Fredo, you're my older brother, and I love you. But don't ever take sides with anyone against the family again. Ever
March 24, 2006 12:09 PM Subscribe
Spread by the sword and spread by taxes. When you meet your enemies who are polytheists, invite them to three courses of action. If they respond to any one of these, you also accept it and withhold yourself from doing them any harm. Invite them to [accept] Islam; if they respond to you, accept it from them and desist from fighting against them. ... If they refuse to accept Islam, demand from them the jizya. If they agree to pay, accept it from them and hold off your hands. If they refuse to pay the tax, seek Allah’s help and fight them. 1100 years later in Afghanistan, a man might die for leaving his religion for another.
This post was deleted for the following reason: pretty much posted ppreviously
"Free"??? Our only freedom is in dying as martyrs for Allah.
posted by orthogonality at 12:14 PM on March 24, 2006
posted by orthogonality at 12:14 PM on March 24, 2006
Speaking as a polytheist, I wish I could pay a tax to get monotheists to leave me alone.
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:20 PM on March 24, 2006
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:20 PM on March 24, 2006
We've done this already, haven't we?
Or is this a new Afghan Christian?
posted by mr_roboto at 12:24 PM on March 24, 2006
Or is this a new Afghan Christian?
posted by mr_roboto at 12:24 PM on March 24, 2006
They can have my jizya when they pry it from my cold, dead hand.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 12:28 PM on March 24, 2006
posted by mr_crash_davis at 12:28 PM on March 24, 2006
Aghanistan is lucky we went in to wipe out the extremist Taliban and help bring about a bumper crop of opium and democracy.
posted by Postroad at 12:34 PM on March 24, 2006
posted by Postroad at 12:34 PM on March 24, 2006
invite them to three courses of action
The article doesn't say what the third course is. I'm guessing it's the cheney: "Go, therefore, and fuck yourself." Am I right?
posted by Kirth Gerson at 12:38 PM on March 24, 2006
The article doesn't say what the third course is. I'm guessing it's the cheney: "Go, therefore, and fuck yourself." Am I right?
posted by Kirth Gerson at 12:38 PM on March 24, 2006
Also, this does not apply to christians. (or jews for that matter)
posted by delmoi at 1:20 PM on March 24, 2006
posted by delmoi at 1:20 PM on March 24, 2006
Why can't they reach a compromise? Like: he'll be a Muslim each other weekend, and one weekday per week. If the religions fight in front of him he may get traumatized.
posted by qvantamon at 1:27 PM on March 24, 2006
posted by qvantamon at 1:27 PM on March 24, 2006
The SOCRATIC APPROACH is most successful when confronting the ignorant. The "socratic approach" is what you call starting an argument by asking questions. You approach the innocent and simply ask "Did you know that God's name is ERIS, and that He is a girl?" If he should answer "Yes." then he probably is a fellow Erisian and so you can forget it. If he says "No." then quickly proceed to:
THE BLIND ASSERTION and say "Well, He Is a girl, and His name is ERIS!" Shrewedly observe if the subject is convinced. If he is, swear him into the Legion of Dynamic Discord before he changes his mind. If he does not appear convinced, then proceed to:
THE FAITH BIT: "But you must have Faith! All is lost without Faith! I sure feel sorry for you if you don't have Faith." And then add:
THE ARGUMENT BY FEAR and in an ominous voice ask "Do you know what happens to those who deny Goddess?" If he hesitates, don't tell him that he will surely be reincarnated as a precious Mao Button and distributed to the poor in the Region of Thud (which would be a mean thing to say), just shake your head sadly and, while wiping a tear from your eye, go to:
THE FIRST CLAUSE PLOY wherein you point to all of the discord and confusion in the world and exclaim "Well who the hell do you think did all of this, wise guy?" If he says, "Nobody, just impersonal forces." then quickly respond with:
THE ARGUMENT BY SEMANTICAL GYMNASTICS and say that he is absolutely right, and that those impersonal forces are female and that Her name is ERIS. If he, wonder of wonders, still remains obstinate, then finally resort to:
THE FIGURATIVE SYMBOLISM DODGE and confide that sophisticated people like himself recognize that Eris is a Figurative Symbol for an Ineffable Metaphysical Reality and that The Erisian Movement is really more like a poem than like a science and that he is liable to be turned into a Precious Mao Button and Distributed to The Poor in The Region of Thud if he does not get hip. Then put him on your mailing list.
posted by First Post at 1:27 PM on March 24, 2006
THE BLIND ASSERTION and say "Well, He Is a girl, and His name is ERIS!" Shrewedly observe if the subject is convinced. If he is, swear him into the Legion of Dynamic Discord before he changes his mind. If he does not appear convinced, then proceed to:
THE FAITH BIT: "But you must have Faith! All is lost without Faith! I sure feel sorry for you if you don't have Faith." And then add:
THE ARGUMENT BY FEAR and in an ominous voice ask "Do you know what happens to those who deny Goddess?" If he hesitates, don't tell him that he will surely be reincarnated as a precious Mao Button and distributed to the poor in the Region of Thud (which would be a mean thing to say), just shake your head sadly and, while wiping a tear from your eye, go to:
THE FIRST CLAUSE PLOY wherein you point to all of the discord and confusion in the world and exclaim "Well who the hell do you think did all of this, wise guy?" If he says, "Nobody, just impersonal forces." then quickly respond with:
THE ARGUMENT BY SEMANTICAL GYMNASTICS and say that he is absolutely right, and that those impersonal forces are female and that Her name is ERIS. If he, wonder of wonders, still remains obstinate, then finally resort to:
THE FIGURATIVE SYMBOLISM DODGE and confide that sophisticated people like himself recognize that Eris is a Figurative Symbol for an Ineffable Metaphysical Reality and that The Erisian Movement is really more like a poem than like a science and that he is liable to be turned into a Precious Mao Button and Distributed to The Poor in The Region of Thud if he does not get hip. Then put him on your mailing list.
posted by First Post at 1:27 PM on March 24, 2006
He'll take my jizya. He'll take all of my jizya. And he'll like it.
posted by Anonymous at 1:49 PM on March 24, 2006
posted by Anonymous at 1:49 PM on March 24, 2006
The third option is to kill them all. But this was a ruling for how Muslims should approach unbelievers they encountered. Apostasy has always carried a death sentence.
posted by jefgodesky at 2:26 PM on March 24, 2006
posted by jefgodesky at 2:26 PM on March 24, 2006
The third option is to "seek Allah's help and fight them." So, if you refuse to convert, and refuse to pay the jizya, then they can fight you.
However, if you respond to them fighting you (the text is a little unclear about what constitutes a response, but certainly you could come up with some response that is unambiguously such), then they are not allowed to harm you while they are fighting you.
So I guess that seems ok.
posted by oats at 2:37 PM on March 24, 2006
However, if you respond to them fighting you (the text is a little unclear about what constitutes a response, but certainly you could come up with some response that is unambiguously such), then they are not allowed to harm you while they are fighting you.
So I guess that seems ok.
posted by oats at 2:37 PM on March 24, 2006
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posted by cribcage at 12:11 PM on March 24, 2006