Eat flaming death, coworker scum!

February 1, 2005 11:03 AM

Annoyed at your coworkers? Nerf guns not repelling the marketing guys like they used to? Perhaps you need a micro-claymore mine to deter them. Or, for less impersonal delivery of injury, an office bow of death! A scary selection of weapons, all easily constructed from things in the supply cabinet.
(note: site has flash animation and some nsfw text)
posted by bitmage (19 comments total)

That's awesome. The closest thing I've made is a blowgun made from a pen, some pipe-cleaners, and a nail or two. Great link.
posted by odinsdream at 11:18 AM on February 1, 2005

This may be the most useful information I have ever received on the Interweb. Beware high school students! Careful where you step in Mr. Michaels' room!
posted by Joey Michaels at 11:21 AM on February 1, 2005

I could build a better bow than that with rulers, a compound bow like the Sioux and Mongols used. But it would need glue, not tape.

Still, I'm glad I'm not an office worker. Or a high school kid.
posted by davy at 11:32 AM on February 1, 2005

Best instant blowgun?
Get a metal tube that'll just barely fit a thumbtack inside (not the small ones, the ones with the finger grips). Insert, blow in sharp breaths and you'll be amazed to see a thumbtack shoot thirty feet and then bury itself into a board (or your pal's arm).

This is a fun site, I'm sure I'll be back!
posted by fenriq at 11:41 AM on February 1, 2005

Literally not safe for work...

Oooooooh shit
posted by Spacelegoman at 11:46 AM on February 1, 2005

When I used to work in a lab we had a game where we tried to come up with the coolest way, using the materials at hand, to disable a crazed intruder. I came up with a wicked blowgun, made of a 10 ml plastic pipette with the pointy end snapped off, loaded with an 18 gauge syringe needle stuck into a plastic thing about the same diameter as the internal diameter of the pipette (a cut off blue tip for those familiar). It's amazing how accurate blow guns are--it must be something to do with the fact that you're aiming it with your head as you're looking at something. I could easily hit a post-it note from 30 feet. If ever faced with a crazed hostage taker I had a plan to coat the needle with some deadly poison like ricin (which we had) but fortunately it never got that far.
posted by Turtles all the way down at 11:53 AM on February 1, 2005

I was disappointed (but maybe a little relieved) by the general lack of deadly forethought that went into these designs when I first saw this on Boing Boing.

Need a good office weapon? Walk over to the mailroom or the nearest printer station. Snap the arm off of the paper cutter. Instant machete. Hack away at those marauding zombies!

Want to avoid working up a sweat through hand-to-hand combat? Collect a few small items from the nearby smokers, helmet-haired mannequins, and cheap scent addict cube moles next to you: hairspray plus lighter equals flamethrower. Cheap perfume/aftershave equals mace.

And I can't believe nobody modded the power stapler!!!

Still - bitmage: fun!
posted by Man O' Straw at 11:54 AM on February 1, 2005

Wow. This is so cool it almost makes me wish I was working in an office.

Take that, Gareth!
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 11:55 AM on February 1, 2005

you can also get a rubberband, put one end on your index finger and pull the rubberband all the way back and shoot too!

sigh.. I'm just not as creative. Good looks on the link
posted by pez_LPhiE at 11:56 AM on February 1, 2005

A coworker and I recently spent two hours discussing who would in in a sudden office free-for-all. Positionally, I'm at an advantage, but he's right near the paper-cutter, and we discussed the feasibility of teating the blade off and using it as a machete.

Maybe this bow will help me regain the upper hand.
posted by dougunderscorenelso at 12:04 PM on February 1, 2005

make that, who would WIN.
posted by dougunderscorenelso at 12:06 PM on February 1, 2005

and, tearing. WTF?!
posted by dougunderscorenelso at 12:06 PM on February 1, 2005

Awesome. Now I now what I can do to get people to stop leaving their shopping carts right in front of my kiosk.

*envisions a pan-flute style rapid-fire blowgun and the resulting screams of blue-haired old women*

Yep. It could work.
posted by chickygrrl at 12:18 PM on February 1, 2005

I like the little disclaimer on the dartboard scatter:
"Simulated, based on the designer's initial optimism. Actual tests were considerably less impressive. As might be expected, rubber bands don't rate high as ballistic propulsion devices"
posted by leotrotsky at 12:34 PM on February 1, 2005

Metafilter: Teating the blade, dude, teating the blade.
posted by Turtles all the way down at 12:43 PM on February 1, 2005

and they say productivity is down in american offices.

someone needs to contact the human resources department where this guy works and clue them in to his having too much time on his hands.
posted by crunchland at 1:58 PM on February 1, 2005

The dispersal pattern on the claymore actually isn't all that bad. You can take the whole thing full blast and not really hurt yourself - at least with my weak rubber bands. It is still cool. Hurray for lunch breaks!
posted by Joey Michaels at 2:49 PM on February 1, 2005

Anyone read the short story "escalation" about an office nerf war that deteriorates into hostage-taking and murder, then ultimately into inter-departmental warfare? I've been trying to find it with no luck.

Any help with a link to it would be much appreciated.
posted by Four Flavors at 3:52 PM on February 1, 2005

get a load of the sense of humor on crunchland!
posted by GriffX at 3:54 PM on February 1, 2005