Armor of God PJs

August 21, 2006 8:52 PM

Armor of God: now in child pajama form. Via
posted by XQUZYPHYR (38 comments total)

Wow, and I always wondered how to make religion creepier. Dressing your kids up like knights so that an imaginary friend will help them is a good start.
posted by ninjew at 8:55 PM on August 21, 2006

Nope, sorry, this has nothing on my Hulk Underoos.

"Puny humans in puny armor! HULK SMASH!"
posted by lekvar at 8:57 PM on August 21, 2006

Do they come in adult sizes?
posted by SweetJesus at 8:58 PM on August 21, 2006

Funny, this doesn't look like it's inspired by a Jackie Chan movie...
posted by frogan at 9:00 PM on August 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Do they come in adult sizes?

Give these folks a call. I'm sure they can help.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:02 PM on August 21, 2006

And dolls to go with the jammies.
posted by nickyskye at 9:04 PM on August 21, 2006

.
posted by brain_drain at 9:04 PM on August 21, 2006

Mommmmeeeee!! I've soiled my Armor of Faith!
posted by gurple at 9:05 PM on August 21, 2006

Also: atheist underwear.
posted by gurple at 9:08 PM on August 21, 2006

Truth obviously begins in the groin.
posted by vanadium at 9:08 PM on August 21, 2006

I can't think of creepier placements for their statements.
posted by vanadium at 9:11 PM on August 21, 2006

What are the implications of wetting the bed while wearing your spiritual armor?
posted by bim at 9:13 PM on August 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

So powerful are these jammies that they will withstand the mightiest ass kicking your child will receive at any sleep-over.
posted by ColdChef at 9:17 PM on August 21, 2006

D'oh, bim beat me to it. The next level, of course, is the nocturnal emmission.
posted by moonbird at 9:24 PM on August 21, 2006

posted by icosahedral at 9:29 PM on August 21, 2006

Why stop at evening wear? Shouldn't they be wearing this during the day?
posted by well_balanced at 9:34 PM on August 21, 2006

CHRISTIANS ARE STUPID!!

Oops, wrong thread.
posted by mrnutty at 9:41 PM on August 21, 2006

I'm still waiting for the official
Army of Darkness Pajamas ™
posted by Bighappyfunhouse at 10:01 PM on August 21, 2006

Wow, my creepy meter just exploded.
posted by fenriq at 10:04 PM on August 21, 2006

posted by joe lisboa at 10:06 PM on August 21, 2006

Eng-er-land!!! Eng-er-land!!! Eng-er-land!!!
posted by PenDevil at 10:13 PM on August 21, 2006

um, is something burning back there?
posted by arialblack at 10:16 PM on August 21, 2006

Ahhh, blessed St. George.
posted by blue_beetle at 10:24 PM on August 21, 2006

"Eng-er-land!!! Eng-er-land!!! Eng-er-land!!!"

Ha! Good call.
posted by TetrisKid at 10:26 PM on August 21, 2006

Looks like they're made out of polyester satin. Please, someone shut 'em down before little Samuel falls asleep on the couch with a Swisher Sweet.
posted by turducken at 10:48 PM on August 21, 2006

The jammies are high-larious. But now I'm way freaked out 'cause I clicked on Blazecock Pileon's link.
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 11:49 PM on August 21, 2006

If it doesn't have four amazons guarding it, it's not the real armor of god.

(youtube link, ya whiners)
posted by lumpenprole at 12:14 AM on August 22, 2006

The concept of "Armor of God PJs" is creepy enough, so why did they have to dress their kids for bed like English Crusaders? That crosses the line into positively abominable. Do they need this armor to fight the infidel army in their dreams?

That's the spirit kiddies, liberate the Holy Land from the filthy, idolatrous Mohammadeans!
posted by [expletive deleted] at 4:43 AM on August 22, 2006

Thanks Blazecock, like we really needed to see that. I spent five minutes trying to find evidence of satire on that site, only to discover that the whole military thing isn't some strained metaphor. These people really are paid by the government to kill, with Jesus as their buddy.

I'm going to lock myself in my room now. That's an atheist's foxhole.
posted by [expletive deleted] at 4:48 AM on August 22, 2006

Killing for god.

Thanks Blazecock.
posted by i_am_a_Jedi at 5:13 AM on August 22, 2006

Well, to look at the upside, if they weren't killing for Jesus they's be killing for something else. Guys who like to kill ... they'll find their reasons, gah'blessem.
posted by maryh at 5:39 AM on August 22, 2006

Deus vult!
posted by pax digita at 6:12 AM on August 22, 2006

This royal Armor of God, this sceptred PJ,
This breastplate of righteousness, this belt of truth,
This other twosie, demi-paradise,
This fortress built by Mommy for herself
Against introspection and the hand of fear,
This happy breed of kids, this little world,
This precious product set in the internet,
Which serves it in the office or a mall
Or as a moat defensive to a house,
Against the envy of less happier kids,—
This blessed shield, this helmet, this realm, this England.
posted by kirkaracha at 6:46 AM on August 22, 2006

Come on, the Mormons have been doing this for a long time.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 6:52 AM on August 22, 2006

What little girl doesn't want to sleep in a wimple? Imagine, your brother gets a super-keen helmet of salvation! And you get a wimple.

And the disappointment doesn't end there! I see the Belt of Truth, the Shield of Faith, and the Whatever of Righteousness, but the Sword of the Spirit of God's Faith in conspicuously absent. Man, what a rip-off!
posted by Elsa at 7:45 AM on August 22, 2006

They don't publish what material is used in these pajamas. If it's not a flame-retarding material, these are certainly not in compliance with federal standards.

Here's a guide for practical fire/clothing safety.

Here's the federal requirements summary (PDF).
posted by plinth at 8:59 AM on August 22, 2006

Elsa: "What little girl doesn't want to sleep in a wimple? Imagine, your brother gets a super-keen helmet of salvation! And you get a wimple.

And the disappointment doesn't end there! I see the Belt of Truth, the Shield of Faith, and the Whatever of Righteousness, but the Sword of the Spirit of God's Faith in conspicuously absent. Man, what a rip-off!"

Well, Eddie Izzard said it best in his bit about the church hymn "Jerusalem":

It's a hymn, you know, one that we'd sing in church as a kid, I used to, (sings) "And did those feet Boom Boom Boom Boom in…" you know. And it's got really weird lines in it, and it was 'And shall my sword sleep in my hand'. Not a good idea! You're gonna roll over and cut your bits off, aren't you.

posted by PontifexPrimus at 11:17 AM on August 22, 2006

yikes...and YIKES to BP's link
posted by owhydididoit at 3:38 PM on August 22, 2006