Apes of Wrath:

November 8, 2006 1:28 PM

Apes of WrathIn October, they gained similar rights to humans, now it seems monkeys are plotting to take over the earth. Their bid for global domination has been happening right before our eyes; it's just a matter of connecting the dots. Check out this ominous timeline of escalating monkey aggression, drawn from real news reports. The evolution will not be televised.
posted by P-Soque (14 comments total)

OK, can we just assume that those of us who have seen all the POTA movies will spend the next 20 posts swapping references back and forth?

Like, "Not if someone stops Ricardo Montalban from getting that talking baby chimp!"

Then we can skip past that part and to the meat of the debate.

OK?
posted by InnocentBystander at 2:20 PM on November 8, 2006

The Democrats take the House and at least tie the Senate, and there is a post on MetaFilter about monkeys immediately after a post about cave men.

This is the greatest day of my life.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:30 PM on November 8, 2006

I thought that was the meat of the debate, InnocentBystander.
posted by katillathehun at 2:45 PM on November 8, 2006

now it seems monkeys are plotting to take over the earth.

You have no idea how right you are. First they learn to walk like us, then they learn to use tools. The next thing you know, they will be on horseback shooting guns at us.
posted by quin at 3:04 PM on November 8, 2006

I confess, I'm a collaborator.
posted by me & my monkey at 3:20 PM on November 8, 2006

This is pedantic, but apes are not monkeys, nor the other way around.
posted by edgeways at 4:57 PM on November 8, 2006

... citizens "not to make eye contact" with the monkey attackers, which only serves to piss them off more.

Exactly the thoughts that go through my head before I post on mefi.
posted by YoBananaBoy at 5:06 PM on November 8, 2006

This is pedantic, but apes are not monkeys, nor the other way around.

...until I'm through with them, anyway. Then you will cower before the might of my UNSTOPPABLE ARMY OF MUTANT ATOMIC MONKAPES!!!

KNEEL BEFORE KOKO.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 5:37 PM on November 8, 2006 [1 favorite]

I, for one, welcome our new ape/monkey overlords. I'd like to point out that as lurker on a popular internet forum, I have knowledge of many inane clichés, allowing me to blend in and spot dissident masses that will try to delay your inevitable rise to power.
posted by Pink Fuzzy Bunny at 6:53 PM on November 8, 2006

Oh, man. If the monkeys team up with the elephants, we're screwed.
posted by Marla Singer at 7:16 PM on November 8, 2006 [1 favorite]

Nah, they're harmless (unless you hate poetry).
posted by homunculus at 10:20 PM on November 8, 2006

Has anyone else noticed that Natasha, the upright macaque* mentioned in the linked timeline, gained her perpendicularity only after illness and suspected brain damage? Perhaps, just perhaps, we bipeds are an evolutionary dead end, and these downward-facing Turks the next step "four"ward.
*Is it just me, or does that girl need a handbag?
posted by rob511 at 10:24 PM on November 8, 2006

Yeah rob511, I linked to it earlier. My statement to the wife (who sent it to me earlier today) was...

"So, humans walking upright is the result of our ancestors suffering from some sort of brain damage. I should have figured."

I've always been ok with the idea that we have some kind of link with monkeys and apes. To my mind, a common ancestor just makes logical sense. And to be honest, I kind of like the fact that we may have been a short-bus offshoot. It would explain a lot.
posted by quin at 10:35 PM on November 8, 2006

Monkeys haven't just gone berserk: They've got their beady little eyes set on total annihilation of the human race.

Uh, think they might have the species backwards there?
posted by salvia at 6:22 PM on November 10, 2006