The All-Fuck Lebowski

July 21, 2006 1:01 PM

"The word "fuck" and its variations were spoken 281 times in this movie."Video, sound, wildly NSFW. Like, happy Friday, man.
posted by maryh (97 comments total)

Dude.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 1:02 PM on July 21, 2006

There's a BEVERAGE here, man!
posted by papercake at 1:03 PM on July 21, 2006

Fuckin' overrated movie.
posted by sharksandwich at 1:07 PM on July 21, 2006

Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.

Post title via MonkeyFilter.
posted by maryh at 1:13 PM on July 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Such a good fuckin' movie.
posted by stenseng at 1:18 PM on July 21, 2006

Fucking Phillip Seymour Hoffman was in that movie? Fuck. Guess I should have kept on fucking watching it instead of going to bed.
posted by lodurr at 1:24 PM on July 21, 2006

Aw, it's no Scarface.
posted by Bookhouse at 1:28 PM on July 21, 2006

Wait until Deadwood's movie length episodes come out next year.
posted by Neiltupper at 1:30 PM on July 21, 2006

Do you see what happens when you FUCK a stranger in the ass!
posted by Mr_Zero at 1:37 PM on July 21, 2006

Thanks, I won't.

I saw a bunch of episodes while I was travelling last fall. What a waste of money and talent that show is.
posted by lodurr at 1:37 PM on July 21, 2006

Lodurr,

Are you fucking joking?

I mean, opinions are opinions, but I think you're gonna find the deck stacked against you on that one. Deadwood is some excellent fucking TV.
posted by kbanas at 1:40 PM on July 21, 2006

Sure, if your idea of good writing is to just contrive a way to insert the word "fuck" or some variant thereof into two out of every three sentences.

It's pandering to prurient impulses, that's all. The only reason people watch it is for the little schoolboy/schoolgirl thrill of seeing adults say all those naughty words and do all those venal things. It's 90210 without the gloss.
posted by lodurr at 1:52 PM on July 21, 2006

Wow. That's all you got out of it? I'm speechless. Excuse me, fucking speechless.
posted by maryh at 1:55 PM on July 21, 2006

Well, Fuck the Shit!
posted by CrunchyFrog at 1:57 PM on July 21, 2006

Wow, you did watch Deadwood right? The show with the cowboys? With the dialogue that you almost need a dictionary to follow? That you really have to watch several times to full appreciate it? That Deadwood? On HBO?
posted by geoff. at 1:58 PM on July 21, 2006

fuck phillip seymour hoffman. dude is the worst actor in america right now.
posted by casconed at 2:01 PM on July 21, 2006

The only reason people watch it is for the little schoolboy/schoolgirl thrill of seeing adults say all those naughty words and do all those venal things.

COWER BEFORE OMNISCIOS, THE OMNISCIENT MAN!!!
posted by sonofsamiam at 2:03 PM on July 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

What the fuck are you talking about, man?
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:05 PM on July 21, 2006

Nothing is fucked here!
posted by moss at 2:09 PM on July 21, 2006

Wow, you did watch Deadwood right?

Fuckin' a, bubba.

Only, I wasn't sure for a long time that's what I was watching. I figured, "Man, everybody says Deadwood is such hot fucking shit, so this can't be fucking Deadwood."

But then I checked the listings, and sure enough: Deadwood. Looked it up on the web just to be sure: Yup -- Fucking Deadwood.

Fuck. What crap.
posted by lodurr at 2:11 PM on July 21, 2006

COWER BEFORE OMNISCIOS, THE OMNISCIENT MAN!!!

Because, of course, you never impute motive to anyone else. Not even implicitly. For example, by tweaking out over a rhetorical flourish in a thread about a movie where they say "Fuck" 281 times.
posted by lodurr at 2:13 PM on July 21, 2006

I can see the point about the swearing in Deadwood, and sometimes the plots are little, you know, whatever (again with the junky turncoat? Again with the hooker with a heart of gold? Again with the incompetent woman from back east? Again with the utilitarian lawman with a seedy past?)

But David Milch writes some of the best dialogue you will ever have the pleasure of watching - certainly the best on TV right now - and Deadwood is probably some of his best work. If you like character and development and can live without massively original plotlines, the Deadwood is probably the best show on TV.

That said, Deadwood, Fuck Yeah!
posted by ChasFile at 2:17 PM on July 21, 2006

Do they say fuck all that much? I've only seen the first 6 episodes or so, and they say it occassionally, but it never particularly jumped out at me.
posted by Bugbread at 2:19 PM on July 21, 2006

They swear a lot, but there's something shakespearean to my completely untrained ear, especially Swearengen's monologues.
posted by Bearman at 2:23 PM on July 21, 2006

Do they say fuck all that much? Deadwood fuck count
posted by Mr_Zero at 2:24 PM on July 21, 2006

Fromt the cutting room floor of cleanflicks.
posted by yeti at 2:27 PM on July 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Do they say fuck all that much?

Oh, jesus fucking christ, yes. I guess I must have been watching stuff from late first season, maybe -- not sure, I was watching the syndicated reruns in Iceland in fall '05. The Alfred Molina character was still writhing in pain with kidney stones, if that helps anyone to fix the time and make a case for aberration.

One bit of dialog that comes to mind: Brad Dourif's Drunken Frontier Doctor character is talking to Whore With A Heart Of Gold #6, who's trying to convince him to see a patient who apparently doesn't trust him. Or something. I'll paraphrase: "You'd better not fucking tell her why you're really seeing her. So you'd better see her on some other fucking pretext." Doc: "Alright, I'll fucking go to see her, and I'll make sure that I do it on some other fucking pretext. Do you have a fucking suggestion?"

And it just goes on like that.

The incessant cursing isn't so bad when it's coming from actors who can pull it off, like Molina and Boothe and whoever it is they've got playing Calamity. But put it together with the gratuitous $2 vocabulary words, and it starts to look like pretentious bullshit. Like something an 8th grader would cobble together with his buddies in afternoon study hall.

Maybe this guy writes great dialog. I wouldn't know from Deadwood. I expect it's a bit like judgeing Faulkner on his film scripts.
posted by lodurr at 2:28 PM on July 21, 2006

I also hated Deadwood. What a load of malarkey.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 2:29 PM on July 21, 2006

I liked the way they spelt fuck 'f*ck' in the fucking titles.
posted by jack_mo at 2:29 PM on July 21, 2006

From Mr Zero's link:

Episode Thirty "A Rich Find"

Fucks per ten minute segment

Minutes 0 thru 9: 13
Minutes 10 thru 19: 35
Minutes 20 thru 29: 24
Minutes 30 thru 39: 12
Minutes 40 thru 49: 19
Minutes 50 thru 52: 6

Total fucks in Episode Thirty: 109
Fucks per minute (FPM)*: 2.10

*52 minute episode

Cumulative fucks in series: 2502
Cumulative FPM: 1.55

Total cocksuckers in Episode Thirty: 5
Ratio of fucks to cocksuckers: 21.8 : 1

I'm not sure what the final ratio tells us about the sexual proclivities of the 19th century Dakotas, but there's something strangely wondrous about the fact that someone would actually compile these numbers.
posted by lodurr at 2:35 PM on July 21, 2006

i thought i was the only person in the world that found deadwood to be...um...disappointing. i've watched 5 episodes in the hope that i'd grow to like it, but instead, found myself increasingly annoyed with the characters.
posted by suki at 2:38 PM on July 21, 2006

I dunno. The whole "fuck count" think is tickleing my OCD streak. I might just have to start torrenting it.

... or I could go home to the family for the weekend instead.
posted by lodurr at 2:40 PM on July 21, 2006

posted by ludwig_van at 2:42 PM on July 21, 2006

Dammit.


posted by ludwig_van at 2:42 PM on July 21, 2006

The Alfred Molina character was still writhing in pain with kidney stones. . .

That was Ian McShane, you limp -dicked cocksucker, and if you were to listen to Milch's extensive comments about the authenticity of of the language, you'd realize that it's not a case of pretentiousness but of fuckin' verisimilitude (and that's a $3 word)
posted by Neiltupper at 2:48 PM on July 21, 2006

For a moment, The Big Lebowski turned into The Walter Sobchak Show.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:56 PM on July 21, 2006

anyone who doesn't like deadwood sucks cock by choice!
posted by keswick at 3:03 PM on July 21, 2006

Scarface sucked.
posted by cellphone at 3:04 PM on July 21, 2006

Mr_Zero : "Deadwood fuck count"

Ah, groovy. So the answer is twofold: I haven't paid enough attention to the fucks, and the fucks haven't hit their prime yet (looks like episode 10 and on will be the dawning of fuck).

In a similar vein, I haven't noticed the two dollar words yet either.
posted by Bugbread at 3:07 PM on July 21, 2006

I liked the full-length version of Lebowski - it's not the fucks, it's the space between the fucks.
posted by Bearman at 3:19 PM on July 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

One of the things that strikes me about Deadwood is how well it illustrates how terribly dependent people become on each other without government, and in effect become less free. None of the characters can really afford to have an interior life (except maybe Jane, sometimes) because every move they make will have some sort of political and/or social implication that can lead to their ruin, if not Woo's pigpen. It's like the nightmare shadow of the libertarian dream. This just isn't a theme you come across often on TV. Even if I didn't care for the show, I'd have to admire its ambitiousness.

But hey, I forgot. My favorite cowboy show sucks.
posted by maryh at 3:21 PM on July 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Fuckin' good post, maryh!
posted by bim at 4:10 PM on July 21, 2006

You fuck, here's the fuckin' short fuckin' version of Scarface, mang!
posted by fandango_matt at 4:33 PM on July 21, 2006

it's the space between the fucks.

There's a lot to be said for fucks between spaces, as well.
posted by jonmc at 4:34 PM on July 21, 2006

Scarface ruled.
posted by Operation Afterglow at 4:48 PM on July 21, 2006

maryh, you're my hero.
posted by clockzero at 4:55 PM on July 21, 2006

lodurr, re: deadwood:

I'm laughing my fucking ass off at you, man. That's all you were able to hear, was the swear words?

deadwood has far and away the best dialogue on tv.

(ok, well at least such tv as I've seen. I've never actually owned a tv; I download shows from the internet sometimes or occasionally watch it at other people's houses)

Some episodes have bits that are poetry. I'm often rewinding just to hear passages again.

Really, all you are able to pick out from it is the swear words? That's sad, man.
posted by lastobelus at 4:55 PM on July 21, 2006

By the by, Mefi, there's apparently a LebowskiFest which is held on either coast, in Austin, and in Louisville.
posted by clockzero at 5:02 PM on July 21, 2006

i thought i was the only person in the world that found deadwood to be...um...disappointing.

Nah, I did too. Yes, I get that the dialogue is good, and it has other obvious virtues, and maybe if I were comparing it to the dreck on network TV I'd have been more excited, but I was comparing it to two of the greatest TV shows ever created, The Sopranos and Six Feet Under, and by that standard I found it... disappointing. Sorry.

Fuck, I mean: motherfucking sorry, motherfuckers.
posted by languagehat at 5:06 PM on July 21, 2006

Nihilists?! Fuck me.
posted by steef at 5:10 PM on July 21, 2006

fuck phillip seymour hoffman. dude is the worst actor in america right now.

Are we living in the same america? The one where Paris Hilton is in movies? And David Hasslehof?
posted by lumpenprole at 5:12 PM on July 21, 2006

SHOMER FUCKING SHABAS!
posted by brundlefly at 5:39 PM on July 21, 2006

In a similar vein, Seven Minutes in Deadwood. Plus, more Lebowski tribute.

And I think that all good, right-thinking people can agree that anyone who doesn't like Deadwood is a cocksucker.
posted by Gamblor at 5:54 PM on July 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Gamblor, theat first TMNT/Lebowski link was easily my favorite scene in the movie. That was wonderful, thank you.
posted by piratebowling at 6:17 PM on July 21, 2006

Another vote for Deadwood sucking here.
posted by Big Fat Tycoon at 6:17 PM on July 21, 2006

I really wanted to like Deadwood, and I sat down with the first season DVDs with high hopes that this would be the great follow up to The Sopranos. What a huge disappointment.

The idea that the show is some kind of re-invention of the Western seems ridiculous to me; I didn't see anything new, other than the anachronistic use of the word "fuck". The theme of savagery vs. civility is not inventive, it's certainly one of the standards of the genre (cowboys vs. indians anyone?), nor is the texture of the show particularly original: all that grit was done before, and better, in Jeremiah Jones, McCabe and Mrs Miller, and Dead Man. Characters are straight out of the Western stock book (the honorable outlaw, the gold-hearted prostitute).

But in the end I just couldn't get past the dialogue. The idea that the show's complex circumlocutions are justified by "versimilitude" is just patently false; and didn't anyone else find it strange that illiterate backwoods goldminers who can't even write their names can orate like Danish princes? I watched about five or six episodes before I finally grew tired of trying to decipher what the were saying, because by then I didn't feel the results justified the effort.

So, yeah, I didn't like Deadwood. It might seem fresh if you've never seen the revisionist Westerns like Little Big Man and The Long Riders. Or maybe it just appeals to people who giggle when they hear "cocksucker" repeated over and over again.
posted by soiled cowboy at 6:19 PM on July 21, 2006

How did this turn into a deadwood thread?
posted by dig_duggler at 6:21 PM on July 21, 2006

Btw, the dude abides.
posted by dig_duggler at 6:21 PM on July 21, 2006

I dunno, I'm not a fan of profanity, but I'm not bothered by it when watching The Big Lebowski or Deadwood, because the dialogue is so well-written and the delivery so seamless that it doesn't feel jarring or incongruous or gratuitous*. To be honest, I didn't become aware of the swearing in Lebowski until I watched it with another person.

*Unlike, say, Hoffa - I'm not even going to get into that laughable piece of shit Scarface - where I couldn't watch it because the cussin' (According to Wikipedia, 153 fucks) just was so distracting... hunh, didn't realize Mamet wrote that... wow, 138 fucks in Glengarry Glen Ross?
See, didn't notice the profanity in that one, either.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 6:59 PM on July 21, 2006

Nah, I did too. Yes, I get that the dialogue is good, and it has other obvious virtues, and maybe if I were comparing it to the dreck on network TV I'd have been more excited, but I was comparing it to two of the greatest TV shows ever created, The Sopranos and Six Feet Under, and by that standard I found it... disappointing. Sorry.

Fuck, I mean: motherfucking sorry, motherfuckers.
posted by languagehat at 5:06 PM PST on July 21 [+fave] [!]

Glad to see someone of such notable Mefi standing as thee, languagehat, speaking the goddamned truth.
posted by nonmerci at 7:02 PM on July 21, 2006

Six Feet Under was ass.
posted by Astro Zombie at 7:37 PM on July 21, 2006

Indeed.

In a blind-folded taste test I'd take Deadwood and Oz over The Sopranos and Six Feet Under any day of the week, even Tuesdays.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 7:47 PM on July 21, 2006

Fucking hilarious. The Big Lebowski was one of those movies I expected to hate because I had heard it talked up by so many people but I caught it late one night and regretted not taping it because I immediately wanted to watch it again. Now it's on regular rotation here at Casa LeeJay.
posted by LeeJay at 8:32 PM on July 21, 2006

Spot the movie:

Fuck it!
Fuck!
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuckity fuck!
Bugger.
posted by movilla at 8:34 PM on July 21, 2006

That fuck totally tied the room together.
posted by Len at 8:47 PM on July 21, 2006

I think the Comedy Central version is almost funnier, although if you haven't seen it unedited first you're going to be pretty much found in the Alps as far as figuring out what's going on.
posted by concrete at 9:02 PM on July 21, 2006

I would like to see a similar version of Bad Santa.
posted by Western Infidels at 9:30 PM on July 21, 2006

Back on topic, did anyone else notice that the only scene in Big Lebowski that isn't in the "fucking short" version - and thus has no "fuck"s, is the scene at the porno producers? I mean, the one place where there is actual fucking< ?i>?
posted by notsnot at 9:48 PM on July 21, 2006

Good eye, notsnot! I was sort of hoping they'd do a close-up on that obscene Jackie Treehorn cartoon.
posted by maryh at 9:56 PM on July 21, 2006

Yet another way the Coens are brilliant.
posted by notsnot at 10:04 PM on July 21, 2006

movilla: four weddings and a funeral.

wow, 138 fucks in Glengarry Glen Ross?
See, didn't notice the profanity in that one, either

Really?

Patel? Fuck you. Fuckin' Shiva
handed him a million dollars, told
him "sign the deal," he wouldn't
sign. And Vishnu, too. Into the
bargain. Fuck that, John. You
know your business, I know mine.
Your business is being an asshole,
and I find out whose fucking cousin
you are, I'm going to go to him and
figure out a way to have your ass...
fuck you--I'll wait for the new
leads.
posted by dreamsign at 10:44 PM on July 21, 2006

You're in the right ballpark, movilla, but actually it's Any Film By Richard Curtis. The man has set back the stereotyiping of the English in North America by decades, damn his black heart.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 11:13 PM on July 21, 2006

Sorry, dreamsign, not movilla. Bollocks.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 11:14 PM on July 21, 2006

Oh, and christy-fuck, it's stereotyping. Shit-buggery-titwank-cock-arse-toss.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 11:15 PM on July 21, 2006

Metafilter: Am I fucking wrong?

Metafilter: You're not wrong, you're just an asshole.

Metafilter: OK then.
posted by carsonb at 12:19 AM on July 22, 2006

Fuckin' TV's been off since 2001. What the fuck is Deadwood?
posted by kalessin at 3:57 AM on July 22, 2006

Now I want to watch The Big Lebowski again. Saw Red Hot Chili Peppers the other day, and when Flea was doing a solo had to resist the urge to shout "I'll cut off your johnson!" Good times.
posted by Orange Goblin at 5:53 AM on July 22, 2006

Neiltupper, that's the second time I've made the Molina-McShane boot. It almost certainly will happen again, since that's the nature of this kind of miscue.

However, I'm not buying the accuracy of the language. To bandy definitions on marked-up $3 words, "verisimilitude" was an interesting choice of terms: It implies that the thing created seems accurate with regard to the original -- not that it is.

IOW, I'm not buying it -- not with regard to the emphatics, or even the speech patterns, though I can readily accept the level of discourse or the vocabulary. You can point me to Milch's discourses on the subject, if you like, but I'd much rather see his sources than what he says about them.
posted by lodurr at 6:24 AM on July 22, 2006

soiledcowboy: didn't anyone else find it strange that illiterate backwoods goldminers who can't even write their names can orate like Danish princes?

I can actually kind of buy that, taken literally, and if by "Danish Princes" you're referring to Danish princes before about 1000 CE. What I can' buy is that they would sound like Milch represents them as sounding. Again, verisimilitude: Milch could be trying to create something that seems as though it might have been real, by making somethign that's different from what's come before. He could be trying to get the "spirit" of the thing.

Though I suspect I'm giving him too much credit.

Re. Mamet: Now I understand the old Simpson's gag: "You could just load it up with swears so the critics wil like it. That's what David mamet does."
posted by lodurr at 6:32 AM on July 22, 2006

91 (now 92) iterations of the word fuck in this thread. A long way to go, fuckers (93).
posted by moonbird at 6:50 AM on July 22, 2006

The Danish Prince is Hamlet. Much of Deadwood dialogue is written in iambic pentameter. Milch is experimenting, wildly -- and sometimes he hits the mark, sometimes he doesn't. "A" for fucking effort, I'd say.
posted by thinkpiece at 8:55 AM on July 22, 2006

I want these motherfucking snakes off my motherfucking plane!
posted by JDC8 at 9:40 AM on July 22, 2006

Fuck, man.
posted by slimepuppy at 11:38 AM on July 22, 2006

Midnight Run

The word "fuck" is used 137 (and maybe more) times.
posted by milnak at 12:37 PM on July 22, 2006

Have you seen the edited video, man? Rugpeers did not do this.
posted by Eideteker at 10:47 PM on July 22, 2006

I for one couldn't care less about Milch reworking the western genre or anything like that. I just think that deadwood's dialogue patterns on the poetic and I couldn't give a rat's ass about whether it's true to the period or not, because it's basically poetical. Also, I don't even know who you are talking about when you talk about a honorable outlaw and hooker with a golden heart. Perhaps if you are preoccupied by trying to fit the show into a period or trying to fit the characters into molds, you might get less out of it than I do. Tastes certainly vary, but it is rather rude of you to lump everyone who likes a show with swearwords in it as puerile.
posted by insomnus at 2:44 PM on July 23, 2006

You think it's "poetical"; I think it's mediocre and unimpressive. (And for the record, I don't think "A for effort" is a workable concept. Do you give a surgeon "A for effort" if he kills a patient through bad technique, earnestly and assiduously applied?)

And I didn't "lump everyone who likes a show with swearwords in it as puerile"; I lumped together everyone who likes Deadwood because of the swear words as puerile. A fine point, I know.

I did, however, use what has turned out to be an unpopular and unwise rhetorical flourish, in deference to one of my own heroes; but since folks who loves them some Deadwood seems more obsessed with Shakespeare than the Yogi, I guess I just have to accept that there's no accounting for taste.

Next, someone's going to claim that Milch's use of "fuck" is an homage to Anglo-Saxon linguistic heritage....
posted by lodurr at 3:28 PM on July 23, 2006

lodurr : "And I didn't "lump everyone who likes a show with swearwords in it as puerile"; I lumped together everyone who likes Deadwood because of the swear words as puerile."

Actually, no, but you did say:

lodurr : "The only reason people watch it is for the little schoolboy/schoolgirl thrill of seeing adults say all those naughty words and do all those venal things."

So you may not have said "everyone who likes a show with swearwords in it is peurile", but you effectively said "Everyone who likes shows because of swearwords is peurile. Everyone who likes Deadwood likes it because of the swearwords. Therefore, everyone who likes Deadwood is peurile."

For reference, I like it (mildly), and I couldn't care less about the profanity or the pseudo-Shakespearean dialogue. Those two just don't factor into it one way or the other for me.
posted by Bugbread at 8:51 PM on July 23, 2006

Wow, I'm probably too late to jump in here and say that pretentious "ambitious" Deadwood licks my sweaty crack. Before anybody finds fault here, I'd like to add that my comment is not tasteless but "versimiltudy".
posted by Dunwitty at 2:15 AM on July 24, 2006

other than the anachronistic use of the word "fuck

Is it the word or its frequent use you object to as anachronistic? 'Fuck' is five centuries old (at least). How do you know how often it was used in common speech in the mid-19th century west?
I'm pretty certain they avoid 'motherfucker' on the grounds of anachronism.
posted by biffa at 3:34 AM on July 24, 2006

I'm endlessly fascinated by the obsession people have with the precise logical parseability of statements. With all this clear thinking and precise speech, I'm sure we'll solve all the problems of machine conversation any day now.
posted by lodurr at 3:36 AM on July 24, 2006

lodurr : "I'm endlessly fascinated by the obsession people have with the precise logical parseability of statements."

So you can parse your sentences to say "I didn't say you're all peurile", and that's groovy, but if I parse them to say "I said you're all peurile", I'm obsessed?
posted by Bugbread at 4:37 AM on July 24, 2006

No, bugbread. If you behave in a way that indicates you're obsessed, you're obsessed.
posted by lodurr at 2:07 PM on July 24, 2006

Just let go, lodurr. Just let go.
posted by Bugbread at 8:39 PM on July 24, 2006

Oh, gentlemen, please keep going. This is highly entertaining, lighting up the MyComments pages days after the thread itself has slipped away from relevance.

Uh, but don't start up again until I've had a chance to get more popcorn.
posted by Eideteker at 9:31 PM on July 24, 2006

Let go of what, bugbread?
posted by lodurr at 3:50 AM on July 25, 2006

... only too happy to oblige!
posted by lodurr at 3:50 AM on July 25, 2006