my betty's ready

November 4, 2006 10:44 AM

Finally, you can test the 'blondes have more fun' theory completely. Hair color for your "betty".
posted by graventy (70 comments total)

Whoa, black betty bam-ba-lam.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:55 AM on November 4, 2006 [4 favorites]

This thread is useless without pics.
posted by wsg at 10:56 AM on November 4, 2006

I've learned a new vocab word today.
(and seriously wonder how I've evaded it this long, considering I'm such a fan)
posted by Busithoth at 10:57 AM on November 4, 2006

Female pattern baldness strikes over 90% of Playboy playmates.
posted by furtive at 11:03 AM on November 4, 2006

Call me when they get "plaid."
posted by Sticherbeast at 11:07 AM on November 4, 2006

Yeah, I tried their brown betty mix and it tasted like crap.
posted by loquacious at 11:11 AM on November 4, 2006

-rimshot-
posted by Busithoth at 11:13 AM on November 4, 2006

Is it true that you can also bleach your Veronica?
posted by kimota at 11:16 AM on November 4, 2006

vagina blue!
posted by delmoi at 11:17 AM on November 4, 2006 [1 favorite]

Why are men left out? I don't have a betty and won't use products for one. What should the male analog be called? "Bruce"?

Then I could "spruce my Bruce".
posted by MonkeySaltedNuts at 11:18 AM on November 4, 2006

Then I could "spruce my Bruce".

Dude, green is just too unnatural.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 11:44 AM on November 4, 2006

What, no "Betty Blue?"
posted by lekvar at 11:46 AM on November 4, 2006

They don't have anything in Teal?!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:50 AM on November 4, 2006

good lord. people who dye, shave, trim, braid or otherwise decorate their nether reigons trouble me. If enough people see your chacha (or hoo-hoo dilly, or poopchute) that you need to worry about a beauty regimen, maybe the occasional night at home with a good book might be in order.
posted by jonmc at 11:51 AM on November 4, 2006 [2 favorites]

But you can only buy via paypal??
posted by MrLint at 11:51 AM on November 4, 2006

test the 'blondes have more fun' theory

I would imagine by the time you have a viewing audience for your nether regions, you're probably in for a good time regardless of color.
posted by jonson at 11:57 AM on November 4, 2006

If enough people see your chacha (or hoo-hoo dilly, or poopchute) that you need to worry about a beauty regimen

What, we can't "dress up" for just one person? Or even just for ourselves? Should I not buy funny boxers for my man, because "we'll be the only one who see them, so they're a waste?" Should all my underwear be plain white cotton because I'm in a monogamous relationship?

That's a pretty totalitarian attitude, dude.
posted by muddgirl at 11:58 AM on November 4, 2006

the shock value of this would only be enhanced if you're in a long-term relationship, I imagine.
posted by Busithoth at 12:02 PM on November 4, 2006

Is it just me, or is like an increasing number of FPP's these days a link to some fucking product? Maybe I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing Elmer's Glue.
posted by BeerFilter at 12:02 PM on November 4, 2006

What, no blue or green? Why won't anyone think of the anime geeks?
posted by PontifexPrimus at 12:03 PM on November 4, 2006

I never promised you a rose-garden.
posted by hermitosis at 12:03 PM on November 4, 2006

That's a pretty totalitarian attitude, dude.

preface it (as you should any comment) with "IMHO." For me, it all just seems to come from vanity. Erogenous zones are hot all by themselves, they don't need decoration.

What, we can't "dress up" for just one person? Or even just for ourselves? Should I not buy funny boxers for my man, because "we'll be the only one who see them, so they're a waste?" Should all my underwear be plain white cotton because I'm in a monogamous relationship?

Do and wear whatever makes you feel good, that's what I do, but with the shaving, and the bleaching and now the dyes? I always thought the 'betty' was pretty cool all by it's self.
posted by jonmc at 12:05 PM on November 4, 2006

Although, if you're a dude, one intersting approach would be to dye various regions of your body hair different shades, then streak around the neighborhood telling everyone you're Rainbow Brite.
posted by jonmc at 12:06 PM on November 4, 2006

/disturbing
posted by Cyrano at 12:12 PM on November 4, 2006

Should all my underwear be plain white cotton because I'm in a monogamous relationship?

No. It should all be plain white cotton because that's the hottest type.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:12 PM on November 4, 2006

IMHO, the real issue here is whether the Dutch find the term nether regions offensive.
posted by hoverboards don't work on water at 12:20 PM on November 4, 2006

The phrase "gilding the lily" comes to mind....
posted by pax digita at 12:24 PM on November 4, 2006

...the real issue here is whether the Dutch find the term nether regions offensive.

Dude, their national story is about a kid who puts his finger in the dyke.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 12:30 PM on November 4, 2006 [6 favorites]

Muddgirl, don't diss totalitarianism. Without it, we might not have thigh-highs, heels or leather.

A world without little fascist panties is a sad world indeed.
posted by j-dub at 1:04 PM on November 4, 2006

Screw that, aint nothing wrong with a good old fashioned merkin.
posted by damn dirty ape at 1:23 PM on November 4, 2006

I love that WikiPedia says that the Merkin entry "requires additional images." Any volunteers?
posted by lekvar at 1:29 PM on November 4, 2006

I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy
Snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty
Oily, greasy, fleecy
Shining, gleaming, streaming
Flaxen, waxen
Knotted, polka-dotted
Twisted, beaded, braided
Powdered, flowered, and confettied
Bangled, tangled, spangled, and (ah!) bettied ...

posted by rob511 at 1:55 PM on November 4, 2006

Wait. I'm not suppossed to be using regular hair coloring?
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 2:13 PM on November 4, 2006

Hmm, I wonder how well it covers greys?
Also the Tshirt is not bad, but $24 is a little steep for a black shirt with white lettering.
posted by vewystwange at 2:41 PM on November 4, 2006

whether the Dutch find the term nether regions offensive.
We don't allude to these things like you apparently do, we just name them; on national television, or wherever.

And we certainly would not have a 800+ thread about a minister or priest being gay like here on mefi. It's just not an issue.
posted by jouke at 2:50 PM on November 4, 2006

People have been dying their muffs for years. If you were in good with your hairstylist, you could ask for a little dye to go home with.
posted by oflinkey at 2:57 PM on November 4, 2006

jouke : "We don't allude to these things like you apparently do, we just name them; on national television, or wherever."

You name them? Like "Grishilde" or "Mina" or "Alida"?

Or even...dare I say..."Betty"?
posted by Bugbread at 3:16 PM on November 4, 2006

Oh my.

I've bleached my (head) hair before. I remember the burning sensation and the ammonia smell... that's certainly not something I'd want to put near my "betty", if I were a woman. Or something I'd want a woman doing to impress me. Then again, it's "diffr'rent strokes for diff'rent folks".
posted by clevershark at 3:39 PM on November 4, 2006

This certainly makes watching "Ugly Betty" a tad more humorous.
posted by Thorzdad at 3:40 PM on November 4, 2006

Well, clevershark, it's dye, not bleach, which is a very different issue.
posted by Bugbread at 3:43 PM on November 4, 2006

Man, I'm so tired of these Bush threads on MeFi.
posted by quin at 3:45 PM on November 4, 2006 [3 favorites]

Actually, bugbread, anytime you "dye" your hair a lighter or brighter color, you are bleaching it. The black shade is probably the only shade that contains no bleaching agents.
posted by oneirodynia at 4:07 PM on November 4, 2006

Yes, but do the drapes match the carpet?
posted by Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson at 4:16 PM on November 4, 2006

oneirodynia : "Actually, bugbread, anytime you 'dye' your hair a lighter or brighter color, you are bleaching it. The black shade is probably the only shade that contains no bleaching agents. "

I always thought the dyes were merely darkening dyes, which is why you always have to bleach your hair before dying it. I know that the smell of bleach is far, far different from the smell of dye. Perhaps you're thinking "all-in-one" dyes, which do the bleaching and the dying, and I'm thinking of the separate ones, where the bleaching is done with a different product?
posted by Bugbread at 4:38 PM on November 4, 2006

Sophisticated women, who spent time and lots of money getting their hair color just right, had no solution for coloring the hair down there. They were totally overlooking this crucial beauty area.

Thank you so, so much, Betty. I -- along with all other women, I'm sure -- was really looking for another area where I could spend "time and lots of money" to make every last detail perfect.
posted by booksandlibretti at 4:55 PM on November 4, 2006

I thought all the hip girls were shaving Betty right clean these days anyway.

Not to say I'm a fan of that practice, I was just under the impression that it was rapidly becoming the norm.
posted by Hildegarde at 5:02 PM on November 4, 2006

blonde carpet = boioioioioing
posted by modernerd at 5:15 PM on November 4, 2006

What, no blue or green? Why won't anyone think of the anime geeks?

Girls watch anime?
posted by tumult at 5:21 PM on November 4, 2006

I thought all the hip girls were shaving Betty right clean these days anyway.

Actually, the hip ones are waxing. Plenty just do everything, but a landing strip (now in your favorite color!) is still an acceptable option.
posted by booksandlibretti at 5:39 PM on November 4, 2006

is still an acceptable option

Huh. So do younger men and women, finding themselves faced with the splendor of a "natural" Betty, simply leave the room at that point, rather than proceeding?

It's all to do with our closet pedo culture, I tell ya.
posted by maxwelton at 5:56 PM on November 4, 2006

Yes, but do the drapes match the carpet?

Don't mind me a hardwood floor either.

Of course, if I ever saw any "betty"...
posted by Samizdata at 6:05 PM on November 4, 2006

It's all to do with our closet pedo culture, I tell ya.

I agree with you here. I find the hairless look pretty creepy, personally.
posted by Hildegarde at 6:36 PM on November 4, 2006

seconding hildegarde and maxwelton, but you knew that. Not out of noble reasons, though. I think it has to do with the fact that I first encountered porn in the late 70's when the full bush look was in. Childhood imprinting goes deep, I guess.
posted by jonmc at 8:10 PM on November 4, 2006

Betty blue

She needed the money.

/Here all night.

That's right ladies, all night.
posted by emelenjr at 8:36 PM on November 4, 2006

I've seen pubic hair, man.
posted by Meatbomb at 8:48 PM on November 4, 2006

What, no blue or green? Why won't anyone think of the anime geeks?

This would be a good time to point out the proper term for blue, green, pink, and so on down there: muppet crotch.
posted by mendel at 9:05 PM on November 4, 2006 [1 favorite]

Okay, here's your picture: So I’m with this lady she’s got a tattoo of Tom Cruse on one thigh and Brad Pitt on the other, upper, inner thigh.

This could be a night to remember, I’m thinking. I make one little mention of Willie Nelson who seems to be tattooed in the middle and the lady goes ballistic.

Get the picture?
posted by BillyElmore at 9:25 PM on November 4, 2006

I googled "muppet crotch", since I thought it was such a great term (and because I figured I'd like the pictures, yes), and I think you'll all be pleased to know that there's a Usenet group called alt.recovery.disease.muppet-crotch.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 1:33 AM on November 5, 2006

ha, ha, ha.
posted by alona at 7:14 AM on November 5, 2006

Dye? That is so "Leave it to Beaver." Call me when you find extensions for sale.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 10:31 AM on November 5, 2006

I would imagine by the time you have a viewing audience for your nether regions, you're probably in for a good time regardless of color.

I tested this theory out on my workmates, and discovered it is not, in fact, the case.
posted by Sparx at 12:11 PM on November 5, 2006 [1 favorite]

Perhaps you're thinking "all-in-one" dyes, which do the bleaching and the dying, and I'm thinking of the separate ones, where the bleaching is done with a different product?

Yeah, I was thinking this was a permanent product, in which case peroxide and ammonia have to be present in order to bond the color to the hair shaft and lighten the hair a bit for the color to come true. But I looked at the website again, and I couldn't find anything about these dyes being permanent.

The thing is, I imagine if you want your betty to be blond to match your head, the natural color would most likely be a darker shade. So the Blonde Betty must have some bleaching agents in it, or your nether regions would just end up with a bit more of a golden tint, without actually being blonde.
posted by oneirodynia at 2:51 PM on November 5, 2006

Yeah, the blonde one is the only one that scared me. "Blonde? But that means...bleach!"
posted by Bugbread at 3:41 PM on November 5, 2006

"It's all to do with our closet pedo culture, I tell ya."

I don't doubt that some find that look attractive because it (for them) inspires pedophilic associations. But it's pretty silly to assume that these associations are what it's about for everyone, or most everyone. And obviously to assert this is very insulting to those for whom this look is attractive for reasons other than those associations.

Also, while I am completely in agreement with those who object to the excessive personal grooming expectations our culture has for women and the sexism that underlies, historically, those expectations, it's also the case that all these sorts of decisions about personal appearance are inherently as possibly legitimate as anything a person does to alter his/her "natural" appearance as part of establishing a distinct social personal identity.

In other words, I find it both odd and offensive that some body mods are considered by some to be normal and healthy while other body mods are condemned by the same people as being "unnatural" and perverse. Because I just can't find a principle which differentiates between these things. I can find a(many) subcultural context(s) which differentiate(s) these things in what amounts to an arbitrary fasion. Thus in one cultural context, a woman bleaching her hair is acceptable, even having her eyebrows permanently removed and a tatooed fake eyebrows replacing them, is acceptable, but having an ideogram tattooed on her arm is not (and is "unnatural"!). And then, similarly, in some more libertine communities, it is acceptable for a woman to pierce her clitoris but not to shave her pubic hair...because to shave that hair is "unnatural" and people should "accept women's bodies as they naturally are". Well, except for that pierced clitoris thing, I guess.

So, please, leave your moral condemnation at the door because it's probably inappropriate and not nearly as principled as you think it is. Your acceptance and repugnance is probably just as contingent and essentially arbitrary as that of someone who thinks that your choices about your appearance are unacceptable and the sign of perversion or some other character defect.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 2:10 AM on November 6, 2006

I just can't find a principle which differentiates between these things.

Let me help you out with that: we live in a culture that is sexifying girls at a younger and younger age at the time, and where youth is fetishized (mostly for women, but for men as well to some degree). You might not be aware of this, but prepubescent girls have eyebrows. Shaving off eyebrows doesn't make anyone look childlike, it just makes them look weird. Prepubescent girls don't have pubic hair. And thus, shaving/waxing off pubic hair has resonance. It makes a woman look like a prepubescent girl.

Lots of people are into it, I guess. Bully for them. Personally, I find it icky. I'm allowed to personally find it icky. I'm not telling anyone to stop. I'm not protesting against it. I'm not confiscating razors or anything. I just personally find it creepy. Okay?
posted by Hildegarde at 4:51 AM on November 6, 2006

The "it looks pedo, that's why it's popular" concept just doesn't ring true to me. Japan, as a rule, is far more pedo-oriented than America, but the fashion in bush is, and has been for as long as I've ever known, big bushy 1970s style betty.
posted by Bugbread at 5:39 AM on November 6, 2006

Interesting, bugbread. I'm not saying there's a direct correlation, but for me personally, there's enough resonance there that it ooks me. Not saying what anyone else should feel about it, just my gut reaction to it.
posted by Hildegarde at 9:11 AM on November 6, 2006

I'm with you Hildegarde, I find it a little creepy too.

That said...this stuff looks to be like Manic Panic, in that it's going to...er...bleed when it gets wet. Considering how hard it is to get manic panic out of pillow cases, I see a lot of ruined sheets in people's future.
posted by dejah420 at 2:07 PM on November 6, 2006

If I go to sleep thinking about women coloring their pubic hair, there may be ruined sheets in my future.
posted by jonson at 2:46 PM on November 6, 2006

Eponysterical?
posted by deborah at 3:21 PM on November 6, 2006