Hello, my name is...

January 20, 2006 9:29 AM

OK, so some professional sports players have less-than-usual first names. Certainly not ones that are likely to appear on the top ten list. But if you really want weirdness in names (and, quite possibly, other things) you need to head over to Utah. (Frameset page; click on 'The Cream of The Crop'.) Personal favorite: VulvaMae
posted by littleme (144 comments total)

Are these real?
posted by lalochezia at 9:33 AM on January 20, 2006

Yes, these are real. Really real. Far too real. For realz.
posted by blue_beetle at 9:35 AM on January 20, 2006

Sweet! I spent high school surrounded by LaNaes and Brodins and such... this page brings back memories.

There was a girl a few years ahead of me in my suburban Utah high school named Crystal Lear.

Middle name: Shanda

No shit, really.
posted by gurple at 9:37 AM on January 20, 2006

VulvaMae sounds like an all-girl roller derby star player.
posted by mathowie at 9:38 AM on January 20, 2006 [1 favorite]

Ahhhh...I first saw this Utah Baby Namer thing ten years ago, but I lost the link soon after and couldn't seem to find it again; though I kept trying to explain the bizarre appeal of it, people just shook their heads at me sadly.

Thanks for finding this. I had no idea it was still being updated.

(Heh. "Bimberly.")
posted by kittyprecious at 9:41 AM on January 20, 2006

There's an entire chapter on this in Freakonomics.
posted by The Jesse Helms at 9:42 AM on January 20, 2006

Acel, I'd like you to meet Blessing Ream.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:44 AM on January 20, 2006

I stopped looking at the boys' names in the last link when I got to "Stockton Malone." Beautiful.
posted by horsewithnoname at 9:47 AM on January 20, 2006

BeDae

LOLZ
posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:48 AM on January 20, 2006

I have relatives from Utah (OK, I'm from Utah, too, but left when I was young). My wife calls them my "children of the corn" family, because she thinks their names, and the names of their town (and streets et al.) are scary, like that bad movie with Malachai.
posted by teece at 9:51 AM on January 20, 2006

PEACHES GELDOF CALLS FOR END TO SILLY NAMES
(not an Onion link)
posted by ColdChef at 9:52 AM on January 20, 2006

These names would never fly in Germany.
posted by SteveInMaine at 9:55 AM on January 20, 2006

Regarding pro athletes, it's not the names per se that bug me, it's the illiterate rendering of some: Antwone??? Come on. Isiah? Sheesh. Dontae? Ugh.

I had no idea they were so creative in Utah. Here are some non-Utah names I've noticed over the years: Trellis, Quovadis, Yvette (pronouned "why vette," talk about illiteracy), and Chevelle. I also remember reading somewhere about a girl child named "Sexilyn" and called her "Sexy" for short, which sent me into a black pit of feminist despair.
posted by scratch at 9:58 AM on January 20, 2006

From today's Daily Dime:

Matt (Boston): Where did you get the nickname "Smush"? And what's the best nickname in the NBA?

Smush Parker: My nickname came from my mother. It was given to me when I was a baby. The No. 1 nickname in the NBA is Smush. It doesn't get any better than that.

Real name: Willam.

As to "best" (ie. most easily mocked) nicknames, self annointed or otherwise, I'd have to go with his teammate Mamba.

I hate the Lakers, and am ashamed to admit that I know any of this...
posted by togdon at 9:58 AM on January 20, 2006

pronounced ... Now who's illiterate?
posted by scratch at 9:59 AM on January 20, 2006

These sound like names that would get rejected from most MMORPGs.
posted by Foosnark at 10:04 AM on January 20, 2006

Went to college with a girl named Beige Brown.
posted by chris24 at 10:05 AM on January 20, 2006

My favorite sports star is God Shamgod
posted by Meaney at 10:07 AM on January 20, 2006

Rayola and Clydene top my list for Utah feminine names. More people than you might realize are named Donetta in Utah. Apparently there are a lot of Dons that didn't have sons.

La Verkin takes the prize for twisted Utah place name.
posted by Oyéah at 10:09 AM on January 20, 2006

Cashley

A boy's name?? Why don't they just name him "Trannygigolo" and be done with it.
posted by tweak at 10:09 AM on January 20, 2006

Watch out, Latrina, here comes D'Loaf!
Best of D'net.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 10:12 AM on January 20, 2006

"Sterile"? Come on, now. "Dull"? "Friends Forsaken"? And to think we mocked a friend with "Royal" as his middle name...
posted by GhostintheMachine at 10:13 AM on January 20, 2006

Wow, this link is amazing. I was totally unaware of this phenomenon and now I'm going to waste hours at work researching it further. Thanks littleme.

You passed over some of my favorite athlete first names, though. I'd say LaDainian Tomlinson ranks pretty low on the weird name list. Plenty of guys have him beat in that department, like:

D'Brickashaw Ferguson
Laveranues Coles
God Shammgod (funny from beginning to end)
Speedy Claxton (not his real first name but, like Smush Parker, it's listed as his first name in media guides and stuff)
Jeremetrius Butler
Wonderful Monds
Dontarrious Thomas
Peerless Price
Zeron Flemister
Odartey Blankson
Earthwind Moreland

There are so many more. The NFL is a gold mine for completely ridiculous names that would doom people to a lifetime of embarassment if they weren't making millions of dollars a year as pro athletes.
posted by TunnelArmr at 10:16 AM on January 20, 2006

I knew a Bliss when I was about 19. Always assumed her parents were hippies. But maybe they were just from Utah.
posted by poppo at 10:17 AM on January 20, 2006

Oops, on lack of preview, Meaney beat me to God Shammgod.
posted by TunnelArmr at 10:17 AM on January 20, 2006

One of my customers is a little boy named Don-Tay.

My (mormon) uncle uses the letters of his name for the first letter in each child's name. J-James, A-Amanda, M-Melissa, E-Emily, S-Steven, and then the first initial of his last name B-Bonnie. Not weird names, but that's only because they never got to the O or the X.
posted by nadawi at 10:17 AM on January 20, 2006

Is this the thread where everyone has to bring up the urban legend of the kid your friend's bigger sister's classmate's cousin knew, no really, who was named Shithead?
posted by booksandlibretti at 10:20 AM on January 20, 2006

My dad, a former cop, often tells the story of a gentleman he often picked up for public drunkenness. Legitimate Carver. Nice man, had two older brothers John and David. Daddy always said that you couldn't blame his momma for being proud.

Although getting called Leggy your whole life might explain the frequent public drunkenness.
posted by teleri025 at 10:21 AM on January 20, 2006

Given the number of mormon mefites, I'd be surprised if there weren't a few Utahnic names floating out there among mefite children. I'm betting nobody will volunteer that info, of course ;-)
posted by JekPorkins at 10:24 AM on January 20, 2006

Odartey Blankson is actually a Ghanaian name...don't see what's so funny about it!
posted by ramix at 10:25 AM on January 20, 2006

Oyéah: I lived in La Verkin in the early '80s. Strange little town with most of the population being polygamists, rather than Mormons. Kind of a Twilight Zone existence there...
posted by aardvarkratnik at 10:27 AM on January 20, 2006

Not Utah related but my favorite stoned-parents name has got to be Morty Coil.
posted by effwerd at 10:28 AM on January 20, 2006

Desdedididawn? An excellent name . . . for conjoined triplets.
posted by Uccellina at 10:28 AM on January 20, 2006

My favorite NBA name has been Anfernee (Anthony?) Hardaway. Maybe his mom should have waited for the anaesthesia to wear off before he told the doctor.
posted by Gungho at 10:30 AM on January 20, 2006

High school in the late eighties, early nineties gave me classmates of Buffy (male) and Muffy (female) that were the uber-couple on campus. Don't know how far past graduation they were together though.

Yes, I went to a rich suburban high school in the South, so what?
posted by karmaville at 10:31 AM on January 20, 2006

My favorite is El Myrrh (Elmer).

I've taught children named Hardeisha, Dollah, Quayvonne'Asia, U'Neke (Unique), Lil'Warren, N'Dea (India), Cashmere and Nemesis (a five-year-old!) This was in Virginia, not Utah, and are just a few that spring to mind.
posted by anda L. at 10:33 AM on January 20, 2006

JekPorkins: "Given the number of mormon mefites, I'd be surprised if there weren't a few Utahnic names floating out there among mefite children. I'm betting nobody will volunteer that info, of course ;-)"

Jek Porkins? Jek? Jek?

*leers intently*
posted by Plutor at 10:33 AM on January 20, 2006

Jennyfivetina

I just can't get over that.

Jennyfivetina
Jennyfivetina
Jennyfivetina
Jennyfivetina
Jennyfivetina
posted by slogger at 10:35 AM on January 20, 2006

Gungho, Hardaway wasn't the best name at the University of Memphis. A decade earlier, when the school was called Memphis State, a star player was Baskerville Holmes (great name, tragic end).

His mom saw the movie while in labor and liked the name.
posted by karmaville at 10:36 AM on January 20, 2006

Lol. My name was invented a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. Where all parents are strong and wise and capable, and all children are happy and beloved. I don't know. Maybe it was Utah.
posted by JekPorkins at 10:37 AM on January 20, 2006

My wife is a school teacher in a more ethnic area. One of her students is named:

Lacackameshia

and no, I'm not making that up.
posted by Hands of Manos at 10:41 AM on January 20, 2006

There is apparently a similar tradition of naming in Hong Kong.

On another note, I overheard a mother in NYC call her daughter across a playground "Shebarbra, get your ass over here!"
Made me think if I had triplets I would name them Chamois, Chenille, and Chambray.
posted by Listener_T at 10:41 AM on January 20, 2006

Where's "Urethra"?

I knew someone who swore that she once taught a class with a student by that name enrolled. Though anyone I've ever mentioned this to figures it's a FOAF story and discounts it...
posted by Creosote at 10:42 AM on January 20, 2006

My name is Roy, after my grandfather.

One of my (many) aunt's name?

Royleen.

(she's from Utah, my mom escaped before I showed up)
posted by wah at 10:43 AM on January 20, 2006

The NFL is a gold mine for completely ridiculous names that would doom people to a lifetime of embarassment if they weren't making millions of dollars a year as pro athletes.

some "classic" MLB names: Johnny "Ugly" Dickshot, Urban Shocker, Cannonball Titcomb, Seems Studley ...
posted by mrgrimm at 10:43 AM on January 20, 2006

Baby gonna name her "Lexus Mercedes."
posted by The Jesse Helms at 10:48 AM on January 20, 2006

I went to high school with a guy named Sal(vatore) Minella.
But you know...there are so many diseases that sound like they'd be pretty names for girls. Chlamydia, Diptheria...
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 10:52 AM on January 20, 2006

Of course there's Richard Cheese
posted by Hands of Manos at 10:54 AM on January 20, 2006

Don't forget former West Georgia College professor and frequent Newt Gringrich-era interviewee Richard Dangle. Yes, he went by Dick.
posted by MrMoonPie at 11:00 AM on January 20, 2006

K-8

Now why the hell didn't I think of that when my daughter was born? She could have been K-8K.
posted by JeffK at 11:00 AM on January 20, 2006

A: You know sometimes nowadays they give ballplayers peculiar names.
C: You mean funny names.
A: Nicknames, pet names, like Dizzy Dean -
C: His brother Daffy -
A: Daffy Dean -
C: And their cousin!
A: Who's that?
C: Goofy!
posted by CrunchyFrog at 11:00 AM on January 20, 2006

Had a high school acquaintance named Nylora. Her mom's name was Carolyn, so they reversed it and dropped the C.

Also, a Cuban friend of mine told me that Usnavy -- pronounced oos-nah-vee -- is not an uncommon name for children of Cuban refugees. He might have been lying.
posted by schoolgirl report at 11:01 AM on January 20, 2006

I don't know if she was from Utah, but I once knew a woman named Female - pronounced Fem-ah-lee.
posted by zerokey at 11:02 AM on January 20, 2006

My stepfather taught three brothers who were a year apart...

Hermin, Thermin, and Vermin.

I was also good friends with a Clifford Leeper.

Three kids I knew OF (via my parents) - Truly Gold, Justin Copper and Shirley Silver.

Someone my (soon to be) exwife went to school with was Sharon Dick. Her parents confessed, had she been a boy, she would have been Harry.

There's more, sadly...

(I'm a little partial to LaDanian Tomlinson. This is how I get my own jersey. )
posted by Samizdata at 11:04 AM on January 20, 2006

Early 90's, Ann Arbor, there was a high school kid named Jamaican Honkey. Never saw or met him though since I was at the neighboring HS.
posted by p3t3 at 11:04 AM on January 20, 2006

The coolest NASCAR driver name ever: Dick Trickle
posted by JekPorkins at 11:06 AM on January 20, 2006

Mulva.
posted by funkbrain at 11:06 AM on January 20, 2006

OK, so some professional sports players have less-than-usual first names... Wonderful Monds...

The outfielder Wonderful Monds was actually named Wonderful Terrific Monds III. The third! He apparently never made it in the majors; I heard about him when he played with the minor league Harrisburg Senators, where my friend Jim works the scoreboard.

I love this subject (and this post). Some time back I did a roster check of the 64 teams in that year's NCAA basketball tournament, and came up with some incredible first names.

p.s. Speaking of sports names, we discussed the parents who named their kid ESPN many years ago.
posted by LeLiLo at 11:07 AM on January 20, 2006

I had a TA in college named Jenny Talia. not a True story!
posted by horsewithnoname at 11:07 AM on January 20, 2006

Onomatopoeia Jones
posted by sciurus at 11:10 AM on January 20, 2006

Snopes' take on some of these names is interesting.
posted by MrMoonPie at 11:12 AM on January 20, 2006

Oyéah: I lived in La Verkin in the early '80s. Strange little town with most of the population being polygamists, rather than Mormons. Kind of a Twilight Zone existence there...

Having grown up in the town about a mile away (Hurricane, UT) and not having *ever* heard of or known any polygamists from there... are you sure you're not thinking of Colorado City?

Total polygamist enclave as you're describing, about a 20 minute drive from Hurricane/LaVerkin.
posted by AaronRaphael at 11:13 AM on January 20, 2006

I'm with Slogger. I never, ever LOL, but I fucking LOLed at Jennyfivetina. Holy shit.
posted by mikrophon at 11:13 AM on January 20, 2006

My grandfather's name was Harold and they named my aunt Harolyn (and that was after they had 2 boys with non-Harold related names!).
posted by chrisubus at 11:14 AM on January 20, 2006

To cap this post off (sports names/Utah), here’s part of a Dave Barry column about the 2002 Olympics in Salt Lake City: Among the Olympic athletes whose names we should not find amusing are (I am not making these up): Momo Skokie, Assen Pandov, Angel Pumpalov, Radek Bonk, Meelis Aasmae, Marku Uusipaavalniemi, Dagny L. Krisjandottir, Gatis Guts, Ganbat Jargalanchuluun, Frode Estil, Irina Slutskaya, Peter Pen, Beat Hefti, Miroslav Satan, Assol Slivets, and, of course, Picabo Street.
posted by LeLiLo at 11:14 AM on January 20, 2006

Overheard in Target: Du Jour
Former co-workers name: Babyruth

My daughter insists to this day she had a classmate named Bonequeshia but I refuse to believe her.

(self-links to prove I didn't make this shit up just for this thread)
posted by Space Kitty at 11:21 AM on January 20, 2006

In high school, I went on a date with a girl named "Candy Hull". No kidding.

It went about as well as you'd expect.
posted by davejay at 11:21 AM on January 20, 2006

I suppose I should mention that I had an aunt named "Metta Mae".
posted by trip and a half at 11:21 AM on January 20, 2006

My parents went to school with Robin Hood (female) and Donald Duckworth. And I once encountered a woman with the mellifluous name of Toshiba.
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:22 AM on January 20, 2006

Frostee Rucker.

(Which would be even more perfect if he was a rugger, but go figure.)
posted by bardic at 11:23 AM on January 20, 2006

I've met Republican lobbyist Winthrop Cashdollar.
posted by MrMoonPie at 11:24 AM on January 20, 2006

No, honestly. How could anyone name their kid "Treasure Cocaine"? Please, someone explain...
posted by GhostintheMachine at 11:27 AM on January 20, 2006

I knew of a Shrylnee' Johnson in college. No, not "Shrylnée", as someone who knows a little French might think — feminine name, double e, so acute accent on the first e. Shrylnee', with the apostrophe.

Another name I remember from college was Peaches Blades.
posted by emelenjr at 11:37 AM on January 20, 2006

My mom has three cousins (brothers) named Tom, Dick and Harry. Which wouldn't be so bad, but their last name is Bump.

I swear to god, I've met these men. And the Harry Bump is a Jr.!
posted by elquien at 11:38 AM on January 20, 2006

This makes the the 2 guys named ELVIS in my high school seem downright mainstream! God I miss the south....somewhat.
posted by wavespy at 11:39 AM on January 20, 2006

I knew a guy named Elvis, too, wavespy!
posted by MrMoonPie at 11:41 AM on January 20, 2006

Don't forget the basketball playing Mapp brothers - Scientific and Majestic.
posted by mbd1mbd1 at 11:42 AM on January 20, 2006

Did I mention the OB-GYN in Northern Virginia named Harry C Beaver?!?! You can look him up in the phonebook there.
posted by wavespy at 11:44 AM on January 20, 2006

I went to highschool with a guy named Warren Burrow. Apparently he had never really thought about it because he was taken aback and then fairly pissed off when I started calling him "rabbit hole rabbit hole".
posted by afflatus at 11:44 AM on January 20, 2006

My godfather's name is Harry Prick. Can you understand why he uses his middle initials?
posted by kika at 11:44 AM on January 20, 2006

mdb1mdb1--Ahh, Majestic Mapp. I remember when he was supposed to save the Cavs, along with that short sweaty coach guy.

But the real question is this: What would their pornstar and rockstar names be? (Pornstar being name of first pet + mother's maiden name, rockstar being middle name + name of street one grew up on, as I've been told.)
posted by bardic at 11:45 AM on January 20, 2006

I've met Republican lobbyist Winthrop Cashdollar.

Then there's Republican candidate (can't recall for what) Rich White.
posted by luftmensch at 11:48 AM on January 20, 2006

This is an excellent and funny post - thanks littleme. Everyone I've forwarded the links to is dumbfounded.
posted by Zack_Replica at 11:51 AM on January 20, 2006

PEACHES GELDOF CALLS FOR END TO SILLY NAMES

Her daddy doesn't understand her...he always said she was good as gold.
posted by davebush at 11:59 AM on January 20, 2006

Years ago I came across the perfect name in my company's directory: Guy Savage. It was such a crushing blow when I found out he was a tax attorney and not a big game hunter/gentleman adventurer.
posted by Eddie Mars at 12:08 PM on January 20, 2006

A friend of mine just wrote to me about the names...
"I went to school with a Stormy Weather and Candy Rabbit (her dad's name was Peter)."
posted by Zack_Replica at 12:12 PM on January 20, 2006

Clearly some of these parents have forgotten that their offspring will have to make it through the hell of childhood and shcool before reaching adulthood. Half of these Utah names are future legal excuses for patricide and matricide.
posted by ktoad at 12:14 PM on January 20, 2006

("shcool" above should be "school")
posted by ktoad at 12:15 PM on January 20, 2006

mrgrimm - you forgot my favorite MLB name ever: Rusty Kuntz.

karmaville - I just read about Baskerville Holmes yesterday, actually. I think that, as far as men's basketball names go, he's in a dead heat with Napoleon Lightning and Longar Longar.

luftmensch - I think you're referring to Rick White, former congressman from Washington state. I suppose there's a reason he doesn't go by Rich...
posted by TunnelArmr at 12:16 PM on January 20, 2006

I've worked with a Richard Soles, but my favourite comes from a supermarket in Liverpool. An angelic wee girl ran past me, followed by an anguished, broad Scouse cry from Mum. 'Oy! Aphrodite, fookin' get 'ere'.
tweak : I'm a male Ashley. I am not, nor have I ever been, a tranny, thanks.
posted by punilux at 12:17 PM on January 20, 2006

That does it. I'm naming my kid Frankenstein.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 12:19 PM on January 20, 2006

My dad, having taught high school for almost fifty years, has quite a few good ones. My favorites were two second-generation Vietnamese-American kids he had a few years ago: Donald and Daphne Duc.
posted by xthlc at 12:21 PM on January 20, 2006

Pronounced Fronkensteen?
posted by punilux at 12:21 PM on January 20, 2006

Conveniently having a Federated States of Micronesia telephone directory handy; here are some of the more unique names listed. These are all first name - last name format.
Badly Andon
Berdon Berdon
Eddie Beyond
Tender S Haser
Velveeta Irons
Collback Josha
Kind K Kanto
Forget Kom
After Ludwig
World Park
Grace Serious
Open Walter.
And there's also my esteemed friend Sleeper Sared.
Many FSM citizens serve in the US military and then return home after utilizing there GI education benefits. I picture Drill Instructors having dificulties with recruits names like Jack K Jack, Zorro George, Charley Jim and Scanner Peter.
posted by X4ster at 12:23 PM on January 20, 2006

Fronkensteen will be her middle name.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 12:26 PM on January 20, 2006

I am told that the head mathematician at the NSA used to be Dick Shaker.
"Hi, I'm Dick Shaker!"
"I prefer hands!"
posted by Aknaton at 12:29 PM on January 20, 2006

In the NFL, Alge Crumpler always had a nice ring to it. Oh yeah, don't forget Hines Ward and Plaxico Burress.

There was a running back with the name Ivory Lee Hunter.

The all time great name goes to former Detroit Lions defensive lineman Harry Colon. Never Henry or Hank, but Harry Colon.
posted by DieHipsterDie at 12:29 PM on January 20, 2006

I once worked with a guy named Dick Palm. I guess if your name is Richard Palm, you're better off making the joke yourself, rather than waiting for someone to make it for you...

My dad once claimed to have known a woman whose married name was Nancy Ann Seancey.
posted by Lord Kinbote at 12:35 PM on January 20, 2006

I went to school with a kid named Sterling Bone and my brother had a teacher named Mrs. Titball.
posted by SoulOnIce at 12:39 PM on January 20, 2006

That was fantastic, but none still touch my favorite name of all time, which happened to come up last night at a bar:
Precious Bootay.

It imght actually be Boute with an accent but that is her name. This list is off the chain, though...DuWhitVandeeOn? NaLa'DeLuhRay? Phakelikaydenicia? Walkasheaqua? La?
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 12:42 PM on January 20, 2006

[littleme blushes with quiet pride that his first FPP hit 100 comments]
posted by littleme at 12:48 PM on January 20, 2006

I don't know if she was from Utah, but I once knew a woman named Female - pronounced Fem-ah-lee.

A friend of mine who's a French teacher in Chicago Public Schools had a girl in one of her classes named Female. Pronounced it as you showed.

I interned with a woman named Pepper White.

We mustn't forget the lesson of Winner and Loser Lane (2nd story on that page).
posted by me3dia at 12:49 PM on January 20, 2006

Guy in my hometown, real name: Seeman Glasscock III.

Swear it's true--we used to look it up in the phone book in high school for laughs. They like the name so much, they've used it for at least three generations!
posted by LooseFilter at 12:49 PM on January 20, 2006

The accountant at my parent company is named Penny Nichols, though she says, "I'm not an accountant. I'm a bookkeeper!"
posted by ewagoner at 12:55 PM on January 20, 2006

a woman whose married name was Nancy Ann Seancey

Could he have been thinking of Nancy Ann Cianci, wife of former Providence,RI mayor Buddy Cianci?
posted by notbuddha at 12:57 PM on January 20, 2006

Fantastic list; thanks! FWIW, I went to middle school with a kid named Bunker Hill, and Bunker was his real first name, not a nick.
posted by mosk at 1:13 PM on January 20, 2006

This kid at my school in Southern California was named Brain.

WTF?

But pronounce it: Brah In. You know, like Brian. Bra in. Brain!
posted by redteam at 1:15 PM on January 20, 2006

I once shipped a package to a Penny Farthing. That's her real name. Not a punk name.
posted by DieHipsterDie at 1:24 PM on January 20, 2006

And, of course, don't forget the fun hyphenated names:
Sue Savage-Rumbaugh
Betty Chafin-Rash
posted by MrMoonPie at 1:31 PM on January 20, 2006

Top Secret (Paraphrasing)
Hillary: What's your name
Nick: Nick
Hillary: That's nice how did you get that name?
Nick: My father thought it up while shaving.
posted by Gungho at 1:47 PM on January 20, 2006

Wolf Blitzer. It just occured to me how funny that name was about 1991.
posted by Gungho at 1:49 PM on January 20, 2006

thanks, notbuddha! I always assumed he made that up as a joke, but I just googled Nancy Ann Cianci and you're my new god!
posted by Lord Kinbote at 2:05 PM on January 20, 2006

I once saw a local obituary for a man named Seeman Pus.
posted by davebush at 2:07 PM on January 20, 2006

I once knew a girl named Phoebe Summersquash. In Providence RI, home of Nancy Ann Cianci. So there.
posted by Biblio at 2:12 PM on January 20, 2006

Phoebe Summersquash? The female lead in Small Factory?
posted by doozer_ex_machina at 2:28 PM on January 20, 2006

Once upon a time, mid-eighties, there was a man in the Sydney (Australia) phone directory by the name Fred McGuerkinsquirter.

It may also have been spelled McGherkinsquirter.

I always assumed that it was some wag taking advantage of an automated name submission system; or some kind of copyright-enforcement code. Perhaps it was real after all...
posted by 5MeoCMP at 2:40 PM on January 20, 2006

Oh, and I swear that this is the truth: another employee of my employer called Cumbum Rangarag
posted by 5MeoCMP at 2:48 PM on January 20, 2006

There was a bball player at k-state named Belvis Noland...
also Jeremetrius Butler went to ksu too! other notables:

Paco May
Askia Jones
Cephus Scott
posted by ozomatli at 3:02 PM on January 20, 2006

The Mayor of Austin is named Will Wynn.
posted by ColdChef at 3:36 PM on January 20, 2006

Let us also not forget Bad Baby Names.
posted by sninky-chan at 3:52 PM on January 20, 2006

I know a woman named "Honey Munsch."

I also know a few people with some of the more colourful Utah names, but I live in North Utah (otherwise known as Southern Alberta).
posted by arcticwoman at 4:25 PM on January 20, 2006

My dad dated a psycho hillbilly named Amy Dangler. Her dad's name is Harry Dangler.
posted by hermitosis at 4:35 PM on January 20, 2006

Does this make it okay for me to name my first child Boston Lee Thunderfists?
posted by Meredith at 4:45 PM on January 20, 2006

[littleme blushes with quiet pride that his first FPP hit 100 comments]

This is an excellent FPP. Best of the Web, and very clear what it's about.; you had me at VulvaMae. But look up mushroom before you take pride in what is really the wrong metric.
posted by Aknaton at 4:51 PM on January 20, 2006

Fans of NSW politics may remember Richard Face(ex-minister for gaming) - Dick by name and by nature by all accounts (at least the corruption report seems to say so).

And of course the International Olympic Committee anti-drug spokesman,Dick Pound.
posted by dangerousdan at 4:51 PM on January 20, 2006

Near the top of the Utah female list is "Aarikkaa".

"Thanks mom and dad, for a lifetime of me correcting people!"
posted by glycolized at 4:53 PM on January 20, 2006

I'm surprised L. Hat hasn't weighed in yet, because in the Soviet Union, kids were saddled with names intended to honor the heroes and noble goals of the workers' paradise (especially in the USSR's early years). Names such as Трактор (Tractor), Нинел (Lenin backwards) and Пятилетка (Five-Year Plan) were not uncommon, but the truly creative parent might come up with monikers such as Даздраперма (an acronym based on the phrase "Да здравствует Первое Мая!"). Little Dazdraperma probably had some 'splainin' to do; an English-language equivalent might be Alhamada (All Hail May Day).

My best (worst?) American name was on a huge button sported by a drugstore worker: "Hello. My name is La Trina." Swear to G-d.
posted by rob511 at 4:56 PM on January 20, 2006

I went to school with Candice Kane.

And I knew the druggist Hyman Doodlesack.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 5:51 PM on January 20, 2006

I always thought my favorite "Mycroft" was off the list as too close to "Microsoft."

Actually, it still is, but wow! could have been much, much worse.

I can't stop thinking Nancy Ann Cianci now. Nancy Ann Cianci. Nancy Ann Cianci. Like a horrible mantra. It just gets weirder and weirder. Plus my name is Nancy. I hope I can get something else stuck in my head soon.
posted by theredpen at 6:29 PM on January 20, 2006

What was that tennis player's name? Damn, I can't remember. Somebody help me out here. Oh yeah! Guy Forget!



Yes, I know, it's pronounced Ghee for-Zhay.
posted by TimeFactor at 7:10 PM on January 20, 2006

I once worked with a guy named Phil Zenzen. The whole time I had to fight back the urge to ask him, "What is the sound of two hands clapping?"
posted by arto at 7:57 PM on January 20, 2006

There are many wonderfully named scientists in the world, but the beautiful and talented Loveday L. Conquest is my favorite. I just wished she worked in marriage and family studies.

(Also, I am fairly shocked that no one's yet cited the glory that is Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing. Diana Goodman's a hoot, and she makes the nicest purses too. My kind of gal!)
posted by melissa may at 10:17 PM on January 20, 2006

oh, chinchilla zest is the best. wow.

i had a great-uncle named beast. my father wanted to name me zozo - thank god my mother forbid it or i'd have been taunted with "bozo" my entire childhood.
posted by lapolla at 11:05 PM on January 20, 2006

Sataporn Pornpromlikit from Bangkok, Thailand (search page to find his thesis)

I never met you, Sataporn, but may your star continue to rise, because you are awesome. (no, really, I know people who know him, and they say he is a great guy)
posted by breath at 1:39 AM on January 21, 2006

We got this far and no one has mentioned football player Craphonso Thorpe?
posted by fet at 7:33 AM on January 21, 2006

I once worked with a woman named Starlett Ship. She went by the name Star, although we all called her Space Craft.
posted by bratcat at 8:17 AM on January 21, 2006

SEMON KHOKHLOV

yes, semen cocklove
posted by Protocols of the Elders of Awesome at 9:22 AM on January 21, 2006

Has anyone else ever met someone named Adolf? Because there's a fifth-grader at my school who carries that around every day.
posted by PhatLobley at 9:41 AM on January 21, 2006

Years ago, a woman chasing kids through the grocery store, April, May, June, and Tony.

I used to work with a woman named Simple, but it was OK, her family was not from around here.
posted by unrepentanthippie at 10:18 AM on January 21, 2006

I can't stop thinking Nancy Ann Cianci now. Nancy Ann Cianci. Nancy Ann Cianci. Like a horrible mantra. It just gets weirder and weirder.

Good lord, I was lying in bed this morning trying to go back to sleep but COULD NOT because all I could hear in my head was "nancyannciancinancyannciancinancyanncianci..." SO evil!

I know someone named Persephone Rizzuto.

There's someone at my university named Bootie Reckin (!)
posted by tristeza at 4:06 PM on January 21, 2006

The thing that puzzles me about some of these boys' names is that the parents never noticed that "La" is a feminine indicator, at least in most Romance languages.
posted by zadcat at 4:36 PM on January 21, 2006

Maybe the "La" prefix evolved as a result of misspellings of names like "LeGrand" and "LeRoy." Or maybe it began by someone using a "La" last name as a first name, and then others creating new "La" first names.
posted by JekPorkins at 4:59 PM on January 21, 2006

Can I just say I've lived in Utah most of my life and have never encountered the vast majority of those names?

No?

Okay then.
posted by mmoncur at 10:36 PM on January 21, 2006

My (nick)name is Candy, and I had a classmate in grade school named Cinnamon, and we were usually seated next to each other because our last names started with the same letter. In 6th grade our teacher was Ms. Chiquita Raspberry.

I also have younger cousins named Sandy and Brandy. (Did I mention that I'm originally from the South?)
posted by candyland at 6:44 AM on January 23, 2006