Choose your choose your choose your own adventure

March 1, 2006 1:35 PM

Rejected choose-your-own-adventure books are pretty hilarious.
posted by yonation (44 comments total)

Rejected.
posted by Drexen at 1:42 PM on March 1, 2006

Uhm.

No.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 1:50 PM on March 1, 2006

meh.
posted by empath at 1:51 PM on March 1, 2006

boingboingfilter
posted by bigschmoove at 1:53 PM on March 1, 2006

something awful contests never live up to their potential in funny. thumbs down.
posted by nuclear_soup at 1:54 PM on March 1, 2006

Actually started with Neatorama (saw in on my RSS this morning). Amazing how an old piece can get ressurected and passed around the net so easily, just cuz one site recently found it and thought it was funny.
posted by FeldBum at 1:54 PM on March 1, 2006

I couldn't help it; I read this elsewhere, and laughed out loud on page three (the big heads references). I'm an easy comedy target, I guess.
posted by davejay at 2:01 PM on March 1, 2006

A couple of them were funny.
posted by danb at 2:01 PM on March 1, 2006

A very Star Wars Valentine had more laughs for me.

Darling - tonight you can shoot first, cracked me up.
posted by sien at 2:05 PM on March 1, 2006

[old]
posted by thirteenkiller at 2:05 PM on March 1, 2006

I chuckled.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:09 PM on March 1, 2006

Tough crowd. I thought these were pretty funny.
posted by brain_drain at 2:11 PM on March 1, 2006

I thought this was great:

posted by piratebowling at 2:21 PM on March 1, 2006

I remember these books from my glorious days of staying up too late reading and trying to hit every possible ending.

I think the SA goons did a nice job.
posted by Dillenger69 at 2:24 PM on March 1, 2006

I thought the Star Wars Valentine was one of the funniest P-shop Phridays they've had for years.


"Tonight I promise I won't shoot first, valentine." had me in stitches.
posted by sourwookie at 2:28 PM on March 1, 2006

This was worth it for the trip down Choose Your Own Adventure memory lane. Thinking back, those books were pretty wacked out. I remember one where you got turned into a turtle for eating some cursed chocolate or something.

And if you were a Choose Your Own Adventure Purist and did not mark your path with fingers, bookmarks, or notes so you could return just in case you hit The End, please post here.

Otherwise, post here.

posted by robocop is bleeding at 2:29 PM on March 1, 2006

Come on! "Buttfucked by Gayzilla" was pretty awesome, given that the artwork was unaltered.

(I had that book when I was like 10. I think that "virginity nerd karma" exists and sex got delayed for at least two months for having that book even though it was years prior.)
posted by Mayor Curley at 2:34 PM on March 1, 2006

I have a tangential question: At the end of page one there is a book "In Soviet Russia the adventure chooses you." I have a desktop image that is "In Soviet Russia the internet logs on to you." What is the origin of this meme? What does it mean?
posted by arcticwoman at 2:55 PM on March 1, 2006

It's a reference to Yakov Smirnoff.
posted by sonofsamiam at 2:57 PM on March 1, 2006

I Think this is priceless humor. I love Pho-Phri.

Although I dont think this is MeFi material. Add to that its old...
posted by subaruwrx at 2:58 PM on March 1, 2006

I don't know what's wrong with all of you. I am laughing and it is painful.

Something about the accurate font choices on a few adds so much. For me, the funniest by far was "Holy Shit Where Am I" (the lack of punctuation makes it even better).
posted by dougunderscorenelso at 2:58 PM on March 1, 2006

I think the MSPaint your illogical childhood notions thread is funnier.
posted by beth at 2:58 PM on March 1, 2006

As a FPP, I give this a thumbs-down. As a PS contest, I laughed very hard. Very, very hard. But maybe just because I owned all of those books once upon a time...
posted by GuyZero at 3:00 PM on March 1, 2006

In Russian, Yakov Smirnoff references you.
posted by Astro Zombie at 3:08 PM on March 1, 2006

I loved the Deadwood one.
posted by Navek Rednam at 3:10 PM on March 1, 2006

In Smirnoff, Russian references Yakov you.
posted by arcticwoman at 3:10 PM on March 1, 2006

Good post. Humour varies, obviously.
posted by juiceCake at 3:11 PM on March 1, 2006

I thought their Pho Phi from two weeks back was sublime. A Teletubbies Ring would give me nightmares.
posted by phyrewerx at 3:21 PM on March 1, 2006

Some of these are fucking hilarious ("Escape from Smallpox"?!??) But others aren't. I choose to read the funny ones.
posted by papakwanz at 3:23 PM on March 1, 2006

oh christ.
posted by shmegegge at 3:50 PM on March 1, 2006

HENTAI!
posted by beerbajay at 3:59 PM on March 1, 2006

Oh come on, "Secret of the Ninja (they're combustible)"...thats comedy. Or maybe I'm just a sucker for ninja humor.
posted by RobertFrost at 4:22 PM on March 1, 2006

I think the MSPaint your illogical childhood notions thread is funnier.

ha! it is.
posted by nuclear_soup at 4:22 PM on March 1, 2006

One of my favorites-- for the title alone-- is at the bottom of the fifth page: The Mystery of the Return to the Forbidden Castle in the Underground Kingdom of the Ant People on the Third Planet of Altair

But then maybe that's a sign that I read one too many of these books as a kid...
posted by May Kasahara at 5:38 PM on March 1, 2006

Buttfucked by Gayzilla cracked my shit up.
posted by grrarrgh00 at 6:12 PM on March 1, 2006

For some reason, I found "Of course they gave the black kid a knife" to be particuarly funny.
posted by Astro Zombie at 7:16 PM on March 1, 2006

Thanks, beth, for the Illogical Childhood Notions link. I was so inspired by that thread that I went and made one of my own. Unfortunately, they're no longer taking submissions, so I went ahead and posted it on my Flickr.
posted by Afroblanco at 7:44 PM on March 1, 2006

I laughed pretty hard for some reason. I like the Deadwood one.
posted by Falconetti at 7:52 PM on March 1, 2006

Holy crap, that MSPaint thread is awesome.
Toilet paper is replaced by the tooth fairy. Heh.
posted by Sibrax at 8:46 PM on March 1, 2006

Hilarious.
posted by Eideteker at 10:01 PM on March 1, 2006

I thought for sure they'd have a Cash, Grass or Ass - No One Rides For Free with three possible endings.
posted by blueberry at 2:00 AM on March 2, 2006

Dude, it's Ass, Grass, or Gas. Don't be like shackled by The Man's false monetary economy, ok man?
posted by rusty at 9:06 AM on March 2, 2006

I'm with Piratebowling. I fell of my chair at that one - it's very clever once you get the joke. There were a bunch of other binary or unary option ones later, not so well executed, so I'm glad that one came first.

I laughed pretty hard a number of times, so I'm glad my attention was called to it. CYOA filled an important part of my life before Wizard of Firetop Mountain ate my brain and defecated in the cavity.
posted by Sparx at 3:38 PM on March 2, 2006

This are so fucking funny, I'm still laughing the second time through. So, yes, I'm glad it was posted in the Blue.
posted by malaprohibita at 7:53 PM on March 2, 2006