Join 3,438 readers in helping fund MetaFilter (Hide)


If a coworker drives you nuts...
September 16, 2006 9:22 AM   Subscribe

Have an annoying coworker? This just might be a solution...
posted by konolia (51 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite

 
"Please stop whistling already! We all know it's just your ego-centric way of announcing your presence before entering the room. If only the rest of us could be as footloose and fancy free as you, but we can't so - STOP IT! It's highly annoying and distracting to others trying to work."

I want to send this one to everyone I've ever known, and everyone I might someday meet.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 9:36 AM on September 16, 2006


A few more solutions. I use Method 4 so much it's not even funny.
posted by Dr-Baa at 9:46 AM on September 16, 2006


Whistling? Phht. There's a guy who sits near me who lets his cellphone go through it's entire loud ringtone, ignoring it completely while the rest of us go out of our minds, and then he keeps ignoring it as the beep! beep! beep! of the message reminder goes off all day.
I was considering homicide, but this could work.


Also, I want to marry whoever sent this:

Gum chewing is totally gross and rude when done in areas where people are sardined in close quarters... that means offices, classrooms, buses, planes, and waiting in line anywhere. The look, sound, and smell of gum chewing are just plain disgusting. You are not being cute when (1) you chew with your mouth open (just like a cow), (2) you crack your gum at 90 decibels, and (3) you spread a miasma around, composed of bad breath and gum stench. And no, mints don't really help. To us, mints smell about as refreshing as FECES. Go brush your teeth instead. If you can't chew with your mouth closed, don't chew at all, especially while at work. It's unprofessional and just plain disgusting. Just leave it at home! And while it might help the chewer "concentrate" in a classroom, it will distract the living daylights out of many of the people around you.
posted by CunningLinguist at 9:50 AM on September 16, 2006


Crazy alternative: actually address these things to the persons face, but be polite. I know, I know, not nearly passive-aggressive enough.
posted by cortex at 10:00 AM on September 16, 2006


The modern version of leaving a can of deoderant on someone's desk.
posted by caddis at 10:00 AM on September 16, 2006


Now, pardon my ignorance (a daily chore for friends and family), but how is this site not a spammer? Is it not sending unsolicited, untraceable emails? Not even to mention it's sending to people who seriously don't want to recieve them...
posted by JWright at 10:07 AM on September 16, 2006


Crazy alternative: actually address these things to the persons face, but be polite.

Stunningly refreshing idea!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 10:08 AM on September 16, 2006


date, jan 12, 4123 ... archeologists uncover a hard drive in the ruins of the once great miracin civilization, whose demise has been a mystery ever since it was discovered ... after a great deal of analysis and translation they are able to read what is written there ...

jordo - "this appears to be a website called annoyingcoworker"

bindi - "yes ... i have it!"

jordo - "have what?"

bindi - "i have found why the miracin civilization collapsed ... they killed each other in a mass orgy of petty rage"

jordo - "do you have to snap your gum when you talk to me?"
posted by pyramid termite at 10:11 AM on September 16, 2006


Dammit, just about every second one of those could apply to me. I gotta straighten up.
posted by Flashman at 10:11 AM on September 16, 2006


The person who composed this one should really work from home:

You are the most annoying and irritating Bastard that I have ever encountered in the workplace. Where shall I begin? How about save your fingernail clipping sessions for your wife! When you constantly have to clear your throat, maybe you should excuse yourself and get a drink of water. Hey, it's free-at the water cooler!!!! And if hunger should strike, maybe you should excuse yourself too and eat your loud, crunchy snacks in the break room!!! What the hell is this; a damn movie theater?!! Stop slamming and banging your office furniture drawers/doors!!!! It sends a shrill up my spine into my skull!!!!! "What the hell are you looking at EVERY TIME you walk past my cube?!" Most of all, stop popping your head over my cubicle trying to listen to my private and/or work-related conversations!!! You're so obvious, and when you're not trying to be obvious, I know that you're listening, you PAIN IN MY ASS!!!
posted by LarryC at 10:20 AM on September 16, 2006


When cooking food, a microwave should be cleaned after every use. If it isn't, the food odor remains inside the oven.

It's probably the most disgusting and overlooked bad habits in the office place.

If you don't have the time, make the time.
posted by wfc123 at 10:33 AM on September 16, 2006


Now, pardon my ignorance (a daily chore for friends and family), but how is this site not a spammer? Is it not sending unsolicited, untraceable emails? Not even to mention it's sending to people who seriously don't want to recieve them...


The more proper term for spam is unsolicited bulk email. If you send one of these to a coworker it doesn't qualify as bulk, send 100 and it's a different story.
posted by TungstenChef at 10:34 AM on September 16, 2006


Somehow I've lucked into working in private offices for the last eight years and I feel very lucky. I've worked in a cube before and really, really hated it.
posted by octothorpe at 10:36 AM on September 16, 2006


But I've been complimented on my whistling!!!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:43 AM on September 16, 2006


I believe I can top all of those complaints. I used to work at a porn store, and in addition to the unsavoury customer base such a business inevitably attracts (it wasn't one of those 'classy' porn shops, it was instead rather refreshingly presented as a straight-forward den of vice), one of my co-workers used to take transsexual rape movies and go jerk off to them in the 'screening room' which was there to check on damaged videos, etc.

Gum chewing; bad. Masturbating to transsexual rape pornography; worse.
posted by kfx at 10:46 AM on September 16, 2006 [1 favorite]


so this is where they came from.
posted by NinjaTadpole at 10:47 AM on September 16, 2006


passive meet agressive.
posted by bonehead at 10:47 AM on September 16, 2006


I bet that putting your co-worker's email address in there gets it on a whole bunch of spam lists (I base this entirely on the general scummy design of the site -- it looks like one of those dodgy ads for premium rate prank calls). Of course, if they annoy you so much, maybe you wouldn't mind them getting a little spam.
posted by reklaw at 10:51 AM on September 16, 2006


Did you see the one about not forwarding Metafilter post links without the [via]?
posted by srboisvert at 11:07 AM on September 16, 2006


Send some of these, and watch the nearest "English as a Second Language" employee get fired.

"Stop taking reports to read in the bathroom! It is a nasty."

This website sounds like it was written by the dude from fatchicksinpartyhats.com and his friends.

The popcorn one is funny. Oh, the popcorn. I worked at a call center once and some twit did just that. She also grabbed the flaming bag of popcorn, started screaming, and ran through the call center with it setting off fire alarms & smoke detectors the whole way. We're lucky the sprinklers didn't go off.

The fire department arrived to find a flaming bag of popcorn in the trash can outside the building.
posted by drstein at 11:17 AM on September 16, 2006 [2 favorites]


Did you see the one about not forwarding Metafilter post links without the [via]?
posted by srboisvert


Quite the passive/aggressive trouble-maker, aren't we?
posted by leftcoastbob at 11:19 AM on September 16, 2006


Obviously many of the examples listed highlight truly annoying behavior and habits, but several are just petty. Tapping your fingers on the desk? Typing too loudly? Sneezing too loudly? C'mon, people. If you can't stand the normal level of ambient noise in an office, put on headphones.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 11:25 AM on September 16, 2006


The popcorn one is funny. Oh, the popcorn. I worked at a call center once and some twit did just that. She also grabbed the flaming bag of popcorn, started screaming, and ran through the call center with it setting off fire alarms & smoke detectors the whole way.
posted by drstein at 11:17 AM PST on September 16


I laughed out loud when I read this! Now, if she'd have been a fat chick in a party hat, good grief.
posted by onegreeneye at 11:45 AM on September 16, 2006


most of the gum ones can be condensed into "chew with your damned mouth closed," I think.
posted by mrg at 11:45 AM on September 16, 2006


Amusing as that website may be, sending crap like that will only cause a lot of ill will and negativity in your workplace.

Somebody recently left a rude note in the restroom at work and the culprit was tracked down in no time flat. One only had to ask around to narrow it down. The culprit got told how rude we all thought that the note was.

So go there at your own peril. Or have the balls to tell somebody to their face if there's a complaint. :)
posted by bim at 11:53 AM on September 16, 2006


When cooking food, a microwave should be cleaned after every use. If it isn't, the food odor remains inside the oven.

i always fart into the microwave before you use it.
posted by quonsar at 12:03 PM on September 16, 2006


I think "Richter-scale snacking" is my favorite complaint.
posted by Cranberry at 12:18 PM on September 16, 2006


When cooking food, a microwave should be cleaned after every use. If it isn't, the food odor remains inside the oven

There was a sign on the microwave at work (y'know, the one I chipped in for, Uncle Sam don't give us no microwaves) posted by some prick that just joined our team. It said "Please don't microwave fish, it smells." I crumpled up their idiot sign, threw it on the floor and heated my delicious salmon.

Then I cut my nails, typed loudly, let my cell phone ring and had a ninety minute conference call on my speakerphone.
posted by fixedgear at 1:24 PM on September 16, 2006


bim : "So go there at your own peril. Or have the balls to tell somebody to their face if there's a complaint. :)"

I'm more likely to DENY EVERYTHING if someone accuses me of leaving a note about something.

"What, Alvy? Someone complained about your whistling? That's odd. I like your whistling."
posted by graventy at 1:26 PM on September 16, 2006


Stop talking to yourself out loud. We know you only do it when there are people in the office so that people pay attention to you.

How do they know that? If a worker talks to himself when there are no co-workers there to hear it, it doesn't make a sound?
posted by Kirth Gerson at 1:44 PM on September 16, 2006


Microwaves should be banned from the workplace. People in my office use the microwave which is right next to my cubicle and eat lunch at their desks. The whole office smells of broccoli and cheese or whatever else happens to be on the leftover menu. Bring a sandwich people. If you want a hot meal, get the hell out of the office.
posted by Roger Dodger at 2:06 PM on September 16, 2006


Bring a hot meal people. If you want a sandwich, get the hell out of the office
posted by fixedgear at 2:31 PM on September 16, 2006


I crumpled up their idiot sign, threw it on the floor and heated my delicious salmon.

Re-heated fish hates freedom as well as democracy. Seriously, don't heat up fish up at the office. It's like hot feces, yet somehow worse.
posted by haqspan at 2:52 PM on September 16, 2006


i always fart into the microwave before you use it.

It's called preheating.
posted by Joeforking at 4:25 PM on September 16, 2006


People really shouldn't create lists of the things that annoy them. It makes my job too much easier.
posted by Citizen Premier at 4:30 PM on September 16, 2006


Sorry, haqspan, I need my omerga 3 fatty acids. I keep the world safe for freedom and democracy, it's in my job desciption. I need my nutrition.
posted by fixedgear at 5:02 PM on September 16, 2006


Have an annoying coworker? This just might be a solution.
via several million forwarded emails
posted by wendell at 5:36 PM on September 16, 2006


This is fucking wussy-ish. Just fucking contempible. Cowardly.

I couldn't look at myself in the mirror if I stooped to this.
posted by jason's_planet at 6:11 PM on September 16, 2006


I was hoping for one that said: Stop sending out those "anonymous" E-mails complaining about everybody! Everyone in the office knows it's you. Either learn to deal with working in an office with other people, or go work from home, you spineless, oversensitive asshole.
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:25 PM on September 16, 2006


Some people apparently think the office is just an extension of their home. These people are the ass-pimples of society. They not only drain a company's resources by their own lack of work ethic, they bring down the productivity of those around them. I have a feeling it's because they have no life or friends outside of work, and thus feel impressment of their coworkers to "buddy" duty is perfectly acceptable.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 7:57 PM on September 16, 2006


Cortex: Crazy alternative: actually address these things to the persons face, but be polite. I know, I know, not nearly passive-aggressive enough.

The problem I face is, its really hard to say "Look, you really have nothing interesting to say, I could give two flying fucks about your boring life, so please don't talk to me unless its about a work issue." politely.
posted by [insert clever name here] at 9:53 PM on September 16, 2006


The problem I face is, its really hard to say "Look, you really have nothing interesting to say, I could give two flying fucks about your boring life, so please don't talk to me unless its about a work issue." politely.

Option one: cold but not cruel. "I'm sorry, I'm really trying to get something done here and I can't talk." Repeat until it sets in.

Option two: the slow hint. Be gently and genuinely inattentive to their storytelling. Do not engage, and let them feel unfulfilled.

Option three: bandaid. Tell them, with no malice and no pity, that you feel their constant anecdotes and storytelling is inappropriate and you'd like for them to stop.

This assumes you have a specific individual in mind. If your issue is with a significant portion of your office, consider changing jobs, because that's just the nuts.

Anonymous emails aren't going to solve a goddam thing.
posted by cortex at 10:45 PM on September 16, 2006


Anonymous emails aren't going to solve a goddam thing.

I dunno, if the person is a grade-A asshole in a position of authority over you, an anonymous email seems like a pretty good way to throw them off their shithead ego trip and remind them other folks exist and are talking about them behind their back.

Sometimes it's just the thing.
posted by mediareport at 11:19 PM on September 16, 2006


I've decided that my pet peeve is people with thin skins. You're wrong. People with thin skins are the "asspimple" of society. They're the ones who sanitize and dehumanize every freaking thing we do in our lives. They're the ones who call the cops if you have one party. They're the ones who make it illegal to drink in public. They're the roommates who give you gruff for getting laid in your own damn bed. Thin skinned people make a crime out of essential, natural human functions.

Damn it, I spent 35% of my waking life at my desk. That's 50% of my waking day on days that I work. I'll eat at my desk if I damn well want to. (Well, except that I am conflict avoidant and now only eat there when they're not around.)
posted by Skwirl at 12:08 AM on September 17, 2006


Dude, party all you like. Get drunk, steal street signs, have loud sex. Just don't expect to get paid for it. And understand that your selfish enjoyment of these "natural" things that are completely unrelated to work are affecting the sanity and productivity of the people you work with.

Mind you, I don't see any issue with eating at your desk, provided it's a time when everyone else is eating. Why? Because they can escape your loud, disguisting ruminating if they wish.

If you want to talk loudly about yesterday's episode of America's Funniest Extreme Housewives while simultaneously taking phone calls from your look at me! RAZR complete with "Whomp, There It Is!" MP3 ring-tones and the person you're talking to is clipping their toenails while eating Durian fruit and cackling with laughter, well, you both deserve to be beaten and fired.

Some of us just want to get the work over with and resume our normal lives. Others think their work is their normal life, and try and move everything from home into it.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 3:15 AM on September 17, 2006


Somehow I read that as "beaten and fried."
posted by konolia at 3:30 AM on September 17, 2006


I dunno, if the person is a grade-A asshole in a position of authority over you, an anonymous email seems like a pretty good way to throw them off their shithead ego trip and remind them other folks exist and are talking about them behind their back.

Yeah, that might tame them. Or it might prime them to escalate assholery. It's your coin, you go ahead and flip it, but don't presume that something as questionable as anonymous catscratchery is a silver bullet—you have no idea how Cap'n Asshole will respond.

Will he be shamed, and mend his (as you describe them) grade-A asshole ways? Or will he get angry and vengeful and ever more the asshole? And if he does get nasty, to whom? It was anonymous, but if your relationship with him is that poison, he might just put two and two together and make your working life worse. Or, if you're lucky, he might take it out on someone else who didn't even have the poor taste to send an anonymous email.

I don't see it as a pretty good way for anything. This isn't middle school.
posted by cortex at 7:50 AM on September 17, 2006


Skwirl, the melodrama of that rant makes you sound kinda thin-skinned.
posted by applemeat at 8:00 AM on September 17, 2006


"E-mailing the person next door instead of walking to their office or picking up the phone. While you might think that a quick e-mail to the cube next door will prevent useless water cooler-type chitchat, proceed with caution, especially if the e-mail contains anything confrontational or controversial. In such cases, speak to your neighbor face to face, rather than fire off an e-mail in which, bolstered by the distance e-mail creates, you might say something impolitic that you would never say in person."

Am I the only one who would find this ironic if sent to me as an email (especially an anonymous one)?
posted by ethocin at 8:01 AM on September 17, 2006


Speaking as both a jerk and a former manager, an anonymous e-mail would tell me:

i) I'm bothering someone, and
ii) They're too ballless to really do anything about it, so
iii) Stay the course, waiting until they inevitably out themselves, 'cause let's face it, 89% of the fun in sending anonymous snarks/complaints/tips is taking credit for it.

Face to face will work almost everytime; if the person bothering you has a passive personality the problem is very easily dealt with. For aggressive personalities, they'll at least respect you for speaking up.

As much as I hate how people use the word 'drama', that's exactly what this site(And reality TV too, but that's a digression for another FPP) encourages. It provides validation to folks' pettiness, and transforms their boring little day-to-day routines into manicheistic epics.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:40 AM on September 17, 2006


AnnoyingCoworker was posted as a Yahoo Daily Pick today. I'll bet there will be a lot of pissed off coworkers tomorrow.
posted by Roger Dodger at 7:11 PM on September 19, 2006


« Older Planning a jump to Barnard's Star? Making the Kess...  |  The Chickencar.... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments