Drunk? Horny? No Booty Call for You!

November 30, 2004 2:43 PM

The Anti-Booty Call Cell Phone
Because good judgment, heavy intoxication and raging libidos rarely go hand in hand, a new phone from Virgin will allow you to selectively "turn off" phone numbers you might be likely to dial while in a drunken and horny stupor. Thus saving you the embarrassment of calling your ex and instead sending you over to her place because you think her phone's busted.

On second thought, maybe this phone isn't such a great idea.
posted by fenriq (22 comments total)

But my dialing finger is the only thing that gets erect when I'm that drunk.

Did I just call you and say that out loud?
posted by WolfDaddy at 2:45 PM on November 30, 2004

I've always thought that a cell phone-breathalyzer would be a million dollar idea. The phone is disabled until you blow into the tube & pass the test.
posted by palegirl at 2:47 PM on November 30, 2004

I'd like a phone that punches you in the face when you try to make a drunken booty call. It'd be really fun to loan to pals.

Palegirl, there was a German phone that could detect bad breath but I've yet to see the breathalyzer phone. Though I have also heard about cars that have breathalyzers attached to their ignition systems for precisely this reason.

WolfDaddy, sorry to hear that, still didn't stop you from calling though, did it? Hehehe.
posted by fenriq at 2:57 PM on November 30, 2004

I'm always shocked to see that people will pay money for technology to give them self-control, considering it's already available for free. (This doesn't look as bad as that Escape-A-Date phone service, where your phone will call you so you can ditch your date. That's just laziness and rudeness combined.)
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:08 PM on November 30, 2004 [1 favorite has favorites]

Metafilter: Laziness and rudeness combined.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:09 PM on November 30, 2004 [1 favorite has favorites]

Ah, now to only apply this same block to message board postings and email!
posted by Peter H at 3:16 PM on November 30, 2004

Why not just shut your phone off?
posted by tommasz at 3:18 PM on November 30, 2004

Good idea, but who will remember to turn this feature on once the fun begins? I know I wouldn't.
posted by LunaticFringe at 3:22 PM on November 30, 2004

palegirl: But couldn't the breathalyzer phone potentially prevent someone from calling a cab, thus sparing them a deadly drive? Not that there aren't more phones out there in the world, but I could see someone blowing their phone and just deciding to say, "Fuck it, I'm fine."
posted by baphomet at 3:50 PM on November 30, 2004

I'm always shocked to see that people will pay money for technology to give them self-control, considering it's already available for free.

The point of this is to pre-exercise the self-control while you're entirely sober and thinking clearly. Then you don't need to worry about it later in the evening when your self-control is less perfect.
posted by jacquilynne at 4:00 PM on November 30, 2004

That's just laziness and rudeness combined.

No, rudeness would be being honest and telling your date that they are boring you to death and you'd much rather go home and watch the Daily Show.
posted by Space Coyote at 4:10 PM on November 30, 2004

True, but that's not any more or less rude than making technology lie for you. Whatever happened to little white lies- "Gee, I'm tired- better be heading home!" That's barely even a lie- near the end of a bad date, I usually am quite tired.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:25 PM on November 30, 2004 [1 favorite has favorites]

"Gee, I'm tired- better be heading home!"

That's not also laziness and rudeness combined?

What's wrong with the good ol' phone trick? One of my friends who occasionally goes on blind dates has an accomplice (I've been it before) phone her halfway through the date so that she can concoct an "uh-oh-gotta-go" scenario if the date's going badly. What's wrong with that, other than the fact that it's a little white lie? It seems like a painless way for everyone to escape.
posted by painquale at 4:39 PM on November 30, 2004

I just think it's wimpy- why not just have the guts to say, you know what, I better be going, even if you have to use a socially appropriate white lie of "Boy, I'm exhausted," or "I have to get up early". Having your friends call you to bail you out is just weak.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:48 PM on November 30, 2004 [1 favorite has favorites]

Or, call me crazy, maybe honesty would work out better for all involved? "Sorry, I just don't think this is working out. Thanks for giving it a try, good luck in the future." That's honest, it's not rude, and it escapes any FUTURE problems by avoiding misleading them. "Gee, I'm tired--better be heading home", while a nice, inoffensive way to escape the situation, can be easily interpreted to mean "I'm tired, but would like to go out again when I'm not tired." Honesty, oddly enough, really is the best policy.

And this phone is ridiculous. As ThePinkSuperhero said, self-control is a wonderful thing. I'll just add that if you don't put yourself in a situation where you don't have it, you won't have a problem.
posted by Fontbone at 4:50 PM on November 30, 2004

Exactly, Fontbone- and another thing I was thinking, with the phone thing, the person could be misled into thinking that, oh my goodness, you are actually telling the truth, and there is an emergency, and that you will want to go out with them again. I think the "Gee, I'm tired" type excuses coupled with a general lack of warmth can work a lot better to get the message across, and of course, "I don't think this is working out," is the most clear way to get the message across.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:52 PM on November 30, 2004 [1 favorite has favorites]

I would definitely buy this phone. It is extremely embarrassing finding out that I called some girl at 5 am drunk and horny and not even remember the conversation.
posted by Penks at 4:56 PM on November 30, 2004

Weak, fine. Wimpy, fine. But rude? No, it's the opposite of rude. Rudeness is defined by the reaction and the intent. Sparing a person's feelings is not rude. Back in my grandpappy's day, it was called "being polite".

Also, this deserves to be restated: The point of this is to pre-exercise the self-control while you're entirely sober and thinking clearly. Then you don't need to worry about it later in the evening when your self-control is less perfect.
posted by Bugbread at 5:54 PM on November 30, 2004

I had a friend who, prior to getting drunk, would ask a mate to choose and program a new PIN code for the phone and turn it off so he couldn't use it until the next morning. I guess whatever works for you...
posted by keijo at 12:37 AM on December 1, 2004

I don't get it. If I am out late, drunk, and horny, how exactly is a temporarily blacklisted phone number on my cellphone going to keep me out of trouble? :-)

(Tho, now I am married, so my wife would keep me in line. But in my single days, I didn't have a cell phone, and still trouble found me when I was in that situation.)
posted by bugmuncher at 6:57 AM on December 1, 2004

bugmuncher, it won't keep you out of trouble altogether but it can help contain one aspect of potential trouble.

Look at it this way, say you blacklist not only your ex but your ex's new guy so that you can't imbibe massive quantities of liquid courage and then call him up to give him a little piece of your mind. The feature could save you from a whopping.

And anything that helps keep me from getting bloody can't be all bad.
posted by fenriq at 12:12 PM on December 1, 2004

Heh. A phone that called only drunk, horny ex-girlfriends only would have been more useful, back in the day...

(For auditory entertainment purposes only, of course.)
posted by bugmuncher at 8:38 PM on December 1, 2004