become married.
posted by thomcatspike at 10:55 AM on July 29, 2004

Well, if she wasn't depressed enough to begin with, Jeff's confession will help add to her depression. What a creep. Bad enough to screw around, then he gets all confessional and dumps it on his wife in the name of honesty. He should've kept his mouth shut. zipper, too.
posted by theora55 at 11:17 AM on July 29, 2004

because i'm a jerk, and like playing detective batman, here are pictures of those involved, based on KathyK's guess.

Jeff

Emilita (pregnant)

D

now you have a face to go along with the judging.
posted by lotsofno at 11:34 AM on July 29, 2004

The wife sounds like a doormat:

You're right, I deserve better. But I've invested the best years of my life in this marriage, and I can't help but feel responsible for driving Jeff into the arms of another woman, so I'm going to give Jeff another chance (actually his third!).

Then again, for a severe depressive, this probably makes sense somehow.
posted by beth at 11:53 AM on July 29, 2004

That's Junior Detective, lotsofno. I find cheating to be an interesting subject. I'm with rcade on this - why would you want to make such a personal subject so public? Since much of his previous posts were on his software and driving offenses, doesn't it seem odd that you'd throw in a "hey-there-cheated-on-my-wife" post?
posted by KathyK at 12:04 PM on July 29, 2004

I'm with rcade on this - why would you want to make such a personal subject so public?

I don't find this all so weird, really. This particular entry on this particular blog is unusual, but can you say the phonomenon is? Myself, when I'm writing (even for the Internet), I'm not exactly imagining who all is going to be reading it. For the time I write it, its a dialog between myself and the hardware or perhaps the nebulous ether in which all the software runs.

As for the venue for this particular message, perhaps Rogers and other regulars can say if a "look at meeeeee" posting is out of character but if you've developed this relationship with your writing where you are expressive with it rather than communication with individuals, when its time to get something that's been no doubt riding you for some time off your chest, to whom would you turn?
posted by Ogre Lawless at 12:40 PM on July 29, 2004

I know the author of 15 October through his weblog, though I believe we've exchanged an e-mail or two by virtue of blogging from the Jacksonville area longer than almost anyone else.

I most strongly associate his site with entries about his young child, programming, and pet peeves.

I don't fault him for using his weblog in any manner he likes, but to me, reading about his situation out of the blue was comparable to a casual new acquaintance level-jumping your friendship by asking you to help him move.
posted by rcade at 1:25 PM on July 29, 2004

I feel most sorry for the wife...because she seems to feel like she doesn't deserve any better...and that's just heartbreaking.
posted by dejah420 at 2:17 PM on July 29, 2004

comparable to a casual new acquaintance level-jumping your friendship by asking you to help him move.

in other words, this entire thread is about as relevant as a seinfeld episode.
posted by quonsar at 3:01 PM on July 29, 2004

rcade: the new miguel
posted by quonsar at 3:02 PM on July 29, 2004

I do think that now more than ever we know intimate details of one another's lives through telecommunications, blogs, the media, etc. And yet even with all that, and all this, there are still so many dirty little secrets we all keep from one another.
posted by onlyconnect at 4:56 PM on July 29, 2004

Voyeurism demands exhibitionists.
posted by rushmc at 5:17 PM on July 29, 2004

now you have a face to go along with the judging.

nothing like a few photos to bring home the unsexy mundanity of it all.

there are still so many dirty little secrets we all keep from one another.

thank kittens ! now let's try and keep it that way.
posted by t r a c y at 5:21 PM on July 29, 2004

i know someone who's been posting the most intimate details of her life online for 10 years ... this isn't new ... and after meeting her this year, i started doing the same thing

why? ... my best explanation is this ... the 4th and 5th steps of 12 step programs are to make a fearless moral inventory of yourself and to share it with someone ... it's a means of personal and spiritual growth ... if it's done right, you will find out things about yourself in the process ... and the other person, if she's really good, will pick up on things that you missed

is it exhibitionism? ... was kerouac or proust an exhibitionist? ... yes, my friend and i are literary strivers ... isn't there some kind of truth to life that can't be spoken any other way unless someone is willing to talk about their life fearlessly and honestly?

i won't judge jeff for his affair ... but i will say this ... the problem isn't that he talked about his affair ... the real problem is ... he hasn't talked ENOUGH about it ... what was going on in his head while he was doing this ... what made him want to do it ... all he's done here is a cheap show of confession

it's not a REAL confession by any means
posted by pyramid termite at 7:11 PM on July 29, 2004

Blogger reveals intimate detail of his life online.

Film at 11.


There is nothing more tedious than people's self-absorption with their weaknesses.
posted by rushmc at 10:27 AM CST on July 29

Is that an original quote rushmc? It is quite good and I intend to borrow it.
posted by Ynoxas at 7:16 PM on July 29, 2004

I lived in Jacksonville aaaaaaand i believe it.
posted by clavdivs at 8:37 PM on July 29, 2004

was kerouac or proust an exhibitionist?

Yes.

Is that an original quote rushmc? It is quite good and I intend to borrow it.

Yes, and feel free, Ynoxas. I prefer the "voyeurism" one, myself. ;)
posted by rushmc at 10:22 PM on July 29, 2004

It's seems rather a strange and personal thing to post. Yet I say live and let live. While I don't condone his infidelity, since for one it was obviously hurtful to his wife, I also don't think the people judging him so harshly have a right to do so. You don't know the whole story. Clinical depression is a serious problem you may not understand if you have never experienced being very close to someone with it. It is, in fact, a disease that could indeed be as detrimental as cancer, though in a totally different way. Again, I'm not totally defending the bloke, but living with a clinically depressed partner can lead to a set of circumstances totally different than other illnesses. People may not always choose the best ways to cope, but realise he was probably on some level very effected by his wife's illness - and this can cause people to look for and do things they may not in any other situation.
posted by sixdifferentways at 11:09 PM on July 29, 2004

The voyeurism one was also excellent, rushmc. Two in one day! You're on fire.
posted by halonine at 11:42 PM on July 29, 2004

Yes, and feel free, Ynoxas. I prefer the "voyeurism" one, myself. ;)
posted by rushmc at 12:22 AM CST on July 30

Well, I just loved the irony of the other one, as the self-absorption is itself a weakness. Very elegant really.

For serious bloggers, their blog sometimes becomes their preferred form of expression.

I don't think it seems nearly as odd to the author as it does to many of those here.

And as far as it being an attention getting device, I figure attention whoring is self-evident for bloggers. It is their raison d'etre, no?

(on preview, I find it amusing neither blog nor bloggers is in the metafilter spell checker, nor the word metafilter)
posted by Ynoxas at 6:49 AM on July 30, 2004

So would the affair have been okay if she had CANCER?

Only if you're Newt Gingrich.
posted by SenshiNeko at 4:51 PM on July 30, 2004