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Take Me Out to the Ballgame...(Go Go Sox)
April 3, 2006 6:26 AM   Subscribe

In case you forgot here's the lineup for the St. Louis Wolves: 1b:Who; 2b:What; 3b:I Don't Know; ss:I Don't Give a Damn; lf:Why; cf:Because; rf:Yesterday; p:Tomorrrow; c:Today
posted by ?! (38 comments total)

 
Woo hoo! Opening Day!

Of course, the question is: Will the White Sox go undefeated this year?

Dag, ?!! Why'd you have to taint it with the steroids tag?
posted by jaronson at 6:34 AM on April 3, 2006


Why'd you have to taint it with the steroids

This is what many baseball fans have been asking for years.
posted by docgonzo at 6:37 AM on April 3, 2006


I stayed up all night pontificating, and have arrived at my prediction: my beloved Baltimore Orioles will suck yet again this season.
posted by bardic at 6:40 AM on April 3, 2006


Today is the closest that the Tigers will be to the playoff race all season. Go get'em Tigers!
posted by Armen Tanzarian at 6:44 AM on April 3, 2006


Wait, when do the Orioles not suck? (it should be noted that I live in Baltimore)
posted by kalessin at 6:59 AM on April 3, 2006


When they're ajar?
posted by Plutor at 7:02 AM on April 3, 2006


I'd be excited about opening day if the scumsucking greedheads that run baseball hadn't stolen my team.
posted by docgonzo at 7:11 AM on April 3, 2006


I hereby welcome the corporate group of baseball players that are currently associated with my metropolitan area and/or state. I prefer that they vanquish the corporate squad fielded in your area! Huzzah!

Kidding. Mostly.

Be sure to check out the amateur and semi-pro teams in your area. Go Dukes!
posted by unixrat at 7:13 AM on April 3, 2006


Third Base!!
posted by wheelieman at 7:19 AM on April 3, 2006


All you Baltimoreans do have at least one reason for optimism.
posted by TedW at 7:22 AM on April 3, 2006


The Pirates are going to try for their fourteenth losing season in a row. Nice stadium though.
posted by octothorpe at 7:24 AM on April 3, 2006


Wait, when do the Orioles not suck? (it should be noted that I live in Baltimore)

When they are playing Philadelphia who have the suck market in all things sport well and comprehensively cornered (it should be noted that I once lived in Philadelphia.)
posted by three blind mice at 7:44 AM on April 3, 2006


Yesterday? In what version do they mention the right fielder?

(As a fan of the routine and baseball in general, I have to ask that.)
posted by grubi at 8:04 AM on April 3, 2006


As is tradition, here is my rabbit Robocop showing his colors:

GO SOX!

We just got a new rabbit this weekend. His name is Beef Wellington, and I think he has the misfortune of being a Cubs fan.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 8:08 AM on April 3, 2006


Let's Go Evil Yankees!
posted by mkultra at 8:56 AM on April 3, 2006


The preferred moniker is "Baltimoron."

I'm pretty cynical about my former favorite sport these days--the World Baseball Classic was awesome, and just makes MLB look like the stank den of shrivelling roiders that it is.

But I should make it to a few games, even the Nats.
posted by bardic at 9:17 AM on April 3, 2006


*shrivelling *former* roiders*

The one thing I'm certainly routing for is an injury that will prevent Bonds from hitting any more HR's and further messing up the record books.
posted by bardic at 9:22 AM on April 3, 2006


*quaffs another gallon of Hater-ade*
posted by bardic at 9:22 AM on April 3, 2006


Great. Just great. The Mets wait until I leave town, and then they finally get a new ballpark to replace that festering hulk Shea Stadium. Bastards. But I'll still root for them; my ass may be in Mass., but my heart is still in Queens. Oh, and great post!

Be sure to check out the amateur and semi-pro teams in your area. Go Dukes!

Amen to that, but you slipped up with the link: Go Dukes (and Wahconah Park)!
posted by languagehat at 9:26 AM on April 3, 2006


As for the Mets, languagehat, "If construction goes as scheduled the Mets should be playing in a new ballpark on Opening Day 2009."

Which means this place won't open before 2010 opening day, if then. (Spoken as a DC-area resident wondering where that new stadium is. Oh, and the new owner. Oh, and the tv contract (f'ing Angelos, and f'ing major league baseball for giving him the control he has....))
posted by inigo2 at 9:40 AM on April 3, 2006


inigo2, you haven't even begun to suffer as a Washington baseball fan. They took my team right out of the city and tore down my ballpark!

*sobs bitter childhood tears*
posted by languagehat at 9:53 AM on April 3, 2006


bardic, you had me in an earlier comment, I'm old school Baltimore. But then you have to level some lame ass hate on Bonds?

Are you aware that athletes have been taking perforrmance enhancing drugs since Ruth was playing? And are you further aware that Ruth played drunk alot during the Prohibition? He was using a federally banned substance and yet no one's calling for HIS records to be expunged.

What about the extreme likelihood of Aaron breaking Ruth's record while on amphetamines? But its okay because people like him, huh?

Barry Bonds is one of the greatest players to ever play the game but because he's not the media bitch that A-Rod is, people want to hate on him. Why isn't there more hate leveled at players who HAVE tested positive? And not merely on players who people just don't like?

The Bonds hate train is just so fucking lame, I can't wait until he passes Ruth and Aaron and all you angry assholes can suck it. Hoping for someone to get hurtso they can't break your cherished (and already dirty records) is pathetic.
posted by fenriq at 10:11 AM on April 3, 2006


And are you further aware that Ruth played drunk alot during the Prohibition?

We're supposed to hate athletes that take performance reducers while playing?
posted by QuietDesperation at 10:33 AM on April 3, 2006


fenriq: It's just baseball. It's just baseball. It's just baseball.

That's worked for me since my adopted team was slowly poisoned by hacks, murdered by a clown, and ripped from a populace unwilling to bend over and take one for corporate baseball.

How did I cope? My team since childhood gave me a Series win. I'll admit it here. I rolled over. I spent the winter being nice to MLB. But it's a new season and Selig and the rest of those cretins can go...

It's just baseball. It's just baseball.
posted by ?! at 10:40 AM on April 3, 2006


grubi: I admit I made it up. There is no Yesterday in baseball. It just seemed wrong to fill out a lineup card with eight players.

All this talk about steroids, greenies (which are performance enablers instead of enhancers according to Jim Bouton), and alcohol is all about the records.

Let's state this loudly: the records in baseball are NOT written in stone. Hell, some of them aren't even correct. Quick, when did Pete Rose pass Ty Cobb's hits record? Wrong.

It's time to say records belong in the era they were set. Let Maris have the single season record for Home Runs in the Expansion Era. Let Bonds hold the record for the Pumped Up East German Women's Team Era. Give it to Ruth for the Played Only Against the Best Players who weren't Black Era.

All their records mean merde. Break them up.

The ballet of the game. The crack of the bat. The whiff of freshly mown grass. The sweet silence of Joe Morgan on mute.

That's baseball.

Somewhere in one of these two comments I left out a "self-link". Sorry.
posted by ?! at 10:59 AM on April 3, 2006


QuietDesperation, alcohol relaxes people, a more relaxed player can be a much better player. The fact stands though, he was using a federally banned substance and no one is calling for his record to be expunged.

And I didn't call for hating on Ruth. I just pointed out the hypocrisy of all the Bonds-haters.

And yes, it is just baseball. So why is Congress sticking their big fat, stupid noses in it? And it can't be because they're doing a bang up job on the rest of the country and world.
posted by fenriq at 11:25 AM on April 3, 2006


You're right fenriq. Bonds is a model ballplayer and human being. (My haterade comment should make it clear that I was being a bit tongue-in-cheek, but just because you don't get caught doesn't make it right.) If he's clean, I and many others should eat healthy amounts of crow (including the SF fans who were actively booing him in Spring training). If he's caught, he should be kicked out of the game for his hypocrisy. If he is using and he's not caught, well, he'll die of cancer or some other horrible disease at an early age due to the self-abuse.

Hank Aaron was on speed? Evidence please. Don't drag a true great down to Bonds' level. Ruth was drunk? Yeah, he probably was, often--Mantle too. I made the mistake of playing rugby drunk once as well--I can assure you it didn't do much to improve my game.
posted by bardic at 12:18 PM on April 3, 2006


?! writes: It's time to say records belong in the era they were set. Let Maris have the single season record for Home Runs in the Expansion Era. Let Bonds hold the record for the Pumped Up East German Women's Team Era. Give it to Ruth for the Played Only Against the Best Players who weren't Black Era.

Actually, I kind of agree with this, but let's be transparent about it, i.e., put asterisks in the record books.
posted by bardic at 12:21 PM on April 3, 2006



The Bonds hate train is just so fucking lame, I can't wait until he passes Ruth and Aaron and all you angry assholes can suck it. Hoping for someone to get hurtso they can't break your cherished (and already dirty records) is pathetic.
posted by fenriq at 10:11 AM PST on April 3 [!]


Gosh some of these northern california people are getting testy. Regardless of how Barry's season turns out, the Giants will be looking UP at LA and SD in that standings, come 9/06.

(And, no sir, you are not fuckin' stutterin'.)
posted by Danf at 12:25 PM on April 3, 2006


he'll die of cancer or some other horrible disease at an early age due to the self-abuse.

I don't doubt that Barry Bonds enjoys a good wank now and again, but I'm pretty sure that the dangers of it are just Victorian tall tales.
posted by Mayor Curley at 12:38 PM on April 3, 2006


bardic, no one is saying he is a model human being. But judging him guilty without anything but circumstantial evidence is stupid. And there's plenty of counter evidence that he's not juiced.

Do you think he's not getting tested all the time now? Do you think he's been juiced since 2001?

Take a look at his numbers, do you see a huge drop off after the 2001 Steroid policy was implemented? No. No you do not. But look at guys like Sosa and Brett Boone, they shrunk four sizes and have both retired now.

Its sad that so many people hate on the guy when he is quite simply one of the greatest to ever play the game.

Danf, um yeah sure. If Bonds stays healthy all season, the Giants will have a double digit lead over the West, including the Sparkle and Fade Dodgers. And that's not just me, that's Peter Gammons, Joe Morgan and every other baseball analyst out there. To think otherwise is to be a Dodger fan.

Hey, where's Nomar today? Oh yeah, he's hurt. Again. Nice pick up there.
posted by fenriq at 12:44 PM on April 3, 2006


Thanks ⁉. You're my new hero. Whoops. That should be question exclamation mark not exclamation mark question. Can I just call you mark?

I just want to add that St Louis should have been the one city to turn the tide against the current fascination with a whole-other-version-of-cookie-cutter ballpark design. While I've never been to Busch Stadium, it was at least distinguishable.

I did a study of the "cookie cutter" ballparks from the 70's in grad school. Later, I had dreams of a new Riverfront being cut from the shell of the existing but, no, a lack of inspiration brought us the unfortunately sponsored "Great American Ballpark". Long live Fenway.
posted by Dick Paris at 1:07 PM on April 3, 2006


bardic, the Aaron and speed thing was a rumor I read elsewhere and isn't substantiated. But its a well known fact that greenies use was rampant when he played.

But you are right and I hereby rescind that statement about Aaron. Especially since he's one of the people standing by Barry Bonds.

Apologies. And thanks for calling me on it.
posted by fenriq at 1:23 PM on April 3, 2006


Thanks for the link to "Who's on 1st" audio, I needed that. :) That's a particularly polished (later?) performance, I've heard it *much* slower before.
posted by magpie68 at 4:19 PM on April 3, 2006


Ah, Opening Day... time to rehearse my favorite phrase:
Yankees suck!
posted by litlnemo at 5:11 PM on April 3, 2006


Wonderful way to set the stage, ?!

I think the authorities have confirmed, though, that (except for maybe the loud, little fat guy) none of the St. Louis Wolves ever used performance-enhancing/enabling drugs.
posted by LeLiLo at 12:05 AM on April 4, 2006


Take a look at his [Bonds's] numbers, do you see a huge drop off after the 2001 Steroid policy was implemented? No. No you do not.

Well, sure. That's because he was (still) using stuff that MLB wasn't testing for. And his constant injuries of the past couple years, now that the clear (and other steroids) were no longer usable for him? Suspect.

Is the evidence circumstantial? Sure. But there's a hell of a lot more evidence supporting steroid use than denying it.
posted by inigo2 at 7:53 AM on April 4, 2006


Mets win!

(Ironically, beating Washington, and it's still very weird to me to see Washington in the NL.)

posted by languagehat at 8:32 AM on April 4, 2006


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