Vinegar Boy

July 19, 2005 5:54 PM

The “Vinegar Boy” Saga, as told by Aaron The tale about how one bottle of malt vinegar caused an uproar of controversy
posted by bluehermit (30 comments total)

I was hoping this would resolve itself in one page. Not so, alas,


tl:dr
posted by fire&wings at 6:01 PM on July 19, 2005

Heh. It actually works out to be an employee's dream come true -- idiot customers don't get any satisfaction; incompetent and hostile managers get what's coming to them; employee gets raise for having to put up with their shit in the first place. If only most other workplace hassles were resolved so righteously.
posted by scody at 6:32 PM on July 19, 2005

A thoroughly enjoyable read! Schadenfraude at its best!
posted by ericb at 6:35 PM on July 19, 2005

Spoiler alert. Snape kills Vinegar Boy.
posted by Effigy2000 at 6:35 PM on July 19, 2005

Scody - Thanks for reading through and confirming where the story was headed. It should be made into a musical. It's already a fantasy.

Seriously, some great show tunes must be lurking here....

" My Mom"

If your mom
Was as crazy as my mom
And your dad was sheer useless
You'd drink vinegar too.

It was a
Suicide rehearsal/attempt
But my mother
Has not a clue
posted by longsleeves at 6:56 PM on July 19, 2005 [1 favorite]

I assume Vinegar Boy mistook Malt Vinegar for Malt Liquor.
posted by dobbs at 7:05 PM on July 19, 2005

MMMmmm... Malt.
One of nature's greatest inventions.
Used in milk and ice cream products, as well as BEER!
posted by Balisong at 7:10 PM on July 19, 2005

Q: What kind of kid is stupid enough to drink half a bottle of malt vinegar?

A: One raised by a mother dumb enough to blame the clerk who sold it to him.
posted by jrossi4r at 7:15 PM on July 19, 2005

Touché, jrossi4r.
posted by clevershark at 7:22 PM on July 19, 2005

Vinegar Boy would be a great band name.
posted by Ynoxas at 8:45 PM on July 19, 2005

Such a happy ending, thanks for posting this!
posted by GriffX at 9:20 PM on July 19, 2005

Ynoxas writes "Vinegar Boy would be a great band name."

Vinegar Boy and the Clueless Territory Managers
Vinegar Boy and the Dumb Teenage Mothers
Vinegar Boy and the Aarons that Could

And by the way, very nice read, thank you, bluehermit!
posted by nkyad at 9:30 PM on July 19, 2005

I drank vinegar once. But I'm an American, and it was distilled vinegar. But I had my 'reasons'. I was also quite young.

I had read a story where someone had to drink something terrible, and keep it down. It was a sort of test. I decided to try myself, and vinegar seemed as vile as anything available. I was clueless!

I drank only a half glass. But I downed it in a few gulps, all at once. Ta da! Look at me! I'm ST.... uh...

I was standing about 5 paces from the toilet a the time. I didn't make it that far. Truly learned why 'hurl' is sometimes the right word.

But there were no lasting side effects. Just a spectacular hurling of chunks into the bathroom sink. And I got to clean it up, too! Because, of course, The Mother wasn't home (else I'd not have been horsing around like a dumb shit, drinking vinegar).

hyuk hyuk hyuk
posted by Goofyy at 9:31 PM on July 19, 2005

Goofyy, in my country we have an old folk recipe you drink when you need to throw up (having, for instance, eaten something rotten and being away from a hospital): half a cup of warm water, half a cup of vinegar and salt.
posted by nkyad at 9:38 PM on July 19, 2005

I loved this story. Right triumphs and all.
dobbs- agree that vinegar boy thought he was liquor boy.
posted by pointilist at 10:01 PM on July 19, 2005

I rarely have customers complain about my actions but I despise managers who cave in to irrational customers (as in the example above).
posted by drezdn at 11:23 PM on July 19, 2005

Beautiful.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 11:53 PM on July 19, 2005

Really great story, well worth reading all the way through.
posted by chrid at 1:26 AM on July 20, 2005

fire&wings: If it wasn't for his union, it would have been over in one page.

As much as unions may be corrupt, stifling, hidebound organisations intent on depriving good, honest employers from taking full advantage of all their assets and opportunites, sometimes they are necessary...
posted by Pinback at 3:21 AM on July 20, 2005 [1 favorite]

Amen. Great story.
posted by dabitch at 4:17 AM on July 20, 2005

Another funny thing about all this is that you can drink vinegar. The best way to sample and savor the flavor of the finest aged balsamic is to take small sips of the straight stuff.
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:27 AM on July 20, 2005

So... australia pretty much has the same type of liability as the US when it comes to corporate apologies and whatnot?
posted by ph00dz at 5:01 AM on July 20, 2005

As a night of drinking wound on, we decided to bet my friend Joe that he could not drink a bottle of malt vinegar that was sitting on the table. After ponying up something like 40 bucks for him to do it, he agreed. He then went to the bathroom to prepare himself. Meanwhile, one of the other friends, Josh, who knew the bar, owner went up to the bar, emptied another bottle of malt vinegar, rinsed it, and filled it with cola. When Joe returned from the bathroom, we informed him that there was no way he should drink this alone and that Josh would be racing him.

I took the two bottles, doctored and plain, and set them down in front of their respective drinkers (Josh was worried I would double cross him and give him a real bottle, but I figured there was enough treachery that evening) and they were off! Joe glugged and gagged his way through his bottle, while Josh gave a fair impression that he was doing the same (he was actually trying to keep from laughing). Joe finished, and Josh did not. Joe was awarded his 40 bucks, then offered an extra 10 or so to make it an even 50 if he would finish Josh's last swallow.

Joe did so. The look on his face when he realized it was cola, not vinegar, was priceless. He might have been mad, but at that point the fact that he had drunk a bottle of malt vinegar set in with his digestive system and he fled to spend some time back in the bathroom.

Good times, good times. I don't know what it is about the combination of beer, twenty-something guys, and stupid bets that makes magic. Could it be our inherent stupidity and immaturity? I sure hope so!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:37 AM on July 20, 2005 [3 favorites]

My dad grew up on a farm, and he was one of those people who swear by folk remedies based on honey and vinegar. From him, I've learned that thoroughly diluted vinegar -- say, a tablespoon in a glass of water -- is a good treatment for dyspepsia. (Or maybe what's really helping is the fact that I lie down with my eyes closed for a while after taking it.)
posted by alumshubby at 7:11 AM on July 20, 2005

I wonder if V.B. was trying to pass a drug test. (Scroll down to 6.3)
posted by TedW at 10:24 AM on July 20, 2005

Some more ideas for fun and excitement with this magic elixir (vinegar boy rejoice!)
posted by flagellum at 11:01 AM on July 20, 2005

Did Kevin Smith write this??
posted by HuronBob at 11:38 AM on July 20, 2005 [1 favorite]

Q: What kind of kid is stupid enough to drink half a bottle of malt vinegar?

A: One raised by a mother dumb enough to blame the clerk who sold it to him. - jrossi4r

Originally, I was going to say zing! But then I thought about it. And it's just true.
posted by raedyn at 11:52 AM on July 20, 2005

Computer, what's the closest equivalent to baking soda in an over-the-counter tablet? Tums?

"Yo, Vinegar Boy, you don't look so good. Here. Swallow these to help settle your stomach." (then RUN!)
posted by hal9k at 12:09 PM on July 20, 2005

I figured out I was pregnant when I started craving - and drinking, with no ill effects - malt vinegar. Yum!
posted by mygothlaundry at 2:45 PM on July 20, 2005