HeightMax

November 22, 2004 4:05 AM

HeightMax I'd like to believe this is a joke, but I don't think it is. Internet scammers are no longer content with enlarging just parts of your body. Now you can grow the whole thing!
posted by Mwongozi (35 comments total)

Growth horomone... it's not just for cows anymore! I particularly enjoy their slogan: Maximize Your Height To The Fullest.

Testimonials: Hello HeightMax Team! I would like to know if there are any great stretching exercises that i could perform. I have noticed a 1.5 inch growth in 4 months which i think is great. I am now 5foot 7.5 inches tall.

Can't beat a conscious reference to the medieval rack. Also: apparently parents are putting their kids on this stuff... I've already brought up livestock once. That's just degrading for everyone involved.
posted by mek at 4:20 AM on November 22, 2004

Is there one that makes you shorter as well? They could be used in conjunction if you just want to be taller for a particular occasion i.e. plum picking or a basketball fixture!
posted by kenchie at 4:22 AM on November 22, 2004

It's actually an impressive idea. If you make your claims stupid enough, eventually you have to stop feeling guilty about taking money from people who believe it.

It's also impressively bad site design. Firefox renders it full of gaps.

If you fall for this, you were probably going to accidentally ingest that money anyway.
posted by Mayor Curley at 4:26 AM on November 22, 2004

Oh man am I glad I didn't see this when I was 16, I would have spent my whole allowance on the stuff. I bought all sorts of health supplies that were supposed to encourage growth. at 16, i was an esteemed 148 cm, that is 4.8
posted by dabitch at 4:26 AM on November 22, 2004

I am now 5foot 7.5 inches tall.

That testimonial is actually clever. It's only people who are very worried about their height being inadequate who measure in fractions.
posted by Mayor Curley at 4:27 AM on November 22, 2004

A girl in my class back in High-school actually took some hormones to Not grow to tall. she was destined to be above 1.90 (6.2), instead she stopped at 185 (6).

Me, I stayed small. On the upside, nobody can find me when we play hide-and-seek. You wouldn't belive the small nooks and crannies I can fit in.
posted by dabitch at 4:35 AM on November 22, 2004

Does anyone else find it sad that scammers have found yet another group they can exploit?
posted by zarq at 4:45 AM on November 22, 2004

Oh God! It's not monkey glands, is it?
   – Sergeant Wilson, Dad's Army
posted by NinjaPirate at 4:46 AM on November 22, 2004

zarq, yes, I'm sorry I didn't make that clear, what with saying I'd spend all my money on it as I was that desperate back in my teens. It sucks. ANd people will try it. Trust me I know.
posted by dabitch at 5:16 AM on November 22, 2004

Even more will try HeightMax and apparently some say It Sucks. Admittedly, HeightMax is a cancer causing supplement is what some say. HeightMax will also be seen by more and more people as a scam, and HeightMax Sucks and will, to some, have a crappy reputation. I wouldn't say that Heightmax and other products are both ****ing scams - they are selling vitamins, they are even hiding their bottle's pictures and ingredients. But some would.
posted by dash_slot- at 6:15 AM on November 22, 2004

Perhaps, you do not want to be embarrassed by the fact your girlfriend is taller than you are when she wears heels.

note to kim jong il.
posted by three blind mice at 6:28 AM on November 22, 2004

I got a solution to that; date me! *moahahahaha*
posted by dabitch at 6:52 AM on November 22, 2004

Sorry if I'm being insensitive here but I've never understood why being tall is such a good thing. I'm reasonably tall (6'2") and I'm sure that I've lost 10 - 20 IQ points over the last 25 years or so from hitting my head on things. I once knocked myself out cold standing up in a warehouse under a < 6' high shelf, that was 5 points gone right there. Plus I don't fit in many normal sized cars since my head scrapes the roof and can't see the traffic lights if I'm the first car at an intersection since the roof line blocks my view. I can reach high shelves in the kitchen without using the stepstool but that's about the extent of its usefulness
posted by octothorpe at 7:10 AM on November 22, 2004

If you fall for this, you were probably going to accidentally ingest that money anyway.

Well put, MC.
posted by soyjoy at 7:15 AM on November 22, 2004

I'm with you octothorpe, being tall is overrated. I'm 6'5" which means that my choices in cars is greatly limited. Also, that's tall enough such that my knees are literally stuck to the seat in front of me if I fly coach.

On the plus side, I can see things in crowds.
posted by mosch at 7:39 AM on November 22, 2004

Hear hear, Octo, and Mosch on preview. As a very tall and merciless gentleman of 6'5, I'd give up a full foot from my height in a heartbeat if I could. It'd be wonderful to finally be able to fit in a regular car, airplane, bed, staircase, doorway...

It'd also be nice not to have to deal with the many people who instinctively believe that size is inversely proportional to intelligence.
posted by Simon! at 7:42 AM on November 22, 2004

At 5'7" (and most of my life I was considerably shorter than average - I kept growing, slowly, until I was 24), I would note that above average height in men is probably the most prevalent physical attribute of preference expressed by women.

"Women definitely favored taller males, the majority endorsing the statement that being with a tall man made them feel more feminine. Most women indicated they wouldn't date a shorter man. Almost a third insisted the man be taller than the woman and another third would date a man of their own height but no shorter."

I don't blame the 6' 5" folks for questioning if its such a great thing, but shortness carries a certain onus as well. I dated a girl who was nearly 5' 11" in college for a while and stangers would come up to us on the street and make comments about the height disparity. I'm not surprised to see this, actually I'm surprised in retrospect not to have seen more of it sooner, given the market for products that make transparently impossible promises under the all-inclusive codicil "results not typical, your results may vary."
posted by nanojath at 7:57 AM on November 22, 2004

Octo, I know several intelligent, otherwise open-minded women who've had no problem telling me they wouldn't date anyone shorter than them (one was 5'9," another 5'7"). I know we all have prejudices, but there seems to be no shame in this one: These girls would be horrified at a similar rejection of a guy due to race, hobbies, accent, profession....but had no problem just shrugging and saying "that's the way I am about guys, I can't date short ones" and laughing it off.
While being tall might no be so great (I'm about medium, so I wouldn't know either way), I can imagine that if I was short and heard this from as many women as I have, I'd give ANYTHING to be a problematic 6'5".

And in comes Heightmax!
posted by dougunderscorenelso at 8:08 AM on November 22, 2004

The sad thing is that people are actually going to pay for that crap.
posted by mervin_shnegwood at 8:17 AM on November 22, 2004

Is there one that makes you shorter as well? They could be used in conjunction if you just want to be taller for a particular occasion i.e. plum picking or a basketball fixture!

See ref: Alice in Wonderland

"Eat Me."
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 8:45 AM on November 22, 2004

Plus I don't fit in many normal sized cars since my head scrapes the roof and can't see the traffic lights if I'm the first car at an intersection since the roof line blocks my view.

I'm an inch taller than you, and I fit comfortably in nearly any compact car (the Toyota Corolla was the only one I couldn't get into). As for the roofline blocking your view at the traffic light -- do you by any chance drive a Ford? If so, stop. They're really bad about that in my experience, particularly the small ones.
posted by kindall at 8:57 AM on November 22, 2004

Interestingly enough, it seems like this is just a multi-vitamin laced with HGH (Human Growth Hormone) which is one of those wonderful grey-areas.

HGH is FDA approved for injection with a doctor's prescription, but in non-injectable forms is not regulated, and thus, can be sold without any FDA approval.
posted by WinnipegDragon at 10:06 AM on November 22, 2004

I'm an inch taller than you, and I fit comfortably in nearly any compact car (the Toyota Corolla was the only one I couldn't get into).

I'm built kinda weird, I'm 6'2" but my legs are only 33" of that. As a result, I look taller sitting down than I do standing up. And yes, I'm pretty cramped in a Corolla and can't see the traffic light. It depressed me to no end when I tried to sit in an Audi TT Coupe at an auto show and couldn't fit. I'd never be able to afford one anyway but it would be nice to dream.
posted by octothorpe at 10:20 AM on November 22, 2004

Actually, for all the fellow 6'5" people out there, does anyone know any good resources on cars? I'm currently in the market and as tall as I am, finding one that's comfortable is going to involve a *LOT* of testing. (also, first post ever, isn't that just nice)
posted by KirTakat at 10:20 AM on November 22, 2004

I look taller sitting down than I do standing up.

Tries to picture this... *tiny mind asplodes*
posted by naomi at 10:51 AM on November 22, 2004

How about something that makes you shrink? I could lose a couple of inches (vertically) and be a happy lady (damn those 3" heels and extra long pants)
posted by squirrelly at 11:13 AM on November 22, 2004

I'm 5'6", and I've had height insecurities ever since puberty.

On the other hand, here are some reasons why smalller men rock.
posted by Tin Man at 1:13 PM on November 22, 2004

I know several intelligent, otherwise open-minded women who've had no problem telling me they wouldn't date anyone shorter than them (one was 5'9," another 5'7"). I know we all have prejudices, but there seems to be no shame in this one

That's like saying, "I won't date a girl unless her boobs are big enough to hold my dick."
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 1:34 PM on November 22, 2004

I think "Grow the fuck up!" hormone would sell. Think of all the people you could send it to.
I want ten percent for the idea.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 1:48 PM on November 22, 2004

Now you can grow the whole thing!

I don't think Heightmax is new. I think I've seen ads for it in the back of some magazine for years, I believe it was the bastion of journalistic integrity that is Discover Magazine.

..

Ahhh, that was good. I've been waiting for the ability to post for years.
posted by recursive at 5:03 PM on November 22, 2004

civil, EXACTLY.
but to some, it's an acceptable prejudice. complain that all men want blondes with boobs, then complain that a guy who likes you is short. nice.
and don't think i haven't pointed out said hypocrisy. but a few just respond with a grin and shrug. "That's just how I am!" I wish i was shorter so i could be more indignant.
posted by dougunderscorenelso at 6:15 PM on November 22, 2004

By the same token, I think many guys wouldn't date a girl that was taller than them either. Insecurity issues and whatnot.

incidentally, my girlfriend is 5'10'' and I'm 5'11'', so when she pulls out the heels...
posted by rooftop secrets at 2:14 AM on November 23, 2004

Heh. I'm female and 5'9" ... so relatively tall for my sex. I don't understand why short people think they have to have some sort of complex... I wish the worst problem in my life meant that I could actually fit in buses, cars, airplanes, etc.... seriously, there are more advantages to being short than there are disadvantages (which pretty much consist of having to go "Hey, tall person, get that off that top shelf for me" -- which kind of goes along with another obvious disadvantage to being tall).

Oh, and I tried to explain this to someone who was short and she said something like "Yeah, but getting your clothes shortened is such a pain" --- maybe, but it's a lot easier than having them lengthened!
posted by dagnyscott at 8:44 AM on November 23, 2004

*admires all the tall peoples belt buckles* ;)
posted by dabitch at 9:56 AM on November 23, 2004

Sorry if I'm being insensitive here but I've never understood why being tall is such a good thing.

so, the thing about height is not "usefulness" - it is POWER. Think Michael Dukakis. Laugh if you want, but being the tallest person in a group automatically gives you driving reigns. People naturally look to you to lead. Being the shortest person in a group automatically makes you dismissable. This is simply on a visceral level; it isn't a rational response, and if it's made cognizant it can be questioned & overcome, but the instinct is that taller people are more powerful and shorter people are less powerful. We look 'up' to tall people; we look 'down' on short ones.
posted by mdn at 10:24 AM on November 23, 2004