Random links... almost
September 28, 2005 12:51 AM   Subscribe

Ontological connection. [Warning: annoying]
posted by panoptican (12 comments total)

 
Something Awful used the same basic idea (8-bit platform cliches) for a much funnier series of articles by Blue Guy #762,182, of the Video Game Henchman 563rd Union.

from "Who Keeps Leaving This Shit All Over the Place?":

We're not supposed to be pawns of the administration yet, hey, let's hand over the podium to a guy who is incapable of communicating anything besides ominous warnings for PLAYER 1! What a great idea! Then why don't we spend $18 billion on a robot who ejaculates nuclear death and is completely invincible except for, oh, THE FIVE SECONDS HE OPENS HIS CYCLOPS EYEBALL IN FRONT WHICH IS COMPLETELY SUCCEPTIBLE TO ANY TYPE OF DAMAGE WHATSOEVER! Great thinking everybody, I'm sure this will put us on the fast track to world domination and succeed where we've failed the last, oh, 700 times or so!

....

Anyway, I've got a few free minutes to write here since PLAYER 1 just came through here and murdered everybody with that one gun that shoots bullets in three different directions, all of which can somehow pass through solid surfaces like the ground.
posted by ori at 1:10 AM on September 28, 2005


I saw those commercials last night and wondered what they were for. With all the money they've spent, it seems like they could have made something entertaining instead. It's not good marketing if all I'm enticed to do is find out what they're trying to sell me.
posted by kyleg at 1:13 AM on September 28, 2005


(other articles in the series: one. two.)
posted by ori at 1:16 AM on September 28, 2005


Yup, that was annoying all right.
posted by Joeforking at 1:24 AM on September 28, 2005


It's not good marketing if all I'm enticed to do is find out what they're trying to sell me.

I'm thinking you forgot what marketing is.
posted by shmegegge at 1:59 AM on September 28, 2005


No, he's right. This is shitty when it had the potential to be cool.

What if you could go back and play all those console games with damn near anybody to sit next to as PLAYER 2. What if there were tournaments for all those old school gems? What if you could watch the best of the best beat the shit out of a game you'd played 10 years ago?? DID YOU GUYS EVEN OWN A NINTENDO?!

ARGH! Concerted time and effort wasted on wank. I'm going to bed, I'm drunk. And now rather upset.
posted by GooseOnTheLoose at 4:20 AM on September 28, 2005


That SA link was awesome.
posted by cavalier at 4:50 AM on September 28, 2005


I don't _get_ Something Awful. Is it just me?
posted by markesh at 5:15 AM on September 28, 2005


Soooo what are they selling?
posted by Dr_Octavius at 6:48 AM on September 28, 2005


Oh. Gametap. Seems like a streaming game program.
posted by Dr_Octavius at 6:53 AM on September 28, 2005


TM & © 2005 Turner Broadcasting System, Inc. A Time Warner Company. Patent Pending. All Rights Reserved.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 11:53 AM on September 28, 2005


El press releaso.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 11:54 AM on September 28, 2005


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