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heterosexual activists plan on recruiting your children into their lifestyle
October 2, 2006 8:40 PM   Subscribe

The Heterosexual Agenda: Exposing The Myths --No longer satisfied with “mere acceptance” by our society, heterosexual political pressure groups have launched a well-planned, well-financed campaign, which, if left unchecked, threatens to destroy the most fundamental structures of American society. (actual report itself is a pdf from there--a takeoff on this stuff, which is NSFHumans)
posted by amberglow (24 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

 
In other news, HRC Asks Gays to Marry Illegal Aliens to Thwart Administration;
Bush Blames Oil Shortage on Lesbians
posted by jam_pony at 9:02 PM on October 2, 2006


It's missing a section on sending sleazy IMs to children.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:23 PM on October 2, 2006


Polyamory And The Slippery Slope sounds like a band name.

I really like how he used medical examples. They are ostensibly meaningless out of context, yet so viscerally compelling that they make great rhetorical devices.
posted by owhydididoit at 9:35 PM on October 2, 2006


heterosexuals are undermining traditional marriage;

And doing a fine job of it, by god.
posted by three blind mice at 10:42 PM on October 2, 2006


Traditional marriage undermines itself. It doesn't need any help from gays.
posted by jam_pony at 11:53 PM on October 2, 2006


It's funny how people love labels... On both sides of the fence.

I am currently quite happily involved with a wonderful transgendered woman. As soon as word got out (hidden pending being approved per a workplace relationship policy), one of my lesbian coworkers asked me if I had, in effect, joined their team.

I nicely explained that I'm not one for labels, and it was the person that I was attracted to. Nothing else.

And, yes, as I forsee marriage in the future (second for both of us... Well, second for me, kinda second for her), I eagerly anticipate an exciting round of hassles and issues...

(Upon preview, it seemed I labelled a good bit, but it makes the situation a lot easier to understand from a distance.)
posted by Samizdata at 11:55 PM on October 2, 2006


I had a heterosexual agenda all through high school but I couldn't pull it off.
posted by dreamsign at 12:02 AM on October 3, 2006


This is a great parody. You see so many lazy pressure groups citing "evidence" out of context that won't bear the weight of interpretation, but I've seldom seen anything as vicious as the AFA material.
posted by greycap at 12:07 AM on October 3, 2006


dreamsign -

I couldn't even score with the "easy" chicks.

(sigh)
posted by Samizdata at 12:08 AM on October 3, 2006


Once you get labelled as something, and get treated badly because of it, you get the picture and start labelling back.

It'd be great if we could all lose the labels, and the attitudes that go with them.

And I'll take the solar-powered Ferrari for Xmas.
posted by Twang at 12:35 AM on October 3, 2006


heterosexuals are undermining traditional marriage

I blame indiscriminate drilling and pumping in virgin tundra.
posted by srboisvert at 1:58 AM on October 3, 2006


While I consider myself tolerant of heterosexuality (e.g., I don't think heterosexual practices should be forbidden by law), this just confirms my suspicion that there's something fundamentally wrong with these people.

Whatever you heterosexuals do in the bedroom may not be any of my business, but, please, all I ask is that I don't have to see you flaunting your lifestyle in public.
posted by treepour at 2:30 AM on October 3, 2006 [2 favorites]


Amen, treepour. I'm glad someone has the courage to speak up.
posted by quite unimportant at 3:37 AM on October 3, 2006


treepour : >

and mazel tov, samizdata (even if you are one of those people pushing your agenda on us all) ; >
posted by amberglow at 4:22 AM on October 3, 2006


yes, but without us heterosexuals, you all wouldn't have a clue on how to dance, dress or use power tools.
posted by jonmc at 6:15 AM on October 3, 2006


I had a heterosexual agenda all through high school but I couldn't pull it off.

i had a heterosexual agenda all through high school but all i could do was pull it off.
posted by quonsar at 8:21 AM on October 3, 2006


I saw a political cartoon once that really resonated. The caption was "The Gay Agenda" and the image was a dorky but scared-looking young boy saying "I want to make it through high school."
posted by arcticwoman at 8:51 AM on October 3, 2006


I make this quip only because I need something to take my mind off how sad that made me feel, arcticwoman.

shouldn't it have been a fabulous looking but scared-looking young boy?
posted by phearlez at 10:34 AM on October 3, 2006


phearlez, nope. Dorky works for me.
posted by djfiander at 11:38 AM on October 3, 2006


jonmc: Yes, but without us heterosexuals, you all wouldn't have a clue on how NOT to dance, dress or use power tools.

Fixed that one for you. No need to thank me.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 12:22 PM on October 3, 2006


(nota bene: I'm a fashion and rhythm challenged hetero with many interesting scars)
posted by 1f2frfbf at 12:28 PM on October 3, 2006


damn heterosexuals. They breed like rats
posted by juliarothbort at 9:26 AM on October 5, 2006


they do! ; >
posted by amberglow at 5:34 PM on October 5, 2006


but then again, they made us, too.

*insert Nelson Muntz "ha-ha!" here*
posted by amberglow at 5:35 PM on October 5, 2006


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