Even the dead are not safe

September 6, 2006 12:58 PM

Necrophilesare rare (thank God!) enough, but to find three such people in one location is strange indeed. We'll never know if they would have actually gone through with it. They were however certainly making all the preparations.
posted by Tablecrumbs (114 comments total)

SmokingGun
posted by thirteenkiller at 1:01 PM on September 6, 2006

Did I miss the logical steps that would take this from being an instance of grave digging to necrophilia? I keep re-reading the article in the last link...maybe I'm missing something.
posted by routergirl at 1:01 PM on September 6, 2006

Aha! I hit post too soon. Thanks thirteenkiller, now it all becomes clear.
posted by routergirl at 1:02 PM on September 6, 2006

C'mon, a lot of guys are suckers for a great body.
posted by Floydd at 1:02 PM on September 6, 2006

Later link to story
posted by Tablecrumbs at 1:03 PM on September 6, 2006

I'm not so much a necrophile as I am in love with love...
posted by sonofsamiam at 1:04 PM on September 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

I'd link to some Sexy Loser comic strips, but I'm at work.
posted by chunking express at 1:05 PM on September 6, 2006

http://www.mwnews.net/assets/images/Obit-TennessenL.jpg
posted by thirteenkiller at 1:05 PM on September 6, 2006

Fuck Me Dead

I don't like the name tag between your toes.
I don't like the snot running out of your nose.
I don't like the stains on your pantyhose - just your cold stiff body when I hold you close.
I love rigor mortis when it just sets in.
I know where you're goin' I don't care where you've been.
A pillow in a coffin's just as good as a bed and baby how I love it when you fuck me dead.
Baby how I love it when you fuck me dead.

Every new girl's another three day affair.
I got to be gentle not to pull out your hair.
It really doesn't matter if she's gray haired and old.
It really doesn't matter if she's too young and cold.

Smiling in emergency a drag your O.K.
I'd rather make it with you when you're DOA.
Lying there stiff when it's time to play.
I can't wait till the undertaker goes away.
Hanging upside down when you're getting drained.
S&M pleasure on the wall when you're chained.
When you splatter love juices still remain and baby how I love you when you fuck me dead.
Baby I love it when you fuck me dead.

Baby, baby, I'll hold you close.
Quick, quick before you decompose.
Baby how I love it when you fuck me dead.
Baby how I love it when you fuck me dead.
Baby how I love it when you fuck.

- The Forgotten Rebels
posted by jonmc at 1:06 PM on September 6, 2006

Love is dead, sonofsamiam. You sick pervert.
posted by NationalKato at 1:06 PM on September 6, 2006

The photo that started it all. Poor kid.
posted by Mayor Curley at 1:08 PM on September 6, 2006

I'd tap that.
posted by notmydesk at 1:15 PM on September 6, 2006

Fark needs a Wisconsin link.
posted by substrate at 1:19 PM on September 6, 2006

posted by Dr-Baa at 1:21 PM on September 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

They bought condoms, for chrissakes! More evidence that we need better sex education in our schools. (Then again, maybe this is how a certain cartoon character was conceived...?)
posted by turducken at 1:23 PM on September 6, 2006

I'd tap that.

I must be turning into an old man because I have to remind you that she's dead. As in "people miss her."
posted by Mayor Curley at 1:23 PM on September 6, 2006

Damned Emo kids.
posted by Floydd at 1:23 PM on September 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

I keep telling you people, everyone in Wisconsin is crazy. It's the God damned weather. And the mosquitos.

My question is how do three such like minded individuals find each other? It doesn't seem like something you could post in the paper.

Zombie-loving 20 year old seeks co-conspirators for some late-night debauchery. BYOShovel
posted by quin at 1:28 PM on September 6, 2006

No, Mayor Curley, I'm with you. It wasn't very funny.
posted by NationalKato at 1:29 PM on September 6, 2006

They bought condoms, for chrissakes! More evidence that we need better sex education in our schools

Forgive my ignorance, but couldn't a relatively fresh corpse carry an infection of some kind, not neccessarily an STD?
posted by jonmc at 1:29 PM on September 6, 2006

More evidence that we need better sex education in our schools.

73% of kids don't know that the DEATH virus is small enough to penetrate the small perforations in condoms.

Abstinence is the key!
posted by sonofsamiam at 1:29 PM on September 6, 2006

My question is how do three such like minded individuals find each other?

Two were brothers, one was a friend.
posted by sonofsamiam at 1:30 PM on September 6, 2006

Hey reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from Prof. Farnsworth of Futurama:

Some say I'm robbing the cradle but I say she's robbing the grave.
posted by Mister_A at 1:31 PM on September 6, 2006

Their parents must be proud.
posted by docpops at 1:31 PM on September 6, 2006

They bought condoms, for chrissakes!

Yeah, I'd wanna wrap up if I was about to plunge mine into a decomposing corpse as well.

Wisconsin, huh. There's definitely something peculiar about that place.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:35 PM on September 6, 2006

"he lists case after case of people who indulged in erotic acts in the presence of a corpse."

I've never heard it called that before.
posted by nthdegx at 1:35 PM on September 6, 2006

Two were brothers, one was a friend.

They should have experimented amongst themselves by killing one of their own, screwing him then comitting suicide. That way they get to live out their fantasies and the collective IQ of society goes up.
posted by jonmc at 1:38 PM on September 6, 2006

Oh well, at least it wasn't a dead baby.
posted by fleetmouse at 1:41 PM on September 6, 2006

I wonder what Tim Burton thinks about this?......
posted by TechnoLustLuddite at 1:43 PM on September 6, 2006

posted by TechnoLustLuddite at 1:44 PM on September 6, 2006

Picky necrophilies, she was hot. Or shall I say, she is hot. I do wonder how the topic came up, or should I saw I wonder how often the topic comes up and no one else agrees to it. You can safely assume that there are tons of people out there who bring up when they're drunk, "Hey do you guys ever you know, think about doing it with a corpse." Probability dictates that at least once it'll work (such as this case) but I'd love to be there time times when the friends give the weird look and quickly change the subject.
posted by geoff. at 1:45 PM on September 6, 2006

Or shall I say, she is hot.

and cold. Thermodynamics will never be the same.
posted by jonmc at 1:46 PM on September 6, 2006

Friends who will tell you that you are being batshitinsane are good friends.
posted by sonofsamiam at 1:46 PM on September 6, 2006

Imagine if you were those boys' parents. Your twin boys are caught in the middle of digging up a recently deceased persons grave, they admitted they were planning to have sex with the corpse. Are you relived they thought to buy condoms? Do you wish they were gay or something normal like that?

How do you deal with that?
posted by raedyn at 1:47 PM on September 6, 2006

That must have been an interesting approach that they made to the friend..."So there's this girl...."
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 1:47 PM on September 6, 2006

And I can't even get a friend to come over and help me hang a storm door.
posted by notmydesk at 1:50 PM on September 6, 2006

Care for a little necrophilia?
posted by Eideteker at 1:51 PM on September 6, 2006

Picky necrophilies, she was hot. Or shall I say, she is hot. I do wonder how the topic came up, or should I saw I wonder how often the topic comes up and no one else agrees to it. You can safely assume that there are tons of people out there who bring up when they're drunk, "Hey do you guys ever you know, think about doing it with a corpse." Probability dictates that at least once it'll work (such as this case) but I'd love to be there time times when the friends give the weird look and quickly change the subject.

This makes a really good argument for cremation
posted by Tablecrumbs at 1:52 PM on September 6, 2006

Imagine if you were those boys' parents. ... How do you deal with that?

You're grounded!
Wait a minute...
posted by hal9k at 1:55 PM on September 6, 2006

No necrophilia for 3 months!
posted by sonofsamiam at 1:55 PM on September 6, 2006

tripod hosts necrophilia now?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 2:03 PM on September 6, 2006

since she died in a motorcycle accident, saying "i'd hit that" is in poor taste, right?
posted by StrasbourgSecaucus at 2:05 PM on September 6, 2006

See? Now this is why having a good father figure is an important part of male development. I mean in our sexually formative years, we'll pull our dick out and stick it in fruit, ottomans, whatever. The lucky among us had dads at home, always there to smack us in the back of the head and say "No, not here, not with that".

The rest of the poor slobs grow up wanting to hump dead chicks. At least they were trying to practice safe zombie sex I guess.

Sigh.
posted by glenwood at 2:05 PM on September 6, 2006

Damn you Gnarls Barkley, won't you think of the children?




A body in my bed, she was cool when I met her, But I think I like her better dead...
posted by slapshot57 at 2:09 PM on September 6, 2006

I like my women like I like my coffee. Cold and slightly moldy.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:23 PM on September 6, 2006

re: the condom. If you're afraid of dead-girl cooties, methinks you're gonna get a passel of 'em whilst digging her up (and feeling her up -- those bags of sand are gonna be crawling with hottiecorpseitis, unless they bought rubber gloves, too).

This gets sadder the more I think about it -- apparently, this elaboratley stupid plan was easier than actually asking a real, live girl on a date -- or a real, live whore for a three-pack of handjobs. More sex ed, roofies, cocaine, and viagra in schools!
posted by turducken at 2:23 PM on September 6, 2006

If you die in a motorcycle wreck, chances are good that you're body is going to be pretty mangled. Did they think she was going to look like the picture, or what?
posted by bob sarabia at 2:34 PM on September 6, 2006

That's why pornography is so important, glenwood.
posted by spazzm at 2:37 PM on September 6, 2006

Having sex with dead people is disgusting. You shouldn’t play with your food.
posted by Smedleyman at 2:45 PM on September 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

I love how they were charged with sexual assault. I dont believe its possible to sexually assault a corpse. Its like this event was so crazy even the cops are failing to make any sense.

Now if you don't mind, I'm going fishing without a license in the desert... without a license!
posted by damn dirty ape at 2:46 PM on September 6, 2006

*Tries desperately not to reveal the true depths of the depravity of his sense of humor to fellow MeFites*



.............................................


*Succeeds*

.

Whew! That was a close one.
posted by Brak at 2:51 PM on September 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

After looking at the pictures of the suspects I can safely say that I, for one, had no idea Elijah Wood was into that sort of thing.
posted by nathancaswell at 2:51 PM on September 6, 2006

Agreed, this isn't so funny... but what was funny was that Sam Kinison bit about necrophilia. I searched youtube and google in vain.
posted by CynicalKnight at 3:04 PM on September 6, 2006

While I feel badly for the family, necrophilia should not be in the same category as sexual assault. It is sick, but if successfully implemented, there is no victim.
posted by BrotherCaine at 3:14 PM on September 6, 2006

It's easier for me to believe that this is not a story about lonely teenage boys desperately fucking corpses for sexual gratification, but rather a story of lonely teenage boys digging up the corpse of of the pretty popular girl, while everyone is still in mourning, to defile her corpse to show her what they really thought of her and all her stuck up friends. Now, I know that my version doesn't make sense, but neither does going to school one day to slaughter your classmates before commiting suicide.
posted by greasy_skillet at 3:16 PM on September 6, 2006

I am relatively sure I have seen these kids on a early-season repeat of The X-Files.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 3:16 PM on September 6, 2006

I can imagine the conversation:

"Hey man that chick was hot."
"Yeah too bad she's dead."
"Yup."
"...."
"Well we could always dig up the corpse and fuck her!"

Yeah pretty much like that. Proof that internet shock sites are corrupting our youth. Just because you joke about it online dosn't mean it dosn't carry "stiff" jail sentances.
posted by delmoi at 3:20 PM on September 6, 2006

While I feel badly for the family, necrophilia should not be in the same category as sexual assault. It is sick, but if successfully implemented, there is no victim.

Sure, but when it's successfully implemented, there's no punishment either. Obviously that kind of thing will distress the parents/loved ones quite a bit.
posted by delmoi at 3:22 PM on September 6, 2006

C'mon OP, where's the batshitinsane tag?
posted by chiababe at 4:08 PM on September 6, 2006

dosn't mean it dosn't carry "stiff" jail sentances.

That crack was really beyond the pale, don't you think, delmoi? Someone died here.
posted by sonofsamiam at 4:08 PM on September 6, 2006

Grave-digging? They should have put out ads for volunteers instead!
posted by clevershark at 4:10 PM on September 6, 2006

Is it wrong that I find the most disturbing thing about this is the first guy's reverse mullet?
posted by [insert clever name here] at 4:13 PM on September 6, 2006

Arg. Now I have that old TSOL song in my head.
posted by koeselitz at 4:17 PM on September 6, 2006

Did these kids never hear about masterbation? No need for shovels. Don't have to get dirty. Less chance of being grossed out by maggots or her foul stench or the formaldehyde. For the moment it's still legal. Just beat off to a picture of her. You can even imagine that she's still alive, which would be a more enjoyable time I'd reckon, than actually interacting with the real thing.

That's the problem with kids today. No imagination. Speaking of imagination.

"Necrophilic fantasy, envisioning the acts but not acting on them"

People who have fantasies about dead people, but don't act on them, ARE necrophiliacs? WTF???

Does that mean if I have fantasies about marrying many women, but don't actually marry anybody, I'm a polygamist?

Does that mean if I have fantasies about fictional characters but don't actually act on them ...what the hell would that make me? Besides, y'know, pathetic.

If you dream about something, it makes you a dreamer but that's it.

Otherwise, if I had fantasies about being rich and famous but don't actually act like I'm rich and famous, I'd be rich and famous, and I'm soooooo not.

Okay! So I still got a hard on for Tara from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, even though she's fictional... AND gay... AND dead... AND pagan... AND the show is no more... AND that network is no more... AND Amber Benson put a restraining order on me...
posted by ZachsMind at 4:21 PM on September 6, 2006

They bought condoms, for chrissakes!

Well, yeah...you don't want to risk contracting goner-rhea or stiffillis.
posted by jrossi4r at 4:23 PM on September 6, 2006 [2 favorites]

Reading that first link made me want to take a shower. I read the first page of it and decided that I had learned all that I had learned enough.
posted by jason's_planet at 4:31 PM on September 6, 2006

I did not laugh at Smedleyman's comment. I swear.
posted by spiderwire at 4:32 PM on September 6, 2006

No discussion of Necrophilia is complete with a link to Karen Greenlee: The Unrepentant Necrophile.

Yes, this is an interview with a real live unrepentant female necrophile.

(Previously the subject of a fpp by me, but that post's link to the interview is now, er, dead.)
posted by alms at 4:39 PM on September 6, 2006

I got about as far as Karen describing how blood gurgles out of a dead person's mouth sometimes when you're on top, and... CHECK PLEASE!

That does it. When I die, I'm getting cremated.
posted by ZachsMind at 4:53 PM on September 6, 2006

she was hot

Well, I'm sure there was a certain amount of heat created by decomposition.
posted by Kickstart70 at 4:53 PM on September 6, 2006

Sorry delmoi, by successful, I meant the coverup afterwards so that the mourner's don't know that it occured.
posted by BrotherCaine at 4:56 PM on September 6, 2006

oh crud. I don't know why I apostrophied mourners.
posted by BrotherCaine at 4:57 PM on September 6, 2006

If you set the corpse on fire, are you a Pyronecrophiliac?
Howabout if you don’t dig up corpses, but compulsively steal them, set them on fire and have sex with them?
Kleptopyronecrophiliac?
While whipping someone? Sadokleptopyronecrophiliac.
Or with animals? Sadokleptopyronecrozoophiliac.
While giggling? Gelosadokleptopyronecrozoophiliac.
(sorry, I’m a sophomaniac)
posted by Smedleyman at 5:10 PM on September 6, 2006

/I'm just sayin' - some sick folks out there.
posted by Smedleyman at 5:11 PM on September 6, 2006

This is awful, it must seem like their lives are over to them right now and I can only imagine what both sets of parents are going through.
I blame bush, his whole administration has been built on doing whatever with no sense of decency or responsibility, and then just lying about it, the lawyers for these nuts will say they were just liberating the corpse for peaceful reasons.
posted by Iron Rat at 5:14 PM on September 6, 2006

jrossi4r - stop it, your killin' me.
posted by bashos_frog at 5:14 PM on September 6, 2006

My question is how do three such like minded individuals find each other?

They look like goddamn necrophiliacs even from a distance.
posted by Joeforking at 5:18 PM on September 6, 2006

"or a real, live whore for a three-pack of handjobs"

Have you seen the whores in Wisconsin?
posted by graventy at 5:33 PM on September 6, 2006

"If you set the corpse on fire, are you a Pyronecrophiliac?"

Nope. Makes you a Crispy Critter.

"Have you seen the whores in Wisconsin?"

They have whores in Wisconsin? ROAD TRIP!
posted by ZachsMind at 6:03 PM on September 6, 2006

Only in Wisconsin.
posted by Jess the Mess at 6:21 PM on September 6, 2006

People who have fantasies about dead people, but don't act on them, ARE necrophiliacs? WTF???

Let me get this straight: if a guy has had lots of fantasies about having sex with women, but is a virgin, he's not a heterosexual?
posted by Hildegarde at 6:33 PM on September 6, 2006

If there were any justice in this world, she'd have come back as a zombie and killed all three of them.
posted by bwg at 6:36 PM on September 6, 2006

If I sit in front of a piano and think about composing, but don't actually play a note, does that make me a composer? Cuz I'll go get started on that right now. I'd love to be a composer but I don't know how to write music. I thought that had something to do with it, but WOW! This whole revelation opens up all kinds of possibilities!
posted by ZachsMind at 6:58 PM on September 6, 2006

"Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel prize for attempted chemistry? Do they?" (sideshow bob)
posted by Iron Rat at 7:06 PM on September 6, 2006

A lot of people on Mefi aren't very funny. I'm one of them so I should know, but really, this isn't a joking situation. If you feel compelled to, just hit the close button instead of "Post".
posted by hoborg at 7:08 PM on September 6, 2006

Given that Metafilter is not a particularly religious place, I find it curious just how horrified most folks here are by the idea of necrophilia. I think someone who wants to have sex with a corpse has some serious troubles in his or her head, but - call me vanilla - I think that applies to a lot of the more unusual sexual fetishes. I find it less inherently gross than seeing folks hang themselves from hooks, (possibly NSFW) for instance.

I'm with comedian David Cross on this one - when I die, I don't care if an entire convention of necrophiliacs use my body as the centerpiece of a ten day marathon corpse banging. I'd question their taste as I doubt I'd be any prettier dead than I am alive and I'm not winning any contests here. But as for being freaked out or offended or otherwise disconcerted? Nope. I won't care. Because I won't be able to care. I'll be dead. Gone. Pining for fjords. Etc.

Lacking a religious conviction otherwise, a dead body is just a piece of meat. In this case, the loss of the young lady is certainly tragic to her family and friends, and I do not mean any disrespect towards the person that she was. But she is gone. That body is not her. There is absolutely no qualitative difference between that corpse - or mine, or anyone else's - dead body, and a side of beef in the butcher shop, or a smashed cat on the road, or that bug that just splatted on your windshield.
posted by John Smallberries at 7:31 PM on September 6, 2006

I blame Hollywood.


And by Hollywood, I mean independant Canadian cinema.

I love you, Molly Parker.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 7:33 PM on September 6, 2006

Imagine if you were those boys' parents.

Imagine what kind of parents they must be, to raise boys that think defiling a grave is an acceptable thing to do, let alone playing with the corpse. ("Well... we were gonna fuck around with the corpse, Sir, yes, sir." What an unfortunate choice of words!)

It is not normal for a child to think it's okay to dig up a grave. Those parents must be some fuckups themselves if their kids missed out on that bit of common social knowledge.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:37 PM on September 6, 2006

I used to want to be cremated because burial is wasteful custom: you could use that land to grow food or put a Walmart on. But then human meat is full of protein and vitamins and it'd be a shame to waste that too, so I figure they might as well leave me out in along I-64 for the buzzards and coyotes or even render me into pet food ("Soylent Kitty is TROLLS!"); I'd be the guy on the boat adrift in mid-ocean who volunteers to be killed and eaten, because I'm much too lazy for the alternatives. And hey, if some morbid nerd gets off on fellating my dead member that won't bother me much either because, hey, I'll be DEAD. You know what "dead" means: expired, passed away, no longer with us, croaked, defunct, off this mortal coil, out of my container. It's what people do to me while I'm still animate and sensate that concerns me.

On preview, I wish I got this typed out before John Smallberries, but then "great minds think alike."
posted by davy at 8:16 PM on September 6, 2006

Nice, this is currently right across the page from the question on the sidebar: Can a hemaphrodite impregnate themselves?
posted by marxchivist at 8:27 PM on September 6, 2006

"It is not normal..."

Normal? What the hell IS normal?

Come to think of it, it's kinda weird burying dead bodies like we're plantin' very big seeds. It might be 'normal' but it's pretty fucked up. Why the hell do we do that, anyway?
posted by ZachsMind at 8:27 PM on September 6, 2006

ZachsMind writes "If I sit in front of a piano and think about composing, but don't actually play a note, does that make me a composer?"

Well, a "composer" is "one who composes", so if you don't compose, you aren't a composer. But a necrophile is (looking at the component parts) necros (corpse) and philia (love). A necrophile is someone who is sexually attracted to corpses. Whether they actually have sex with corpses or not is not part of the definition. Only sexual attraction is. So, yes, a person who wants to fuck corpses but doesn't is still a necrophile. The same system is true of all "philia" and "phobia". It's fundamentally different from words like "Xer" or "Xor" (composer, writer, teacher, etc), as it doesn't describe a person who does an act but a person who feels a certain way. If you have any doubts about this, check some dictionaries, encyclopedias, and the like. I'm not making this up out of thin air, so if you disagree, you're not so much disagreeing with me as you are with dictionary / encyclopedia publishers.

five fresh fish writes "Imagine what kind of parents they must be, to raise boys that think defiling a grave is an acceptable thing to do, let alone playing with the corpse."

I've known enough fucked up kids with decent parents, and enough fucked up parents with decent kids, to know that, in a lot of cases, a kid being fucked up is a reflection on the parents, but not in all cases.

After all, if you think the blame is all on the parents, it all comes back to somewhere in Africa a bazillion years ago. "Imagine what kind of grandparents they must have had to raise their parents to be the kind of parents who would raise necrophiles." "Imagine what kind of great-grandparents they must have had to..." And after a while you're talking smack about my great^50 grandparents, and your own.
posted by Bugbread at 8:48 PM on September 6, 2006

A few things:

1. Davy and John Smallberries are dead on absolutely right. It "seems" offensive, but only because it is taboo. It's really just sad and in bad taste, but then again, so is wearing white shoes after last Monday. If someone's meatsack has some sort of special quality AFTER they die, then why don't we just vacuumseal our family members when they die and keep them around the house? Once someone dies, their body is no longer of any value of any kind except to harvest organs.

2. Yes, she was a very attractive girl. It's a pity she died so young.

3. The only chance any of those losers had with that girl was after she quit breathing.

4. The families bear a large portion of the blame for this, but not all.

5. It's highly unlikely they were going to "really" have sex with the corpse. This is most likely the product of panic/fear/fantastic confession during police custody.

6. She died riding on the back of a motorcycle going too fast driven by a drunk at 3am with neither of them wearing helmets. There are so many lessons in there I don't know where to start.

7. Smedleyman: I like to play with interlocking blocks and corpses, so I'm a LegoNecroManiac!
posted by Ynoxas at 8:54 PM on September 6, 2006

Ynoxas writes "There are so many lessons in there I don't know where to start."

1. Don't drive drunk.
2. Don't drive too fast.
3. Don't drive a motorcycle without a helmet.

It's not that many lessons.
posted by Bugbread at 9:14 PM on September 6, 2006

People who have fantasies about dead people, but don't act on them, ARE necrophiliacs? WTF???

Does that mean if I have fantasies about marrying many women, but don't actually marry anybody, I'm a polygamist?

You're comparing apples and oranges. The first is an orientation. The second an accomplishment.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:47 PM on September 6, 2006

Let me get this straight: if a guy has had lots of fantasies about having sex with women, but is a virgin, he's not a heterosexual?

The consensus from behind the bikesheds, hildegarde, is that if he's still a virgin by age fifteen, he's definitely gay.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:51 PM on September 6, 2006

I feel so ... did they have to look so ..."Columbine?"

Importantly, I wonder if Garrison Keillor can weave this into his show somehow.
posted by RubberHen at 3:54 AM on September 7, 2006

3. The only chance any of those losers had with that girl was after she quit breathing.

Sex for access to drugs or money. If the 3 had either, they could'a had a shot.
posted by rough ashlar at 6:21 AM on September 7, 2006

Stupid girl could've saved everyone a lot of trouble if she'd had the foresight, as I do, to carry a NecroCard:



posted by jack_mo at 8:27 AM on September 7, 2006

Yes, she was a very attractive girl. It's a pity she died so young. - Ynoxas

Are those things related? Is it more tragic if a pretty girl dies so young than if an ugly girl dies so young?

1. Don't drive drunk.
2. Don't drive too fast.
3. Don't drive a motorcycle without a helmet.

4. Only ride in/on vehicles with sober drivers.
posted by raedyn at 9:43 AM on September 7, 2006

Perhaps I should re-think my personal philosophy of live fast, die young, and leave a beautiful corpse.
posted by gigawhat? at 10:22 AM on September 7, 2006 [1 favorite]

raedyn writes "4. Only ride in/on vehicles with sober drivers."

Yeah, sorry, I meant "drive" as in "be in a moving vehicle", not necessarily "operate moving vehicle", so kind of an amalgam of "drive" and "ride". Bad word choice on my part.
posted by Bugbread at 10:48 AM on September 7, 2006

Yes, she was a very attractive girl. It's a pity she died so young. - Ynoxas

Are those things related? Is it more tragic if a pretty girl dies so young than if an ugly girl dies so young?

Of course not on both counts. I neither said, nor even weakly implied, such a thing.

The comment on her looks was in regard to the "I'd hit it" stuff above and the subsequent alarm. I'm not sure why it is bad to comment that a deceased person was pretty whilst alive.

To remove what you must be detecting as some sort of relationship, feel free to reverse the sequence. It is a pity she died so young. And yes, she was an attractive girl.

Better?
posted by Ynoxas at 11:08 AM on September 7, 2006

I blame bush, his whole administration has been built on doing whatever with no sense of decency or responsibility, and then just lying about it, the lawyers for these nuts will say they were just liberating the corpse for peaceful reasons.

You are kidding, right?
posted by BrotherCaine at 11:31 AM on September 7, 2006

Given that Metafilter is not a particularly religious place, I find it curious just how horrified most folks here are by the idea of necrophilia. I think someone who wants to have sex with a corpse has some serious troubles in his or her head, but - call me vanilla - I think that applies to a lot of the more unusual sexual fetishes. I find it less inherently gross than seeing folks hang themselves from hooks, (possibly NSFW) for instance.

I'll grant you the hooks thing is weird, but we're talking about sex with a dead thing. That's a whole other syllabus in the curriculum of weird.

You're walking in the woods, la dee da, and you stumble across a dead squirrel. "Ew! Gross!" you shout, as you step around it and hurry on your way. That's normal human instinct.

You're walking in the woods, la dee da, and you stumble across a dead squirrel. "Ew..." you whisper, as you prod and stroke it with your finger. That's deviant and gross.

You're walking in the woods, la dee da, and you stumble across a dead squirrel. "Oh yeah..." you utter, breathlessly as you remove your pants and insert your penis into the rotting dead squirrel. That's completely, unqualifiably, beyond-tinfoil-hats-and-Timecube insane.

Now replace "squirrel" in the above with "woman".
posted by Pastabagel at 11:58 AM on September 7, 2006

Now replace "squirrel" in the above with "woman".

NB: Sadly, this is not a commutative operation.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:06 PM on September 7, 2006

Writers write, singers sing, monsters monst and oysters oyst.
posted by davy at 12:08 PM on September 7, 2006

Uh, guys, dead things can't charge too much, call the cops, laugh at your tiny johnson or cheat on you. Ergo necrophilia is perfect for Metafilter-types.
posted by davy at 12:09 PM on September 7, 2006

I'll grant you the hooks thing is weird, but we're talking about sex with a dead thing. That's a whole other syllabus in the curriculum of weird.

You think that's nasty? I EAT dead things. Hold them in the fire until their flesh curls up and turns black and EAT em. Necrophagiac, mfers.
posted by sonofsamiam at 12:15 PM on September 7, 2006

You think that's nasty? I EAT dead things that are frozen shortly after they are killed. Hold them in the fire until their flesh curls up and turns black it kills all the bacteria and parasites and breaks down the tissue and EAT em.

Also, I would like to point out the whole cauldron of stomach acid thing. And as a general rule we do not eat decayed flesh.


Side note: "Why do we cook food?" is a question on one of the IQ tests in current use.
posted by Pastabagel at 12:50 PM on September 7, 2006

Wisconsin Death Trip
posted by dhartung at 1:02 PM on September 7, 2006

Wisconsin Death Trip
posted by quin at 1:36 PM on September 7, 2006

This post needs a Winconsin tag fer chrissakes.
posted by CynicalKnight at 2:16 PM on September 7, 2006

I sentence these boys to digging Wolfgang Priklopil out of hell to have sex with him.
posted by Chuckly at 4:44 PM on September 7, 2006