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Yipes. Just yipes.
February 24, 2005 6:58 PM   Subscribe

"Behold, I am the Collector! ...And I have come to add you to my collection!"
posted by keswick (98 comments total)

 
My hat comes off for the bottle collection. Although they appear to be decorative bottles and not the kind I buy in the paper bag and end up throwing at brick walls.
posted by sudasana at 7:05 PM on February 24, 2005


He collects collections. How compellingly meta.
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:07 PM on February 24, 2005


obsessive-compulsive
posted by nj_subgenius at 7:07 PM on February 24, 2005


I just keep wondering how many rooms this covers - or if it's all crammed into one...and what if someone bumped one of the shelves...
posted by batgrlHG at 7:08 PM on February 24, 2005


Holy Shit.

I bet I still have a better ceramic ashtrays-shaped-liked-states than he does.
posted by marxchivist at 7:10 PM on February 24, 2005


So where are the Nazi dolls?
posted by AlexReynolds at 7:10 PM on February 24, 2005


Oooh, Mr. Men!

*claps hands in delight*
posted by jonmc at 7:11 PM on February 24, 2005


duh... that's a better ceramic ashtrays-shaped-liked-states collection than he does
posted by marxchivist at 7:13 PM on February 24, 2005


Wow.
posted by Songdog at 7:13 PM on February 24, 2005


Umm... I'm afriad.

Sounds like a bad movie tile:
THE COLLECTOR
Many enter. None leave.
posted by defcom1 at 7:20 PM on February 24, 2005 [1 favorite]


Must be a bitch to dust.
posted by ChrisTN at 7:20 PM on February 24, 2005


Collection collector, meet collector collector.
posted by Wolfdog at 7:21 PM on February 24, 2005


medication
posted by edgeways at 7:27 PM on February 24, 2005


*prays for an earthquake*
posted by Coda at 7:29 PM on February 24, 2005


defcom1, The Collector is an excellent movie, but the tagline was "You won't dare open your mouth, but you'll be screaming for her to escape!"
posted by nicwolff at 7:34 PM on February 24, 2005


Har. He only has one of himself!
posted by kindall at 7:37 PM on February 24, 2005


The collector needs an interior decorator something fierce.
posted by jeremias at 7:42 PM on February 24, 2005


I always wondered why we produced so much societal debris. Now I know.
posted by FormlessOne at 7:42 PM on February 24, 2005


Does he have any walls in his house that aren't covered in crap?
posted by bshort at 7:45 PM on February 24, 2005


I wonder what is the decision-making process behind what gets made into a collection... does he explain himself on a different page somewhere, or is that the only info we have?
posted by Spacelegoman at 7:47 PM on February 24, 2005


Does he have any walls in his house that aren't covered in crap?

One man's crap is another man's treasure. It's not like he's collecting indigineous baby skeletons.
posted by jonmc at 7:49 PM on February 24, 2005


ordinarily, i'd agree with you jon... but this is just a bunch of crap.
posted by keswick at 7:51 PM on February 24, 2005


wow, most of you mock this guy, but damn that was impressive.
posted by jonson at 7:52 PM on February 24, 2005


He is SO GLAD he doesn't live in earthquake country...
posted by foozleface at 7:54 PM on February 24, 2005


I bow to him.
posted by jscott at 7:55 PM on February 24, 2005


By the time I got to the last picture of him at the bottom, I was disappointed that it wasn't a picture of his wall with thirty pictures of himself in frames.

You can bet this guy doesn't live anywhere there are earthquakes...

Hmm. I -do- live in an earthquake-ridden area. Perhaps I should start collecting dominoes, stand them on edge on shelves that ring my living room, then curse the gods every time a tremor starts a chain reaction.
posted by davejay at 7:55 PM on February 24, 2005


You can tell this guy doesn't have a collection of cats.
posted by sugarfish at 8:02 PM on February 24, 2005


He keeps a model Angel next to his Angel novels collection. Loser.

Though I do notice his "wanted to trade" page has the Wombles 1999 Annual - which appeared days before the ebola outbreak in Wimbledon Common - could be worth a few bob...

And where's his girlfriend collection? {kersnort}.

I'm now off to get drunk and feel sad and alone.
posted by Sparx at 8:06 PM on February 24, 2005


I'm pretty impressed with how he's set all the stuff up, having this much "crap" doesn't seem that unusual, but his organizing and displaying are nifty!
posted by stevil at 8:07 PM on February 24, 2005


That is one very disturbed guy...
posted by c13 at 8:11 PM on February 24, 2005


Ye Gods - breathtaking.
posted by killdevil at 8:12 PM on February 24, 2005


Morgan Freeman from Kiss the Girls sums it up best. I hope he doesn't have a collection of young, talented women in his basement.
posted by Arch Stanton at 8:19 PM on February 24, 2005


This reminds me of my Uncle Eddie. Though instead of neatly using shelves and nails, he just glue-gunned things at random on the walls.
posted by Sangre Azul at 8:23 PM on February 24, 2005


Meta-Compulsive!!

Yeesh, that's unbelievable man. Just looking at it made me exhausted. The kick in the ass is that this is probably his "hobby". For a good 8-10 hours a day, this guy probably has a semi-normal job.
posted by j.p. Hung at 8:34 PM on February 24, 2005


That's amazing. The wife and I have already decided we're leaving all our mismatched kinder egg toys, Pez dispensers and assorted bric-a-brac to this guy in our wills, just on general principle.

I mean, sure, it's all crap, but you want it taken good care of, don't you?
posted by yhbc at 8:35 PM on February 24, 2005


Wow. That guys house + a few bong hits... I mean... wow.
posted by wfrgms at 8:37 PM on February 24, 2005


Mr. Men McDonald's toys?? I thought those were almost educatoinal.. somehow.. and mcdonald's was selling them? Doesn't seem to fit. Will the sell Bearenstein Bears toys next?

oh well, Mr. Tickle was da bomb.
posted by Space Coyote at 8:40 PM on February 24, 2005


Man, poo on you people...

We are all crazy, a little bit (or more than a little bit) broken, in our own way.

The way I see it, if your functional, happy, and not hurting yourself or anybody else, then there is no dysfunction.

I revel in the weirdos of the world. (I guess I'd have to, I count myself among them)

You go dude... Whatever gets you through the night.
posted by PissOnYourParade at 8:41 PM on February 24, 2005


Collecting: An Unruly Passion: Psychological Perspectives
by Werner Muensterberger.

posted by mlis at 8:46 PM on February 24, 2005


I liked the keychains. They looked nice.

Let's hope he never has to move.
posted by papakwanz at 8:57 PM on February 24, 2005


The world's most organised packrat.
posted by snarkywench at 9:04 PM on February 24, 2005


He forgot to take a picture of his Real Doll collection that he keeps in his closet.
posted by naxosaxur at 9:07 PM on February 24, 2005


While I'm not really moved either way by gigantic collections like this, I must say that his presentation is pretty good. Some nice shelves there. It's organised clutter.
posted by picea at 9:09 PM on February 24, 2005


He's single. I'm sure of it.

Also, not obsessive-compulsive disorder; obsessive-compulsive personality disorder.
posted by ScaryShrink at 9:10 PM on February 24, 2005


I absolutely adore this man. I mean, he seems to have specifically collected only utter crap, eschewing anything with taste or monetary value at all costs. I mean, how many of those keychains, do you think, say something like "Niagara Falls... It's all downhill from here!"
posted by shmegegge at 9:12 PM on February 24, 2005


He's single. I'm sure of it.

Gee, ya think?
posted by keswick at 9:12 PM on February 24, 2005


Holy fuck.

Not only does he collect collections, he collects walls and shelves.
posted by cedar at 9:15 PM on February 24, 2005


you know, I bet a lot of people are gonna slam this guy but I think he's totally cool and I can only hope that for a moment in my life I'm as tenth as cool as this fellow (for serious)!
posted by mcsweetie at 9:20 PM on February 24, 2005


I thought my MST3K tape collection was a little idiosyncratic.

Woah. Still impressive though.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 9:23 PM on February 24, 2005


Did you notice that he says that these are pictures of "some of my collections"?
posted by paladin at 9:33 PM on February 24, 2005


From an interview with Will Wright, the brilliant and eccentric creator of Simcity and The Sims:

Wright: Take one.

GameSpy: Russian pins?

Wright: I'm uncollecting. I buy collections on eBay, and I disperse them out to people again. I have to be like an entropic force to collectors, otherwise all of this stuff will get sorted. It's like the opposing force, uncollectors.

All of these things are collections of weird stuff. I go to estate sales and pick up collections from people who got tired of collecting.

GameSpy: Are you trying to start a movement?

Wright: No, it's just a hobby. It's fun.

GameSpy: How much stuff have you uncollected so far?

Wright: A lot.

GameSpy: What are some of the things you have uncollected so far?

Wright: Oh, lets see … little dolls--souvenir dolls from cities, dice, fossils, a lot of stuff.

GameSpy: How much are you willing to spend on an uncollection?

Wright: I don't spend much on it. It's always really cheap stuff. I've been spending my real money on Russian space hardware.

GameSpy: Russian space hardware?

Wright: Control panels, controllers, joysticks…

GameSpy: From Sputnik?

Wright: Soyuz, Mir…
posted by jcruelty at 9:36 PM on February 24, 2005


So where are the Nazi dolls?

Thanks Alex, that was funny.

I feel like that looks sarcastic, but I don't mean it to be. I thought that link was hilarious.
posted by ludwig_van at 9:36 PM on February 24, 2005


Am I the only one who really wants to break every fucking thing in this guy's house, just to see what would happen to him?

/Allowed to make the joke, diagnosed OC, not able to end this sentence without a period. And capitalization. Bothered by the illegal grammar in the last two sentences, and this one as well. Goddammit.
posted by Mikey-San at 9:37 PM on February 24, 2005


I don't understand the negative/derisive comments. He collects things, it's his hobby. Some people join the Masons, some people do ceramics (and foist their creations on unsuspecting friends/acquaintances), some people scrapbook, others knit or crochet. Bottom line, everyone has *something* that occupies their spare time.
posted by Oriole Adams at 9:39 PM on February 24, 2005


I wonder if he bought the Matrx if he'd still feel compelled to buy the other two Matrix movies.
posted by Arch Stanton at 9:40 PM on February 24, 2005


Har. He only has one of himself!

That just means he's got the whole set, man.
posted by armoured-ant at 9:42 PM on February 24, 2005


He must love collecting. You spend your time on what you love and just think of all the time he lovingly puts into it--the purchasing (which must involve a whole lot of driving here and there perusing,) the shelf-building, deciding what key chain goes where... And the dusting--sweet Jesus! The dusting!

I'll bet the little nephews and nieces aren't invited over until after they have reached the age of 25.
posted by leftcoastbob at 9:57 PM on February 24, 2005


Ha ha, look at the crazy guy.

...but seriously, I'm always suprised at how many people have *huge* collections of the (seemingly) silliest things. It keeps them happy, busy, and gives them something to spend their money on.

Now, his train collection. Pha! It's like he found a couple trains and put them on display and called them a "collection".
posted by tomplus2 at 10:17 PM on February 24, 2005


The thing is: when and where and how did collecting as a hobby start? Where was it popularized?

Collecting is one of those really interesting border cases. There's probably a natural pack-rat instinct buried deep inside our genes but collecting for the sake of collecting? Why do people do this?

Anyways, this is good.
posted by nixerman at 10:41 PM on February 24, 2005


Holy Hell. This man has a lot of wall.
posted by scarabic at 11:12 PM on February 24, 2005


I don't understand the negative/derisive comments. ... it's his hobby. ... others knit or crochet.

I think it's a matter of the degree of his practice of this hobby. A person whose house was filled up to knee-level with hand-knit scarved would probably draw a few grimaces as well. But his stuff seems well-organized, clean, lovingly presented, and I actually don't find anything unhealthy about that. I hate to imagine how much work it must take to keep ALL THAT together.
posted by scarabic at 11:15 PM on February 24, 2005


I revel in the weirdos of the world.

Sure, it's theoretically uber-cool, but come on. If you were a girl that just met this guy at a bar and then went back home with him, are you telling me you wouldn't be seriously creeped out? Like, in a head-to-the-hills kind of way?

On a related side-note: I have a friend-of-a-friend who's family is phenomenally rich, and each member of his family uses their deep trenches of money to build up their own personal (eccentric) collections. His dad collected turn-of-the-century condom tins (strictly unused, which are hard to find). His mother had a vast collection of New York City memorabilia: hundreds of tacky Statues of Liberty, Empire State Buildings, etc. The kid had rather pedestrian tastes in that he collected baseball cards, but he only bought entire uncut sheets to mount in giant frames on his walls. One was a giant (like, 3' x 5') sheet of uncut 1953 Topps. Yes, it had the Mickey Mantle 2nd card in it (~ $100,000 alone).
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 12:34 AM on February 25, 2005


Thanks alot...

amazing..........
posted by Groomz at 3:03 AM on February 25, 2005


Impressive. I can't help but wonder how long it takes him to dust them all.
posted by pookzilla at 3:24 AM on February 25, 2005


If you were a girl that just met this guy at a bar and then went back home with him, are you telling me you wouldn't be seriously creeped out? Like, in a head-to-the-hills kind of way?

Well, that's just looking at it wrong... He can meet likeminded girls (or guys) at swap meets, collectors conventions, etc.

Personally,viewing it all makes me feel claustrophobic, and if I were he, I would feel completely trapped by my possessions (and, like pookzilla, I wondered "who dusts all this stuff!"), but of course the great thing about life is that we are all different. So much the better to entertain each other with all our relative strangeness (like this whole internet-voyeurism thing we have going on here).
posted by taz at 4:11 AM on February 25, 2005


Holy Hell. This man has a lot of wall.

That's part of his extensive wall collection.
posted by chrid at 5:31 AM on February 25, 2005


Amazing. At first, it was horrifying, then I was impressed at how neatly everything was displayed, then I was super-impressed by the keychain display, then I lusted after his brass collection, then I was back to being horrified again. This guy needs a girl. Or a life. Or to go volunteer in Calcutta or something.
posted by CunningLinguist at 5:40 AM on February 25, 2005


This guy weirds me out.

Collecting something that you, for some reason, find interesting or allows you to hang on to childhood memories is one thing. But the number of collections this guy has reeks of compulsion to me. Can he stop? How does he start a collection? Does he suddenly realize that he's got three somethings and then he must. have. them. all?

That said, I wish I had half the energy this guy obviously has.
posted by papercake at 6:03 AM on February 25, 2005


I'm into obsessive simplicity myself, but that's just the other side of the same coin. I wonder if people would post their petty pop psychological diagnoses of me if I posted pictures of my home's nearly-bare walls and minimal ornamentation?

jonmc, someday you'll thank those indigenous baby skeleton collectors. ;-)
posted by Cassford at 6:07 AM on February 25, 2005


That's part of his extensive wall collection.

Simply excellent.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 6:41 AM on February 25, 2005


That's awesome! It'd be fascinating to sit down and talk with him.
posted by Bear at 6:48 AM on February 25, 2005


That keychain display is beautiful. The stuff may be crap, but this guy has an eye for design.
posted by gingembre at 6:51 AM on February 25, 2005


Where are the stamp & coin collections? Some collector...
posted by stp123 at 7:21 AM on February 25, 2005


Anybody else notice that his "library" consists exclusively of videos? Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Sure, the guy's weird. But we're all weird in our own ways; this guy just happens to be able to photograph his weirdness and present it for our delectation. I think it's great.
posted by languagehat at 7:23 AM on February 25, 2005


Anybody else notice that his "library" consists exclusively of videos?

Actually, I think those are mostly "novels" based on TV shows.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 7:30 AM on February 25, 2005


That's awesome! It'd be fascinating to sit down and talk with him.

Um.... not. I'm sure he doesn't have much to say. I mean, think about it...

As for the dusting, I'll bet he has a team of dusting women who come in three times a week with fine brushes so as not to disturb these disturbing collections.
posted by WaterSprite at 7:35 AM on February 25, 2005


The motley crew of Kinder Egg figures sitting on my monitor is shamed. They turn their heads from me as if to say "Where are all our friends? Get on e-bay you bastard, you don't have to actually eat the chocolate eggs."
posted by The Bellman at 8:09 AM on February 25, 2005


I have the first set (15) of halloween simpson's figurines from Burger King. In a box in my basement, hidden from my 4 year old son because some day the title of ultimate collector will be mine. muhaha.

I had to clean off my booger collection under my old desk because my wife thought it was the grossest thing ever.
posted by mic stand at 8:28 AM on February 25, 2005


He doesn't just collect the plastic crap, he collects the boxes the crap comes in. And trades his swapsies. Is there a large trading community for Kinder Surprise packaging?

A bit scary, a bit cool, completely fascinating.
posted by ceiriog at 8:49 AM on February 25, 2005


1. I have fifty Red Rose tea animals with your name on them, collector guy!

2. I'm just glad the image for My Skin, Teeth, and Hair Collection was broken.

3. It's all fun and games until 8,000 tiny Kinder Secret Agent Mole figurines come to life and start chasing you around the garden.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:32 AM on February 25, 2005


I bet that shit collects a lot of dust !
posted by lobstah at 9:35 AM on February 25, 2005


That's awesome! It'd be fascinating to sit down and talk with him.

Um.... not. I'm sure he doesn't have much to say. I mean, think about it...


"So, I see you like collecting collections."
"Yes."
"Is it fun?"
"Yes."
::akward silence::
"So...how about this weather?"
posted by Sangermaine at 10:07 AM on February 25, 2005


Why? I don't get it. I just don't get it.

I suppose it saves us from overflowing landfills.
posted by tkchrist at 10:08 AM on February 25, 2005


Just reading the comments collected here, I like the keychain display too.
posted by safetyfork at 11:03 AM on February 25, 2005


I was beginning to think my collections were getting out of hand because I had five or six silly things I collect voraciously. I suddenly feel so much better about them. And I'm passing this link along to my mother so she'll stop tch-ing me when she sees them. Heh.

I can't help but think that my cats would love 1/2 hour alone in this guy's place. There's so much to knock over. They'd be in kitty heaven.

Kaf -- I miss my little Red Rose animals. I only had 15 or so, but they were kind of quirky and I miss having them. They got lost in a move and the store around here that sold Red Rose went out of business. Foo.
posted by aine42 at 11:06 AM on February 25, 2005


I'm so fucking meta. I'm starting a collection of links of people with collection collections. My desktop is a mess, but I finally know what to do with my life...see ya later suckers! (when i die, just make sure someone looks at my "collection collections" folder before deleting everything, to ensure my posthumorus fame).
Another.
posted by hellbient at 11:12 AM on February 25, 2005


I'll bet there's one thing that guy doesn't have a collection of: friends! ...Ha!

Okay, I'm done.
posted by Down10 at 11:21 AM on February 25, 2005


Anyway, as cleanly displayed as his collections are, for the most part, they're boring and uncreative (McDonald's toys? come on, dude). The collections that I find more interesting are the ones that are all related to one theme or one product.

A few months back, there was a art exhibit here in SF ("Geek-tique 3") about quirky collections, which included:
- Candy
- Toy robots
- Snow Globes
- Dryer lint
- Chewing gum wrappers
- Plastic "Thank You" shopping bags

At least, I've never seen collections of that stuff.
posted by Down10 at 11:48 AM on February 25, 2005


He must have gotten the idea from ill-fated Marvel supervillain "The Collector" who is now so arcane that even google cannot produce information or images thereof.

As I recall, though, The Collector was more along the lines of that sci-fi cliché of collecting "unique specimens" from different races from throughout the galaxy. This guy...he doesn't have that. But it's a start.
posted by steelbuddha at 12:10 PM on February 25, 2005


I can't believe we've gotten this far without anyone bringing up the Simpsons episode featuring Comic Shop Guy as a super-villian named "The Collector" who attempts, among other things, to collect Lucy Lawless and seal her in a plastic bag...
posted by BigLankyBastard at 1:20 PM on February 25, 2005


BigLankyBastard, read the post again.
posted by elwoodwiles at 1:48 PM on February 25, 2005


I'm collecting dust waiting for this page to load.
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 1:59 PM on February 25, 2005


My wife collects dust bunnies under our bed.
posted by notreally at 2:02 PM on February 25, 2005


Well then, take her out from under there! Geez.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 4:25 PM on February 25, 2005


Aw, dammit:

My Collections Page...

...has been withdrawn since being flooded with unkind and rude emails as a result of the link and unfounded, un-called for comments at B3TA. I have put a lot of effort into my site for the benefit of everyone and don't expect to receive abuse in exchange. For the time being I am not prepared to share my collections.

For the record, having a butterfly collection does not automatically make one a butterfly killer and I am most certainly not obsessed. I have many hobbies and I have other pursuits in life, which obviously some people do not. At least I can say, I am never ever bored.


Here's BT3A's write-up:

There's nothing *wrong* with obsession, it gives
a little purpose to our otherwise pointless
lives. However, to be obsessed with everything
is a little sinister. And this butterfly killer
seems to have started collecting anything he's
ever come across. The only surprise is that in
the picture of himself, he's not stood with 182
lookalikes. (Not that we're not a little jealous
of his multi-ethnic Daleks.)


Damn, I fucking hate how quick some folks are to dis someone for being freaky. Wish I'd seen the page. Anyway, links other than the "My Collections" page still work, though.
posted by mediareport at 7:10 PM on February 25, 2005


That's sad. Sometimes the internet seems like a big, ugly playground stomped on by sweatslick, foulbreathed, brainless bullies, doesn't it? But the good news is that it looks like he's reconsidered, and is reposting the site, with new images. Good for you, Tony!
posted by taz at 4:51 AM on February 26, 2005


He put it back up, with additional commentary, after being heartened by hundreds of more encouraging and sympathetic emails from less judgmental types than those that read B3TA.

Well, that reaffirms my faith in humanity!
posted by yhbc at 2:17 PM on February 26, 2005


Ah, nice. The keyrings collection alone makes my heart swell with pride at belonging to the same species as this guy.

Bullies - fuck 'em.
posted by mediareport at 10:45 PM on February 27, 2005


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