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Hummer Bummer
November 4, 2005 3:41 AM   Subscribe

Hummer Bummer The word around town was that the Hummers weren't moving.
posted by srboisvert (75 comments total)

 
That's the first time I've seen someone link to the posting page. I flagged it. Hopefully someone can come along and fix the html
posted by planetkyoto at 3:46 AM on November 4, 2005


Fix the HTML? With what? To point where?
posted by Plutor at 3:50 AM on November 4, 2005


This is funny.
posted by caddis at 3:58 AM on November 4, 2005


Oops. :)
posted by Malor at 4:07 AM on November 4, 2005


I get it, it's some kind of postmodern FPP. Posting the posting page challenges us to deconstruct the tropes of "content" and analyse the structure of meaning in a post-colonial context.
posted by [expletive deleted] at 4:08 AM on November 4, 2005


Damn

LOL

Here is the correct link
posted by srboisvert at 4:20 AM on November 4, 2005


> The reason that the story of rapidly rising Hummer inventory is so interesting and so
> amusing, is that America's most ostentatious Sport Utility Vehicle, the Hummer SUV,
> is a metaphor for America in the world today - overweight, overpriced, inefficient, and unloved.

Oh, I still love 'em. When they hit $1.50 I'll take two to live in.
posted by jfuller at 4:29 AM on November 4, 2005


Paging Nelson Muntz, Nelson Muntz to the parking lot.
posted by eriko at 4:40 AM on November 4, 2005


This just proves what Bill Clinton learned in office: You can't keep your secret hummers hidden for long.
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:41 AM on November 4, 2005


BTW, [Expletive deleted] wins.

I've often exclaimed "Aw, Win Me" when a crappy OS has crashed again, I'm wonder if we can't make H2 an expletive....
posted by eriko at 4:42 AM on November 4, 2005


In a just society these things would be illegal. I always give hummers dirty looks when I (still rarely) see them driving by as I wait for the bus. Not sure anyone notices, but it makes me feel that I've done my civic duty for the day.
posted by Hildegarde at 4:44 AM on November 4, 2005


*golf clap* Well done, [expletive deleted], well done indeed.
posted by qwip at 4:48 AM on November 4, 2005


Hildegarde,

I saw two H2's yesterday with "tag applied for"

ah Atlanta...
posted by Hands of Manos at 4:58 AM on November 4, 2005


The actual link is even funnier than the posting error. I wonder what those lots will look like when gas hits $5 a gallon? Whenever I see someone driving a Hummer I laugh a little and wonder what kind of an idiot would want to drive one of these. As for the H3, boy that is the sorriest of the lot. Remember VWs with a fake Rolls Royce grill?
posted by caddis at 5:04 AM on November 4, 2005


What's the "tag applied for" about? What sort of tag do you need?
posted by Hildegarde at 5:13 AM on November 4, 2005


What's the "tag applied for" about? What sort of tag do you need?

I presume "tag applied for" means that it's a brand new, just purchased vehicle that hasn't even gotten its license plate yet. Ergo, someone who just bought the damn thing a week ago and clearly has no idea what's going on in the world.
posted by Faint of Butt at 5:16 AM on November 4, 2005


If this trend can be extrapolated even approximately across the US, then auto manufacturers are in deep trouble. Ford and GM in particular are facing financial challenges brought on by flat sales and rising costs for worker pensions and health care -- a few months ago, I posted about how they've sunk to junk-bond status. If customer tastes are veering away from profitable SUVs, auto makers will be forced to develop new lines of compacts and hybrids and then retool to produce them, at tremendous cost.
posted by alumshubby at 5:32 AM on November 4, 2005


I dunno what you chumps are talking about. America's economy is looking up up up under Bush!
posted by klangklangston at 5:34 AM on November 4, 2005


Alms: Yeah, almost like they've been advised to do so for a couple of years now...
posted by klangklangston at 5:35 AM on November 4, 2005


In a just society these things would be illegal.

Are they any more egregious than a Tahoe (which is what an H2 is, under the skin) or an Escalade or an Expedition (or whatever the hell those Ford mega-SUVs are called)?

What's intriguing about the H*s is that they're so damn UGLY. The design is calculated to make drivers feel TOUGH, with all those hard edges and faux-crude sheet metal pressings. They're like Jeep CJs writ ULTRA.
posted by lodurr at 5:36 AM on November 4, 2005


You know, I don't get that. How can you drive a car around with out plates on it?

I know vanity plates are a lot more common in the states, but man that's got to be a license to do whatever the hell you like til the plates turn up.

Over here you'd never get it off the 'court until the plates were on.
posted by twine42 at 5:38 AM on November 4, 2005


Shifting tracks: I just spent a couple of weeks overseas, watching TV in a language I didn't understand. I saw a blitz of commercials for a new Ford compact. It's a small four-seat econobox, but it has directional headlights and heated leather seats, just like the big SUVs. If I was following the narrative right, it also had nice features like high-end stereo and climate-control.

What's amazing to me about the SUV market is that the American manufacturers have failed so egregiously to learn from it. What they could have learned -- and what they apparently understand when they sell cars into foreign markets (viz this little Ford) is that you can add a ton of shit onto the "econobox" models to jack up the margin just like you can on the big SUVs and land whales. GM/Ford seem willing to ride the trend when a partner wants them to sell a car (like the Pontiac Vibe/Toyota Matrix) that exploits that idea, but they haven't seemed to have the courage to push that idea for themselves in their own home markets.
posted by lodurr at 5:42 AM on November 4, 2005


Those pictures are spectacular, and kind of weirdly apocalyptic. I imagine lone survivors picking their way through the wreckage of mall culture, and coming upon vast tracts of identical motorized giants waiting endlessly for a latte-sipping, fur-boot wearing yuppie to fulfill their destiny.

Uh, sorry, it's Friday.
posted by selfnoise at 5:43 AM on November 4, 2005


Personally, I want a vespa. A pink one, please. Meep meep!
posted by Hildegarde at 5:45 AM on November 4, 2005


Georgia is a little weird... they're very pro-freedom and anti-centralized power. (which I like... I wish I could get that part without the religion or the remaining racism.) Each individual county, and there are A LOT of counties, issues 'tags' (license plates) for vehicles.

For many years, you went into your tag office and applied for a plate, and then stuck a piece of paper to your receptacle saying "TAG APPLIED FOR" and the date. You were supposed to get your tag within thirty days, and legally the police weren't supposed to bug you for those thirty days. Of course, since the signs were handmade, there were people who drove their cars for years without license plates, just renewing their little sign once a month.

Nowadays, dealerships seem to give you a temporary tag on the spot... it's still the TAG APPLIED FOR thing, basically, but it's on, um, "letterhead", and the date is put on by the dealership. And when I went in to register my car when I moved here, they handed me a new plate on the spot.

I suspect about the only time you'd see a handwritten TAG APPLIED FOR anymore would be if you moved here and ordered a personalized plate, and probably not even then.

Central control wins again.
posted by Malor at 6:03 AM on November 4, 2005


When one of these things goes through the neighborhood, a friend of mine likes to stop in the crosswalk and salute. Then he yells, "How's it going at the front, General?"
posted by Wylie Kyoto at 6:18 AM on November 4, 2005


[fixed link in fpp fyi]
posted by jessamyn at 6:32 AM on November 4, 2005


I like to pull up to these behemoths in my CRX and get them to roll down the window. If it's a guy, I offer my condolences about his penis size. And lock my doors. ;)
posted by notsnot at 6:34 AM on November 4, 2005


Humbummers not moving? ... and yet these puppies are outselling minis and beetles in Canada.
posted by CynicalKnight at 6:56 AM on November 4, 2005


Our gas crisis is arguably because of demand, not supply. That's why I always flip off any Hummers I see.
posted by thanotopsis at 7:11 AM on November 4, 2005


USA! USA! SUV! SUV!
posted by Floydd at 7:16 AM on November 4, 2005


I, too, like to stand at attention and salute when someone drives past in one of these beasts. Thank your friend for me as I am going to pilfer his line.
posted by Suck Poppet at 7:17 AM on November 4, 2005


Interesting story. Reminds me of this thread from a little while back on Jeff Luers, who would have gone ballistic upon seeing those parking lots.

Also...distinctly sickening.
posted by voltairemodern at 7:21 AM on November 4, 2005


A couple of my girlfriend's high school acquaintances in Waterloo, Ontario just got married and bought an SUV. When she asked them why they made the purchase in the face of rapidly rising gas prices, they told her they weren't worried because the high prices were just "temporary".
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:06 AM on November 4, 2005


Hundreds of homeless Hummers.

Go on, say it with me.
posted by deusdiabolus at 8:12 AM on November 4, 2005


I bet there's an "accidental" fire that gets blamed on radical environmentalists.
posted by craniac at 8:19 AM on November 4, 2005


they told her they weren't worried because the high prices were just "temporary".


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Man are they going to be sorry when the acid wears off !!
posted by a3matrix at 8:23 AM on November 4, 2005


Hundreds of homeless Hummers

That's where we can quarantine some rotting corpses when the flu pandemic purges humanity.
posted by CynicalKnight at 8:26 AM on November 4, 2005


The best part of the whole story is the Google ads letting me know exactly where to buy a Hummer.

Thanks Google!
posted by Keith Talent at 8:27 AM on November 4, 2005


What's intriguing about the H*s is that they're so damn UGLY. The design is calculated to make drivers feel TOUGH, with all those hard edges and faux-crude sheet metal pressings. They're like Jeep CJs writ ULTRA.

I disagree. What's intriguing about the Hummers is that they are mostly (or were) war vehicles. It seemed to me people felt it was necessary to buy a hummer along with their little antenna US flag. As if that meant they were more American.

I've always felt however that it was a slap in the face for our troops coming home. "hey son look at us, were in a war too...vroom vroom!!"
posted by freudianslipper at 8:27 AM on November 4, 2005


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Man are they going to be sorry when the acid wears off !!

I know. Way to do your research, etc.. Apparently they seemed genuinely puzzled by the idea that high gas prices may be here for good.

Thanks for passing that along, craniac!
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:30 AM on November 4, 2005


Craniac: I had no idea about that tag. Fun!
posted by The Bellman at 8:31 AM on November 4, 2005


Related (and probably posted on the blue before) photos of people flipping off Hummers http://www.fuh2.com/
posted by StarForce5 at 8:33 AM on November 4, 2005


The sooner we use up all the oil, the sooner we can stop caring about the Middle East and global warming, and move on to a cleaner, safer, alternative.


So, please: guzzle gas. For the children.
posted by Ayn Marx at 8:36 AM on November 4, 2005


I always give hummers dirty looks when I (still rarely) see them driving by as I wait for the bus. Not sure anyone notices, but it makes me feel that I've done my civic duty for the day.
posted by Hildegarde


If anything beats driving behind a h2 trying to desperately see the road ahead it's driving behind a bus. Ahh, the smell of diesel in the morning...
posted by justgary at 8:38 AM on November 4, 2005


No one's buying these boring-ass four-wheeled Hummers because they're waiting for the SIX-WHEELED model! Yeeehaw!!
posted by tpl1212 at 8:47 AM on November 4, 2005


While the H2 gets bad gas mileage (8 - 11mpg) the H3 gets around 20mpg highway and 16mpg city which isn't that awful. So seems a little silly getting all mad at H3s. My Mazda RX8 gets a whopping 12-14mpg.... but so far nobody has flipped me off for consuming too much gas. The anti hummer brigade seem to be the same folks that hated 'the yuppies' or 'gentrification' of crap neighborhoods, must just love being irked.
posted by zeoslap at 8:49 AM on November 4, 2005


People with the money to buy H2's don't worry about things like rising gas prices. We do.

As funny as this lot full of unwanted H2's are and as fun as it is to give them and their drivers mean sneers, it doesn't change the fact that they're still burning as much gas as they are.

Kill the H2 and the H3 and they'll make a new trendy yuppie swinemobile. The optimal solution would be to inact standards on the automotive industry to require all vehicles to get AT LEAST, say, 25-35 mpg.

That's what I'D like to do... I just wish I knew how.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 8:51 AM on November 4, 2005


Hildegarde writes "In a just society these things would be illegal."

Meh. I guess I'm not nearly affected by other people's poor buying decisions as some other people.

Personally I prefer to imagine the pain that the average H2 owner endures standing at the pump watching the bill increase seemingly endlessly... Sure buying an H2 is sheer idiocy, but it's a self-punishing idiocy.
posted by clevershark at 8:52 AM on November 4, 2005


zeoslap made the point I as going to make. Sports cars are just as bad when it comes to gas mileage. I still think Hummers are cool in the 'my penis is bigger than yours' way. Their design is much more interesting than the Tahoe or Suburbans. This gets better gas mileage than the Range Rover Sport and no one is flipping off those off. Hummers are just an easy target.
posted by geoff. at 9:05 AM on November 4, 2005


geoff. writes "Sports cars are just as bad when it comes to gas mileage."

That is true, but sports cars just do not have the bulk and elevated sitting position that generally tends to make drivers drive like complete asswipes -- the "fuck everyone else because I'm not going to get injured" syndrome.
posted by clevershark at 9:10 AM on November 4, 2005


I agree with clevershark. It's just pure joy for me to see an H2 speeding by me on the freeway. I think to myself "that guy just spent $X to pass me, he must really be important"
posted by toomuch at 9:13 AM on November 4, 2005


the Hummer SUV, is a metaphor for America in the world today - overweight, overpriced, inefficient, and unloved.

True enough, but he forgot "envied".
posted by spock at 9:36 AM on November 4, 2005


I can't imagine many guys who drove these bastards in the service would want to continue to do so at home. Which I think is what is intended by selling Hummers. The whole paramilitary thing. Or postapocalypse thing.
If it does come to that, I'd want a motorcycle. Fast, agile, not much gas usage. I don't know that I'd sport the mohawk and assless chaps though.


Hummers are fun to beat the hell out of and drive, but not when it's not on the taxpayer's nickel.
posted by Smedleyman at 9:48 AM on November 4, 2005


All of the Hummers in the photos from the link is hysterical and another shining example of how GM doesn't have a clue about the auto market. If that's just one dealer in the LA area, I wonder how other market's inventory levels are?
posted by birdherder at 9:51 AM on November 4, 2005


I don't know that I'd sport the mohawk and assless chaps though.

Seems to me there'd be no better time than the apocalypse to rock the assless chaps. Not like I'm worried about getting fired or anything...
posted by jalexei at 10:00 AM on November 4, 2005


it would be so really very nice just to be able to see the other side of the street again. these monsterous in-your-face blights have completely stoved street-level photography almost everywhere around manhattan.

i guess steroid-using fat boy chic is still really quite hip here in the north east. on some avenues around the city you'll see mile-long canyons comprised of stationary suv's left behind by fat fucker commuters with a built-in aversion to public transport.

opportunity for shots of buildings without the ubiquitous yellow turdboxen somewhere in the frame are seemingly very rare. although alternate street parking rules offers some respite why the f*ck are new yorkers expected to adapt to accommodate some out-of-towners spasticated aesthetic?

a legion french-stlye suv tire deflaters in manhattan would be just lovely. i really hope it happens soon.
posted by rodney stewart at 10:16 AM on November 4, 2005


steroid-using fat boy chic

AKA Cartman chic.
posted by goethean at 10:26 AM on November 4, 2005


I don't entirely get it, although it's sure funny to see. Why would one dealer buy so much stock? Is it hard to replenish stock later once a few sell, nearly JIT? Is this a sign of the Hummer tanking because of gas prices, or of one car dealer who screwed up? (Could his screwup have been a lot full of hundreds of midsize sedans instead?)
posted by mendel at 10:59 AM on November 4, 2005


Maybe t he guy added one too many zeroes when ordering the damn things.
posted by clevershark at 11:09 AM on November 4, 2005


The whole notion that the hummers are "war vehicles" is misinformed. True hummers are, certainly, but the H2 is built on a completely different frame and drivetrain. It has very little in common with the real hummer. It's all for show.
posted by odinsdream at 11:25 AM on November 4, 2005


Those pictures are spectacular, and kind of weirdly apocalyptic. I imagine lone survivors picking their way through the wreckage of mall culture, and coming upon vast tracts of identical motorized giants waiting endlessly for a latte-sipping, fur-boot wearing yuppie to fulfill their destiny.

selfnoise -- I had the exact same mental image when I saw the pictures. Huh.
posted by Marit at 11:25 AM on November 4, 2005


I hate to ruin the party but mendel is correct. I live minutes from that area and it's pretty common for dealers to store their cars in that lot. I've seen Audi and BMW sedans there on several occasions.
posted by euphorb at 11:28 AM on November 4, 2005


A Hummer not on the road is one less Hummer that can run me or any of my biker brethren over and not even notice. This is a good thing.

I think they should melt these Hummers down and turn them into garden gnomes.

Even the asshats in my neighborhood got rid of their stupid ego truck.
posted by fenriq at 11:47 AM on November 4, 2005


When the Iraq invasion started, my local newspaper ran a front page article entitled "A Girl and her Hummer". As is common in newspaper "stories" these days, the "article" was a breathless advertisement for the virtues of driving this monstrosity. A couple weeks later, I saw a hummer in person with this license plate: "4 WAR".

Gosh, all that hubris is just a memory these days.
posted by telstar at 11:49 AM on November 4, 2005


Are they any more egregious than a Tahoe (which is what an H2 is, under the skin) or an Escalade or an Expedition (or whatever the hell those Ford mega-SUVs are called)?

Yeah, because they're less fuel efficient, slower, heavier, more dangerous to pedestrians, and have no more room inside than the Tahoe -- to me, that makes them worse.

I disagree. What's intriguing about the Hummers is that they are mostly (or were) war vehicles.

Only the original Hummer; the H2 and H3 are stricly "tough-ups" of existing SUVs.
posted by davejay at 12:56 PM on November 4, 2005


Why would one dealer buy so much stock?

Well, out here in cali, nobody wants to wait for their new car purchase: people want the specific model they want, and they want to take delivery NOW. Ordering a car is, for the most part, out of the question. That's why most car dealers have such a large in-stock inventory.

That said, this is still notable, because a few years ago you couldn't keep Hummers on the lot -- think about the Prius now, which sell on average 20 minutes after they roll off the truck -- but now there's a huge store of unsold inventory, just like your average Camry or whatnot. Meanwhile, the aforementioned hybrids are selling in the huge numbers the Hummers did a few years ago, and the Mini is still selling at or above sticker (a few years ago, Minis and Hummers were the top-two-selling cars in Southern California, but it appears the Mini has longer sales legs than the Hummer by far).
posted by davejay at 1:00 PM on November 4, 2005


"In my humble opinion, the H2 is an American icon. Not the military version by any means, but it's a symbol of what we all hold so dearly above all else, the fact we have the freedom of choice, the freedom of happiness, the freedom of adventure and discovery, and the ultimate freedom of expression."

"Those who deface a Hummer in words or deed," he added, "deface the American flag and what it stands for."
posted by brundlefly at 4:53 PM on November 4, 2005


Humbummers not moving? ... and yet these puppies are outselling minis and beetles in Canada.

I was going to post that. I see a lot of smart cars here in Victoria, BC, and have spotted about 3 Hummers.

Hummers are simply stupid for our location, and I just don't know what to say about the oversized SUVs that can't even fit into one parking space, either.

I wouldn't take a Hummer if you gave it to me for free.
posted by Savannah at 5:51 PM on November 4, 2005


"Those who deface a Hummer in words or deed," he added, "deface the American flag and what it stands for."

They used to have a word for people who debased the flag that much, and that word was "traitor".

Smart Cars are cute, but they're clearly not made for big guys -- I tried one and found it had too little shoulder space for me. They do get a lot of attention though; some businesses here in Montreal (mostly trendy eateries) get them done up as a "rolling billboard" and often just park them on the street as a form of publicity.
posted by clevershark at 6:15 PM on November 4, 2005


geoff. writes "Sports cars are just as bad when it comes to gas mileage."


Depends what you mean by "sports cars." The Miata gets 25-30ish mpg according to actual owners, the EPA claims 29mpg highway for the Porsche Boxter, and I'd imagine the Lotus Elise and whatever Acura's calling the replacement Integra are pretty good gas-wise, too. Zeoslap's RX8, , the Mustang GT, etc., probably not so much, and if you can afford a Ferarri Enzo you're probably the Sultan of Brunei anyway so it doesn't matter, right?

I've got mixed feelings about the Smart car, though. Sure, I'd rather see yuppie fashionistas solo-commuting in those than ginormo SUVs, but when I think of the practical things I'd actually want a car for, the Smart seems kinda useless. No cargo room, probably unbearable for long trips, no passenger space... I'd love to see somebody shoehorn a Suzuki Hayabusa engine into one, though.
posted by arto at 6:16 PM on November 4, 2005


There will be a TV Sitcom or period peice movie set in the "Bush II" years and one of the characters is going to have to drive a Hummer. But you will have to wait a few more years to see if Im right. Hummer is to today what the AMC Gremlin was to mid 70s "of the time" . However the first time Id EVER heard of or saw a Hummer was a 60 Minutes interview, *in the 90's* (!!) with Tina Turner , she had one and was drinivin in it around Paris somewhere. Now that was cool ., they werent even on the market yet . what a ballbreaker that lady is.

But when the pendulum swings to teeny cars, smart cars, Minis - to be fair they are pretty ridiculous too ....

Seacrest out
posted by celerystick at 6:41 PM on November 4, 2005


Didn't one of the retarded mobsters in the Sopranos drive a hummer? And Tony drove an Escalade. These vehicles fit the mafia cliche to a tee, don't you think?
posted by sic at 4:49 AM on November 5, 2005


...but when I think of the practical things I'd actually want a car for, the Smart seems kinda useless. No cargo room, probably unbearable for long trips, no passenger space...

Have you actually analyzed your use of your car? I'll bet dollars to donuts that on the whole, a SMART car would fulfill 90+% of your use, and that a delivery service, taxi, or car rental would fulfill your other 10% and at a cost that remains lower than purchasing, insuring, and maintaining a full-size vehicle.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:03 AM on November 5, 2005


Nah. Smarts aren't particularly inexpensive, at least as proposed for the US -- $15--20K is what I've seen bandied about. For that price, you can just get a new or year-old VW diesel that's good for something other than commuting, can haul a bit of crap, and still gets stupidly high mileage.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:17 PM on November 5, 2005


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