Join 3,561 readers in helping fund MetaFilter (Hide)


Christ, what an asshole.
February 2, 2006 8:21 AM   Subscribe

How to win the New Yorker caption contest every time. (Possibly NSFW, Previous contest discussion here, link via Feministe)
posted by XQUZYPHYR (54 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite

 
Excellent
posted by ZippityBuddha at 8:29 AM on February 2, 2006


christ, what an asshole.
posted by macmac at 8:31 AM on February 2, 2006


Well, they make as much sense with that as the caption as they do with anything else.
posted by crunchland at 8:32 AM on February 2, 2006


That is so awesome. Now I know why I haven't won it yet. :(
posted by neustile at 8:33 AM on February 2, 2006


"I can't wait to post about this on my blog" would fit any of those as well.
posted by iconomy at 8:37 AM on February 2, 2006


I like iconomy's better.
posted by Robot Johnny at 8:37 AM on February 2, 2006


I would like to go on record here as hating the New Yorker caption contest with a cold, pure flame of utter hatred. It is as bad as, no, worse, even than a celebrity photo layout from the heinous days of Tina Brown, worse than the little advertising booklets with a few widely spaced cartoons and a lot of hard sell for vodka, worse than a completely inane 40 page profile of some millionaire lizard with the heart and soul of a corpse eating jackal.

Yes, I do have to read it. I do. Every week or two, I have to read it. Although I skip the back page.
posted by mygothlaundry at 8:38 AM on February 2, 2006 [1 favorite]


The caption sums up The New Yorker in general. Anyone read the latest fiction piece in the Feb.6th issue, "The Deposition"? Lawyer walks along street and notices hot girl. Hot girl turns, sees him gawking, runs home. Soon after lawyer is stoped on street by police and accused of stalking, woman hits lawyer knocking him to the ground, woman and cop walk away. The End. "Christ, what an asshole".
posted by stbalbach at 8:40 AM on February 2, 2006


That was funny.
posted by fire&wings at 8:41 AM on February 2, 2006


mygothlaundry: "I would like to go on record here as hating the New Yorker caption contest with a cold, pure flame of utter hatred. It is as bad as, no, worse, even than a celebrity photo layout from the heinous days of Tina Brown, worse than the little advertising booklets with a few widely spaced cartoons and a lot of hard sell for vodka, worse than a completely inane 40 page profile of some millionaire lizard with the heart and soul of a corpse eating jackal."

Christ, what an asshole!
Hey, it works!
posted by Plutor at 8:42 AM on February 2, 2006 [2 favorites]


Also a good option: "Christ, what a pretentious guy."
posted by js003 at 8:44 AM on February 2, 2006


This was *golf clap* funny. Cheers.
posted by Rothko at 8:52 AM on February 2, 2006


Am I alone in thinking that this really doesn't work? At all?
posted by notmydesk at 8:53 AM on February 2, 2006


Anyone read the latest fiction piece in the Feb.6th issue, "The Deposition"? Lawyer walks along street and notices hot girl. Hot girl turns, sees him gawking, runs home. Soon after lawyer is stoped on street by police and accused of stalking, woman hits lawyer knocking him to the ground, woman and cop walk away. The End.

That's all you got from that story? Man, I thought it was great.
posted by billysumday at 8:55 AM on February 2, 2006


I like iconomy's better, too. and it wouldn't really work for the one with the fish in the suitcase. oh, no I guess it would... anyway. yeah, the caption contest is annoying, and not usually funny. But then, a lot of the cartoons are not usually funny either. Sometimes I am not sure if I just don't get them, or if they are just not very funny. Like, that previous thread has someone explain why the chinese menus thru a fax is funny, but if I'd seen that I might have thought I just didn't get it because maybe there was some other reference that made it funny. but apparently all it's referencing is the ubiquity of chinese menus, which I'm perfectly familiar with (though it seems to be less universal than it was when I was a kid, but perhaps that's 'cause I grew up in manhattan and now live in brooklyn), and to me it still isn't really funny. Although, perhaps the problem to me is that getting spam from chinese restaurants seems kinda plausible and not at all something one would have to be 'in the know' to get, so maybe it'd be funnier to me if I had grown up somewhere where chinese menus were not a standard background noise so that it would make me think 'oh, how new york!' instead of 'okay... and?'
posted by mdn at 9:02 AM on February 2, 2006


"I can't wait to post about this on my blog"

Or, taking a page from Lore's book: "What did you expect?" "Needs more cowbell," or "Pwned!"

But yeah, the blog one is the best. Kudos.
posted by Gator at 9:03 AM on February 2, 2006


How not to win the New Yorker caption contest.
posted by billysumday at 9:06 AM on February 2, 2006


Christ, what an arsole.



posted by lalochezia at 9:07 AM on February 2, 2006


Christ, what an arsole.
posted by jenovus at 9:18 AM on February 2, 2006


*, indeed. THANKS FOR NOTHING, PREVIEW BUTTON
posted by jenovus at 9:18 AM on February 2, 2006


HA HA!
posted by R. Mutt at 9:23 AM on February 2, 2006


I am also not a big fan of the caption contest. I thought the quizzes and Bruce McCall illustrations were better uses of the back page. The main problem I have with the caption contest is that the images are far too gimmicky. When you page through and look at the real (funny) cartoons, mostly the images are pretty subtle: people in a restuarant, at home, at a party. It's the type of person + the context + the caption that makes it funny. The contest cartoons are just trying too hard to look like a funny situation.
posted by Miko at 9:25 AM on February 2, 2006 [1 favorite]


cool post, and I join the contest haters
posted by matteo at 9:39 AM on February 2, 2006


One thing that pisses me off the most about the caption contest, and the New Yorker's cartoons in general is that the article about graphic novels pointed to New Yorker cartoons as being a more "artistic" and "grown up" use of the medium than graphic novels.

Um, no.
posted by drezdn at 9:42 AM on February 2, 2006


"This isn't funny" also works.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:48 AM on February 2, 2006


I like the caption contests, and the New Yorker cartoons in general. They're hardly ever bust-a-gut funny, but they're generally very clever.
posted by notmydesk at 9:52 AM on February 2, 2006


I think the appropriate caption for all of those would be: "I understand the best caption didn't win again."
posted by spock at 10:02 AM on February 2, 2006


I will second mygothlaundry's hatred. Mostly they’re dull, occasionally cute, but often purile.
posted by Smedleyman at 10:03 AM on February 2, 2006


"Who drew this shit?"
posted by Peter H at 10:05 AM on February 2, 2006


ugh - i really dislike the caption contest. i even once started an AskMeFi thread with the question "Does everyone else hate the New Yorker caption contest?" (which was deleted - rightfully so- for being more of a chatty thing than a real question needing an answer.) but man... i laugh at many New Yorker cartoons, i have laughed at the winners of various similar contests over the years, but i have never, ever, ever laughed at any of the winners or entries in the New Yorker contest. it just seems like a huge waste of space. i miss the quizzes. those made me laugh every other issue at the least! phew - so glad to get that out of my system.
posted by chr1sb0y at 10:08 AM on February 2, 2006


I like the caption contest, I even made the final three once -- but lost. It was heart-rending, now I drink myself into oblivion hounded by fading memories of miniscule glory.

Oh yeah, and suck it, haters, as they are wont to say.
posted by fleacircus at 10:09 AM on February 2, 2006 [1 favorite]


You know, every single one of these is funnier with the caption "Who farted?"
posted by stenseng at 10:10 AM on February 2, 2006 [1 favorite]


Or "Goddamn seagulls!"
posted by Divine_Wino at 10:24 AM on February 2, 2006


When you page through and look at the real (funny) cartoons

They have funny cartoons?!
*rummages through stack of old New Yorkers in hopeless quest*
posted by languagehat at 10:30 AM on February 2, 2006


Or "Goddamn seagulls!"

Hmmm. How about "Motherfucking ferrets!" Ferrets are inherently funny. Or penguins. Penguins!
posted by Gator at 10:33 AM on February 2, 2006


Actually, "Who Farted?" is the funniest caption to any photo or one panel comic ever. AND it ALWAYS fits.
posted by stenseng at 10:35 AM on February 2, 2006


As long as I draw breath, I will always laugh at "Who farted?" This I swear.
posted by horsewithnoname at 10:42 AM on February 2, 2006


Aw man - I just reread all those cartoons substituting 'Who farted?' as the caption. Goddammit, you're right! I laughed like a drain.
posted by RokkitNite at 10:55 AM on February 2, 2006


See, my buddy Adam and I discovered the rule of "Who Farted" years ago. It is the holy grail of comic captioning power, perhaps for no other reason than that, the less appropriate the caption is to the picture, the funnier and more surreal, and more fitting the caption becomes.

And it all started with this picture:

Image hosting by Photobucket
posted by stenseng at 11:02 AM on February 2, 2006


I'd be apathetic if I wasn't so lethargic.
posted by Protocols of the Elders of Awesome at 11:08 AM on February 2, 2006


No, the genius thing would be to combine the New Yorker caption contest with that Chewbacca weblog.

I mean, who can't relate to "rrrrrrraawwwwwwwwuuuunnhhh!" when reading New Yorker cartoons?
posted by furiousthought at 11:12 AM on February 2, 2006


I mourn Punch. Those were cartoons!
posted by QuietDesperation at 11:58 AM on February 2, 2006


Image hosting by Photobucket

Yep. Pretty funny.
posted by eddydamascene at 12:25 PM on February 2, 2006


Christ, what a wanker.

I always wondered how the editors pitched the whole contest idea to the cartoonists:

"Hey, so, uh, your caption is shit. Ain't getting published. No way. We couldn't come up with anything better, either, so how 'bout we pitch this to the plebs, and see what they come up with? Hope you didn't waste a lot of time working on this."
posted by Busithoth at 12:31 PM on February 2, 2006


"I can see you've played knifey-spooney before."
posted by oncogenesis at 3:52 PM on February 2, 2006


"...You buried the horses, right?"
posted by Smart Dalek at 3:57 PM on February 2, 2006


Personally I can't stand New Yorker cartoons, and the weird reverence some people hold them in has always baffled me. The caption contest is just a reminder of how cookie-cutter the rest of the cartoons are. I will admit that I like most of the reader-submitted captions better than the official ones, though.

Another universal caption: "remember when minorities lived in New York City?" Seriously, over the past three years you can probably count the minorities depicted on one hand, with the exception of people who have to be for the punchline of some lame joke (eg, worker at a Chinese restaurant). I'm not suggesting they institute a quota system or anything, but it's a reminder of the unpleasant insularity of the magazine and its whitebread, upper-class worldview (as if we needed another one). /rant
posted by whir at 4:00 PM on February 2, 2006 [2 favorites]


Ah, this thread puts me in mind of the glory days of alt.shut.the.hell.up.geek.
posted by Creosote at 6:03 PM on February 2, 2006


The anti-caption contest at Radosh.net has had me crying with laughter at times. It is the definitive palliative for Caption Contest Hatred.
posted by soyjoy at 7:13 PM on February 2, 2006


Actually, wouldn't the line "My wife is a slut" work quite well on many of those panels?
posted by davidmsc at 7:26 PM on February 2, 2006


In a similar vein...[Salty language]
posted by MrBadExample at 10:45 PM on February 2, 2006


Hmmm.... universal caption: ‘Awww, to hell with this motherfucker.’
posted by Smedleyman at 9:04 AM on February 3, 2006


Future Winners of the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 2:26 PM on February 3, 2006


Christ, what an asshole! :)
posted by canonis at 8:49 AM on February 4, 2006


« Older "Well, a lot of people have said DEA is in the dar...  |  Corset books... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments