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The Lord's Wal-Mart
November 30, 2005 10:03 PM   Subscribe

"This is the day that the Lord has made! We shall rejoice and be glad in the new Wal-Mart that the Lord has made."
posted by thisisdrew (45 comments total)

 
what the shit
posted by Optimus Chyme at 10:05 PM on November 30, 2005


okay, this is why we can't take you seriously, guys
posted by Optimus Chyme at 10:08 PM on November 30, 2005


That certainly looked Photoshopped, and I guess it could be, but it certainly matches the layout of the real paper. Maybe I was just hoping that it was a fake.
posted by milnak at 10:08 PM on November 30, 2005


That sums up America pretty good right there.
posted by deusdiabolus at 10:26 PM on November 30, 2005


I heard the Lord had a fear of nails. How could he build a Wal-Mart.
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 10:28 PM on November 30, 2005


Well, even if it's a real story, invoking a higher power upon the commencement of a business venture is nothing new.
posted by Opposite George at 10:34 PM on November 30, 2005


(but this still tickles my funny bone.)
posted by Opposite George at 10:36 PM on November 30, 2005


I'm not convinced. Go to that paper's site. You'll need to register for an account, but you can plug in any info you like and it'll go through automatically.

Do an advanced search for Wal-Mart, or for any other words you can identify in the article pictured, for the day the masthead says it was published. You get some articles (like a basic summary and an op-ed, both published a day before the picture's masthead says).

You don't get an article with the picture's headline. Or one by the picture's reporter. Or one that starts the same way, or continues the same way, or has too many words in common that I can detect.

You do get a confirmation on the name Lester Packingham, but the paper's site's version says he's (a? the?) manager. The paper's site also confirms that he prays at the ceremony, but it doesn't quote from relevant remarks except to state that he said "I'm not gonna preach, but we've got to say a short prayer" and that he went on to "express ... thanks for the hundreds of jobs the store has offered."

Even allowing for some kind of bug that prevents the pictured story from showing up on the site, what are the chances that the paper's front-page story is the exact same story, told differently and written by different reporters, for two days in a row?
posted by booksandlibretti at 10:41 PM on November 30, 2005


This is the day that the Lord has made! We shall rejoice and be glad in the link to the Flickr pic.
posted by stirfry at 10:43 PM on November 30, 2005


amen
posted by thisisdrew at 10:45 PM on November 30, 2005


Um.

Wal-mart Dance Party.
posted by Stauf at 10:50 PM on November 30, 2005


If that's not weird enough for ya, check out this mural on a wall in Mianyang, China [self-flickr-link].
posted by Token Meme at 11:23 PM on November 30, 2005


another reason I'm glad I moved to the UK...oh right, they bought ASDA ....damn.
posted by jettloe at 11:32 PM on November 30, 2005


The Wal-Mart Dance Parties are a great idea.
posted by Colloquial Collision at 11:50 PM on November 30, 2005


This is the day that the Lord of the Dance has made! We shall rejoice and be glad in the new Wal-Mart that the Lord of the Dance has made.

Hmm.. That begins to make a little more sense.
posted by Saucy Intruder at 11:51 PM on November 30, 2005


another reason I'm glad I moved to the UK...oh right, they bought ASDA ....damn.

There is no danger of ASDA becoming as big as Wal-Mart. Tesco on the other hand....
posted by Meccabilly at 12:52 AM on December 1, 2005


this is the new american religion in a rare moment of clarity.
posted by ori at 2:11 AM on December 1, 2005


You should see the Albuquerque Mirror's extra edition with the Satan/Costco quote. Shocking.
posted by Rothko at 2:13 AM on December 1, 2005


Fuck Zell Miller Wal-Mart.
posted by loquacious at 2:22 AM on December 1, 2005


"This is the day that the Lord has made! We shall rejoice and be glad in the new Wal-Mart that the Lord has made."

Yanks get a Wal-Mart ,

Europeans get the Sistine Chapel.

Draw your own conclusions.
posted by sgt.serenity at 2:30 AM on December 1, 2005


And if you hurry up to aisle 69 you're going to get a free circumcision or infibulation ! Who says Walmurt hates ammeruka ?
posted by elpapacito at 3:14 AM on December 1, 2005


The Body of Christ, Amen.
posted by furtive at 4:22 AM on December 1, 2005


http://www.thecross-photo.com/images/In-God-We-Trust.jpg

Is this the body of America crucified?
posted by donfactor at 5:07 AM on December 1, 2005


Fake. But enjoy the fun.
posted by languagehat at 5:27 AM on December 1, 2005


The Lord giveth a Wal-Mart, the Lord taketh away high prices.
posted by putzface_dickman at 5:43 AM on December 1, 2005


Yeah, but the Sistene Chapel doesn't have 50lb bags of dog chow or a $5 DVD bin... who really is getting the better end of that one.
posted by fet at 5:45 AM on December 1, 2005


Pull quotes like this usually aren't included in online versions of newspaper stores. However, due to the nature of the pull quote, it should be in the body of the article. I've seen "non-pull pull quotes" before, though...
posted by zsazsa at 5:52 AM on December 1, 2005


Yanks get a Wal-Mart ,

Europeans get the Sistine Chapel.

Draw your own conclusions.


Sorry laddie, I couldn't hear you over the sound of deep fried Mars bars on your end.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 5:57 AM on December 1, 2005


Yes, but they won't say "Merry Christmas", so we must boycott them.
posted by lodurr at 6:28 AM on December 1, 2005


Oh. My. God.
posted by JeffK at 6:54 AM on December 1, 2005


I heard the Lord had a fear of nails. How could he build a Wal-Mart.

Because he was a carpenter?
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 7:32 AM on December 1, 2005


The Lord Made Dick Van Patten Eat Dog Food.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 7:53 AM on December 1, 2005


Dammit, when will they teach Intelligent Retail Design at our schools!? Clearly, no mere man could have built Walmart.

Seriously, looks fake, if not its a bad editorial decision to run quotes from nuts. I mean, what's next an astrology section in every paper in the US. Oh wait...
posted by skallas at 8:01 AM on December 1, 2005


deusdiabolus : "That sums up America pretty good right there."

Must be dropping a lot of fractions in that math, though. Doesn't reflect the US I know. Must be the New Math.
posted by Bugbread at 8:43 AM on December 1, 2005


What, you doubt they'd pray over a Wal-Mart?

Have you ever heard the corporate anthem they force the employees to sing every morning?

"WHO IS THE BEST?" "WE ARE!" "WHO SHOULD WE WORK TO BE LIKE?" "MR. SAM!" "WHO DO WE LOVE?" "EVERYONE!"

and etc. Plenty of groupthink involved, assuredly.
posted by First Post at 9:00 AM on December 1, 2005


"Look at all this great shit Jesus gave us to buy! Where's my credit card?"
posted by baphomet at 9:02 AM on December 1, 2005


Ok, this is appears to be a hoax, so why hasn't it been deleted? Do we really need yet another pretext to show our disdain for Christians, shoppers at Walmart, and whatever further tortured generalizations we can squeeze out of this hoax?
posted by dios at 9:30 AM on December 1, 2005


dios : "Ok, this is appears to be a hoax, so why hasn't it been deleted?"

My guess: Because it appears to be a hoax, but has not been established as one? If it can be reasonably proved a hoax, it should probably be deleted, and if it can be reasonably proved real, it should stay, and when in doubt it should probably be left until established one way or the other.

Hence, it has not been deleted. Just my guess.
posted by Bugbread at 9:43 AM on December 1, 2005


Have you ever heard the corporate anthem they force the employees to sing every morning? - First Post

Gawd, do they still do that? When WalMart first was here about 10 years ago (maybe a little longer than that) I had a friend that worked there and told me about it. I thought it was weird and creepy. I assumed that they'd done away with it by now.

Anyways, I doun't doubt they'd pray over Wal-Mart, but I think booksandlibretti has done a pretty thorough job of debunking this.
posted by raedyn at 9:58 AM on December 1, 2005


Casual perusal of the site's archives looking for the posted article brought me to this delightful op-ed piece. Regardless of the veracity of this article, the viewpoint depicted therein seems pretty spot-on. I'm not saying everyone around there is like this, but people like this really bother me on some deep level that I can't define.
posted by potch at 10:40 AM on December 1, 2005


"Do we really need yet another pretext to show our disdain for Christians"
Oh boo fucking hoo. Nobody's been thrown to the lions yet, crybaby.
posted by 2sheets at 10:40 AM on December 1, 2005


..."'Let's give them all a Wal-Mart salute!' Packingham shouted.

'Saaaaaaa-lute!' employees said, giving the salute signal with their right hands."

delightful.
posted by potch at 10:42 AM on December 1, 2005


Looks fake to me.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 11:00 AM on December 1, 2005


Why is this funny?
posted by ChasFile at 11:54 AM on December 1, 2005


Why is this funny?

Okay, I'll bite.

To me it's funny primarily because the invocation of the Lord in secular matters reminds me of a classic comedic archetype -- the Church Lady/Pious Man. Aunt Esther always makes me laugh. The priests blessing Zorba's conveyor -- also funny.

Plus, the common conception of Wal-Mart's business practices and treatment of employees, well, that and the time a Wal-Mart resold toys donated for a charity drive mean it's difficult for me, with my understanding of the faith, to think of them as an especially Christian organization. I'm not commenting on how true any of these conceptions are, and it really doesn't matter in answering the question "Why did OG laugh," but when somebody mentions Wal-Mart, "Now there's a bunch of folks doing the Lord's work!" isn't usually the first thing off my tongue. So the quote has the irony thing going for it, too.

So I guess that's why I laughed. Hope this helps.
posted by Opposite George at 12:39 PM on December 1, 2005


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