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That shit is deep.
December 5, 2006 12:52 PM   Subscribe


 
OK, I take it back: I should not have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across the floors of silent seas!
posted by gigawhat? at 1:08 PM on December 5, 2006 [2 favorites]


I always love bottom-of-the-ocean weirdness.

Still anxiously awaiting the day an explorative mission happens upon R'lyeh and rouses dead Cthulhu from his slumber.
posted by The God Complex at 1:13 PM on December 5, 2006


WTF IS "on"! That is creepy squared.
posted by Mach5 at 1:16 PM on December 5, 2006


See also.
posted by amro at 1:16 PM on December 5, 2006


Well said.
posted by textilephile at 1:17 PM on December 5, 2006


God dammit, I love giant squid.
posted by damnthesehumanhands at 1:23 PM on December 5, 2006


THIS IS SO COOL AIIIEEEEEEEEEEE
posted by thirteenkiller at 1:27 PM on December 5, 2006


When I was very young, I was terrified that a giant squid would come up through the toilet and try to eat me. I think I'd been terrorized by 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea.
posted by EarBucket at 1:34 PM on December 5, 2006


And h-e-e-e-e-r-e-'-s Mr. Blobby (aka Fathead), who I picture not so much crawling as reclining on a kelp-strewn marine La-Z-Boy, smoking stogies and cracking moldy gags about seamen.
posted by rob511 at 1:36 PM on December 5, 2006 [3 favorites]


Even though I studied these (which some people think are pretty gross), I am still repulsed to some degree by that giant isopod.
posted by nekton at 1:36 PM on December 5, 2006


I am delighted and terrified by everything I’ve just seen. // I found Finding Nemo to be an illuminating movie; I had no idea the deep ocean had so many creatures milling about. And I’m pretty sure it had a cartoon version of that “bulbous dreamer” character in it. // I just read “Ship of Gold (In the Deep Blue Sea)” where Tommy Thompson hunts for the sunken sidewheeler “SS Central America,” and I was completely hooked by the camera @ sonar imagery from 8000 feet under. I wonder why he didn’t run into any creatures. I remember a quote-ish from the book that said “We know a hell of a lot less about the ocean floor than we do about outer space.” I thought that was amazing. // I remember reading a story about oil-drillers drilling down through the bottom of the ocean and hearing “screams from hell” and even though I know it was a hoax it never left me that damn there’s a lot of freaky stuff down there.
posted by Milkman Dan at 1:40 PM on December 5, 2006


Mmm.. giant isopod.
posted by darkripper at 1:44 PM on December 5, 2006


beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I find them extremely beautiful and interesting. Haterz.
posted by carmina at 1:45 PM on December 5, 2006


I cannot express my simultaneous bewilderment, revulsion and attraction sufficiently. This shit is Zardoz.
posted by arcticwoman at 1:47 PM on December 5, 2006


I love Mr. Blobby, rob511. I can see a fourth grade teacher instructing her class to imagine and draw a fish that lives at the bottom of the ocean; little Timmy draws an approximation of Popeye's friend Wimpy and gets a "C-" for lack of imagination.
posted by Terminal Verbosity at 1:48 PM on December 5, 2006


Cool? This is not cool.

So there you are just minding your own business, stumbling along the cool dark sea-scape, feeling about for a nice sea-lice snack. You and your buddy just enoying life. Your buddy, Dave, senses a mass descending the depths above you.

"Hey... what's that?" he says.

You freeze out of instinct.

BAM. A light, so bright you don't even have a concept for it, snaps on above you. Your world is illuminated for the first time in history. There is no place to hide. Though your mostly blind you feel it burn through your carapace.

"It huuuurts! It huuuuurts so bad!"

A punishing God has burst forth above you. And then, POP, it is gone. Then you realize...

"Dave! Dave? DAAAAVE?! My GOD they took Dave!"

Nothing was ever the same on the sea floor again.
posted by tkchrist at 1:49 PM on December 5, 2006 [6 favorites]


This thread needs more Vampire Squids. Whey have CLAWS where other squids have suckers.
posted by lekvar at 1:55 PM on December 5, 2006


they good eatin’?
posted by Smedleyman at 2:03 PM on December 5, 2006


I keep hoping that they find a megalodon!
posted by melangell at 2:03 PM on December 5, 2006


Fans of creepy sea life may also appreciate this ol' post.
posted by namespan at 2:05 PM on December 5, 2006


OK, before I click these links, just where on the skeeve scale do these critters place in comparison with the uber-skeevy giant Amazonian centipedes?
posted by FelliniBlank at 2:06 PM on December 5, 2006


Mach5, that creepiness is the aptly-named tripodfish
posted by Pliskie at 2:07 PM on December 5, 2006


I agree with Mach5. WTF is up with that thing? The Colossendeis australis is quite creepy looking and the Bathynomus giganteus link actually made me flinch when I opened the tab. Great stuff.

on preview: Thanks Pliskie.
posted by effwerd at 2:08 PM on December 5, 2006


I second Smedlyman's question - how easily would these critters go from beast to feast? They should be categorized by deliciousness.
posted by lekvar at 2:14 PM on December 5, 2006


Man, the tripodfish looks like something out of Gyo. That is just messed up.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:24 PM on December 5, 2006


Want to see some of these things in action? Get the episode "The Deep" from BBC's Blue Planet. I've watched that more times than I can count.

Apparantly, I can't count much more than 10. But in any event, it's awesome. It features, amongst other things, the fish which was the basis for the design of the creature in Alien, as well as a bunch of the critters mentioned in this thread. The whole series (8 episodes) is incredible, but the Deep is the best of the best.
posted by TheRoach at 2:30 PM on December 5, 2006


lekvar writes "I second Smedlyman's question - how easily would these critters go from beast to feast? "

Monkfish are pretty tasty. Don't know about the rest.
posted by mr_roboto at 2:36 PM on December 5, 2006


Well, if Pliskie's Wikipedia link is right, the tripod fish is even creepier than it looks:

All tripod fish exhibit both male and female sex organs. While this trait (hermaphroditism) is not uncommon in other animals of the deep sea, the tripod fish is unusual in that the male and female organs reach maturity at the same time, thus allowing the tripod fish to fertilize its own eggs.

Meh, that tripod fish can go fuck itself...
posted by Skeptic at 2:44 PM on December 5, 2006


Umbrellamout gulper, fangtooth, how long before the sock puppets show up?
Did any one else wonder if the tripod fish was taking pictures of the people taking pictures of it?
posted by Cranberry at 2:44 PM on December 5, 2006


ITA with all the ?!?!?!?!?
(And WTF - it's a self-lover? That doesn't help.)

As creepy as floor is, they're just the bigger squickier cousins of the pill bugs so many of us used to terrorize as kids. You'd think that would make it less scary but it doesn't.
posted by Opposite George at 2:51 PM on December 5, 2006


Cool images, but I feel a sudden urge to go look at pictures of puppies and kittens now.
posted by thomas j wise at 2:56 PM on December 5, 2006


really fun post, dear, but did you have to swear in your fpp? /your moms
posted by es_de_bah at 2:59 PM on December 5, 2006


This siliceous hexactinellid sponge Scolymastra joubini can be up to two meters high and 1.4 meters in diameter

That fucker must live in one big-ass pineapple.
posted by hifiparasol at 3:12 PM on December 5, 2006


The Blue Planet's "Deep Sea" Pt. 1, Pt. 2

The rest of the documentary appears to be missing from YouTube.
posted by Leather McWhip at 3:13 PM on December 5, 2006 [2 favorites]




Creepy pillbug, just throw your fucking Red Bull away, alright?

Ya know, before I noticed the Pepsi can I looked at the drawing on the right and for a split second thought the ship and whale were there to provide scale. That was a serious WTF moment.
posted by Opposite George at 3:28 PM on December 5, 2006


I am not opening any of these links. My squick factor hovers right around the common octopus.
posted by evilcolonel at 3:35 PM on December 5, 2006


This post makes me want to weep terrified little girl tears.
posted by Bookhouse at 3:37 PM on December 5, 2006


This just lends more credibility to my theory that Hieronymus Bosch was once kidnapped by space aliens with a base on the sea floor and spent the rest of his life painting about it.
posted by treepour at 3:37 PM on December 5, 2006


What a coincidence: "bulbous dreamer" was my nickname in high school.
posted by FelliniBlank at 3:41 PM on December 5, 2006


AAAAAAAGH CAN'T SLEEP. VAMPIRE SQUID'LL EAT ME!

As creepy as floor is, they're just the bigger squickier cousins of the pill bugs so many of us used to terrorize as kids. You'd think that would make it less scary but it doesn't.


Yeah, I don't know. Most of the pill bugs I've seen barely topped a quarter of an inch long or so.

My dealings with tiny land isopods do not involve some alien demon of the deep measuring nearly 20 inches long weighing 3 pounds with gnarly, flesh-chewing chitinous mouth parts bigger than a melon baller and malevolently glowing silver eyes. *shudder*
posted by loquacious at 3:44 PM on December 5, 2006


Well, loquacious, when you put it that way...

Mommy?!?
posted by Opposite George at 3:49 PM on December 5, 2006


That reminds me, I need to get back to working on my nonfiction book, Our Horrible Animal Kingdom.
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:18 PM on December 5, 2006 [3 favorites]


I have a sort of love/ hate thing with deep sea creatures. On the one hand, they are wonderfully creepy. I like creepy.

On the other hand, they tend to be big. Really big. And silent.

Maybe it was too much Lovecraft as a child, but the idea or really big silent things lurking in the dark makes me twitch just a little.

There are some things that you can't un-see.
posted by quin at 4:27 PM on December 5, 2006


Ya know, before I noticed the Pepsi can I looked at the drawing on the right and for a split second thought the ship and whale were there to provide scale. That was a serious WTF moment.
posted by Opposite George at 3:28 PM PST on December 5


Good lord OG, as if I wasn't going to be having nightmare's as it is...

Man, this is some really cool stuff. I've always been fascinated by the nightmarish creatures of the deep, ever since I was a kid.
posted by kosher_jenny at 4:45 PM on December 5, 2006


These are the sorts of pictures that made browsing through the encyclopedia pretty much the same experience as watching a horror movie when I was a kid. You know another scare is just a few pages/minutes away. But you keep looking anyway.

The other thing in the encyclopedia that'd freak me out (and occasionally still does, while I'm pushing 40) are certain shots of the cosmos. I still don't know why, unless I was copping some existential dread when I was, like, nine. That's not out of the question, though.
posted by kimota at 4:45 PM on December 5, 2006


I dunno. Some of those things look quite tasty.
posted by punkfloyd at 4:48 PM on December 5, 2006


There are some things that you can't un-see.

My thoughts exactly.

Come on, now. How many of you immediately called your romantic partner over to look at this stuff because you didn't want to be alone? I did. I want her to know what I'm freaking out about when I wake up tonight, screaming.
posted by arcticwoman at 5:05 PM on December 5, 2006


Eat this Kansas!
posted by NewBornHippy at 5:07 PM on December 5, 2006


What? No blobfish?

I've never seen the tripod fish before. That's quite awesome.
posted by chairface at 5:34 PM on December 5, 2006


Listen, people. The sooner we get off this hellhole and colonize mars, the better.

Oh, that tripod fish thing? You know what that eats? It eats fear. As we look at that picture it's feeding off our fear. Feeding and growing.

And plotting.
posted by Pastabagel at 6:07 PM on December 5, 2006


Pastabagel, it's not getting much from me - I'm too fascinated by it to be afraid of it. And, it's kinda little. The "melon baller" comment about the isopod, however, brought to mind images of deep sea divers being melon-balled to death by swarming isopods, each gouging out little melon balls of neoprene, skin, muscle, and tendon.

It's amazing what imagination does when left to wander aimlessly down darker alleys. Bleck.
posted by FormlessOne at 6:25 PM on December 5, 2006


Dude, there are some fucked up creatures crawling around on the ocean floor.

One less.
posted by Wet Spot at 6:31 PM on December 5, 2006


Wet Spot writes "One less."

Woot! Thanks Wet Spot, that clip sprung to mind when I was making this post, but I forgot to look it up. Thanks! Wasn't it on MeFi sometime?

Also, um, eponysterical.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:36 PM on December 5, 2006


Chairface, that blobfish looks like something out of Richard D James' imagination.

Great post -- the deep sea has always fascinated and scared me at the same time.
posted by teem at 6:41 PM on December 5, 2006


Pastabagel, it's not getting much from me

My God, they've gotten to you already...

Truth be told, they are quite fascinating, and we'd probably learn quite a bit more looking for life down there than out there. But what is amazing is how spectaculary lethal eveything down there is. Regular jeelyfish aren't good enough. Giant jellyfish aren't good enough. No, down there they have to be giant luminescent electric jellyfish. With neurotoxins. I mean, come on, at least give us meat bags up here a fighting chance.

I also wonder to what extent the extinction events, asteroids, etc, that took place on the surface affected those depths. We are probably seeing a billion years of uninterrupted evolution and speciation down there. And evidently evolution is a big fan of poisonous barbs.
posted by Pastabagel at 6:48 PM on December 5, 2006


Some even stranger seafloor creatures, although admittedly extinct ones.
posted by neuron at 8:32 PM on December 5, 2006


Must we resort to that sort of language? Does it really improve the post?
posted by oxford blue at 8:48 PM on December 5, 2006


I'm with articwoman - I'm blaming y'all when I wake up screaming again and the mister wants to know what the hell is going on.
posted by deborah at 8:56 PM on December 5, 2006


PS: Any complaints about FFP language should be taken to Metatalk.
posted by deborah at 8:58 PM on December 5, 2006


Bolshevik!
posted by oxford blue at 9:10 PM on December 5, 2006 [1 favorite]


Some of those things look quite tasty.

punkfloyd, many of the seafood restaurants around here decorate the walls with posters from an organization called "Scandinavian Fishing Yearbook." Presumably these show edible species, but they aren't doing me any favors by showing what some of these things look like out of their proper element (which is either battered and deep-fried or broiled with lemon butter, no?)

There's one shellfish in particular called the Squilla which really doesn't look that bad in photographs but on the Fishing Yearbook poster they show it as this totally flat lobster-sized thing without claws (or at least not Homarus Americanus-sized claws) and creepy eyes looking straight up at you from a broad, flat head (it's a view from above.) I mean, the thing looks like it's been put though a mangle, and it's supposed to look like that! EEEEWWWW.

I normally have a really high gross-out threshold, and no fear of bugs/spiders/terrestrial creepies. But something about that drawing gets me reaching for my blankie. The name doesn't help - "Squilla" is just a little too close to "squicky," IMO.

And for that matter I don't understand why the Tripod fish creeps me out so much. I mean, here on LI Sound it's almost impossible to go bottom fishing without hooking a few Sea Robins - They have these kewl modified fins that they use like spider legs to cruise around the bottom and eat stuff and they're kinda neat to look at before you throw 'em back.* But there's something about that Tripod Fish... **shiver**

*Not that I condone this but apparently some people like to play with them.
posted by Opposite George at 9:30 PM on December 5, 2006


One of the things from the Boxing Day Tsunami were a series of pix that were emailed around of all the weird deep-water fish that had been tossed up onto the land. Wish I could find that to compare with this selection of monsters.
posted by ninazer0 at 10:26 PM on December 5, 2006


Opposite George writes "There's one shellfish in particular called the Squilla..."

I ate one of those once. Raw. I had no idea what I was putting into my mouth, but I didn't want to offend the chef. I was afraid it was some sort of horrific sea centipede. The truth is not much better.
posted by mr_roboto at 10:34 PM on December 5, 2006


ninazer0:

You mean these? (They weren't really related to the tsunami.)
posted by Turd Ferguson at 9:37 AM on December 6, 2006


Thanks, TF. That's the one! So, not related to the tsunami but definately a collection of ugly motherf*ckers. Except for the elephanty-dolphiny-sausage dog sort of affair midway down the page. It just looks lonely. And...slightly confused.
posted by ninazer0 at 9:44 PM on December 6, 2006


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