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Snakes On A Plane
March 17, 2006 11:43 AM Subscribe

We talked about "Snakes On A Plane" last summer, but since the thread is closed and this trailer really deserves to be seen... Here you go. [youtube] For those of you yet unaware, prepare yourself for my nomination for "worst movie ever."
posted by pwb503 (185 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

Take _that_, DHS.
posted by Laen at 11:47 AM on March 17, 2006

More like best movie ever!
posted by interrobang at 11:47 AM on March 17, 2006

Hey, there's snakes on this plane!
posted by sonofsamiam at 11:48 AM on March 17, 2006

Budding musicians should check out the soundtrack contest to get their music into the best/worst movie of all time.
posted by mathowie at 11:49 AM on March 17, 2006

"Bomb squad missed them. Particle detection missed them. And the goddamn infrared team missed them. Because the fucking bastards are cold-blooded."
posted by 2sheets at 11:50 AM on March 17, 2006

I hope there will be some totally out-of-place political or moral editorializing about the current state of our nation thrown in there at some point amid all the screaming and lack of plot.
posted by luftmensch at 11:51 AM on March 17, 2006

I hope we get to see lots of people get bit in the face, preferably by snakes falling out of overhead compartments.
posted by stinkycheese at 11:55 AM on March 17, 2006

Amazing. That totally lived up to my expectations. I can't wait!
posted by brundlefly at 11:55 AM on March 17, 2006

This movie is going to be awesome beyond words.
posted by grabbingsand at 11:55 AM on March 17, 2006

The movie Sam Jackson decided to do without even reading the script.
posted by delmoi at 11:55 AM on March 17, 2006

Awww, I like this one better.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 11:56 AM on March 17, 2006

Those are some fantastic CGI snakes...made me almost believe that there was snakes on that plane!
posted by rand at 11:57 AM on March 17, 2006

pwb503, do you come from a country where they don't have irony?
posted by Plutor at 11:58 AM on March 17, 2006

The movie Sam Jackson decided to do without even reading the script.

The?
posted by sonofsamiam at 11:58 AM on March 17, 2006

Take _that_, DHS.
posted by Laen at 2:47 PM EST on March 17 [!]

*enters "bin" Laen's name in secret database*
posted by Pollomacho at 11:59 AM on March 17, 2006

I hope the whole movie is just second-long shots of people being attacked by snakes - on a plane. I bet they ruin it by giving it a plot and characters and other guff.
posted by cillit bang at 12:00 PM on March 17, 2006

This movie delivers exactly what it promised.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 12:00 PM on March 17, 2006

Psst! Don't look if you don't want SPOILERS but here is the script!

"Snakes On A Plane"
Written by Sucky Mc Hack

Samuel L. Jackson boards a plane

SLJ: Woah Motherf**cker, this is one comfy plane seat!

Love interest: I'm really scared of flying - and terrorists!

SLJ: Don't worry! I'm one of those secret air marshals.... No terrorists will get through on my shift. No motherf**ker is gonna mess with my bad ass!

cut to plane hold where SNAKES escape!

Pilot: Hey folkes, we're now travelling at 500,000 ft, so there is no possible escape - i mean... you're all very safe.

SLJ: Motherf**ker

Suddenly a SNAKE attacks the Pilot

Pilot: ARRRGGG!

Snakes now everywhere

SLJ: There's are motherf**king snakes on this plane! I'll kill you snakes!

SLJ kills a bunch of snakes as a bunch of faceless extras die - SLJ saves the love interest.

The plane almost crashes, but SLJ lands it safely.

SLJ: ....and you will know my name is the lawwwd....

and so on...
posted by Meccabilly at 12:01 PM on March 17, 2006

Just wait till they do the porn version.
posted by bardic at 12:02 PM on March 17, 2006

I believe this movie will be responsible for the propagation of the word I just made up: bestworst.
posted by Drexen at 12:02 PM on March 17, 2006

Oh, mr_crash_davis... oh my... I smell a best supporting nom for the O RLY? Owl...
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:02 PM on March 17, 2006

Bardic: Snakes in Taylor Rain?
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:03 PM on March 17, 2006

For those of you yet unaware, prepare yourself for my nomination for "worst movie ever."

I'd have to say that being intentionally bad should be an automatic disqualification. The really bad movies are the ones made with horrifying combination of good intentions and utter incompetence.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 12:04 PM on March 17, 2006

I hope this film starts a trend...

"Bears on a Boat"

"Lions on a RollerCoaster"

"Bees on a Wheelchair"

Go Hollywood!
posted by BobFrapples at 12:05 PM on March 17, 2006

Just wait till they do the porn version.

Gapes on a Plane
posted by BobFrapples at 12:05 PM on March 17, 2006

They need to hire my three-year-old daughter to help with the script. When she wants to act scared when we're playing together, she will insist that snakes and polar bears are trying to get us. We jump under the covers to protect ourselves, only because we don't have the SJ option.
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 12:07 PM on March 17, 2006

Gotta love a movie where one of the main writers only previous movie work was as the Web Designer
posted by bitdamaged at 12:07 PM on March 17, 2006

Hamsters in m butt
posted by Debaser626 at 12:08 PM on March 17, 2006

Hey, there's bees on this wheelchair!
posted by sonofsamiam at 12:09 PM on March 17, 2006

Wow. That's exactly what I expected. Good job, Hollywood!
posted by mr_roboto at 12:09 PM on March 17, 2006

I hope the whole movie is just second-long shots of people being attacked by snakes - on a plane. I bet they ruin it by giving it a plot and characters and other guff.

I had similar hopes about Alien vs Predator. Lesson: Hollywood always manages to disappoint.

My roommate said to me yesterday "Snakes on a Plane? I think I heard about that movie - what's it about?"
posted by aubilenon at 12:10 PM on March 17, 2006

This has to be a hoax.
SLJ is soooo much better than this.
Is his agent mad at him or something?
posted by TheFeatheredMullet at 12:14 PM on March 17, 2006

I am not at all condemning this post as Pepsi Blue (for, truly, it is the best of the web), but this movie is benefitting from what seems to be the largest group of voluntary viral marketers in the history of the Internet. (I've e-mailed a friend myself with a link to the trailer, and this afternoon four of the sites I visited all had links to this trailer, which I think went live at around noon today.)

It's as if the filmmakers have managed to make the cinematic equivalent of Chuck Norris Facts or All Your Base--people even outside the regular Hollywood-movie-geek online communities have been talking about this film online on a regular basis for well over a year. Not even Superman Returns is getting that kind of free publicity.
posted by Prospero at 12:14 PM on March 17, 2006

Wait... this is real? I thought this was just an internet in-joke. My mind, she is blown.
posted by picea at 12:15 PM on March 17, 2006

Is his agent mad at him or something?

Why would he be mad? He gets 15%, dude.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:16 PM on March 17, 2006

I think we need to start a pool: How many times will a snake be shown biting someone on what I shall delicately refer to as "a sensitive area not displayable on television"?

Also: the porn version would be "Grapes on a Dame", and would be one of those rare porn versions of mainstream movies that actually have a higher budget than, and are better-produced than, the mainstream movie.

Anyone have a link to "Snakes on a plane!" bumper stickers?

Finally: I'm totally submitting a song to that contest.

I think I will use my ukulele
posted by davejay at 12:17 PM on March 17, 2006

posted by brownpau at 12:17 PM on March 17, 2006

Seriously though, how scared would you be if your plane had snakes on it? I'm guessing really scared! So don't make fun of the movie because if it was real it would be scary.
posted by I Foody at 12:18 PM on March 17, 2006

I'm waiting for Beedogs on a plane.
posted by palinode at 12:19 PM on March 17, 2006

Best thing to come out of Hollywood since Kingdom of the Spiders.
posted by Pollomacho at 12:19 PM on March 17, 2006

There's also several unofficial T-shirts available
posted by aubilenon at 12:20 PM on March 17, 2006

What really sucks is that when this is a total disaster at the box office, the asshats at the MPAA will blame it on all of the 'internet pirates' and lobby for more restrictive copyrights. They'll be oblivious to the fact that this could very well be the worst movie in the history of movies.

On the other hand, it might be entertaining for the ridiculous violence. heh.
posted by drstein at 12:20 PM on March 17, 2006

It is very much a real movie.

On top of that, it is also the most HONEST film coming out this year.

Vote Snakes On A Plane in 2006.
posted by tittergrrl at 12:22 PM on March 17, 2006

Trivia from IMDB:

'Samuel L. Jackson only signed on for this film because the title was "Snakes on a Plane". When the film makers tried to change it to "Flight 121", Jackson was adamant to keep it "Snakes on a Plane". '

Which is too awesome. Thanks for posting this again in a total OMG-WTF-BBQ moment.
posted by GuyZero at 12:23 PM on March 17, 2006

They'll be oblivious to the fact that this could very well be the worst movie in the history of movies.

There is no way that this statement is remotely true.
posted by Pollomacho at 12:23 PM on March 17, 2006

Might be worth listenening to All Things Considered's interview with Samuel L. Jackson (about Freedomland), where he talks about his motivation for doing this movie.
posted by crawl at 12:24 PM on March 17, 2006

You know, the funniest thing about the movie "Dodge Ball" was the montage of a guy getting hit with thrown wrenches.

If this movie has a similar montage -- wait, if this movie IS a similar montage, over the course of two hours -- I'm totally on board.
posted by davejay at 12:24 PM on March 17, 2006

The porn version will obviously be called Skanks Run A Train.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:24 PM on March 17, 2006

GuyZero, thanks for pointing that out. My Samuel L Jackson love just went up several notches.

On a side note, did you know he has an on-set hair stylist? Who makes BIG bucks? And yet, has no hair? Gotta love it.
posted by davejay at 12:25 PM on March 17, 2006

In a just world, the theater would go dark and the title would come up:

SNAKES
ON A
PLANE

And then the "PLANE" would slide down to make room, and the title would be completed:

SNAKES
ON A
MOTHERFUCKING
PLANE

And the porn version would be "Snakes in a Poontang"

Don't forget the alternate version with Kurt Russell: Snake's On A Plane.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:25 PM on March 17, 2006

Drexen writes "I believe this movie will be responsible for the propagation of the word I just made up: bestworst."

Too bad you've probably been beaten to it by a German sausage company.
posted by IronLizard at 12:26 PM on March 17, 2006

this could very well be the worst movie in the history of movies.

I guarantee it'll be a better movie than "Forrest Gump".
posted by stinkycheese at 12:26 PM on March 17, 2006

I can't wait for Snakes on a Plane II: Slither Stronger.
posted by PurplePorpoise at 12:28 PM on March 17, 2006

mr_crash's is better!
posted by OmieWise at 12:28 PM on March 17, 2006

This is the best thing to ever appear of MetaFilter.
posted by keswick at 12:29 PM on March 17, 2006

This is actually a pretty good shirt design. Cute snakes. Hubba.
posted by beerbajay at 12:29 PM on March 17, 2006

bestworst: Too bad you've probably been beaten to it by a German sausage company.
Make that a Dutch sausage company.
posted by jouke at 12:29 PM on March 17, 2006

Totally thought this was a MeFi catchphrase whose origins I couldn't figure out. The fact that this is real has significantly brightened my day.

Is there a release date?
posted by n-clue at 12:30 PM on March 17, 2006

Totally thought this was a MeFi catchphrase whose origins I couldn't figure out.

Actually, that's how it began. That a movie identically titled has been found to be in production for years is irrefutable proof of backwards causality. The meme is provably prior to the reality. Shocking, yet true.

Coming in 2012: Aliens invade, taking off every zig, and appropriating all your base. Also, archaeologists uncover the bones of a huge manatee.
posted by sonofsamiam at 12:35 PM on March 17, 2006

Is there a release date?

I'm sure it's already available in Times Square or on the streets of Beijing or Mexico City!
posted by Pollomacho at 12:35 PM on March 17, 2006

This may be the first stoner movie of 2006.
posted by The Jesse Helms at 12:35 PM on March 17, 2006

This is going to be a good movie IF they've considered the pre-hype, and IF they decide to approach it ironically. But it has to be over the top.
posted by iamck at 12:36 PM on March 17, 2006

I believe this movie will be responsible for the propagation of the word I just made up: bestworst.

Too bad you've probably been beaten to it by a German sausage company.

Steve Gould also used it for a name for a character in one of his SF novels (Wildside I think). "I can be your best friend or your worst enemy," this spook says, and the protagonist dubs him Mr. Bestworst since he won't reveal his true name.

But... SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!
posted by kindall at 12:36 PM on March 17, 2006

I Find Your Lack of Faith Disturbing was where I first heard about it, via Metafilter, of course.

Upon watching the trailer, the cliché "awesomely bad" came to mind.

They'd better not kill the cat, though.
posted by Dr-Baa at 12:36 PM on March 17, 2006

wow, after watching the preview I was completely convinced this was a hoax. Now, I see that it is real and I'm throwing up all over myself.

But that shirt is cool, beerbajay.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 12:38 PM on March 17, 2006

The related point in the NPR interview starts at 10:50.

"You don't have to think about what's happening. You know what's gonna happen. There's gonna be snakes loose on this plane. Some people are gonna get bitten."
posted by beerbajay at 12:38 PM on March 17, 2006

Porn Title: "Snake Causes Pain"
posted by Shfishp at 12:39 PM on March 17, 2006

Okay, first, this is awesome.

second, the porn version would be "Tubesnakes on a Plane"

duh.
posted by stenseng at 12:40 PM on March 17, 2006

Sharks. On a plane. In tanks. That break and flood the cabin.
posted by _sirmissalot_ at 12:41 PM on March 17, 2006

The snakes, they're getting smarter. And somewhat longer.
posted by davejay at 12:42 PM on March 17, 2006

Bah. The cool film to watch wil be Stakes on a Plane, featuring a chartered flight to a vampires' convention which goes awry when longtime fueds erupt at several thousand feet...and only three hours before sunrise.
posted by Smart Dalek at 12:43 PM on March 17, 2006

Also worth watching: Brakes on a Plane, a documentary about the method used to stop that plane in mid-air right before Bugs Bunny would have been killed.
posted by davejay at 12:44 PM on March 17, 2006

Timmy, have you ever seen a grown man naked?

Timmy, do you like movies about SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKIN' PLANE!
posted by almostcool at 12:45 PM on March 17, 2006

New Fox reality show: Skates on a Plane (with Celebrities!)
posted by Shfishp at 12:45 PM on March 17, 2006

There's also a variety of sequal options. Snakes in a Camry. Snakes in the Rice Field. Snakes Take Charge. Bubble Bath Snakes. The Snake That Finally Got That Bitch Riki Tiki Tavi.
posted by The Jesse Helms at 12:47 PM on March 17, 2006

"Shakes on a Plane" starring Katherine Hepburn
posted by Shfishp at 12:47 PM on March 17, 2006

Sharks. On a plane. In tanks. That break and flood the cabin.
posted by _sirmissalot_ at 3:41 PM EST on March 17 [!]

"Whatever you do Johnson, just keep this plane climbing!"
posted by Pollomacho at 12:48 PM on March 17, 2006

posted by brain_drain at 12:49 PM on March 17, 2006

They'd better not kill the cat, though.

That is precisely what I've been thinking :(
posted by Fenriss at 12:49 PM on March 17, 2006

(just fell over)
posted by davejay at 12:49 PM on March 17, 2006

How about a BJ series Snakes On The Brain? Eh? Eh?
posted by stinkycheese at 12:49 PM on March 17, 2006

must...resist...urge...to...open...photo...editor...
posted by davejay at 12:50 PM on March 17, 2006

Snakes on a Blog {maintained by my friend Soren}. For all your SoaP needs.

This movie will only be upstaged by its sequel: Snakes on a Bus That Can't Go Below 50 MPH.
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 12:53 PM on March 17, 2006

The Snake That Finally Got That Bitch Riki Tiki Tavi.

HA HA!
posted by prostyle at 12:54 PM on March 17, 2006

posted by The Jesse Helms at 12:54 PM on March 17, 2006

his motivation for doing this movie.

cash in a wallet?
posted by matteo at 12:56 PM on March 17, 2006

The porn version will be Fakes on a Plane, in which a planeload of, uh, amateur porn actresses on their way to the Porn Olympics realize that some competitors have been surgically enhanced! A thorough investigation ensues.
posted by hattifattener at 12:56 PM on March 17, 2006

I'll admit it took me about 30 seconds to figure that one out brain_drain... but it was worth it!
posted by adrianhon at 12:57 PM on March 17, 2006

Okay, silliness aside: the reason this title is so key is that it perfectly captures our presumptions of how movies are "made" in hollywood. We've all pictured a room full of executives sitting around combining title s of hit movies to come up with a new concept. It's been immortalized as a given in just about every satirical outlet imaginable at one point or another, including within movies. So this is our accepted cultural image of hollywood.

The thing is, up until now, even though everyone seems to believe that's how hollywood works, you (individually, YOU) never quite bought it all the way. On some level, you still bought into the hype of hollywood, that there is some kind of magical allure to the whole thing, that it's something more than a money mill.

Then you suddenly see the title "Snakes on a Plane" with Samuel L Jackson in the lead role, and that last little core of belief is shattered completely.

Fantastic. I may see it twice.
posted by davejay at 12:58 PM on March 17, 2006

Frakes on a Maine is funnier than Jake's by a Spain.

I'm leaving this thread and not looking back. I'm leaving this thread and not looking back. I'm...
posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:59 PM on March 17, 2006

You know, I still stand by my original porn title of "Grapes on a Dame", and felt that perhaps the first time you all read it, you didn't realize I was envisioning a porn movie starring a transsexual.

So I thought I'd mention it.

Probably shouldn't have.

I'm sorry.
posted by davejay at 1:00 PM on March 17, 2006

Cougars in an Elevator. Earwigs in a Cubicle. Sharks in a Safe Room.

Nothing can compare to "Snakes on a [MothaFuckin'] Plane."
It is simply perfection. And no movie can ever live up to that title.
posted by maryh at 1:01 PM on March 17, 2006

davejay: we know what grapes are. Hairy Grapes BMX.
posted by sonofsamiam at 1:02 PM on March 17, 2006

True, sonofsamiam, but I thought perhaps people were picturing someone else's grapes on the dame.

why am I even having this conversation?
posted by davejay at 1:06 PM on March 17, 2006

Just as Jaws made thousands of people fear swimming in the ocean, this movie will make us think twice before going into the movie theater again.
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 1:06 PM on March 17, 2006

I thought perhaps people were picturing someone else's grapes on the dame.

There's no reason to not have it both ways, really.
posted by sonofsamiam at 1:07 PM on March 17, 2006

Snakin' a drain:

posted by MrMoonPie at 1:07 PM on March 17, 2006

The only thing more dangerous: Snakes with a Plane
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 1:09 PM on March 17, 2006

It took a while, but strangeleftyodublethink wins.
posted by davejay at 1:10 PM on March 17, 2006

"Bees on a Wheelchair"

OH MY GOD YES
posted by metaculpa at 1:11 PM on March 17, 2006

Bah. This is just a shot-for-shot remake of the Hitchcock version.

And that was just a stale postmodern retread of the 1928 Keaton classic, "Heavens! There Are Serpents Loose in the Trolley!"
posted by milquetoast at 1:14 PM on March 17, 2006

Snakes On A Plane: an Alcoholic woodworker deals with the heartbreak of delirium tremens.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 1:15 PM on March 17, 2006

posted by knave at 1:19 PM on March 17, 2006

I'm looking forward to the much-anticipated sequel, FARTS IN AN ELEVATOR.
posted by antifreez_ at 1:19 PM on March 17, 2006

Snakes ... St. Patrick's Day ... and 'snake-less' Hawai'i ........

SO ... "snakes on a plane" is a much more horrifying idea to us in Hawai'i than just hearing of ppl on plane getting bitten.

... if the brown tree snake were to become established here ... Most of our remaining native forest birds would go extinct, power outages and cases of infant envenomation would probably be fairly frequent, and the tourist industry would possibly suffer from the negative publicity.

THAT is a horror movie script.
posted by Surfurrus at 1:20 PM on March 17, 2006

"people should not be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of SNAKES ON A PLANE!"
posted by concreteforest at 1:22 PM on March 17, 2006

There are YouTube links to homebrewed trailers for SoaP that are better than the real one.
posted by Aknaton at 1:24 PM on March 17, 2006

I heard that Snoop is making a sequel to his big movie from last year...

Snacks on a Plane: Soul Plane II
posted by Shfishp at 1:24 PM on March 17, 2006

This thread is quickly devolving into a SomethingAwful thread without any of the wit.
posted by Jairus at 1:25 PM on March 17, 2006

Oh really?

No wait, I did that wrong...
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 1:26 PM on March 17, 2006

Wacko Jacko's in Bahrain.
posted by youarenothere at 1:26 PM on March 17, 2006

Oui, vraiment.
posted by knave at 1:27 PM on March 17, 2006

Humor!

Whoops ... sorry ... HUMOR!

The sequel -- "Snake Biting -- the Revenge."
posted by Surfurrus at 1:37 PM on March 17, 2006

This thread is quickly devolving into a SomethingAwful thread without any of the wit.

go back to gbs

:fry:
posted by Mikey-San at 1:38 PM on March 17, 2006

At the end, the camera zooms out to reveal the screenwriter looking thoughtfully at his monitor. He pours a shot, walks to the window (night) and looks out. He opens a drawer takes out a pistol and...does he put it to his head?...no, too much. He looks at it, and returns it to the drawer.

VOICEOVER: Was this what my life had come to? It seems too... I don't know. Not trite, necessarily. Although my actions moments ago, contemplating suicide, suffering from the existential blues, that was trite.

I felt as though I simply couldn't go on, and couldn't stop. I could hear my second wife, asleep. I sit, time passes, none of it signifies anything for me anymore... I felt equally as though my script was a microcosm of the wider world, but that in itself meant nothing when the world was the whole system that enabled such a movie in the first place...

Would a self-reference at the end of the film provide the deeper resonance, any sort of resonance, beyond the simulacrum I "saw" around me?

Maybe. It would be hip, I guess. Or are those sorts of things cliches now, too? Adaptation and all... Irony has no bottom, and neither do I. The camera could pan out again, revealing the revelation as a post on an internet message board...

No.

There was nothing for it. I resolved to put the matter out of my mind. It wasn't that the studio would hate it, but that they might love it.

"Snakes on a plane." Huh.

~FIN~
posted by sonofsamiam at 1:39 PM on March 17, 2006

As a friend recently mentioned, this is the first time I've ever heard of a movie becoming a cult classic before anyone has even seen it.

Go HOLLYWOOD!
posted by darkstar at 1:41 PM on March 17, 2006

"Infant envenomation"

Incredible.
posted by Faze at 1:48 PM on March 17, 2006

Without a doubt, the most brilliant marketing campaign by a studio. Ever. Snakes on a Plane is going to generate a lot of revenue purely because of saps like us.

Snakes on a motherf'in plane!
posted by symphonik at 1:54 PM on March 17, 2006

But it has to be over the top.

I don't think you get more over the top than pepper-spraying a snake. Maybe if he had punched it.
posted by mckenney at 1:56 PM on March 17, 2006

I still cling to the forlorn and rapidly diminishing hope that this is all an elaborate practical joke.

At this point, since it's probably gone on too long to be anything but a painful reality, I can console myself that I'll get to read an enjoyable Roger Ebert writeup on it.
posted by pax digita at 1:57 PM on March 17, 2006

porn title: "Snake is Aflame".
posted by annieb at 2:01 PM on March 17, 2006

Reminds of an old MeCha thread where we attempted to make up new movies for SLJ to appear in that would allow him to a) play golf at nearby ranges and b) pay off his mortgage. A few examples below fwiw...

"The Legend of Baghdad Vance"

Samuel L Jackson is a USMC Captain who is sent to Guantanamo Bay to interrogate prisoners. When he discovers a young golfing genius he and his protege plot to escape to take part in a series of golf matches whilst dodging the military police sent to get them back.

Scorpions on a Bus

Can Samuel L. Jackson save the 80's rock legends when their tour bus is hijacked by a desperate and confused Sandra Bullock?

This film will rock you like a FEMA-botched hurricane!

"Brakes On A Crane!"

Samuel L Jackson plays blue collar Mitch Mitchelson who by day is a semi-pro golfer and by night works the late shift on the docks. All is fine in Mitch's life until an out of control crane nearly destroys a local children's hospice. Can Mitch act in time to save the poor little orphans?

"Planes on a Snake!"

Samuel L Jackson is a carpenter shrunk to a tiny size by voodoo magic. He builds a wood-frame cabin on the back of a spitting cobra and starts a shelter for wayward flea circus clowns. Also staring Jennifer Love Hewitt.

All posts (c) their original creators etc.
posted by longbaugh at 2:17 PM on March 17, 2006

davejay:
I, too, shall enter this contest.
And may the best ukulelist win.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 2:20 PM on March 17, 2006

(I might cheat and use some kazoos, too.)
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 2:20 PM on March 17, 2006

I can't wait either. Best movie of the year.
posted by agregoli at 2:35 PM on March 17, 2006

I've heard the snakes are straight though, so it won't have a shot at an Oscar.
posted by bardic at 2:37 PM on March 17, 2006

im with symphonic on this one.

this is epochal.
posted by Kifer85 at 2:38 PM on March 17, 2006

A true story - Trouser Snake On A Plane:

March 21 2000: "Frenchman smuggled snake in underwear.

A customs sniffer dog at Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris was taken by surprise when a suspicious bulge in an arriving passenger's trousers turned out to a live boa constrictor."
posted by iviken at 2:40 PM on March 17, 2006

Wouldn't the porn version be called 'Snakes In A Dame'?
posted by Effigy2000 at 2:42 PM on March 17, 2006

does it bother anyone that john heffernan's only other credit is as a web site designer?

HOW DID THEY DO THIS?
posted by Kifer85 at 2:45 PM on March 17, 2006

Will they make Snakes On A Plane - with bunnies?
posted by iviken at 2:47 PM on March 17, 2006

For my 500th MeFi comment:

Tiger, Orangutan & Hyena On A Boat
posted by emelenjr at 2:58 PM on March 17, 2006

Political porn: Snakes in the Plame
posted by Fezboy! at 2:59 PM on March 17, 2006

iviken: "Will they make Snakes On A Plane - with bunnies?"

Well, there is a "Bunny" - comic on the topic:
Snakes! On a Plane!

(Yes, I know it's a different bunny. Be quiet.)
posted by PontifexPrimus at 3:07 PM on March 17, 2006

posted by joseph_elmhurst at 3:09 PM on March 17, 2006

Couldn't you just turn down the temperature in the plane to make the snakes docile? Being cold blooded and all?
posted by wilky at 3:14 PM on March 17, 2006

Seriously, wilky, posting your first metafilter post on the "snakes in a plane" thread? God.

Anyways, I betcha that Samuel Jackson shoots at a snake, it opens a hole in the plane, and that's how you get the temperature to drop, no? Makes sense. Or just decrease the cabin pressure to make it colder. What's with all this shooting snakes nonsense?
posted by Mister Cheese at 3:18 PM on March 17, 2006

does it bother anyone that john heffernan's only other credit is as a web site designer?

No. Why? He sold a script. Good for him.
posted by brundlefly at 3:18 PM on March 17, 2006

posted by felix at 3:20 PM on March 17, 2006

Wouldn't the porn version be called 'Snakes In A Dame'?

Yes.
posted by cillit bang at 3:21 PM on March 17, 2006

Snakes Is A Shame
posted by _sirmissalot_ at 3:42 PM on March 17, 2006

this thread should be sidebarred. I heart all of you.
posted by shmegegge at 3:48 PM on March 17, 2006

Spoiler alert: The movie ends when Samuel L. Jackson puts on a parachute, grabs a flute, opens the emergency exit, and jumps out of the plane while playing the flute. All the snakes follow him, thus ridding the plane of snakes forever.
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 3:53 PM on March 17, 2006

And then, when the airlines refuses to pay him, he rids another plane of all its children in the sequel.

Snakes on a Plane 2: Revenge of the Piper
posted by Joey Michaels at 4:00 PM on March 17, 2006

posted by Aknaton at 4:09 PM on March 17, 2006

posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 4:34 PM on March 17, 2006

posted by darkstar at 5:05 PM on March 17, 2006

You Tube took the link down, we need another location. I didn't see it.
posted by dgaicun at 5:16 PM on March 17, 2006

It's posted here.
posted by cosmonaught at 5:35 PM on March 17, 2006

Yeah, I missed the trailer, too. Try here, scroll to bottom.

SoaP is why I go to movies. Dame Judi Dench can suck it.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 5:44 PM on March 17, 2006

I'm voting for "Greatest Movie of All Time". Hot damn.
posted by kalimac at 5:58 PM on March 17, 2006

Okay, cakes on a David Blaine made me laugh.

My favorite part of the trailer is definitely the guy in the pink shirt who is screaming while holding a fairly small, reluctant-looking snake up to his face. And then he turns to the camera and continues to scream like a girl. Good stuff.
posted by _sirmissalot_ at 6:02 PM on March 17, 2006

.
posted by fungible at 6:12 PM on March 17, 2006

Oh, and. . .

posted by dgaicun at 6:15 PM on March 17, 2006

Ah:

Samuel L. Jackson stars in the intense action feature Snakes On A Plane from director David Ellis (Final Destination 2, Cellular). Jackson plays an FBI agent who is escorting a witness on a flight from Hawaii to Los Angeles when an assassin releases hundreds of deadly snakes on a commercial airplane in order to eliminate the witness. The FBI agent, along with a rookie pilot, frightened crew and passengers must then band together in a desperate attempt to survive.
posted by muckster at 6:20 PM on March 17, 2006

Lest we forget -- this film is not the first to feature 'snakes on a plane.'

In the esteemed cinematic history of Hollywood one need only to look to Indiana Jones:

"Indiana Jones: There's a big snake in the plane, Jock!
Jock: Oh, that's just my pet snake Reggie.
Indiana Jones: I hate snakes, Jock! I hate 'em!
Jock: C'mon, show a little backbone, will ya?"

posted by ericb at 6:37 PM on March 17, 2006

Screw 'Six-Degrees of Kevin Bacon.' We need to investigate "Six-Degrees of Snakes-on-Planes!'
posted by ericb at 6:38 PM on March 17, 2006

posted by padraigin at 6:53 PM on March 17, 2006

I just don't know. Some sort of fan mp3 trailer thing.
posted by boo_radley at 6:54 PM on March 17, 2006

SoaP is why I go to movies. Dame Judi Dench can suck it.

If you checked the IMDb, stupidsexyFlanders, you'll see that the great Dame is in SOaP.

She's Python #5.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 7:48 PM on March 17, 2006

posted by LinusMines at 8:00 PM on March 17, 2006

posted by dgaicun at 8:09 PM on March 17, 2006

posted by ook at 8:21 PM on March 17, 2006

ook wins.
posted by brundlefly at 9:14 PM on March 17, 2006

*victory dance*
posted by ook at 9:17 PM on March 17, 2006

We can only pray that Erik Greve pens, and Melanie Greve warbles, the title song:

Serpentia, serpentia, serpentia,
Constricting breathing slowly,
Halted by Samuel, Samuel J. Jackson.
Vision of receipts, vision of receipts, vision of receipts unbounded
Beyond all sequels blowing.
posted by rob511 at 9:27 PM on March 17, 2006

um, Samuel L. Jackson
posted by rob511 at 9:29 PM on March 17, 2006

And the porn version would be "Snakes in a Poontang"

I've seen the follow-up to this: Eels in Da Bum and Out Again.

Warning: not suitable for work. Goatse/Tubgirl strength material
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:59 PM on March 17, 2006

joseph_elmhurst, you had me at "'The Two Jakes' In A Frame.'"
posted by ford and the prefects at 12:33 AM on March 18, 2006

Further warning, The NSFW link is (loud) audio/porn video, and it's difficult to abort.
posted by dgaicun at 1:21 AM on March 18, 2006

posted by EarBucket at 4:01 AM on March 18, 2006

I am shocked, SHOCKED, that no one has given a shout-out to the interracial, sectarian, East-meets-West, bald gay pr0n sequel: T.D. Jakes on Kwai Chang Caine!

I mean, come on, it's got everything!
posted by darkstar at 4:15 AM on March 18, 2006

On top of that, it is also the most HONEST film coming out this year

Possibly the most honest movie ever? I think it's a fun idea, and we might as well enjoy it while we can, the joke will only work once.
posted by teleskiving at 5:41 AM on March 18, 2006

You get my vote, EarBucket!
posted by thejoshu at 7:38 AM on March 18, 2006

Don't forget the alternate version with Kurt Russell: Snake's On A Plane.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:25 PM PST on March 17

Dude, ook stole yo' mother**&kin idea!
posted by bradth27 at 9:34 AM on March 18, 2006

FWIW, I just wrote and recorded a chorus (with harmony!) of my submission for the "Snakes on a Plane" song contest thingy. It's painfully sincere. If this thread is still going when I'm done, I'll share it with all of you. :)
posted by davejay at 10:16 AM on March 18, 2006

You get my vote, EarBucket!

Not mine. Strictly speaking, earbucket gave us Frakeses on a Plame.

Dude, ook stole yo' mother**&kin idea!

SET EFFECTORS TO "GOO"!
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:26 AM on March 18, 2006

Strictly speaking, earbucket gave us Frakeses on a Plame.

Everyone knows that, much like moose, the plural of Frakes is Frakes.
posted by EarBucket at 11:42 AM on March 18, 2006

porn version: Dongs on the Plane
posted by 29 at 3:07 PM on March 18, 2006