Tough on Terror, Tough on Stains

February 16, 2006 11:02 PM

Writer Merrill Markoeproposes a novel solution to the issue of having our elected officials turn out to be little more than political figureheads for corporate special interests; why not allow the corporations to run for office directly?
posted by jonson (21 comments total)

Hear, hear. Corporations, by law, have all the rights of a naturalized citizen. Why shouldn't they be able to run? That they can't is discrimination, pure and simple. And they can't vote, either!

Those poor, victimized corporations.

Donate now!
posted by brundlefly at 11:18 PM on February 16, 2006

US Steel needs my money. Where can I pledge?
posted by sourwookie at 11:23 PM on February 16, 2006

Ms. Markoe has lost none of the wit and wisdom that led her to leave David Letterman all those years ago.
posted by Cranberry at 11:27 PM on February 16, 2006

And every year we could lease the name of the country to the highest bidder so even if IBM lost the election, given the right price, we could be the IBM States of America for a year. Same with all the notable offices and national landmarks. The Washington Monument brought to you by McDonald's. Speaking from the Red Bull Oval Office, president Coca-Cola addressed the nation's vending machine deficit.
posted by effwerd at 11:33 PM on February 16, 2006

I'm happy to say that Ms. Markoe's bit of clever non-statement brings us all a little bit closer to the heat death of the universe. As did this one.
posted by agent at 11:33 PM on February 16, 2006

Instead of running for office corporations should instead claim a right to be represented via population or petition for statehood as if they were territories.

So how many representatives should the great state of Microsoft receive? Perhaps a compromise where each employee counts as 3/5ths of a person?
posted by dustsquid at 11:34 PM on February 16, 2006

Sure, but when the former citizens of Microsoft win their freedom and move to Linux, will they be granted 40 GB & a Mule?
posted by jonson at 11:41 PM on February 16, 2006

I'm utterly astonished that no one's mentioned Subsidized Time, a la Infinite Jest, yet, especially after effwerd's comment.
posted by teferi at 12:24 AM on February 17, 2006

From Markoe's bio: In the past year, Ms. Markoe has purchased fifteen monkey paintings.
She's obviously in thrall to the primate-creationist lobby.
posted by rob511 at 12:28 AM on February 17, 2006

Meh. You guys are already ruled by Halliburton anyway.
posted by clevershark at 5:32 AM on February 17, 2006

I can actually see this working.

(and clevershark, that's her point)
posted by fungible at 5:53 AM on February 17, 2006

posted by matteo at 5:54 AM on February 17, 2006

having our elected officials turn out to be little more than political figureheads for corporate special interests

At the very least, politicians should have to wear decals on their clothing like race car drivers or bike racers, so we can easily see who’s paid for them.
posted by LeLiLo at 6:19 AM on February 17, 2006

True, but one might argue that with this administration it's already such an open phenomenon that there's little to gain (or lose) by formalizing the arrangement. Cheney's still getting paid by Halliburton, fer chrissakes.
posted by clevershark at 6:35 AM on February 17, 2006

Isnt that the premise of "RollerBall"?

Johnathan! Jonathan! Johnathan!
posted by Gungho at 7:08 AM on February 17, 2006

politicians should have to wear decals on their clothing like race car drivers or bike racers, so we can easily see who’s paid for them.

I think that's the best idea I've ever heard.
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:33 AM on February 17, 2006

clevershark - she mentions that very fact in the article, calling this the Penzoil/Haliburton ticket.
posted by jonson at 7:33 AM on February 17, 2006

Oooo I was so excited to Merril is blogging! Big, big fan girl here.

And I have to say the decal idea is fabulous. They can take the trips, accept the presents, bank the cash bribes, but each penny taken means they are forced to wear a scarlet letter corporate decal. Would there be jockying to see who could become most encrusted?
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 8:27 AM on February 17, 2006

Decals. Yes. Actually, thanks to video overlay technology, the news programs could do the decal thing for us. Or better yet, show a swirling halo of corporate logos around the politicans' heads, and the appropriate logo would bounce or glow whenever a politician said something on behalf of that sponsor donor.

Jon Stewart, are you listening?

The next step would be to run a program on some Tivo of the future that tied into opensecrets.org and did this for you, regardless of what was being broadcast.
posted by adamrice at 8:45 AM on February 17, 2006

Is this where somebody posts an inline image of Joe Lieberman with mouse ears?
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:11 AM on February 17, 2006

Oddly, I was just reading Oswald Mosley's 1936 position paper, and he proposed this, replacing geographic representation with a "council of corporations".
posted by Heywood Mogroot at 10:17 AM on February 17, 2006