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Mohammed is home safe
October 7, 2004 4:41 AM   Subscribe

Mohammed is home safe.
posted by johnnydark (14 comments total)

 
don't tell insomnia_lj
posted by mr.marx at 4:53 AM on October 7, 2004


Hey, that's an unlisted url... How did you get it?
posted by SweetJesus at 6:02 AM on October 7, 2004


Simply by posting that URL johnnydark you have placed the lives of thousands of innocent LiveJournalers in terrible danger.
I hope you are proud of yourself.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 6:07 AM on October 7, 2004


help me out here... what's the context of this?
posted by mkultra at 6:14 AM on October 7, 2004


Also, how long does it take to disarm then beat to death the driver of a vehicle? One would think by the time he was done with that the car would have hit something or stopped. In my experience if you take your hands off the wheel the car will wander off the road in a few seconds. Certainly it wouldn't track straight long enough to beat a man to death.

I'm not saying the whole story is fabricated just that this particular detail strains credulity. Additionally, I have no idea of context, who this man is or anything else about him due to the cryptic nature of the post, so my words may be ill placed.
posted by jester69 at 6:36 AM on October 7, 2004


placed the lives of thousands of innocent LiveJournalers in terrible danger.

if true, this means that the web could soon run out of kitten photos
posted by quarsan at 6:40 AM on October 7, 2004


I'm with jester69 - how on earth could he beat the man to death without the car crashing?
posted by orange swan at 7:08 AM on October 7, 2004


I think the car did crash in some way, as he got scratches from something, and had to flag down a trucker to get to a police checkpoint.

This is where Mohammed got the scratches, it seems. Rolling in the road.

That is a vague statement. Rolling in the road? Rolling what in the road? I would assume the car, as right after he flagged down the truck.
posted by a3matrix at 7:17 AM on October 7, 2004


help me out here... what's the context of this?

"Mohammed" is employed by the U.S. military or an American company in Iraq. He was kidnaped by his countrymen because he is a "collaborator." He lied about this to his kidnapers.
posted by Shane at 7:40 AM on October 7, 2004


Then he dove from the car. This is where Mohammed got the scratches, it seems. Rolling in the road

a3matrix. The way I read it was he got the scratches diving out of a moving vehicle. You know, the moving vehicle with a beaten to death man at the wheel that somehow kept its speed up AND stayed on the road essentially pilotless.

Anything is possible, but some things are more possible than others.
posted by jester69 at 8:10 AM on October 7, 2004


I'm not buying Mohammed's story.

The kidnapping I buy, but the beating-the-guy-to-death-while-he-was-driving part I don't buy for a second.

Why, if you had a Kalashnikov in your hand, would you beat someone to death with it instead of shooting them?
posted by Sidhedevil at 8:15 AM on October 7, 2004


"Mohammed" is employed by the U.S. military or an American company in Iraq. He was kidnaped by his countrymen because he is a "collaborator." He lied about this to his kidnapers.

Yeah, I get that, I was just wondering if this was some story that had been followed before, like we were supposed to know who "Mohammed" was. This post needed more meat, methinks.

Anyway...

Why, if you had a Kalashnikov in your hand, would you beat someone to death with it instead of shooting them?

Because it's a big, unwieldy weapon, and it's easier, I'd think, to quickly use it as a club that to grab it, point it correctly, release the safety, and fire.
posted by mkultra at 10:02 AM on October 7, 2004


"I'm sorry, but the URL you have reached, http://www.livejournal.com/users/giantlaser/, may endanger the life of its author. Why do you hate America so much?"
posted by quonsar at 10:43 AM on October 7, 2004


mkultra, although I haven't held a Kalashnikov, I have held an M16, which is roughly the same shape and size. I would as soon try to club someone to death with a watermelon--it's an unwieldy fucker.

I also don't see how anyone COULD club anyone with a Kalashnikov hard enough to split their skull while riding in a car, unless it was a convertible. There wouldn't be enough room to swing it far enough to make enough of an impact.

And finally, though I have never clubbed a human to death, I have killed pigs with a butcher's mallet, and it's not easy. Now, admittedly, someone who's been held captive and is afraid for their life isn't the most logical thinker, but on the one hand this Mohammed is being presented as some James Bond type who can be kidnapped, free himself, kill his kidnappers, and be sent home in a taxi all in the space of less than five hours--yet on the other hand, he's being presented as enough of an idiot to kill the driver of a speeding car by clubbing him over and over with an unwieldy firearm in a confined space.

James Bond would grab the Klash, tell the driver to pull over, then shoot the fucker after the car was safely stopped. Someone who was so little prepared for encounters with crazy violent people as to club the driver of a speeding car wouldn't be able to get out of restraints applied by anyone smarter than the Apple Dumpling Gang.

Not buying it. My guess is he bribed the kidnappers to let him go, then told his naive, Burning-Man-attending employers that he had been a big hero.
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:53 PM on October 7, 2004


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