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Modern artists don't give a shit... or do they?
January 29, 2006 7:04 PM   Subscribe

The Longest Poop.
posted by five fresh fish (83 comments total)

 
It took me forever to write this post. I swear, it's beyond mere words.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:04 PM on January 29, 2006


HOLY CRAP!
posted by Eekacat at 7:15 PM on January 29, 2006


Crap post.
posted by brownpau at 7:15 PM on January 29, 2006


I love that the excretion of this epic poop took place on a bowling lane.
posted by Dr. Wu at 7:15 PM on January 29, 2006


But is it (f)art?
posted by yhbc at 7:16 PM on January 29, 2006


Watch out, he might turn into a werewolf.
posted by homunculus at 7:18 PM on January 29, 2006


I am amazed that this breakthrough did not come to us from Japan.
posted by Krrrlson at 7:19 PM on January 29, 2006


Sheee-it!
posted by jonmc at 7:19 PM on January 29, 2006


poooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop.
posted by soiled cowboy at 7:21 PM on January 29, 2006


Arg! Where's the NSFW?
posted by knave at 7:21 PM on January 29, 2006


I think I read a David Sedaris story about this once.
posted by ColdChef at 7:22 PM on January 29, 2006


I was really hoping I'd open this and find that I was no longer the only user of the "defecation" tag.

Help a guy out, fff.
posted by weston at 7:22 PM on January 29, 2006


Boweling alley?
posted by Jawn at 7:23 PM on January 29, 2006


longest fake poop
posted by jessamyn at 7:26 PM on January 29, 2006


She should start a blog.
posted by TimeFactor at 7:31 PM on January 29, 2006


longest fake poop

I guess that makes it the longest bullshit !
posted by lobstah at 7:33 PM on January 29, 2006


It's about time the Jackass crew added a female to the roster.
posted by dgaicun at 7:37 PM on January 29, 2006


This is exactly the sort of thing I always hoped to find on the Interweb.
posted by Joey Michaels at 7:39 PM on January 29, 2006


Alright, that's it, I've seen all there is to see on the web. I can't think of anything else I haven't seen. Night all! I'm turning out the lights on the way out.
posted by rolypolyman at 7:39 PM on January 29, 2006


This post stinks.
posted by konolia at 7:42 PM on January 29, 2006


"The weeklong endurance prior to the event was ensured by the employment of a plug specifically designed to curtail any premature excretions.'

Michelle Hines is full of shit.
posted by fandango_matt at 7:42 PM on January 29, 2006


But is it (f)art? It's damn near Fark!
posted by shoepal at 7:42 PM on January 29, 2006


I want to believe.
posted by exlotuseater at 7:44 PM on January 29, 2006


.
posted by Rothko at 7:45 PM on January 29, 2006


Shit that's impressive.
posted by Mijo Bijo at 7:53 PM on January 29, 2006



I like poo.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 7:54 PM on January 29, 2006


This was so much better when I thought it was real. You've killed Mr. Hanky for me, jassamyn. I don't want to hear one word about the easter bunny.
posted by cytherea at 7:58 PM on January 29, 2006


This shit is re-farted.
posted by tweak at 8:02 PM on January 29, 2006


Here's more info about poop in general.
posted by Mijo Bijo at 8:08 PM on January 29, 2006


I doubt that after a fiber rich diet and administering a laxative, the feces would be that solid.

Or, to be more succinct, I don't believe this shit.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:10 PM on January 29, 2006


Fake, stupid, pretentious. That V.V. article highlights some other "ordeal art," much of which is as fake, as stupid, and as pretentious.

From the article, referring to one of the artists' work:
"The data collected may be as impractical and useless— therefore artlike..."
The bar has been lowered so close the ground that when someone shits they call it art. I hope these miserable hacks have to take up jobs as terrible as their art to keep from starving. I wish them nothing but the worst.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 8:12 PM on January 29, 2006


Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!

ba dump bump.
posted by shmegegge at 8:16 PM on January 29, 2006


Ack, the first time I clicked on jessamyn's link it didn't work!

Still, satisfying to know I can tell shit from shinola.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:17 PM on January 29, 2006


The Aristocrats!
posted by Rothko at 8:24 PM on January 29, 2006


Aristoscats, rather.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:26 PM on January 29, 2006


Aristocraps.
posted by fandango_matt at 8:29 PM on January 29, 2006


Being serious now.

Shit is poisonous, so the idea of plugging up your poop for a week is a dangerous idea.

My dad had 2 brothers who died in infancy where their bowels tied themselves into a knot, rendering them unable to shit. The shit trapped inside slowly poisoned them, leading to a slow death.

This happened in the late 30s / early 40s out in the country, so I'm guessing medicine has come a long way since then (duh).

(One died before dad was born, one when he was a kid. Dad can remember the poor tyke spending whole nights throwing up before he passed. Very sad.)
posted by uncanny hengeman at 8:32 PM on January 29, 2006



posted by The Jesse Helms at 8:36 PM on January 29, 2006


EXCREMEDITATION!
posted by loquacious at 8:37 PM on January 29, 2006


thank god i clicked on that right as i put a cool ranch dorito in my pie hole. ack!
posted by nola at 8:45 PM on January 29, 2006


The length was suprising, but the fact that it was a woman who did it is far more so.

Just seems so fratboyish.
posted by delmoi at 8:48 PM on January 29, 2006


Well, anyway she has a bright future in japanese porn.
posted by delmoi at 8:49 PM on January 29, 2006


The bar has been lowered so close the ground that when someone shits they call it art.

Yes, but that's the whole idea.
posted by delmoi at 8:51 PM on January 29, 2006


For those of you who want to see some real monster shits, you could do a lot worse than visit this site.

http://www.ratemypoo.com/ratemy/poo

Check out this proud chap, posing next to his poo.

And then there was the site dedicated to the little monkeys who liked to snap a loaf in a urinal and then take a photo of it.

http://www.urinalpoop.org/

Sadly, I think the site is no more.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 8:52 PM on January 29, 2006


Well, anyway she has a bright future in japanese porn.

Only if they bid higher than the Germans.
posted by Rothko at 8:52 PM on January 29, 2006


Try again.

Check out this proud chap, posing next to his poo.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 8:54 PM on January 29, 2006


posted by BlackLeotardFront The bar has been lowered so close the ground that when someone shits they call it art.

This is nothing new. Bill Gates has made millions selling his shit.
posted by fandango_matt at 8:55 PM on January 29, 2006


I wasn't moved.
posted by erskelyne at 8:56 PM on January 29, 2006


Hmm, that's odd - I swear I remember actually chewing my corn...
posted by hypersloth at 8:57 PM on January 29, 2006


I'd give anything for an animated GIF of this. Well, almost anything...
posted by milnak at 8:58 PM on January 29, 2006


Sending in a photo of your 6 year old son's poo to be rated. Is that legal???!
posted by uncanny hengeman at 8:59 PM on January 29, 2006


If we can't agree that some stupid anti-ordeal-ordeal about the longest shit isn't well, shit rather than art, then I say aw fuck it.

What an idiot. This would be really stupid, if it were true. That it was meant as some kind of "statement" makes it much, much more than really stupid, and makes me want to smack the "artist." (And those aren't scare quotes -- they're mock quotes).
posted by teece at 9:09 PM on January 29, 2006


teece, you should give the artist some slack. It's conceptual. It doesn't matter if it really happened--it's the emotional truth that's important. And it seemed very sincere. Even if it wasn't all real, it was probably agony to go through--No one should have to get reamed out on Oprah like that.
posted by cytherea at 9:28 PM on January 29, 2006


This was really not necessary, or wanted.
posted by stevis at 9:50 PM on January 29, 2006


http://www.ratemypoo.com/ratemy/poo

Well, now I've seen everything I ever want to on the web. Internets, it's been grand, drop me a line sometime.
posted by jokeefe at 10:15 PM on January 29, 2006


The weeklong endurance prior to the event was ensured by the employment of a plug specifically designed to curtail any premature excretions.

That can't have been comfortable.
posted by clevershark at 10:18 PM on January 29, 2006


rolypolyman writes "Alright, that's it, I've seen all there is to see on the web"

The end of the internet.
posted by clevershark at 10:23 PM on January 29, 2006


I think I'm sad that it was fake.
posted by blacklite at 10:23 PM on January 29, 2006


I'm trying to come up with a caption for this one.
posted by brundlefly at 10:25 PM on January 29, 2006


I'm trying to come up with a caption for this one.

"Duuuuude!"
posted by uncanny hengeman at 10:36 PM on January 29, 2006


Yet another reason why people think artists are usually fucking idiots. What a perfect example.
posted by drstein at 10:44 PM on January 29, 2006


You know what creeps me out? The rate my poo pics without any toilet paper in them.
posted by Jawn at 10:46 PM on January 29, 2006


Oh, god, Jawn... You just ruined my evening. Are you happy? Are you happy?
posted by brundlefly at 10:51 PM on January 29, 2006


posted by milnak I'd give anything for an animated GIF of this. Well, almost anything...

Enjoy!
posted by fandango_matt at 10:52 PM on January 29, 2006


Is anyone else imagining her saying "Vrrrrooooom!" in fandango_matt's gif?

*crickets*

Just me? Okay. Nevermind.
posted by brundlefly at 10:58 PM on January 29, 2006


This goes out to every cranky philistine who ever visited a modern art exhibition and said loudly "what's next? Take a massive dump on the floor and call it art?"
posted by George_Spiggott at 11:02 PM on January 29, 2006


.
posted by dieselid at 12:16 AM on January 30, 2006


Wasn't this sort of suspect on the face of it? No one's colon is 26 feet long. Your small intestine maybe, but your colon isn't nearly that long.
posted by hwestiii at 1:57 AM on January 30, 2006


Some come close, though.
posted by Bucket o' Heads at 2:19 AM on January 30, 2006


Well done everybody! Hines for her art, and the thread participants for theirs. This week I am mostly not being too dismissive of modern art.

Gilbert and George
made me think when they said that poo is the first thing that we create. They do like to wallow in it a bit, though:

'The artists first used excrement as a theme in their 1983 work entitled Shitted, in which the artists superimposed photographs of themselves facing each other in front of a wall of vastly magnified, orange-brown turds. Gilbert & George are shown wearing blue and green with the same brown substance in their mouths. In this work, they seem to refer to themselves as the creators of the "shit" that critics claimed they brought into the art world.'

They simply reflect what they see:

'"This will be hanging in the room where we are to eat," George proudly declares. Spit on Shit is one of the Fundamental Pictures of 1996 and depicts exactly what it says - a gob of spit sliding down two monumental turds. "Very few art works are called Spit on Shit. It's about being alive in the western world," George says. "What else?"

God love them!
posted by asok at 3:25 AM on January 30, 2006


The original, inimitable, unsurpassed Merde d'artiste.
posted by funambulist at 5:10 AM on January 30, 2006


From jessamyn's Voice link:

"I guess for me it didn't seem necessary to actually have done the thing. Today you don't really have to do anything."

They can carve that on humanity's grave when we finally bore ourselves to death.
posted by languagehat at 5:38 AM on January 30, 2006


Whoever is commissioned to do the carving will most likely carve "Whatever" instead.
posted by Gator at 6:51 AM on January 30, 2006


poop lol
posted by Stynxno at 6:58 AM on January 30, 2006


It won't be carved. A young female artist will squat atop humanity's grave and squeeze out the word, hopping in tight circles to spell it.
posted by fandango_matt at 7:24 AM on January 30, 2006


What is odd to me is that pieces like this—those that aim at triggering an emotional reaction that's implicitly the primary context for the work—are not seen as the banal and idiotic cliches that they really are. Other works of art that crudely trigger banal emotions such as love or nostalgia are properly ridiculed by those who nevertheless see the context of, for example, disgust to be more than sophomoric and cliched. Why?
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 7:26 AM on January 30, 2006


fandango_matt, somewhere Terry Gilliam is giggling himself shitless over your GIF.
posted by rosemere at 8:31 AM on January 30, 2006


Bandwidth exceeded (on lead link). Gee...what a surprise.

Asinine shitheads.
posted by codeofconduct at 1:08 PM on January 30, 2006


Who are they crappin'? : )
posted by SisterHavana at 7:58 PM on January 30, 2006


Drat. Bandwith exceeded by the time I got to it.

"Metafilter: Let us help you exceed your bandwith!"
posted by WaterSprite at 8:10 PM on January 30, 2006


Don't worry. fandango_matt's gif still makes the thread worthwhile.

(I'm not hearing "Vrrrrooooom!" while watching it, though. Unfortunately, it's the Benny Hill theme for me.)
posted by rosemere at 10:23 PM on January 30, 2006


Those aren't mutually exclusive, rosemere.
posted by brundlefly at 10:25 PM on January 30, 2006


Memepool has a link to some genuine record-breakers. Link leads to DVDs for sale... the great taste of Pepsi Brown.
posted by Aknaton at 10:09 PM on February 2, 2006


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