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I want to be/under the sea . . .
July 17, 2006 12:07 PM   Subscribe

“If you have to ask how much it costs, you can’t afford it.” Buying a megayacht is soooo 1998. Today’s hip gazillionaire knows that the future of disgustingly conspicuous consumption lies beneath the waves. Advances in technology (and corresponding concentrations of wealth) have made the personal submarine a reality for the super-rich. And what about the rest of us, who do have to ask how much it costs? For us, the plebeian majority, there’s a website devoted to rolling your own.
posted by jason's_planet (36 comments total)

 
I betcha some of these rich weirdos are riding their peronal submarines through the sewers so they can look up our toilets. Perverts.
posted by jonmc at 12:10 PM on July 17, 2006 [1 favorite]



The Brown Trout 1000
posted by jason's_planet at 12:13 PM on July 17, 2006


Back in '02, my visitors voted it porn.
posted by squalor at 12:18 PM on July 17, 2006


From the second link: A source last week implied that he may want to trade up: “If other people have got bigger ones, he will have to be told that he’s behind the times.”

No one in the Premiership has a bigger one than Abramovich.
I was speaking about his payroll.
posted by clevershark at 12:23 PM on July 17, 2006


Owning your own submarine is like owning an invisible mansion. If people can't see how disgustingly wealthy you are, what's the point?
posted by notmydesk at 12:38 PM on July 17, 2006


Pfft. Nemo had one back in 1866.
posted by languagehat at 12:45 PM on July 17, 2006


Owning your own submarine is like owning an invisible mansion. If people can't see how disgustingly wealthy you are, what's the point?

I think people buy submarines after they've purchased a series of highly visible mansions. In other words, after they've established their status.
posted by jason's_planet at 12:48 PM on July 17, 2006


Show those bass boats who's boss: be the first kid in your pond to have a personal Nautilus minisub.

Other DIY models at psubs.org.
posted by cenoxo at 1:01 PM on July 17, 2006


I want my own rocketbus.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:04 PM on July 17, 2006


notmydesk: I'm sure that surfacing your personal submarine in middle of the Monte Carlo marina on F1 weekend would be a highly visible way of showing just how much cash you have. As Ben Elton put it "Richer than god but with the social conscience of a dog on a croquet field".
posted by patricio at 1:42 PM on July 17, 2006


I'd have bought one, but they balked when I asked about first strike capability.
posted by substrate at 1:47 PM on July 17, 2006


You know who else had his own private submarine? L Ron Hubbard. Hell, he had his own private navy.
posted by Potsy at 2:03 PM on July 17, 2006


Hell, he had his own private navy.

A three or four tarted up cruise ships and some ludicrous uniforms do not a navy make.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 2:30 PM on July 17, 2006


"Big deal — a personal sub," he said wetly. "Why not set your sights a bit higher ... the triphibian atomicar?" he suggested airily.
posted by rob511 at 3:55 PM on July 17, 2006


There's no point in owning a submarine unless it's painted yellow.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 4:01 PM on July 17, 2006


They found him then?
posted by 999 at 4:36 PM on July 17, 2006


three or four tarted up cruise ships and some ludicrous uniforms do not a navy make.

They do if you tell all the people crewing them "I'm the admiral" and they do as you say, which includes shooting at other boats.

:-)
posted by baylink at 4:41 PM on July 17, 2006


I want a submarine!
posted by nickerbocker at 4:50 PM on July 17, 2006


A Swiftie! Yay! I heart rob511!
posted by five fresh fish at 5:08 PM on July 17, 2006



Damn, I was hoping for an underwater home. Something Bond-ish, say off the cost of Miami. Up for the sunrise, perhaps down for the day, in about 25 feet of water, with the maintenance, etc. below you.

Seriously though, how bad do people feel when you see the richest (Gates, Buffet) just giving it away to the world's benefit and you are trolling in on your gazillion dollar yacht.

"Nice yacht... have you provided funding for the cure of any diseases? Have you?"
posted by fluffycreature at 5:13 PM on July 17, 2006


"Well, really, fff, I contributed two Swifties," he added.
er, three now...

posted by rob511 at 5:24 PM on July 17, 2006


I've totally got this red paperclip I'll trade for the Phoenix 1000.
posted by mph at 5:37 PM on July 17, 2006


Notmydesk is right: hell with the sub. I plan to humiliate the Joneses with the girth of my luxury zeppelin.
posted by notyou at 6:29 PM on July 17, 2006


Owning a luxury sub will be all the rage until the US Navy blows one of these assholes out of the water.

It's only a matter of time.
posted by rocketman at 6:41 PM on July 17, 2006


jason's_planet : "Today’s hip gazillionaire knows that the future of disgustingly conspicuous consumption lies beneath the waves."

Submarines conspicious? This explains their use in WWII. "Captain, there's a submarine to the starboard side. What should we do?" "Ignore it. It's a decoy. No-one would try to attack with something as conspicuous as a submarine."
posted by Bugbread at 7:08 PM on July 17, 2006


Damn, I was hoping for an underwater home. Something Bond-ish, say off the cost of Miami. Up for the sunrise, perhaps down for the day, in about 25 feet of water, with the maintenance, etc. below you.

US Subs does underwater habitats too.

Submarines conspicious?

Sorry, bugbread. I should have said "beneath the waves and surfacing just outside ritzy ports A, B and C, with these spectacles being broadcast and ballyhooed by a small army of publicists and tabloid journalists."
posted by jason's_planet at 7:35 PM on July 17, 2006


By the look of the website, this looks like vaporware.
posted by rolypolyman at 7:54 PM on July 17, 2006


I want one.
posted by thirteenkiller at 8:35 PM on July 17, 2006


A big tip o' the diving helmet to rob511 for the Triphibian Atomicar link (I had all those TS Jr. books as a kid.)

While we're daydreaming, Syndrome's flying manta ray sub in The Incredibles^ looks like a great commute. "More mimosa?":
And let's not forget the VTTBOTS Flying Sub.
posted by cenoxo at 9:21 PM on July 17, 2006


i'm with rolypolyman. these "luxury submarine" sites have been around since back in the day, and i have yet to see a convincing photo of a real live sub-yacht. it's all renders as near as i can tell. you'd think they would have a promo pic of something they, you know, sold to someone.
posted by bruceo at 9:38 PM on July 17, 2006


Seriously though, how bad do people feel when you see the richest (Gates, Buffet) just giving it away to the world's benefit and you are trolling in on your gazillion dollar yacht.

"Nice yacht... have you provided funding for the cure of any diseases? Have you?"


You know, I may just be a nihilistic greedy SOB with the social conscience of Genghis Khan, but speaking only for myself I kind of feel like knowing that I had my own private freaking submarine would go a hell of a long way toward assuaging any moral qualms.
posted by IshmaelGraves at 9:48 PM on July 17, 2006


By the look of the website, this looks like vaporware.

It is -- the webpage says that they were paid to draw up some plans for the sub, but it never came to pass. US Subs does make real no-shit tourist subs though.

Sigh. I may be the only person who actually liked the Tom Swift 3 series in the space habimatat. But I was always more of a Danny Dunn kind of guy anyway.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:57 PM on July 17, 2006


Hell yeah. Danny Dunn was the shiz. Bullfinch and Grimes played a mean duet IIRC.
posted by djeo at 11:01 PM on July 17, 2006


While Irene Miller danced her mystic hoochy-koochy in the background... or was she in the Henry Reed books?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:50 PM on July 17, 2006


If people can't see how disgustingly wealthy you are, what's the point?

You don't stay at sea forever. You go from fancy marina to fancy marina, you have famous friends aboard to help spread the word (they will brag about their trips on your submarine), you pose for photographers from the conning tower. Maybe you take a few orphans and reporters out for a quick ride (not long enough that they might need to use your toilets, though). And then you tell reporters that you were forced to buy a submarine to avoid the paparazzi.
posted by pracowity at 2:58 AM on July 18, 2006


If it's a real submarine, who cares whether it's yellow -- when you're at patrol depth, no one can see you anyhow.
posted by pax digita at 5:14 AM on July 18, 2006


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