Rehab is soooo hottt!

March 26, 2005 10:50 AM

Hello. I am stuck in rehab with Pat O'Brien. I don't know what's worse, being stuck in rehab with Pat O'Brien or being addicted to painkillers.

With that, Pat O'Brien buried his face in his hands and cried.
posted by miss lynnster (36 comments total)

if anyone wants to hear the Pat O'Brien voicemail sex tapes, go here for very NSFW goodness. Possibly the worst attempt at phone sex ive ever heard. it really creeped out my girlfriend, too.
posted by Mach5 at 10:55 AM on March 26, 2005

Those voicemails are just disturbing. He sounds like he's smacking his lips the entire time.

The blog is hilarious, though:

Pat O'Brien didn't seem that invested in my discovery. He kept wanting to talk about the time he went ballooning with Les Moonves instead. I don't see what that had to do with me learning to like myself again. Jerk.
posted by LeeJay at 10:58 AM on March 26, 2005

Voicemails: frightening.
Blog: awesome.
posted by Robot Johnny at 11:07 AM on March 26, 2005

Oh, I'm in love.

Thank you for this link.
posted by snarkywench at 11:10 AM on March 26, 2005

You know, MetaFilter had existed for nearly five years without a Front Page Post about Pat O'Brien*.

*sigh*

All good things...

*and only two mentions of the name in comments, only one of which was that Pat O'Brien
posted by wendell at 11:15 AM on March 26, 2005

"You have to be into Betsy." Heh.
posted by scody at 11:20 AM on March 26, 2005

Wendell, I know what you mean. I just don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just so f*cking into him. I'm normally not like that.
posted by miss lynnster at 11:22 AM on March 26, 2005

After dinner we hung around the common room and sang songs. Pat O'Brien had his mandolin. He actually wasn't that bad. He sang "Eve of Destruction" and "To Sir, With Love." I just wish he hadn't taken his shirt off. Nobody wanted to see that.

Classic. That blog is hilarious.
posted by mkultra at 11:29 AM on March 26, 2005

Pat O'Brien asked, "Is it just me or are tracheotomy scars kind of a turn on?" Then he winked at "Flo," who, understandably, chose not to weigh in on the discussion.

Obviously, the topic hits close to home for her, thus she couldn't find the right words to express how she feels. Plus her computer voice box thingy was acting buggy. It kept repeating the same phrase over and over again in Japanese. "Warren," who used to mule opium out of Tokyo, told us that it was saying "The mayonnaise has gone bad. The mayonnaise has gone bad. The mayonnaise has gone bad..."

So out of respect for "Flo," none of us complained when her monkey assistant dry humped our legs.

omfg! : >
posted by amberglow at 11:35 AM on March 26, 2005

who's betsy?
posted by onkelchrispy at 11:46 AM on March 26, 2005

all this needs now is Paris Hilton and that Olsen twin.
posted by amberglow at 11:49 AM on March 26, 2005

I didn't answer. But he did have a point. Despite having Lou Gehrig's disease, and being a heroin addict, and having a really annoying monkey assistant, I think "Flo" is indeed a remarkable person.

"You mind if I try to get some of that?" Pat O'Brien asked me.

"No," I said.

"Excellent," he said. "She is so fucking HOT."

And then Pat O'Brien buried his face in his hands and cried.

Wow. Thanks for that.
posted by dflemingdotorg at 11:52 AM on March 26, 2005

onkelchrispy: listen to the voicemails... if you dare! ;)
posted by scody at 11:56 AM on March 26, 2005

So, is this girl's name "Sofucking Hot"? And if not why does he keep telling her that it is?
posted by papercake at 12:13 PM on March 26, 2005

Great post...but damn monkey assistant!

Seriously, this is too damn funny.
posted by 1016 at 12:38 PM on March 26, 2005

Poor, crazy Pat O'Brien. I always feel a little guilty when I'm laughing at someone instead of with them. But it's okay because I'm laughing hard. Thanks for this post.
posted by PhatLobley at 12:44 PM on March 26, 2005

Even better IMHO than the Pat O'Brien blog is the link to Tom Sizemore's crying bitch routine.

Sooodelicious.
posted by nj_subgenius at 12:47 PM on March 26, 2005

Unless Pat O'brien confesses to being a prostitute, I cannot see how this can possibly be interesting.....

Wait...this is fucking awesome. Thanks Miss Lynster.

(Irene Cara reference was pure gold)
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 1:02 PM on March 26, 2005

Those voicemails are just disturbing. He sounds like he's smacking his lips the entire time.

Yes, very disturbing. Just keep telling yourself that wet slapping sound is him smacking his lips.

MetaFilter - if you agree with me, just look at me and say yes.
posted by Nelson at 1:08 PM on March 26, 2005

Funny. I imagine it'd be funnier if I knew who Pat O'Brien was. Very McSweeny's.
posted by elwoodwiles at 1:55 PM on March 26, 2005

This is much better than the prostitute blog.
posted by youarejustalittleant at 2:04 PM on March 26, 2005

Leave it to Pat O'Brien: skip the first 12 steps and right on to step 13. God, I'm so happy to be Irish!
posted by lometogo at 2:15 PM on March 26, 2005

Wait! Who the hell is McSweeny?
posted by Rawhide at 2:20 PM on March 26, 2005

He was referring to McSweeney's, the internet magazine founded by Dave Eggers. Since the O'Brien blog has a link to Christopher Monks' website which features his articles as a regular contributor to McSweeney's, it was kind of an easy call, though.
posted by miss lynnster at 2:36 PM on March 26, 2005

So, uh, who the hell is Pat O'Brien, anyway? *is clueless, but still finds the monkey assistant hilarious*
posted by jokeefe at 2:40 PM on March 26, 2005

Nevermind. I've discovered that if you clicky on the coloured text in the post, you will be automatically directed to another internet thing (with pictures!) where all your questions will be answered.

Of course, it appears that Pat O'Brien is something that you have to have American television to know about.
posted by jokeefe at 2:42 PM on March 26, 2005

Wow. I just read the other links and yes, all my questions have been answered. I assumed the other links were to other blog entries, which are very funny, my bad.
posted by elwoodwiles at 2:57 PM on March 26, 2005

My apologies. I left the "wink" emoticon off of the end of my last post, although I thought it was obvious without ;)
posted by Rawhide at 3:58 PM on March 26, 2005

Yes, very disturbing. Just keep telling yourself that wet slapping sound is him smacking his lips.

Well, that's it then. No eating dinner tonight. Or possibly ever again.
posted by LeeJay at 4:20 PM on March 26, 2005

When I read this, I have this picture in my mind of a documentary style comedy, like The Office or Arrested Development. Close-ups of embarassed faces and such.
posted by Agrippina at 4:24 PM on March 26, 2005

Rawhide, since some people honestly didn't know who Pat O'Brien was, guess I just figured there was a chance some people don't know McSweeney's either. I'm overdosing on Nyquil right now so silent winks are flying right past me.

On topic: I really really want to live in a country where there's no Access Hollywood or The Insider!!!! Or E! Channel! Or Joan Rivers or Star Jones! That sounds SO f*cking HOT!!! Damn monkey assistant.
posted by miss lynnster at 6:42 PM on March 26, 2005

miss lynnster: yay for robo-tripping!
posted by Mach5 at 10:15 PM on March 26, 2005

For some reason, I was thinking this was going to be about Patrick O'Brian, the deceased creator of that Master and Commander stuff... Sigh.
posted by drezdn at 10:50 PM on March 26, 2005

Mach5: Wheeeeeeeee!

And with this, miss lynnster buries her head in her hands and coughs up a lung.
(Bein' sick sure sucks rocks...)
posted by miss lynnster at 12:48 AM on March 27, 2005

Wasn't Pat O'Brien the priest in the classic Bogart/Cagney film, Angels with Dirty Faces? The guy from the same block on the Lower East Side as Cagney who somehow grew up straight and true -- saved by a calling from God, who persuades Cagney that he shouldn't go to the chair a hero, but should show himself up to be a dirty yellow coward in order to save the Bowery Boys from the same fate?

Do you think that all the time he was propositioning Ann Sheridan like this? No wonder she had a taste for bad boys if this is how men of the cloth behave.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:04 AM on March 27, 2005

PeterMcDermott: Yeah, but THAT Pat O'Brien got to be Loni Anderson's boyfriend in WKRP in Cincinnati. I'm not sure who I envy(?) more.
posted by evilcolonel at 7:27 AM on March 27, 2005