F1=Divide Loaves, F2=Walk on Water, F12=Rapture

June 30, 2005 11:54 AM

This game rated JC for eternal salvation, curing of the sick, and excessive scourging at the pillar. Ok, this is getting ridiculous...a Christian videogame about the rapture and the tribulations? WTF? I guess I know which side I'd be on. Seriously, though, do these people realize that every single new Christian-centric product is nothing more than a honeypot for harvesting names, addresses, and email addresses? Just like the GOP, people realize there's money to be made in marketing to Christians. But, the second you sign up, I'm sure you get added to one of the GOP's spam farms direct mail providers and sold to the appropriate politicrit or ideological demagogue. Just to show you I'm not full of it, look at who's in the databases of the Omega List and Response Unlimited...Advance Ticket Buyers for the Passion of the Christ, Peace Frogs (what?), Y2K Preparedness Buyers, the current (68k) and former (19m) subscribers to the Washington Times (aka Moonie Times), and of course, the Terri Schiavo Donor List. Take a look at who else is in there - Limbaugh, Newsmax, Fortune Magazine, Human Events, Guns and Ammo Magazine, Oliver North, the Heritage Foundation, Linda Tripp donors, G. Gordon Liddy's Toughguy Database, and the buyers of the Left Behind Video Series. No wonder we always lose...every single rightwing entity is in there! Via BoingBoing.
posted by rzklkng (53 comments total)

I don't think I've seen a post absolutely screaming for a [More Inside] more than this one.

And I might have to go and check out this BoingBoing site, it seems to be seeding the front page on a regular basis.

Christian video games are like Christian rock, they are only palatable if the brainwashing holds.
posted by fenriq at 12:04 PM on June 30, 2005

We?
posted by gwint at 12:05 PM on June 30, 2005

If it's anything like the books, most of the action will revolve around making cell phone calls and hoping someone picks up.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 12:07 PM on June 30, 2005

Wow. 99% of Guns and Ammo readers own at least 22 guns?

That's quite a gap. Time to start stocking up, folks.
posted by Jon-o at 12:07 PM on June 30, 2005

teasing me about an upcoming game but not providing screenshots is very un-christian
posted by poppo at 12:09 PM on June 30, 2005

My girlfriend subscribed to Mother Jones magazine, and shortly thereafter received about 2 pieces of junkmail a day from all sorts of liberal marketers, and charitable organizations. This isn't a christian or rightwing thing.

And as for this game, who wouldn't want a computer simulation of all the Christians leaving?
posted by Doug at 12:16 PM on June 30, 2005

My girlfriend subscribed to Mother Jones magazine, and shortly thereafter received about 2 pieces of junkmail a day from all sorts of liberal marketers, and charitable organizations. This isn't a christian or rightwing thing.

No, indeedy it is not. We used to regularly give to Greenpeace and Sierra Club, and used WorkingAssets for our long distance calls. All three clogged us with so much related mail-trash that it was unbelievable. We asked each to stop the litter barrage, but it got worse, not better. We wrote & told them that if the tree-spam didn't stop, they'd lose us as donors/customers.

They lost.
posted by beelzbubba at 12:21 PM on June 30, 2005

rzklkng posted "WTF? I guess I know which side I'd be on. Seriously, though, do these people realize...."

Uh, um I think WE ALL KNOW what side your on.

In other words , " GEE let's make fun of those craaaazy ChristiansFilter" Dull.
posted by BrodieShadeTree at 12:22 PM on June 30, 2005

Excuse me, was there a post in there amid the shrill editorializing?
posted by languagehat at 12:25 PM on June 30, 2005

... but what do you really think?
posted by mkultra at 12:37 PM on June 30, 2005

Wow.

When I first heard about this ... I thought this was going to be a First Person Shooter / RPG. But the first link says it will be ...

An RTS? Like Starcraft?

The mind reels ... particularly if they'll let you not be the "good guys."
posted by grabbingsand at 12:38 PM on June 30, 2005

Actually, Mother Jones subscribers are in that list too.
posted by rzklkng at 12:40 PM on June 30, 2005

who wouldn't want a computer simulation of all the Christians leaving?

ha-ha! you fell into the political correctness trap. now we can all accuse you of bigotry by simply saying:

"substitute 'Christians' for 'Jews' or 'Muslims' or 'Scientologists', and how would that sound?"

Call this a MetaCritique
posted by reality at 12:53 PM on June 30, 2005

My girlfriend subscribed to Mother Jones magazine, and shortly thereafter received about 2 pieces of junkmail a day from all sorts of liberal marketers, and charitable organizations. This isn't a christian or rightwing thing.

No, indeedy it is not. We used to regularly give to Greenpeace and Sierra Club, and used WorkingAssets for our long distance calls. All three clogged us with so much related mail-trash that it was unbelievable. We asked each to stop the litter barrage, but it got worse, not better. We wrote & told them that if the tree-spam didn't stop, they'd lose us as donors/customers.


Had the exact same experience with The Nation about five years ago, fwiw. They were flabbergasted that the advertising bombardment campaign might be bothersome or invasive. After all, I'd subscribed to their magazine, I must be on Their Team™.
posted by dhoyt at 12:57 PM on June 30, 2005

In terms of mailing lists, I'm still getting junk mail based on my participation in activities opposing the VIETNAM WAR --which ended a quarter of a century ago. These people have been tracking my address changes for all that time. The group "Citizen-Soldier" has had its claws into me for decades.
posted by Faze at 12:59 PM on June 30, 2005

Reality, if making fun of Christians is wrong, I don't want to be right.

And once you're in the junk mail system, you have to fake your own death to get out. I don't think this is a right/left issue; both sides are trying equally hard to pimp their wares to you.
posted by chunking express at 1:02 PM on June 30, 2005

Bart: "I hit one!"
Todd Flanders: "You just winged him. That makes him Unitarian."
posted by jonmc at 1:05 PM on June 30, 2005

chunking express: ...once you're in the junk mail system, you have to fake your own death to get out.

Hmm, dunno about that. I know a few dead people who still get a ton of junk mail.
posted by Western Infidels at 1:18 PM on June 30, 2005

Reality, if making fun of Christians is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Next time there's a thread about, say, Shia Imams, show up and proclaim "if making fun of Islam is wrong, I don't wanna be right!"

Ask yourself, and Muslims who may be reading, if it still feels 'right'.
posted by dhoyt at 1:23 PM on June 30, 2005

[This post is too crappy to ridicule]
posted by PissOnYourParade at 1:26 PM on June 30, 2005

When I lived at home, my mother donated money to the World Wildlife Fund and I had a subscription to National Review, the resulting mix of junk mail was pretty amusing.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 1:37 PM on June 30, 2005

The mind reels ... particularly if they'll let you not be the "good guys."
posted by grabbingsand

omg dude that would be sweet i would totally play a rts were i could hunt down christians for the beast.
posted by nola at 1:47 PM on June 30, 2005

who wouldn't want a computer simulation of all the Christians leaving?

ha-ha! you fell into the political correctness trap. now we can all accuse you of bigotry by simply saying:

"substitute 'Christians' for 'Jews' or 'Muslims' or 'Scientologists', and how would that sound?"

In all fairness, that argument would only be valid if a prominent and vocal portion of the country's Jews, Muslims or Scientologists went around constantly bragging about how one day they would be bodily lifted off of the planet leaving the rest of us to rot and be hit by their suddenly-driverless vehicles.
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:55 PM on June 30, 2005

Heck - subscribing to ANY magazine gets you on spam lists.

My mom got me a cooks illustrated subscription for my birthday and now all those dirty chefs are after me - Food and Wine, Gourmet, and those cook book club bastards that get you with the free pasta fork. It's the pasta fork straight to hell!
posted by jopreacher at 2:03 PM on June 30, 2005

If the Left Behind game DOES allow you to be evil, and they make the evil side a lot of fun (let you frag a lot of self-satisfied fundies, for instance), they'll have done something truly amazing: taken a ho-hum Christian property and found a way to make money from people who hate it.

Not that I'd give 'em a dime, myself, and that might be why it wouldn't work.
posted by gurple at 2:05 PM on June 30, 2005

I guess I know which side I'd be on.

Substituting one display of bad taste with another isn't that impressive.
posted by craniac at 2:21 PM on June 30, 2005

reality, during the rapture christians will be going to heaven. Presumably this is a place they would like to go. So, yeah, saying that I hope all scientologists rise into eternal paradise would be pretty much the same, but I don't particularly feel it's an awful suggestion. It'd be a win-win situation.
posted by Doug at 2:22 PM on June 30, 2005

"substitute 'Christians' for 'Jews' or 'Muslims' or 'Scientologists', and how would that sound?"

But to be fair:

1) Unlike any other religion in the US, Christianity isn't really strongly associated with any particular race, except possibly white people by default because there are so many. But when you make fun of Jews, you're (primarily) making fun of ethnic Jews, when you make fun of muslims, you're making fun of ethnic Arabs and possibly African Americans, etc. These stereotypes do not hold generally (c.f. Indonesia), but in the American context they're strongly associated.

2) Contrary to their constant protestations of persecution, Christians are the majority religion in the US, they are well represented in nearly every city and small town, and are not at risk of actual persecution.

3) Unlike in most other Christian majority secular countries, certain Christians in the US are actively trying to assert their beliefs in governmental policy and generally foist these beliefs on others.

Even given all those arguments, though, this is probably still a valid point: I'm not really in favor of mocking Christians. Despite how I may feel about any particular set of doctrines, I would always try to treat a religion's practitioners with utmost respect as human beings. However, I don't think that needs to squelch criticism of Christianity, even rather harsh criticism, especially in the US where it is so manifestly not threatened. And I think we mostly know that anyone here criticizing Christians really means to criticize Christian doctrine (insofar as there is any such single cohesive belief system) and not to personally disrespect people who adhere to that doctrine.
posted by rkent at 2:28 PM on June 30, 2005

hear hear!
posted by RedEmma at 2:42 PM on June 30, 2005

And I think we mostly know that anyone here criticizing Christians really means to criticize Christian doctrine (insofar as there is any such single cohesive belief system) and not to personally disrespect people who adhere to that doctrine.

Not me. Other way around. When I bash Christians I'm mainly bashing the people, not the doctrine. Not that I generally bash "Christians" as a group -- it's the fundamentalists who, as you say, are trying to impose their will on our government and society. My beef isn't with the tenets of Christianity, it's in the way they're carried out by wackos who use the power that Christians have in this country for harm.
posted by gurple at 2:43 PM on June 30, 2005

Man, the thing that annoys me most about the Left Behind folks is that I wrote a short story that had a similar plot (well, the idea that the Rapture had happened, and the sinners were all that were left), but no one wanted to buy it... Though, to be fair, it didn't exactly appeal to the same group who buys the Left Behind books...
posted by klangklangston at 2:49 PM on June 30, 2005

Not me. Other way around. When I bash Christians I'm mainly bashing the people, not the doctrine.

Well then. I stand corrected.
posted by rkent at 2:50 PM on June 30, 2005

Yeah, as far as I'm concerned everyone's free to believe anybody they like was nailed to a tree, or not. It's when they start pushing their beliefs on others and using their power to control government and press unrelated social issues that I start to have trouble with 'em. Not so much an issue with the tenets of the religion themselves.

Not that some of the tenets aren't quite humorous, but that's pretty much true of any belief system, when looked at from the outside.
posted by gurple at 2:58 PM on June 30, 2005

Despite the apparent imminent derailing about christina-bashing, I think it's useful to mention that Karl Rove & Co. is a "direct mail consulting firm". For everybody's talk about how Howard Dean's campaign changed politics with its use of the internet, what went unnoticed is how Rove's excellent use of database marketing has served the GOP really well. He's no rube, he's been doing this since 1980. It's not flashy, but damned if it don't work.
posted by Pliskie at 3:02 PM on June 30, 2005

um, that would be "christian-bashing". I don't know christina, and wouldn't hurt her if I did.
::looks around suspiciously::
posted by Pliskie at 3:03 PM on June 30, 2005

I can't wait for the online cheats to come out of the woodwork.

In other news, games dealing with the afterlife have had a good rap in the past.

(notice a pattern? also, dig that easter egg in the middle link)
posted by Dean Keaton at 3:05 PM on June 30, 2005

Seriously, though, do these people realize that every single new Christian-centric product is nothing more than a honeypot for harvesting names, addresses, and email addresses?

Seriously, though, do these people realize that every single new secular product is nothing more than a honeypot for harvesting names, addresses, and email addresses?
posted by quonsar at 3:06 PM on June 30, 2005

This list consists of 95% men who are current subscribers to G. Gordon Liddy's newsletter or buyers of his "Stacked and Packed" calendar.

Jesus Christ, I don't have the stomach to link to (Hitler-loving, and it's not a Godwin, it's a proven fact) Liddy's site here, but I still have a hard time believing that the stacked&packed site isn't a spoof -- it looks like Tarantino's Chicks With Guns video in Jackie Brown. only even more crude and pathetic
posted by matteo at 3:31 PM on June 30, 2005

Dear MeFi posters.

Thank you for offering salvation to this wayward poster. We the flock have rescued a freshman from his vapid group think and shown him the light, that being that broad brush strokes are unwise when used by the biased.

Seriously: A crappy post rescued by some earnest and thoughtful discussions.

Now where's my AKross 47 and molotov prayer beads?
posted by Mr Bluesky at 3:47 PM on June 30, 2005

bwa ha haaaa....
suckers.
posted by reality at 3:54 PM on June 30, 2005

Paraphrasing Jon Stewart: "When does the Christian Persecution Complex come to an end? They've only controlled the western world since...oh, 300 AD..."
posted by fungible at 4:04 PM on June 30, 2005

I think I'd like to read klangklangston's story.
And if you're bashing the doctrine then isn't there at least some implied..."contempt" may be too harsh a word(?) for the folks who believe in and follow it? I mean, yeah, the worst are the ones trying to force it down others' throats, but that doesn't mean the non-evangelist believers aren't idiots too. That is, IF one were bashing.
posted by zoinks at 4:28 PM on June 30, 2005

I used to subscribe to Reason, the libertarian magazine. I still get mail from almost every conceivable political side, with every imaginable agenda. And I also got an AARP card, with my name on it. I'm 32. Oh shit, I'm way off topic, sorry...
posted by Kloryne at 5:57 PM on June 30, 2005

And once you're in the junk mail system, you have to fake your own death to get out.

There's no saving this post, but ...

There are methods for reducing the catalogs, etc. I've called a bunch of companies requesting no more catalogs, and I've been successful enough to make it worthwhile.

Declaring your independence from junk mail

The Mail Preference Service

I also highly recommend calling the number to stop credit-card solicitations. I still get some, but not nearly as many: 1-888-5-OPTOUT (1-888-567-8688).
posted by mrgrimm at 6:10 PM on June 30, 2005

Sooner or later I am going to steal my own identity before somebody else does.
posted by buzzman at 6:30 PM on June 30, 2005

Oh those 'mail' links above are amazing... costs $5 to register via e-mail. Or you can print out a letter and add to the volume of c**p in the mail by sending it to them.
posted by buzzman at 6:33 PM on June 30, 2005

Next time there's a thread about, say, Shia Imams, show up and proclaim "if making fun of Islam is wrong, I don't wanna be right!"

Next time there's an FPP on a Hidden Imam computer game (that doubles as a contact-info harvesting operation for religiously motivated reactionaries that want to take over my country and destroy its classical liberal legacy), I hope someone makes fun of it, and any Shiites who think it's the greatest thing since sliced bread (and/or want to take over my country and destroy its classical liberal legacy).
posted by skoosh at 8:22 PM on June 30, 2005

if making fun of Islam is wrong, I don't wanna be right!

I saw Imam Ali in the street the other day so I went over and PUNCHED HIM IN THE HEAD. He was all like "WTF dude?" and I was all like "oh sorry I thought you were Mu'awiya Ummayad" and he was all like "well that I am not is al-dhaher, so why don't you go and make yourself al-baten, dickhead?"
posted by the quidnunc kid at 5:48 AM on July 1, 2005

And I said "tell it to Iblis, baby, 'cause Ibn Abuha ain't listening." And he said "Let you be stones, or iron, or some creation yet more monstrous!" and I was all "yeah, yeah, loose the wind why don't you? Hey, did you hear the one about the diseased dog? They usually tell it about your mother, but I wouldn't want to offend you!" Then he got all nasty on my ass.

Why is this post still here?
posted by languagehat at 7:09 AM on July 1, 2005

So we can have fun with Islam, O Abu lugha ibn baranit*.

* you may need to correct me on this.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 7:50 AM on July 1, 2005

Works for me.
posted by languagehat at 8:21 AM on July 1, 2005

"Download the FREE Left Behind Trivia Game!"
Lame.
"Combines Tom Clancy-like suspense with touches of romance, high tech flash and Biblical references."
Wha?
...these people...make money?
posted by Smedleyman at 10:27 AM on July 1, 2005

I agree with rkent's statement, basically if a certain group wants to make claims to be better than anyone else, shove it's rhetoric down 'nonbelievers' throats, threaten them, do everything they can to make life difficult for 'nonbelievers/heathen/sinners, etc.
Screw them, screw their belief system and screw their right to participate in a democratic process they show every evidence of doing everything they can to screw it up and make it impotent.
If there is a God and he does recall his followers, none of the fundamentalists will be riding 'The Good Ship Lollypop' to heaven.
posted by mk1gti at 4:26 PM on July 1, 2005