You'll Poke Somebody's Eye Out!

February 2, 2005 6:40 PM

Bullet Bras:"Sagging breasts, caused by the effects of age and breaks in the mammary fold due to ill-fitted, underwire brassieres have nearly flattened women's shapes over time. Enhance your profile and enjoy comfort with one of our specially designed bras." With a helpful guide to distinguish bullet bras from cone bras. [Taken from, of all places, Fatwallet.]
posted by LarryC (34 comments total)

Yeeeah.... that just doesn't look right. It's doesn't look right at all.
posted by TheGoldenOne at 6:43 PM on February 2, 2005

Madonna called. She wants her look back.
posted by LiliaNic at 6:53 PM on February 2, 2005

You could poke your eye out with that thing !

on preview, what LilliaNic said too!
posted by lobstah at 6:58 PM on February 2, 2005

I went to a community theatre production of Chicago once, where all the jail girls come out in lingerie. Everyone was in black normal stuff, except this one larger girl a beige vintage cone bra. It was *frightening*. Just say no to vintage lingerie.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:09 PM on February 2, 2005 [1 favorite]

If these become all the rage, I won't be able to use "pouty" when describing a gal in the room. That said, I like the pointed look better than the popular squooshed together look.
posted by DonnieSticks at 7:17 PM on February 2, 2005

Very unattractive.
posted by bingo at 7:30 PM on February 2, 2005

With a helpful guide to distinguish bullet bras from cone bras.

For the life of me, I can't see the difference.
posted by carmen at 7:46 PM on February 2, 2005

I like them. Sorry I couldn't raise the standard of this post. I'm really a nice guy. Really.
posted by Bdave at 8:07 PM on February 2, 2005

The lady doth protrude too much, methinks.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:32 PM on February 2, 2005

All those in favor of the bullet bras, raise your one hand
posted by growabrain at 9:37 PM on February 2, 2005

...you mean like this?
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 10:15 PM on February 2, 2005

I LOVE my Bullet Bras (bought two from this website a year ago).

They don't look so pokey in real life.

I think they're designed for hot climates, being that they're made in India and really have a nice cooling lift underneath where big boobies get sweaty in the summer (yuck, I know). Plus the packages come with photos of gorgeous sexy Indian girls.
posted by GlitterBum at 11:59 PM on February 2, 2005

How well do they work? Comfort, fit? I'm a bit curious about how one would stuff a generally round breast into something built along the same lines as a paper cup dispensed from a water cooler.
posted by cmyk at 1:16 AM on February 3, 2005

C'mon. This looks like a great contraption. The sweater girls rock and "better projection" is a good thing.
posted by pwedza at 3:08 AM on February 3, 2005

?
posted by sciurus at 3:59 AM on February 3, 2005

I don't know which is more disturbing - the fact that these might come back or that sciurus knows where that album cover picture resides.
posted by Enron Hubbard at 4:06 AM on February 3, 2005

I believe someone posted it as an inline image in a thread here once. Bullet bras bring back fond memories of all the crummy '50s scifi I used to watch and if GlitterBum and others enjoy them, then more power to them. I prefer braless myself.
posted by sciurus at 4:50 AM on February 3, 2005

Omigod, sciurus! I am a huge Jonah Jones fan, and that's no lie! Enron Hubbard, those LPs reside in my house. I have "Jumpin' With Jonah" on CD (most of his stuff isn't avialable on CD) here in the office (no girls on the cover) but check out his "Swingin' at the Cinema" cover:

http://www.317x.com/albums/j/jonahjones/enlargement.html

And, "Swingin' on Broadway":

http://tralfaz-archives.com/coverart/J/jones_swingin.html

Jonah was a first-rate second-shelf trumpeter...and a very appealing vocalist, too. Way underappreciated.
posted by 1016 at 6:50 AM on February 3, 2005

jonah jones rocks.

i think i first heard him on the ultralounge tiki sampler, with the track "i dig chicks." good stuff.
posted by Igor XA at 7:57 AM on February 3, 2005

1016, perhaps you should make a jonah jones post?
posted by Igor XA at 7:59 AM on February 3, 2005

To call me a "breast man" would be, in the immortal words of Russ Meyer, "half right" and yet (or perhaps "and so") the cone/bullet bra is one fashion trend I never did understand.

You take something that's naturally soft, and rounded and ...a and ... excuse me ... deep breath ... OK, that's better .. and you make it pointy? And sharp? And likely to cause injury?

I don't get it.

Oh, and for the record, augmentative surgery, and - horrors! - reduction surgery - an abomination. How long, then, will it be before some bozo invents cone-shaped implants, so a woman can look like this when braless? The mind boggles.
posted by kcds at 8:16 AM on February 3, 2005

Breast reduction surgery is in no way an abomination - many, many women get it to preserve their posture, as large breast can cause debilitating back problems. I have a close friend who recently did just this, and is thrilled with the results.
posted by agregoli at 8:50 AM on February 3, 2005

Bullet bras bring back fond memories of all the crummy '50s scifi I used to watch...

Maime Van Doren is dancin' around in my head right now.

Wiggle and jiggle and wriggle and rock!
Wiggle and jiggle and wriggle and rock!
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 9:03 AM on February 3, 2005

Sweet Jesus, PST.
posted by sciurus at 9:32 AM on February 3, 2005

And thanks to matteo, Klaus Nomi just joined in.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 9:33 AM on February 3, 2005

If you don't have flash installed, how do you get to the catalog? I need one of these!

(Of course, they probably won't come in my size, but that might be a good thing...)
posted by Katemonkey at 11:06 AM on February 3, 2005

You take something that's naturally soft, and rounded and ...a and ... excuse me ... deep breath ... OK, that's better .. and you make it pointy? And sharp? And likely to cause injury?

Pointy, sharp, and likely to cause injury? Ummm, you're talking about UNDERWIRE bras which on a good day leave red lines under the boobies, on a bad day have escaped from the bra and stabbled my armpit (cup size too small) and given me blisters (cup size too big). Once the wire escaped in the middle and poked out from the middle of my sweater during dinner (embarassing, not dangerous). I think that meets those three qualifications.


posted by GlitterBum at 11:09 AM on February 3, 2005

so don't wear underwire?
posted by Igor XA at 11:24 AM on February 3, 2005

Underwires are often necessary for larger chested women - it adds support.
posted by agregoli at 11:28 AM on February 3, 2005

surely there must be an alternative. but i'm at work, so i can't really go googling.
posted by Igor XA at 11:36 AM on February 3, 2005

I've never come across a good one, but search away.
posted by agregoli at 11:46 AM on February 3, 2005

What is it about breasts that turns one into a ogling idiot? In my twenties I used to talk with lots of hand gesturing just so I could "accidentally" bump into any stranger's breasts, like I did once of the Dean of my university with complete straight face.
posted by semmi at 9:11 PM on February 3, 2005

Yah, I had a friend just back in December who had hers taken from a 56FF to a 42C.

She was in so much pain all the time from her ribs seperating, muscle spasam just from holding them up. She chouldn't even raise her arms over her head or lift anything due to the forward stress put on her ribs. Her spine was curving, she couldn't stand up long because of gravity hunching her over and strainign her lower back and pressing on her ribs... her ribs had to get signifigant muscular reconstructive surgery as well to

She is the happiest girl on earth. she can wear thigns she never could before. She can now excercise and stand in lines.

Men always think it's a sin, the booby minded selfish freaks they are, but women know differntly. These jugs get in the way when we carry stuff, sleep... just pretty much all the time. I'd kill to be flat chested sometimes.

If men had ball the size of grapfruits they'd be thinking of decreasing them too, it'd be hard to walk, sit, sleep, wear shorts... and the pull on you groin muscles, oh yeah, you'd so get them reduced it if was out there.
posted by Dome-O-Rama at 11:39 PM on February 3, 2005

... so I could "accidentally" bump into any stranger's breasts, like I did once of the Dean of my university with complete straight face.

If she were wearing a bullet bra, you would've poked both your eyes out.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 2:19 PM on February 8, 2005