I see your schwartz is as big as mine!

February 25, 2005 5:09 PM

Vikings with ... issues. And for complete amusement, check the google ads on the right. Big swords, baby, big, really big.
posted by Wulfgar! (14 comments total)

Please keep in mind, I do not concider this the best of the web. But it is amusing.
posted by Wulfgar! at 5:10 PM on February 25, 2005

It is very cold over yonder. Shrinkage?
posted by undule at 5:12 PM on February 25, 2005

Now, if someone was laughing at my penis, I don't think I'd point out my oversized testicles as compensation. Maybe it's an issue of perspective, like "Well, it looks small compared to my massive balls."
On preview: If I was a Viking with a small penis. And massive balls.
posted by underer at 5:19 PM on February 25, 2005

underer: i dated a man who used that very tactic of distraction. it's annoying.
posted by pxe2000 at 5:24 PM on February 25, 2005

I was reading up on Norse stuff on the Wikipedia the other day, and I discovered something interesting. It seems (at least as far as I can tell from tone and context) that some modern Scandinavians find the term "Viking" offensive, or at least inappropriate. I suppose this isn't entirely surprising....
posted by mr_roboto at 5:39 PM on February 25, 2005

The defensive Grettir points out that his large testicles compensate for his small penis.

In what way? How are they going to compensate the lady being pierced by a tiny sword?
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 5:57 PM on February 25, 2005

mr_roboto : Interesting theory. Most of the time when I refer to Scandanavians as "Vikings" people don't say much of anything. Perhaps I should do a poll and start asking people on the street if it offends them...

It's not entirely appropriate. Even in Iceland, which was primarily settled by Vikings, there were some Irish slaves thrown in. In the rest of Scandanavia the term is completely inappropriate as that's where they left from, not where they ended up, so it's pretty unlikely that there are too many descendents of Vikings running around over there.

(Also : this article is great and I will be sharing it with everyone that I know here in the Land of the Sagas.)
posted by grapefruitmoon at 6:23 PM on February 25, 2005

In what way? How are they going to compensate the lady being pierced by a tiny sword?

Sure, maybe Thorleif Inchworm's tiny hammer can't bring a lady to Valhalla, but at least his giant pendulous testicles will be slapping against her with his every unsatisfying thrust, taking her mind off his inadequacy by means of giving her large bruises in her general Area.

Thwap. Thwap. Thwap. Thwap.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:26 PM on February 25, 2005

In Grettir's Saga (could have been Njal's Saga, can't quite remember this early in the morning... or Njorl's Saga, for that matter) there is a little side story about a woman who divorced her husband because his penis was too big, and therefore they were unable to have sex.

This is hilarious when you're a teenager learning about this (so is the story of the serving woman making light of Grettir's equipment. For context he'd just swam across a fjord. And after the comment they had sex. In bed, not a fjord).

(oh, I'm Icelandic, which is why I was a teenager learning about these things)
posted by Kattullus at 12:31 AM on February 26, 2005

mr_roboto : where did you find that some modern Scandinavians find the term "Viking" offensive?

As for vikings being here or there, most Norse people (including the ones who settled on Iceland) were farmers or fishermen. Viking is simply a job description. Danes would "go viking" in Ireland, England, and France. Swedes would "go viking" in Russia and Byzantium. After looting, capturing slaves, or trading they'd simply return home. Some Norwegians didn't like Norway so they settled on Iceland. But they were Norse settlers, not "vikings". Most people who were vikings were probably Danes, closely followed by Swedes.
posted by Panfilo at 2:39 AM on February 26, 2005

Why must everybody laugh at my mighty sword?
Lord, help me if you will!

Randy Newman
posted by rdone at 8:44 AM on February 26, 2005

I love how all Icelandic stories are "sagas". Even the stories about the tiny peenies have become sagas.
posted by AlexReynolds at 12:38 PM on February 26, 2005

AlexReynolds : Interesting interpretation... but they're actually talking about tiny peenies within the established Sagas. These aren't some new Sagas of the poorly endowed.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 1:51 PM on February 26, 2005

Dr Phelpstead ... contributes to teaching Cultural Criticism a new subject at Cardiff University’s School of English, Communication and Philosophy, available only in Cardiff, which uniquely offers the chance to study the whole range of cultural materials: from contemporary film to conceptual art, from poems to the police, from the history of sexuality to cyborgs.

Sounds fascinating. Makes me think of MeFi a bit, too.

...the serving woman [made] light of Grettir's equipment. For context he'd just swam across a fjord.

------------
"I was in the pool! I was in the pool!"
- George, after Rachel saw him naked

...

"Ordinarily I wouldn't mind, but..."
"But what?"
"Well, I just got back from swimming in the pool. And the water was cold..."
"Oh, you mean... Shrinkage."
"Yes. Significant shrinkage."
"So you feel you were shortchanged."
"Yes. I mean, if she thinks that's me, she's under a complete misapprehension. That was not me, Jerry. That was not me."
- George and Jerry in "The Hamptons"
------------

Even in Iceland, which was primarily settled by Vikings, there were some Irish slaves thrown in.

Ah! No wonder the Icelanders were self-conscious, having to compete with the length and girth of their Irish "counterparts" ;-)
posted by Shane at 9:20 PM on February 26, 2005